The Bird and the Bear
by DocAlu
Summary: When the second World War is over the winners take everything they can. The land is devided and a whole country dissolved, but the embodiment of Prussia doesn't disappear. Instead he's taken to the home of the Soviet Union where he wakes up again as the German Democratic Republic. However... no one said it would be easy to tame the former Prussian.
1. Dissolved

_Author's note:_

 _This little RP between my good friend Mi-chan785 and I is our version of what happened to Prussia and Russia during Soviet times._

 _Lots of Hurt &Comfort, Romance and Drama going on. No rapist/sadist Russia._

 _Pairing: Russia x Prussia, with mentions of one-sided Russia x Lithuania_

 _Rating M for mentions of death, torture and smut in later chapters._

* * *

 **Dissolved**

"Prussia!"

Gilbert sighed a bit and got up from his seat to step in front of the table the Allies were sitting at. He was tired, just like everyone, worn out from this war, but he held his head high as he sat down on that chair in the middle of a way too big room for this small meeting.

"Are these really necessary?" he asked, raising his cuffed hands slightly with a weak smirk. "You're acting like I'm still a danger to you..."

The Allies exchanged a quick glance and ignored that question completely otherwise. Alfred cleared his throat and got up from his seat.

"The state of Prussia, who has always been the carrier of militarism and reaction in Germany, has ceased to exist in reality."

"What?" Gilbert blinked, looking at Alfred with a frown. "I'm right here in front of you!" His gaze met Ivan's for a second, before he found Alfred again, who didn't seem to care at all for his protest.

"Reflecting the interest in the maintenance of peace and security of nations," another gasp of Gilbert filled the room, so HE was the reason for war, was that what they wanted to say now?, "and filled with the desire to secure the further restoration of political life in Germany on a democratic basis, the Control Council shall adopt the following law..." Alfred looked up from his paper, tired blue eyes meeting tired red ones for a moment, before he went on: "Article 1 - The state of Prussia, his central government and all subordinate authorities are hereby dissolved."

"WHAT?!" There was a loud noise when Gilbert got up, knocking over his chair. "You can't do that! This is bullshit and you all KNOW that!"

"It's not" Alfred deadpanned him. "You've always been way too much into militarism, uniforms and war. For God's sake, one of those who made you big was called 'Soldier king'! You've been a troublemaker from the start and the biggest warmonger in Europe for several centuries now."

Gilbert's mouth fell open and he glared at his former friends Francis and Arthur. "So /I/ have been the biggest warmonger, sure...! You assholes, if you wanted to get rid of me, you could've told him," he pointed at Ivan, "to finish me off at Stalingrad! But THIS is degrading and humiliating! But maybe that's what you think is 'appropriate' for a 'warmonger' like me!"

"He can now 'finish you off'" Yao stated and got the papers from Alfred, holding them out for Ivan. "You haven't signed them yet..."

Gilbert blinked, his eyes finding Ivan's face. He wasn't sure if he just had forgotten to sign them, if he wasn't really ok with this, but had been outvoted by the others, or if the others had decided this without him.

Nevertheless, all eyes were on the USSR right now.

"Russia!" Ludwig spoke up. "I know that you want revenge for Barbarossa, but my brother had nothing to do with this!"

"Ludwig, shut your mouth" Gilbert said, his voice seeming calmer than he was inside. He had tried to stop Ludwig from this bullshit, but his brother had been too blind for reason. Attacking Russia on his own land? When had that ever resulted in anything good?

He remembered his icy bath, so many, many centuries ago, and shivered.

Gilbert didn't sit down again. He stood tall and proud, head raised high as he stared at the Allies, waiting for Ivan to sign his death sentence. He was afraid, so afraid of dying, he had been clinging to this life for so long, avoiding the reaper with all he had and so successfully in such a long time, that the thought of vanishing now terrified him.

Would he be remembered? Or would he fall into nothingness, never being mentioned again except for some boring history lessons like Germania...?

Still his face was stoic, unmoved by the sudden threat. He wouldn't let them have that triumph!

Ivan felt all eyes resting heavy on him, but none where as heavy and burning as a pair of blue and a pair of red ones.

He had discussed and protested for hours not that long ago. He had put every fact on the table, every reason why it was a mistake to dissolve Prussia. For decades he and his bosses had admired the Prussian strength and war tactics. They had learned a lot from their neighbours, lost much and won even more. And not just that... No one beside he himself and Prussia knew for sure, but when he looked calmly up into red eyes, he knew they both remembered these few times they had spend together. It was another reason... He didn't want Gilbert to die... but there was no way he was allowed to let personal reasons shine through.

Picking the pen up he never broke their eyes' contact. That ever present smile on his lips had vanished hours ago.

"Our deal still stands, I assume?" he asked his allies, his voice quiet but very clear in the silence of the dim room.

Alfred nodded. "You can have his land." He smirked at Gilbert who clenched his fists.

So that was it about...? Great. Just great.

He was trembling now, his breath accelerating, but he still tried to look cool. "What about my brother?"

"He'll be supervised and denazified by us, so something like the past war and everything that lead to it will never happen again." It was Arthur who had spoken. There was no smile and no smirk on his face, just tiredness. No one seemed to have much strength left. No one but America.

Something in Gilbert's posture changed after that. His face relaxed a bit.

His brother would be alright... he was strong, just like he used to be.

Gilbert turned his face to look at his younger brother, giving him the hint of a smirk. "Stay awesome, Brüderchen... don't let this get you down, ok?"

"Fortunately they can't dissolve everything. People would start to riot... and losing their precious trade ways and partners would be a shame. Am I right, Jones?" There was a sharp edge in Ivan's voice, almost mocking, as he slowly lead the pen over the document. As long as Prussia was distracted there was time to do what had to be done.

Alfred shot an icy glare at the Russian, his smirk never vanishing. "Yes. We'll just get rid of those no one needs anymore. Isn't that right, Prussia?" He leant his chin into his palm, slightly satisfied with the low growl Gilbert gave him as an answer. "Don't give me that look; we're just completing what your brother started. You're actually non-existent anymore; just a puppet government of him was holding you up. One could say... you're dead all along, you just forget to fall down." He laughed at Gilbert making a step forward, his cuffs rattling slightly as his palms hit the table.

"...!" Red eyes glared with hatred, but he didn't dare to go any further. There were two guards, already aiming at him and he didn't want to anger them any more. His fate was sealed, but his brother still had a chance.

"Not so big mouthed anymore, it seems."

"Alfred" Francis interfered. "... it's enough."

"And it is done." Putting the pen carefully back on the table Ivan shoved the documents back into the middle for everyone to see. All of the winners had signed it now. All of their signatures stood black on white now. The only thing left to do was to announce the death sentence and make it official.

"You can't do that!" Ludwig got up on his feet, but different from his brother his guards immediately held him back, as if they were afraid he could do something despite his handcuffs and countless wounds. "It's not brother's fault! We live in modern times! You can't just kill one of us!"

"Don't you see it?" Gilbert said, looking at Ivan without much emotion. "They can. And did." He lowered his gaze to look at his hands. "What now...? Will I disappear? Or will I die and rot like the millions who died in this damn war...?"

Ivan gave the glance back unmoved. He couldn't do much more, just sit and wait. Not one of them had been dissolved by will in all of their history and there was no way to say what would happen to Prussia. After all... Rome, Germania, Ancient Greece and so many more had just vanished.

"We will see..." Arthur spoke finally into the silence. "But be sure, you'll be treated with all respect, whatever will happen." Then his eyes rested on the documents. No one seemed to want to read it out loud and end a former friend's life.

"... they can't do that..." Ludwig repeated over and over, never letting his brother out of his eyes. "... they can't... they can't..."

Gilbert laughed lowly, then louder. "What is it now?! Has none of you the guts to finish it?! Come on, you're the winning powers, clearing Europe from its evil, right?! Wasn't that your intention? Then do it already! You know, my time's running out so I literally have no time to waste by standing here and watch you cowards not finishing your job!"

A chair was loudly pushed back and fell over as Alfred literally jumped up and grabbed the papers. "Well, if you're so eager to die, I'll grant your wish." And he raised the paper up, straightening his back. "The state of Prussia, his central government and all subordinate authorities are hereby dissolved." With a smirk he glanced over his glasses to Gilbert right in front of him. "With the signatures of the representatives of the Allied Forces and winners of the war, Alfred F. Jones, Wang Yao, Arthur Kirkland, Francis Bonnefoy and Ivan Braginsky, I declare this contract official and valid by this very minute."

"..." Gilbert's smirk didn't vanish, but it weakened a bit. Then a stinging pain shot through his chest as if another bullet had hit his flesh. "H-hg...!" He grabbed the shirt over his heart, bending over as much as it needed to let his cuffed hand touch the table and support his suddenly heavy body.

It hurt. It hurt like he'd be torn apart, his land, his people, ripped away from his body, his heart, his soul.

"A-ah!" He gasped for air, shortly before his knees gave in and he fell, knocking over the small table in front of him before he curled up on the ground, heavily breathing while yet no air seemed to reach his burning lungs.

"NEIN! BRUDER!" None of the Allies seemed to notice the fight Ludwig had with his guards. They just looked down on Prussia... Gilbert... their friend... Francis and Arthur exchanged a guilty glance, while Alfred kept on smirking and Yao waited with crossed arms and unmoved expression.

Just Ludwig's shouting and Gilbert's gasps filled the big room, until quiet steps joined the unpleasant noise.

Crouching down beside the struggling Prussian Ivan glanced at him from above. "Don't worry. I'll take good care of your land."

Short and accelerated breaths left the Prussian's throat as he turned his head just a bit to look at Ivan with eyes wide with fear and pain. "... f... fuck... you..." he whispered, while his eyes begged, make it stop... make it stop already!

"..." Ivan just smiled back, barely visible but understanding. Reaching out he caressed a pale cheek, before he looked up and gave the guards a sign, ignoring the protest from behind.

The next second Ludwig was at his brother's side, leaning over him, tears dripping from his eyes.

"Geh nicht, Bruder! Stirb nicht!" he whispered desperately.

Gilbert looked up at him with tired eyes. "... ich bin... schon lange... tot..." he whispered, knowing that Alfred was right in this particular point. "... 's ok... you'll get along... stay... awesome... make me... proud..." His fingers dug into his shirt as he cringed with a muffled scream escaping his lips. He rolled over, curling up a bit while his breathing, yet still short and quick, became less and less regular until it finally stopped and his body fell limb.

"Nein... Nein! NEIN! GILBERT! Don't do this to me!" Somehow, despite his handcuffs, Ludwig managed to take his brother into his arms and rock his limp body in tears. "... you've always been there... you can't be gone... please, don't be gone... please!"

"Hmpf. He didn't dissolve." Alfred was about to poke a lifeless leg with his boot, but Arthur ripped him back before he could do so. "We all swore respect!" he hissed at him. "You too, young man!"

Francis looked at Ludwig and Gilbert, trying not to get himself into this scene too much, but the fact that his eyes burnt told him that he wasn't really good at this...

He'd have to go on living with knowing he had his fingers in killing one of his former best friends... Antonio would hate him for that...

"I guess..." Arthur cleared his throat, trying not to stare at the brothers. "I guess we owe them a bit of privacy... We'll wait outside." And under protest he pulled Alfred out of the room, signing the guards to follow. There was no danger that anyone would escape any time soon. Yao followed them without a word.

Francis raised his hand, but let it sink again. With a low sigh he followed the other three outside.

Ludwig raised his head just a bit. "... why are you still here..." Despite his voice being rough from crying, it couldn't coat the anger completely.

Ivan sighed softly and tilted his head. "I promised to take good care of him. Since he didn't dissolve, I'll take him with me."

Ludwig's grip around his brother's body tightened. "No... no you won't..."

"Yes, I will." The Russian crouched down once more to be on Ludwig's eyelevel. "I'll take him with me and there's nothing you can do. It's your punishment for everything that happened the last years. Take it as my revenge."

Ludwig looked at him with wide eyes. "... it's not his fault..." he whispered. "He tried to stop me from doing this..."

"I know, but he didn't succeed. Otherwise this wouldn't have been necessary." Reaching out he tried to take the lifeless body from Ludwig's arms.

"NO!" He clung to Gilbert, his voice begging now. "Don't...! Don't take him away! He belongs here!"

"Ludwig..." Ivan spoke in his infamous calm but threatening voice that had been trained so many times during the war. It promised punishment and pain if his wishes weren't followed.

But still Ludwig didn't let go. "I won't... let you take your revenge on him..." He'd protect Gilbert. He didn't have much strength or possibilities left, yet he'd fight for him until the very last moment.

Ivan sighed. He was tired from all the war and he just wanted to go home… however not without his newest possession.

With a quick movement he grabbed Ludwig's throat and pressed it shut. Just for a moment, but enough to be remembered. "Give him to me."

There were tears in his eyes as Ludwig raised his hand to Ivan's, slightly shaking his head. "... he's... my brother..."

Another sigh, but the grip wasn't loosened. "I know... and because you're his brother and family is the most important, I'll tell you something now. There are plans, Ludwig, plans you or the others mustn't know about yet. However they exist... and you'll probably see your brother alive again, but not if he stays here. Do you understand me?"

"How... how can I trust you...?" he whispered. "How am I... supposed to know you're not... taking revenge...?"

"You can't. If I'd want to take my revenge I'd have every right to do so, but dissolving such a magnificent country..." Ivan shook his head disappointed. "These fools don't know what they did. But it's done now and you can let your brother rot here or give him a chance."

"..." Slowly Ludwig's grip loosened a bit. "... promise he'll be ok... please, Russia...!"

Holding out his arms Ivan nodded. "I promise."

Trembling slightly, Ludwig leant back and put his brother down. "... vergib mir..." he whispered and leant in to kiss his forehead slightly. "I'll make you proud of me again... I promise..."

Ivan gave him that private moment and waited until Ludwig seemed to be out of words. Just then he picked Prussia's body up with care and got back on his feet.

"Ludwig..." Turning to the broken nation once more he smiled slightly. "You'll see him again, even if it might take years. Until then don't let Alfred make a puppet out of you."

"... I'll try..." he just whispered, not moving at all and staring into nothingness.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _geh nicht - don't go_

 _stirb nicht - don't die_

 _ich bin schon lange tot - I'm long dead already_

 _vergib mir - forgive me_


	2. Awake

_Warning for this chapter: none_

* * *

 **Awake**

"This will never work... he has been dead for over two years now, Vanya..."

While everyone else had always referred to it as 'sleep', Ukraine had never stopped calling Gilbert's body a corpse. There had been no life in it, no heartbeat, no breathing. Yet it had refused to rot like a normal corpse.

But well... what about this mess was 'normal'...

It felt... numb.

Dark.

There were voices around him, distant, as if he was listening to them through a thick curtain covering his head...

He tried to move, but his body didn't reply with anything but that numb feeling...

"It will work. They're almost done with announcing the new state. They're just waiting for the West to make its move." Ivan gave back sourly and adjusted the new bouquet of flowers on the windowsill. "Stop talking against it."

"I just don't want you to be disappointed..." she gave back and looked at that white face that looked even paler under these pale streaks of hair.

"I'm disappointed in your trust, Katyusha." Coming back to her side he looked down on the sleeping one, he and his whole family had cared for all this time. "Who's supposed to represent the state if not he? If it had been pointless he would have dissolved."

"... fine, I just wanted to-"

There was a deep, rattling sigh as Gilbert gasped for air.

"... that's not... how is this possible?"

Ivan's eyes widened and with an unbelieving smile he hurried to Gilbert's side. Taking his wrist he checked for his pulse, before he leaned over him. "Go slow... it's ok... go slow, Gil..." The smile seemed like carved into his face.

Very slowly, tired red eyes were opened, blinking into nothingness. "..." When he finally managed to focus on Ivan, his expression didn't change at all.

"... wo...?" was all he managed to get out.

He had spend so many nights and days in this room, listening to the silence that even this little word seemed like a huge step forward. Ignoring his older sister, Ivan just concentrated on the moment he had hoped for so long. "You're safe here. Don't worry." Carefully a large hand brushed some hair from a cold forehead. "Katya, get water and prepare a soup. He'll be hungry once he wakes up fully."

"D-da..." Still staring at Gilbert for a moment, she then turned around and stepped out of the room quickly.

With another sigh Gilbert closed his eyes again, turning his head away from Ivan.

"... safe...? Who are... you?"

Ivan frowned a little. "You don't remember? Hm..." Maybe it was to expect. After all Gilbert had been dead until now. "My name is Ivan. I'm your friend." He didn't let him get away, instead he ran his fingers through white hair, seeking the contact.

"I... van...?" he repeated with another sigh. "And... who... am I...?"

His head hurt... the room seemed to keep on spinning around him...

"Gilbert... You're name is Gilbert. But take it easy. You've been asleep for a long time." Glancing at the door Ivan growled quietly, wondering why Katya needed so long with a simple glass of water.

"How do you feel? Can you tell me?"

"... tired... and... bad..." he stated with a weak smile. "I can't... move..."

The door was opened quietly and Katya returned. "I told Toris to make some soup..." she said, holding the glass out for Ivan.

"Alright." He took the glass without thanks before he turned back to Gil. "You'll be fit again in no time. Are you thirsty? Let me help you..." Shoving a hand carefully under Gil's head Ivan helped him to lean up a little and placed the glass against his lips.

Gilbert didn't seem to understand immediately what he was trying to do, until he felt the cold glass against his lips. "A-ah..." He took a few sips before he started coughing, after being too greedy.

"There, there..." Ivan sat down beside him, letting Gil lean against his shoulder so he could carefully pat his back. "Slowly, Gil. I know you're thirsty, but go slow. You've all time of the world now."

"Why... do I feel like... I've been forgetting... something..." he whispered between some coughs before he leant his head against his shoulder tiredly with another sigh.

"You're still confused. If you sleep a little and eat later you'll feel better." Ivan mumbled soothing and smiled for the contact. "Don't worry, my little bird..."

"Hmm..." Gilbert just murmured, already half asleep again.

He felt so... exhausted...

He watched the pale face attentive, looking up to his sister with a triumphant smile. "See? I told you. He belongs to us now."

Katya still seemed worried, looking at Gilbert. "He's tired and doesn't remember anything... I know you don't like to hear this, but he will be troublesome..."

That made Ivan chuckle. If it hadn't been for Gilbert leaned against his shoulder he would have laughed. "He always was troublesome, but he'll get better... Two years, Katya. You'd be confused as well."

She frowned. "That's not what I meant and you should know that. He and his brother betrayed us. Betrayed you! Do you think he'll be happy with being here? I doubt it..."

The smile vanished from his lips. Letting Gil carefully back down on the pillow Ivan stood up and straightened his clothes. "He'll learn to be happy. I saved him from dissolving after all. And I won't let myself be betrayed again."

Katya sighed a bit and looked at Gilbert. "I guess so..." She smiled slightly at Ivan. "... I guess dinner will be ready soon… do you want to come with me?"

"No. I'll stay here and watch over him. You all can eat. I'll take the rest." It was unusual for Ivan to not expect everyone to eat together with him. It was his way of keeping the family together.

"I... I see." Katya nodded and retreated then. "If you need something, you know where to find me."

"I know. Thank you, sister. But you don't need to stay up. I'll call Toris if something's wrong."

"Ok..." She smiled a bit again, then left.

She wasn't sure if she liked this. This WOULD be troublesome...

Ivan stayed at Gilbert's side. He watched him like he had done so often, but this time it was different. Gilbert breathed and he moved in his sleep. Somehow it was a nice feeling... He had waited so long and worked so hard to make the German Democratic Republic happen. Also he had promised Ludwig he'd bring his brother back to life...

Sitting in a chair by the window Ivan slipped slowly into sleep.

It took almost two hours, until Gilbert started moving again.

Without any noise he opened his eyes again and stared at the ceiling for a few moments before he turned his head to look at the man at the window. "..." Slowly he sat up, still watching him.

He was just dozed off, but after a while a feeling nagged on his mind. Someone was watching him... Ivan flinched and rubbed his eyes, noticing just then the red eyes resting on him.

"You're awake..."

Gilbert nodded slightly. "... yes... my... my head still spins and I feel... really exhausted... but a bit better, I guess..."

He sat up, leaning his arms on his knees to look at Gil. "That's good. If you're in pain tell me and I'll get you some medicine."

Gilbert looked down on his hands, then raised them to his chest. "I feel... weird... like... something's different... not... not normal, you could say...? It's a strange feeling..." He leant back against the wall, looking at the ceiling. "I feel like I've been ripped apart... and sewn together again..."

"..." Ivan closed his eyes for a moment. "You might not be that wrong with that feeling. Do you remember something now? Anything at all?"

But Gil shook his head. "No... I... I dreamt... of a war... terrible fighting... of... of snow and coldness and... and freezing... I heard someone shouting my name, but... that's all..." He rubbed his eyes with one hand. "What... what happened...?"

He nodded slightly as he listened. "All of that were no dreams. It really happened. You fought in a terrible war and you lost... Some people wanted to kill you. Do you remember it now?"

"... to... to kill me?" He held his head, closing his eyes. It hurt.

"No... no, I... there's nothing..." Gil looked at Ivan, unsure. "So... they wanted to kil me... and... you saved me?"

Ivan was about to get up and come over, however he decided differently.

"I... took you with me when you were hurt. From that day you slept here in my house."

"I see..." He smiled a bit. "Thank you then... I guess... I owe you my life?"

"I wouldn't call it that..." Now Ivan did get up and came over with a smile. He sat down on the end of the bed. "But I'm glad you're better. Say... do you remember what a nation is?"

"..." Gilbert fell silent for a moment, his eyes glancing into nothingness. Then he looked at his hands, slowly closing his fingers to a fist and opening them again.

"... we are. We are nations... but," he looked at Ivan, "I forgot... my name...?"

"Yes... yes, we are nations." Reaching out he put his hand on Gilbert's, smiling reassuring. "Your name is Gilbert Beilschmidt. You are... die Deutsche Demokratische Republik."

Gilbert blinked. "... Deutsche... Demokratische Republik...?" He closed his eyes, trying to remember that name, until his head hurt too much. "I... I don't recall that name..."

"It's ok. It'll come back to you if you recover. For now you should rest some more and I guess that you're hungry. Want me to get something to eat?"

As a response, his stomach growled loudly. "I... I guess that is a yes..." Gil said with a weak smile.

He chuckled softly. "I'll get you something. Don't run away. I'm back in a minute. Ok~?"

"Why should I run away?" he said and lied down again. "Not that I could if I wanted to..."

"It's just a saying. It's not like something could happen to you here. You're honestly save." Getting up Ivan walked to the door, where he turned back once more. "My name is Ivan by the way."

"I know... you... you said it." Gil tapped against his head. "I... I remembered that."

Ivan smiled more brightly. "I was wondering if you remembered that. Alright... back in a minute." And he slipped out of the door, on his way to the kitchen. It was late enough that he didn't expect to see anyone.

Even though it was late, Toris was still sitting at the dining table, head leant on it and sleeping deeply.

Remaining in the doorframe Ivan observed him for a moment. It was typical of Toris to stay behind and do all chores someone else hadn't managed before bed.

A sigh left his lips as he walked closer and put a hand on the Lithuanian's shoulder. "... Torya..."

Toris flinched and sat up. "Da! I'm awake!" He blinked and rubbed his eyes. "A-ah. Ivan...!" he smiled tiredly. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Ivan couldn't help but smile. Taking his hand back he nodded slightly. "Da. Go to bed. You shouldn't sleep at the table. I'll call you when I need your help."

"Ah... I... didn't mean to..." Toris stretched a bit and looked up at him. "Katyusha said... he woke up...?"

"Yes, Gilbert is awake. I was on my way to get him something to eat. Is there some soup left? And bread maybe with tea.

"Yes, there is still enough left." He got up and hurried to the kitchen. "I'll get some water boiling for the tea..."

Ivan looked after him and followed slower. "That's nice of you. You didn't sleep on the table because you waited for me?"

"Ah, I... well..." Toris laughed a bit and scratched his chin. "I didn't fell asleep there on purpose, but I was waiting for you to get some dinner, yes..."

"You're too sweet, Torya. How do I deserve you?" Smiling Ivan stepped closer and blew a kiss on brown hair. "And now: soup for our sick bird~"

"A-ah.. yes..." He switched on the stove , reheating the soup and boiling some water. "How... how is he?"

Ivan went to get some slices of white bread as well as a bowl and cup. "He doesn't remember a thing, not even his name. He's also weak but that was to expect."

"He... doesn't remember?" Toris repeated confused. "I guess... that's because of the dissolution, huh? Hm... well, with some care and good food he'll be strengthening again in no time...!"

"That might be the chase, yes. He will... Toris?" Ivan's voice dropped some degrees, but he didn't even look up from his work. "Tell the others that no one must call him by his old name. Gilbert isn't Prussia anymore and I don't want him to know. Understood?"

Toris twitched a bit at that tone. "A-ah? O-Of course. I'll tell them...! W-why?" he asked, regretting it right after. "A-ah, hey, the... the water's boiling!"

"Why? Because Prussia is no more. Haven't you heard it in the news? I'm pretty sure they announced the founding of the German Democratic Republic earlier this day."

"S-sure...! Sorry, it was a stupid question...!" He opened the cupboard, searching for the tea and almost knocking some out of the way.

"There are no stupid questions, Toris." The warmth and smile was back in Ivan's voice as he brought the cup over. "Just stupid answers. Never hold back to ask, if you don't understand something."

"O-ok...!" He got a teabag and put it into the cup. "I hope he likes it."

"I'm sure he will. It's made with love after all. Right?" Picking the cup up Ivan turned to go. "Be so kind and bring the soup and bread as soon as it's warm. Thank you."

"Y-yes, Ivan!"

Gilbert had closed his eyes again, falling half asleep already. He was still so tired and his head hurt.

Deutsche Demokratische Republik... he must've been hurt badly... since he didn't even remember a bit of that name...

Someone knocked quietly and the next moment Ivan slipped back inside, closing the door behind him. "I'm back with tea~ Soup comes in a moment."

Blinking, Gilbert raised his head, then sat up. "Ah... I see..." he smiled slightly. "Thanks."

"Be careful. It's fresh." He reached the cup out, watching how the steam rose in the air. "I have the feeling you look already better."

"Hm..." Gilbert took the cup and sighed slightly at the feeling of warmth in his hands. "I don't feel better, but... it's a start, I guess...?" Carefully he drank a bit. "Hm... this is good..."

Once more he sat down on the end of the bed, smiling happily. "Toris made it. He's good at it. You'll get to know him in a bit."

"Toris..." He closed his eyes, trying to remember a face to that name. "... I think... I've heard that before..."

"Of course you did. We've all fought together before, but that's a long time ago. If you want and you feel better tomorrow you can also get to know everyone else. Many people live here at the moment."

"Ah...? A big house, huh?" Gilbert smiled slightly and leant against the wall. "Sounds nice..."

There was a knock at the door. "The... the soup is ready..."

Getting up Ivan went to open the door. "Toris. Come in. Don't be shy and say hello to Gil~"

Toris smiled slightly and entered, looking at Gilbert.

He seemed... tired, but otherwise ok...

"Hello Gilbert..." he said with a smile and put down the tablet on the nightstand.

"Hello... uh... Toris..." Gilbert looked at Ivan and back at the other man. "Thanks for the food."

Ivan put a hand on Toris' shoulder, smiling broadly. "Toris was so nice and waited so we get something warm to eat. When I'm working he will care for you as long as it's needed."

"Ah, that's... that's not necessary...!" Gilbert said. "I don't need anyone to take care... I'll just... lie in bed and sleep until I'm a bit better...!"

"Don't be silly. You won't get up and cook for yourself or get another drink as long as you're still weak. When you're better you can of course join us for the meals, but until then... I'm sure Toris won't mind. Right, Toris?"

"O-of course not!" Toris laughed. "Don't worry, Gilbert, I'm used to doing this, it's not a problem at all!"

"Hm... if... if you say so...?"

"Don't worry too much, Gil. Toris would tell you if he has no time or wouldn't want to help~" A bright smile was plastered on Ivan's face. "But now eat your soup before it gets cold and I guess Toris is tired. So you can go to bed if you want."

"Th-thank you." Toris looked at Gil, smiling slightly. "Good night then, Gilbert... sleep well..!"

"Ah, thank you. You, too...!" With a confused smile he followed him with his eyes and finally looked at Ivan. "He's some kind of nervous guy, huh?"

"Yes. It's pretty obvious, isn't it? He wasn't like this when we were younger, but people tend to change." He shrugged slightly and held the bowl out for Gilbert. "But now eat. You want to get your strength back fast. or don't you?"

"Yes, of course!" He took the bowl and started to eat. "Hm... it's tasty!" It felt good to eat. Somehow it felt like... healing a bit.

"I'm glad. Toris made it." Ivan smiled satisfied and sat back down again. "If you ever have a question, ask Toris. He knows best how things go in this house."

"I'll remember that."

Gilbert ate the soup until there wasn't even a bit left, then leant back and looked at Ivan. "I feel like I remember you... you're a big nation... right? When I look at you, I think of vast landscapes and... and snow...?"

"Mhm... not bad. Yes, my country is big and I have a lot of snow and long winters. I'm even the biggest country around, but that's no reason to be afraid of me." He chuckled quietly. "Some are however. If someone tells you to be careful in my presence just ignore them."

"Ah, I... I see...?" Gilbert frowned slightly. "Well... you haven't harmed me, so... I don't see a reason to mistrust you..." he sighed a bit. "I guess... I'll lie down and sleep some more..."

"... there is no reason..." Ivan mumbled. "Alright. Sleeping is good for ill patients. The bathroom is two doors down the floor to the left and if you need anything just come to my room. It's the one with the dark oak door."

"Ok. Thanks, Ivan..." Gilbert lied down and looked up at him. "Then good night to you, too..."

He yawned and curled up a bit on the side, feeling already tired again.

"Good night, Gilbert... and you're welcome." Taking the tray with the empty bowl Ivan hesitated for a moment before he decided otherwise and just went to the door. "Sleep well, little bird..."

* * *

 _Translation:_

 _wo - where_

 _Deutsche Demokratische Republik (DDR) - German Democratic Republic (GDR)_


	3. First Steps

**First Steps**

Some days passed. Gilbert became stronger and with Toris' help he wandered around soon, until he didn't need him as support anymore.

He didn't understand everything in this guy - sometimes he'd randomly just remove some old books from Gilbert's room, his only explanation being that someone else needed these right now...

Toris seemed nervous all the time, as if he feared he'd do something wrong the next moment. And sometimes he paused before calling him by his name. It was just... strange.

That day Gilbert wanted to join the others, so he slowly climbed down the stairs, holding on to the railing.

There was busy chatting downstairs. Plates and cutlery made tiny noises and people walked back and forth between the kitchen and the dining room.

"I'm back in a second. Don't worry." Toris came down the hallways, seemingly lost in thoughts when he noticed him. "A-ah! Gilbert?" Immediately he came up the last steps and took his arm to support him. "What are you doing?"

"Can't you see?" Gilbert said with a crooked grin. "I'm walking..." Still he sighed a bit in relief as the other took his arm.

"But you're not supposed to walk yet. You're still not well..." Toris sighed deeply. "Did you want to join lunch?"

"Hey, I made it all the way down here...!" Gilbert protested with a pout before he nodded. "Yes... I'm pretty hungry...!"

Toris blinked but smiled then as he helped Gilbert the last steps down. "True. That's a big step forward. Maybe it's time you should walk more again to train your legs?" His smile shrank for a moment before it came back. "Alright then. It's almost done. We're just waiting for Ivan."

Gilbert just nodded. He didn't want to lie around all day. He still didn't remember anything, but he just... felt that this wasn't what he was supposed to be...!

"Ah, I see...! Well, maybe he'll pass us on our way" he joked.

"I hope not... a-ah... I mean... he's working right now so..." He bit his lip and walked a bit faster, leading Gilbert into the dining room were just Raivis and Eduard waited. Most people worked during the day and just few stayed in the house. However for dinner the house was most of the times more crowded.

Two pairs of eyes looked up as they entered. "P-Prussia?"

Gilbert blinked at that voice, then blinked again for that name.

"... P... Prussia...?" he repeated, his gaze suddenly distant, thoughtful.

"Raivis!" Toris hissed and even Eduard whispered something to his brother. Both seemed almost in panic.

"A-a-h... e-ehm... I... I mean Gilbert..." The shortest brother tried a shaky smile. "G-good to see you here!"

"Come, Gil... let's... let's sit down..."

"..." Gilbert didn't move, still staring into nothingness. Something... something touched his heart, his soul, but when he reached out to grab it, it was gone.

"A-ah... yes... let's... I feel a bit... dizzy..." he mumbled.

"..." Biting his lip Toris took his arm and led him to a free place where he let him sit down. "Raivis will get you a plate and all. Right, Raivis?" Toris' voice was unusually sharp as he said that and it made his brother jump.

"Do you want some water, Gil?"

"Yes... yes, please..." He rubbed his temple, breathing in a bit deeper than before. His head hurt... something was there... something that wanted to get OUT...

"Alright. Just a second." Hurrying to the end of the table Toris got a glass and filled it with water. However when he turned back he froze.

"... good day, Ivan... Lunch is... almost ready."

Gilbert blinked and turned around, looking at Ivan. "Ah... hello, Ivan..." he said with a weak smile.

Was it imagination... or did the temperature drop several degrees...?

"Gilbert, what are you doing here?" Ivan smiled slightly surprised, observing Toris' and Eduard's expression attentive. He knew something was up.

"Do you feel strong enough to join us already?"

The German nodded slightly. "Yes. I didn't feel like lying around all day... I don't know... it felt wrong and I thought it would be good to train my legs a bit. Plus, I was hungry" he added with a low laugh.

Eduard smiled nervously. "Toris' made some tasty food, so... we will take care of that...!"

"These are good signs then! I'm glad you're getting better." Smiling brightly Ivan let himself fall on the chair at Gilbert's side. It wasn't his usual place but without having to say a word Toris came and put plate and glass, fork, knife and spoon in front of him. Ivan ignored him completely.

"So if you're bored in your room, how about we drive out this afternoon? Some fresh air can't be wrong."

Gilbert observed them attentively and something about this scene left a nagging feeling inside him.

"Ah... it's... if you're not too busy?" He sighed a bit, looking down at the plate. "I tried reading some of the books, but... well, I feel like I once knew some Cyrillic, but like everything it's gone almost completely and the books I can read... that are left in the shelf," he looked at Toris for a moment, "aren't that interesting..."

"I have some work left after lunch, but it won't take too long. After that I have all time of the world for you." Ivan kept on smiling and listened attentive. When Gilbert's glance went to Toris he looked at him as well, nodding barely visible.

Toris felt his heart skip a beat at that gesture and looked to the ground.

"I can teach you how to read Cyrillic, if you want. And about German books... I just got a bunch of example prints from Berlin."

Another nod of Gilbert. "That's good... thanks! And I'd like to learn to read Cyrillic again."

Again...

He knew he had been able to read it, at least a bit. Maybe he had been associated with Russia before... probably...

He shook his head to free his brain from thoughts. "When will the meal be ready?" he asked with a crooked smile. His head was spinning again...

"Don't worry. It's not that hard and I'm sure you're a fast learner."

"A-ah... In a second!" Toris gave Eduard a glance and they hurried outside to get the food, leaving Gilbert and Ivan alone.

"... don't worry... it will get better..." Ivan mumbled softly, when they were gone.

Gilbert raised his head, smiling weakly. "Can you read my mind? Or do I look THAT miserable that it's this obvious...?" He sighed a bit. "The room is spinning around... and I feel like I should be remembering something..."

"You don't look too good to be honest..." Putting a hand on Gilbert's, Ivan brushed his thumb over white skin. "It will come back to you. Maybe if you see what's going on outside. I was thinking about taking you on a trip to Berlin. Maybe seeing your capital will help."

"My... capital..." Gilbert smiled a bit. "Berlin, huh? That sounds familiar... yes, maybe I will remember then...!"

Ivan smiled too and leaned in to blow a kiss on white hair. "I like when you smile like that. Yes, I'll take you on my trip. But until then you need to get better and train to walk. Is that a deal?"

Gilbert blinked at that kiss, his eyes widening for a moment.

Was this... supposed to happen...? It felt... weird... not really wrong, but not right either...

"A-ah... ja... that's... that's a deal, I'd say..."

"Good. Now where is our lunch? Toris!"

"C-coming!" They had waited behind the door, knowing Ivan didn't like to be bothered when he had his private talk with someone. Now however the table filled with deliciously smelling food and not many minutes later everything was ready and everyone seated.

Ivan raised his glass and looked into the tense faces. "This is a happy day, now that our newest family member finally joined us. On our family! And that it'll grow with time."

Gilbert noticed how the others smiled sort of... unsure, when they raised their glasses.

It left mixed feelings, just like this whole conversation had done, but he raised his glass, too, and nodded slightly.

On the family...

Family...

Without really noticing he put his hand on his heart.

But then he blinked and put down the glass, starting to eat.

Ivan noticed the gesture and he noticed how Gilbert observed the others for a moment. Somehow... he didn't like it, even if he knew there was no way to hide the truth forever.

The lunch was calm and chatty, with Ivan being the one talking most and laughing at his own jokes. The Baltics just laughed politely. The shock of Latvia's faux pas still stuck in their bones. If Ivan found out... they'd be in trouble.

After all were done and stuffed Ivan excused himself and went back into his office, finding his telephone ringing without break.

It was two hours later that he came to knock on Gilbert's door.

Gilbert raised his head, sitting on the bed. "Herein?" He still felt tired and the more he had tried to remember, the more his head had hurt.

Poking his head in Ivan smiled brightly. "Are you ready to go? I'm sorry I took so long but my boss needed some things."

"Ah! Yes, yes, sure!" He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and wanted to get up, but fell back on the mattress immediately. "Ah... I... shouldn't get up that quickly, I guess..."

Ivan was at his side a second after and grabbed his arm. "No, you shouldn't... Are you feeling well? Maybe we should make our tour another day...

"N-no. I just got up a bit too quickly...!" he insisted. "Please, I'm sick and tired of sitting inside...!"

"Hm..." Ivan looked down on him for a long moment and shook his head then. "No. We won't drive out, but we'll take a walk in the nearby forest. I don't want you to break down somewhere far away."

Gilbert made a face, but then nodded with a disappointed sigh. He had wished to find some memories in his capital... but he had to admit, that Ivan was probably right...

"Just for today. Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow." Holding out a hand for him Ivan tried a reassuring smile. "It's walking training today."

"Ok..." He took his hand and let him help him up. "I guess, I'll need some warmer clothes then..."

"I thought so too and got some coats and shoes in your size. They're downstairs." And Ivan led him out of the room, never letting Gilbert's hand go.

"Ah, thank you..."

It was a strange feeling, letting the other holding his hand all the time. It was... probably just because he feared Gilbert would fall, right?

"No problem~" Together they went down again where coats and shoes waited. Ivan picked some dark ones from the shelf and held them out. "Try them on. I guess they should fit."

Gilbert slipped into them and they actually fit almost perfectly. "Ah, thanks... I guess they should do just fine...!"

"Great!" Smiling gladly he gave Gil the coat and slipped into his own boots. When Ivan was dressed he took the rifle, hidden behind all the clothes, and put it's leather strap over his shoulder. "I guess we're ready to go then~"

Gilbert blinked at the rifle. "I... guess it's not too safe outside, huh?" He smiled crooked and looked at the door. "Well then..."

"It's a forest and there do live bears and wolves. It's better to be safe than sorry."

Shoving the door open a cool, soft autumn wind blew into their faces. It was refreshing and everything smelled like leaves and mushrooms.

"I see..." He followed him to the door with slow steps and took a deep breath of that air. It felt very nice... yet it gave him again that nagging feeling... like there happened something in this coldness... something important.

"Ah... you lead the way then!"

"Sure. Come." In the distance they could see a city. The buildings seemed small from where they stood and just smoke rising up in the air every now and then told them this city was still alive. However Ivan lead Gil around the house and through a well kept garden to a narrow path leading them over a field full of blooming wildflowers and to the edge of the forest.

"What do you say? Isn't the landscape beautiful?"

Gilbert nodded silently, smiling a bit. "Yes... I don't know why, but it... feels good. Like... like my home was similar to this... I don't know, it's hard to describe..."

While walking, he let his fingertips stroke the passing flowers. He stopped when he saw a cornflower, still in full bloom. "..." Even if it was already late in year and cold, this little guy kept on fighting, living.

It made Gilbert smile.

"I know that feeling." Ivan kept on walking, however when he didn't hear footsteps behind him anymore he turned back. It was a strange thing to see Prussia... Gilbert… standing there and smiling at the flowers. Ivan wasn't sure he had seen him like this before. Either they had been at war or seen each other at meetings. It had been rare in the last decades that they had spend time somewhere alone and in peace...

A sigh left his lips. He was unable to look away.

As Gilbert noticed he was being watched, he blinked and raised his head quickly. "A-ah..." He scratched his chin a bit embarrassed. "Sorry... I... I guess I'm just happy being outside..." he mumbled and caught up with Ivan quickly.

"... everyone would be after the time you slept." Turning back to the way Ivan continued walking. "If you get tired, tell me. Da?"

"Yes, I will..." Gilbert followed him, still smiling absently, his gaze wandering over the flowers, the field, the scenery.

It felt good...

Ivan walked slower and glanced at his company every now and then. He liked that smile, even if it wasn't the one he was used from Gilbert. That smirk with so much fire in it, teasing almost, bold and still so addicting...

He shook his head, smiling to himself. That would maybe never show up again.

They walked in silence, since Ivan felt there was not much left to say. Gilbert needed some fresh air and he'd speak up if he thought that their walk was too silent.

After a while, Gilbert slowed down, his expression changing just slightly to tired.

"I guess... we should return..." he said lowly, looking at Ivan with a thankful smile. "I'm glad you took me out here... but my legs are getting really heavy now..."

"Are they?" Ivan came closer and put a hand on Gil's cheek, examining his eyes and pale skin. "Yes... it's enough for today. We can always repeat this or you can even go alone, if you want. Once you're better of course."

Gilbert looked at him for a moment, then lowered his gaze. He knew by now that Ivan was someone who got closer to people than usually acceptable, and it wasn't like he really minded, but... it was... well. Weird. He wasn't used to it.

"Sounds good..." He straightened his shoulders a bit and turned around.

"..." Ivan remained with hand raised for a second, before he let it fall. Something told him that Gilbert didn't like this, but it was Ivan's habit, his opinion on how dear friends and family were treated - intimate and trusting.

"Let's go then. I know a shorter way." He was so taken by his thoughts that he didn't notice the birds flying up and making a ruckus above their heads.

Gilbert did notice though and he stopped, raising his head to the sky. "..."

Something... something wasn't right.

His eyes widened as he heard a noise, his head turning around the next moment.

"Da kommt was...!"

Something big was breaking through the forest.

In a reflex Ivan grabbed his rifle before he even looked up. Whatever was coming... it was coming fast.

"... run... Run, Gilbert!" Grabbing the other's arm Ivan dragged him with himself.

Gilbert cursed lowly, starting to run.

There were more birds over them now. Gilbert could feel his heartbeat in his chest, fear and realisation rising - whatever it was, that was hunting here... he had the feeling they wouldn't be able to outrun it...

A loud roar was heard and when Gilbert looked over his shoulder, he saw the big bear stomping through the forest.

"S-scheiße!"

"Don't talk! Run!" Ivan didn't need to look over his shoulder. He knew that noise and that voice. He knew how a bear sounded and he knew that this bear was pissed for some reason.

His eyes rushed over the trees around, while he kept on dragging Gilbert. If they'd stumble and fall now, they were lost...

"There! Over there!" He pointed with his rifle to a half fallen tree. "Up there!"

"A-are you kidding me?" Gilbert stumbled towards the trunk and leant against it. His heart was racing. He had never been good at climbing anything and he could barely feel his legs now!

"I don't know if I can!" he said, as he started to pull himself up. "Hn..!"

Damnit.

Damnit!

If he wouldn't manage, Ivan wouldn't be able to follow and...!

"Do it!"

Ivan turned back panting and grabbed his weapon with both hands. They had a head start but the bear rushed through the bushes and past trees. Even from afar he could see the white foam on its snout.

"... shit..." Aiming at the animal Ivan shot, but the bullet crashed into a nearby tree. The loud noise startled the bear, but just for a second. Roaring even louder it stormed closer.

"Up! Up!"

Gilbert was gasping, the forest spinning around him, but the mere fear kept him going. "I... I'm trying..." he said, clinging to the wood. "A…ah..."

Ivan felt his heart skipping some beats. Turning half around he reached out and tried to push Gilbert further up, but he could see there was no way Gil would manage. He was too weak for that...

The Russian gritted his teeth and made a decision. While his hands reloaded skilfully his rifle, he spoke in pressed voice. "Stay there! No movement and no noise! Not a single word!" The next moment he dashed forward.

"What? No! NO! IVAN!" he yelled, the next moment clinging to the tree, head leaning against it.

He felt dizzy, sick all of a sudden, but he didn't allow himself to lose consciousness now!

Ivan cursed under his breath, seeing how the big animal turned its head in Gilbert's direction.

"I said no noise... I said no noise! HEY! HEY, MISCHKA!" he shouted and shot once more. This time he had no chance to aim, not while running, but unexpected the bullet seemed to hit. The bear screamed in pain and turned to the prey with the stinging branch.

"Over here!"

Gilbert watched the bear run after Ivan. He shook his head. "N-no..." His arms were trembling and so were his legs.

I'm too weak.

If only I were stronger, we could've both climbed this tree!

The bear will kill Ivan...

Ivan could hear the branches crunching under the big paws. He could hear the heavy breath and the low growl. There was no way to outrun the bear... it was just too fast. Ivan had to shoot it or it would rip him to pieces and Gilbert right afterwards.

Falling on his knees Ivan reloaded the rifle once more.

... the bear was coming...

He raised the weapon up and aimed.

... it was so close already...

And Ivan shot.

The bear howled and shook its thick head, threw it around while blood drops flew in all directions.

"... damn..."

Ivan's eyes widened. He had missed... Once more his hands reloaded the rifle, while the shadow came closer... and closer... and a big paw reached out for him.

"ARGH!"

The shot didn't reach his brain, but Ivan's scream did.

"I-Ivan..." he gasped. "IVAN!" Gilbert raised his head a bit and that was a mistake.

The forest spun around him and with another gasp he slipped from the tree. He didn't even notice how he hit the floor...

The bear raised its head at the shout and the movement triggered him more than the blood under him. Rushing around it ran back, shaking its thick head again. The bite from the strange branch had hurt, but there was more prey!

Groaning, Gilbert lifted his head, still seeing stars. "H-hn..." He tried to push himself up, but didn't manage.

The ground shook under the bear's steps. Leaves and pieces of wood flew around the moment it stopped and leaned with a growl over the helpless man. Hot breath brushed over white skin and yellow teeth glistened, when another shot rang...

... and the heavy body fell to the ground.

Gilbert blinked a bit, seeing the dead bear through half lit eyes. "..."

A low voice inside his head told him: "Das war knapp..." but he didn't listen.

He was so tired...

Slow steps came closer. If Gilbert was buried under the bear... If he got crushed...

Leaned on his rifle Ivan dragged himself past the dead animal, until he could see the white haired man. With a groan Ivan went back down on his knees. Gil was safe... at least something.

Slowly Gilbert raised his gaze. "... I'm... sorry..." he whispered, his head still spinning. "... should've... returned earlier... I'm... too weak..." He closed his eyes and tried once again to push himself up. "... you... ok?"

"..." Ivan just nodded and crawled closer, before he collapsed at the other's side. "... da..."

He rolled on his back with a groan, finding his chest hurting and his left arm almost useless. If there was blood he couldn't tell. There was just pulsing pain.

"... and... you...?"

"... 'm fine... just... dizzy... my head hurts, but... that's.. ok..." Tired, red eyes roamed over the taller nation's body and he bit his lips. "... you're bleeding... d-damnit...!"

"... shouldn't have... gone... out then... damn..." Ivan tried a laugh that ended on another groan. Reaching up with his right hand he felt for the rips in his coat and flinched when his fingers touched raw flesh. "... 's a... scratch... give me a... moment..."

"It's... not..." With some effort he managed to sit up and lean against the tree. "... you need a doctor... quickly..."

"... oh s-shut up... I... didn't fall... from a... tree..." He turned his head to look at Gil, managing a crooked smile. "... anything broken...?"

"Don't know... but... it doesn't feel like it..." Gilbert sighed a bit. "My arm and head hurt... but... I can move, so... guess I'm ok..."

"... good... that bear... will attract new... predators soon... we should leave as..." he groaned as he tried to sit up. "... a-as soon... as... possible..."

"Yes..." Gilbert looked at him with a frown. "Come... we'll... do this together..." With another groan he pushed himself up and leant against the tree, holding out his hand for the other.

Ivan thought about taking the offered hand, but decided against it. Gil would break down. He was way too heavy for the German.

Taking all of his strength together Ivan sat up and fought himself on his feet. The rifle helped as a cane and as long as he kept his hurt arm unmoved, it didn't hurt too much.

"... can you walk... alone...?"

"I should be the one asking that..." Gilbert gave back and nodded. "Yes... yes, I can... not very quickly, but you can't either..."

"..." He smiled crooked. "Aren't we... the perfect pair then...? Come... we need... need to... leave..."

Gilbert made a face and nodded. "Yes... come..."

Somehow and with many pauses, they managed to find their way back home.

When the German saw the house, he sighed in relief. "A-almost there..."

There wasn't much to say. They needed their breath to walk, but when he heard Gil's words Ivan did look up from the trail he had left on the ground.

"... da... T-Toris! Toris!" Shouting hurt, but Ivan couldn't do more but lean on his rifle. "TORIS!"

Gilbert saw how it hurt him, as he went down on his knees and screamed: "SOMEBODY! HELP! WE NEED HELP!"

A window was opened and green eyes looked down on them. "What is-" Toris gasped and turned around immediately. It didn't take him long until the backdoor flew open and Toris stormed outside. "What happened?"

Ivan clung to his weapon, watching Gilbert scream from the corner of his eyes. Memories flashed up in his mind. Memories of war and pain and endless screams... He wanted to reach out with his hurt arm, feeling it tremble heavily. ... Gil...

"... bear with... rabies... probably... bring Gilbert inside and call... call a doctor..."

"I already told Eduard to call a doctor... you-"

"Get him... get him in..." Gilbert gasped. "I'm fine...! Just... hit my... my head...!"

"He's not fine! For fuck's sake, Toris!" Somehow Ivan managed to stand up tall, glaring at the poor man in front of him. He felt the blood running down and wetting his clothes, but it was nothing... nothing against the things he had endured already... nothing against war.

"I gave you an order!"

Toris raised his hands quickly. "I-I didn't mean to disobey!" he quickly said and stepped next to Gilbert and wrapped his arm around the other nation.

"G-goddamnit, it's just a headache...!" Gilbert protested, but Toris ignored him and carried him inside. "Eduard! Raivis! Ivan needs help!"

As soon as they were gone Ivan sank down on his knees and finally on the cold ground. He hated to be weak... he wasn't allowed to show anyone weakness... but it hurt and he felt dizzy. If he rested for a moment, he was sure he'd be able to walk inside on his own. Weakness wasn't allowed... it just wasn't... allowed...

"I called the doctor. He's here in fifteen minutes." Eduard explained with a worried look on Gilbert, before he nodded. "I'll go."

"W-why?" It was Raivis' quiet voice as he stood there shaking. "L-leave him there... It's not as if he could die. Right?"

Gilbert raised his head a bit, frowning in confusion.

"Raivis!" Toris gasped. "How can you say that?" Of course, Ivan was... very, very difficult to handle and sometimes even worse than that, but...

"I-It would be quiet for a while. I mean... nice and quiet. We could finally take a break! I-imagine it!" A shaky smile curled Raivis' lips and Eduard pushed his glasses up in silent agreement. He didn't move an inch, even if he felt bad for it.

"Raivis... has a point."

"G-guys...!"

"Y-You can't be serious..." Gilbert groaned. "He's hurt...! He... what... what kind of... friends are you...?"

"We're not his friends." Raivis gave back serious, the tremble gone for the moment from his voice. "We're his subordinates... prisoners... and so are you, Prussia."

While Eduard held his breath and Toris gasped in shock, Gilbert just stared at him.

Subordinates...

That kinda made sense... as Ivan ordered them around, right...?

... prisoners...

...

"P... Prussia...?" Gilbert's voice trembled, his gaze got distant as that name tried to ring a bell in his mind.

Prussia...

Prussia...!

"Raivis!" Toris shrieked, panicking now. "You're not supposed-"

"He... he needs to know! How would you feel if-"

"Latvia." It was just a single word but so full of rage and ice it seemed to freeze time for the moment. Breathing heavily Ivan stumbled through the door, his gaze fixed on the trembling nation. The moment Ivan reached him a bloodstained hand met him right in the face and without a warning, sending the smaller one to the ground.

"R-Raivis!" Eduard stuttered, but didn't dare to move, while Gilbert's eyes just widened.

"W-woah, what was that for?" Ivan couldn't have heard him saying that he didn't want to help, right?

We're prisoners.

And so are you...

... Prussia.

"A-ah..."

Ivan glared down on Raivis. He had ruined everything. How did he dare and ruin his nice, quiet time with Gilbert? As soon as he'd remember Gilbert would start protesting and Ivan felt his head ache coming already.

"To my room in half an hour, Latvia..." he growled lowly and turned to climb the stairs, without giving anyone else another glance.

Raivis curled up on the ground a bit, whimpering lowly. "D-da..."

Gilbert looked at that bundle of fear and then at Ivan. "H-hey...! You... you have to see a doctor! And what is that supposed to mean, Iva-"

Toris made a step to the side, pulling him with. "Don't, Gilbert..."

He didn't turn around, just glared over his shoulder. "Get yourself treated... and get some rest... We're leaving... for... Berlin in two days..." With that he kept on going up, wavering and stumbling every now and then, but Ivan didn't allow to let himself break down. It meant weakness... and weakness wasn't allowed...

Toris lead Gilbert to the closest room where he could sit down.

"What did just happen?" The other didn't reply. "Goddamnit, answer me! What did that shivering boy mean? I'm… am I a prisoner here? Why did he hit him? And... and what's with that name?!"

Toris bit his lip, while he took a closer look at Gilbert's head and the little bruises he had got from falling.

"Raivis is sometimes... too direct and he... mixes facts up... We're Ivan's subordinates like he's our superior. That's it... And our superior ordered that we don't talk about it. Believe me, it's better that way. Just forget it and don't... don't try asking Ivan about it. Sometimes Ivan is very... short tempered. You'd just end like Raivis..."

Gilbert frowned. "What's the big deal about it?! Why am I not allowed to know? It's about my past, right? About the things I don't remember! ... that's why you took away some of these books, isn't that right?"

"I... I had my orders." Toris tried to avoid the topic. It would just cause trouble in this already tense house. "Please, Gilbert. Not today."

"Not any day..." he mumbled. "I understand." He pushed away his hands. "I don't care what he ordered, I'm fine. Just a hit to my head, so don't make a fuss about it! He's the one who got attacked by a goddamn bear!" With another groan he got up. "I'll go to my room..."

Toris reached out for him, but his hand sank back down. He couldn't do much like this and knowing Prussia, he couldn't convince him to play along and please Ivan's wish.

"... be careful." This would mean trouble as soon as everyone had healed. 

* * *

_Translation:_

 _herein - come in_

 _da kommt was - something is coming_

 _scheiße - shit_

 _das war knapp - that was close_


	4. Prussia

**Prussia**

Gilbert couldn't stop thinking about it.

Prussia.

Prussia...!

Prussia!

He said that name, over and over again, his hands buried in his hair, trying to remember, but it didn't work. His head felt so empty... it hurt.

He didn't ask anyone else - the only one who probably would've answered him was Raivis and Gilbert didn't want him to be ... punished ... again.

So he just tried to find something in these books he still had. He found one, a Russian one, but he wasn't able to read it and it made him furious!

The day passed.

A doctor came to look for Ivan's wounds, but as soon as Ivan woke up from his unconsciousness he had fallen into from pain and blood loss, the man was thrown out again. The scratches he got were painful and had bled heavily, but they weren't too deep and would soon heal by themselves. Even Raivis was spared that day.

But Ivan was still furious. Not just because he had allowed a bear to attack them, but also that his plan had failed. In the end he had meant it well. Prussia was gone. No one could do anything against it, so it would've been better for Gilbert to just accept. But now...

The master of the house didn't show up for any meal that day. It caused the Baltics to wait without touching anything, until they were absolutely sure Ivan wouldn't come out of his room. There were rules to obey in this house after all and one of the most sensitive rules was that the whole family ate together.

It was some days later, in the early morning when someone knocked carefully on Gilbert's door.

He was sitting at the window, trying to remember how to read Cyrillic, but even when he did remember some letters, it still was in Russian, and... well.

He raised his head. "Herein?"

Opening the door quietly Toris came in with a little, tired smile. "Good morning, Gilbert. How are you today?"

"Ah, hey..." He put down the book and smiled slightly. "I'm fine. What... can I do for you? Need any help?" He was so tired of sitting around all day...

Green eyes scanned the book title just to make their owner sigh. "Not really. I just wanted to tell you that breakfast is ready and that your new uniform arrived."

"My new..." Gilbert blinked, then put down the book. "I see...?" He got up and smiled slightly. "Then... let's go downstairs... say, Toris? How... how is Ivan? I haven't seen him for days... did he get his wounds treated?"

The Lithuanian was about to turn around, when he stopped in the midst of the movement. "He's... ok so far. He let me change the bandages yesterday. Don't worry about him... he's stubborn and... curls up when something like this happens. It's better not to bother him then..."

Gilbert looked to the side for a moment, then nodded. "I see... well... then let's go downstairs..."

None of the others had talked much to him these days. Raivis had ignored him completely, actually... he was bored, but even more he was curious.

But the only person, who'd be able to answer his questions, was Ivan...

Toris stopped in the hallway and pointed on a big box next to Gilbert's door. New black boots stood beside it. "These are your new clothes. Ivan wants you to wear the uniform when you leave this noon."

"A-ah...? To... ok?" He thought it was a bit... weird, but... Ivan would probably wear his, too, so...

"Understood. Should I try it on? I mean, now? Or... first breakfast?"

Sometimes he wasn't sure about the rules in this house...

Toris smiled soothing. "I guess you can take it slow and come eating first. It won't run away and the car is leaving at 11, so-"

"Feel free to try it on now," a voice came from behind them. Ivan had approached them quietly and stood just some meters away now, his left arm in a sling. He looked tired and pale, but his expression was… neutral.

Gilbert twitched a bit and turned around. "Ah...! Ivan...!" He smiled slightly. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. How's your head? I heard you didn't let the doctor look over it?"

"It was just a bump, nothing to fuzz over... what about you? Did YOU see a doctor?"

"I did long enough. It's just a scratch." He wasn't allowed to be weak. Not now, not any time soon...

Toris huffed very quietly at that.

Gilbert made a face. "It wasn't. But I guess you're old enough to live with your decisions..."

He looked at the package. "Well... I'll get changed then..."

"..." Ivan tilted his head just a little and just for a moment before he smiled brightly. "Yes, I am old enough. And yes, please. I like to see if it fits."

"Kay... I'll be back in a moment..." He took the package and went back into his room again. Sometimes Ivan was weird.

Toris was sent to prepare the rest of the breakfast while Ivan leant his back against the wall. Rubbing his hurting shoulder slowly he waited patiently.

With slow steps Gilbert left his room again. He didn't look up, his eyes fixed on the muddy grey of his uniform. Something... felt odd about this.

"Ah." Ivan came closer, a real smile on his lips. "It looks great on you. Fitting for a nation."

"You think so?" Gilbert looked up, his face... somewhat distant. "It... it fits well... I just... Don't know... the colour feels odd..." He smiled crooked. "Say... I... my old uniform... was it... was it blue?"

Blue felt right...

The smile crumbled slowly. Reaching out Ivan ran his fingertips over the smooth fabric and insignia of Gilbert's rank. "Yes, it was, but colours change with time."

"... probably..." he said lowly, his eyes following his movements. "Well... I... I'll change back then... so we can go to breakfast..."

The Russian's fingertips rested on Gilbert's chest, circling slowly the polished button right over his heart. "Why don't you leave it on? To get used to it..."

A shiver ran down Gilbert's spine. "Ah...? To... to breakfast...? I..." He bit his lip. "I... don't you think this is a bit overdressed?"

Violet eyes found red ones. "You're a proud nation. You are the commander of your own troops. You have every right to show all that whenever you want."

But I don't want to, he wanted to say, but something in Ivan's eyes made him shut up.

"... I... you're right..." He smirked a bit, but it came out crooked. "Well... then let's go downstairs..." he said and made a step backwards to escape from his fingertips resting on his heart.

Ivan's hand remained in midair. "You'll get used to everything and you'll be the proud nation again you used to be. You'll rise to new highs and together with the Union we'll give this world peace."

Gilbert looked at him, one second, two seconds, before he nodded. "Yes... peace sounds... sounds good for once..." He turned around, swallowing lowly. "The... the others are probably waiting, and I'm kinda hungry... will you... come with me?"

He observed Gilbert attentive, letting his hand finally sink. Was he scaring him? Scaring mighty Prussia...? No, not Prussia... but GDR.

"If you want me to."

"Yes. I..." Gilbert sighed and looked back at him over his shoulder, an honest smile on his lips this time. "These last days were pretty boring without you."

"... were they?" Smiling slightly Ivan stepped beside him, looking down the hallway. "I'm sorry, but I had lots of work. Let's go eat."

"And here I thought you were recovering from a bear attack..." Gilbert sighed. "You're a stubborn one... Yes. Let's go eat..."

He chuckled softly and shrugged with one shoulder. "That too..."

They spend the breakfast together and none of the Baltics dared to stare or ask questions. Somehow they managed to make everything feel perfectly normal. When they were done Ivan excused himself to get ready for the trip. It wasn't before the car turned up in front of the mansion that he came down from his room, dressed in his best uniform, the arm sling gone. He didn't look hurt anymore and he didn't let it show. Not on the way to the airport and not in the plane that brought Gilbert and him to Berlin.

They didn't talk much and Gilbert wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

He liked Ivan, kinda, but he was a strange man who wasn't easy to read...

When they landed and left the plane, Gilbert took a deep breath, looking around. This city... it felt good. It felt like...

"... home..." he whispered.

Ivan glanced at him from the corners of his eyes. He had asked not to be welcomed officially, wanting to walk with Gilbert through the streets instead. Many things had happened in this city during the last years and Ivan thought it was something to be proud of. Maybe, if Gilbert saw what had become of this, he'd accept his fate.

"Come. We have a meeting soon."

"Ah... yes..." Gilbert followed him, taking in everything he saw.

He remembered.

No specific things, but he... remembered. He remembered being here...

And something missing...

Something.

Someone...

It was important at least.

"Where will we go?" he asked, his heart trying to push him into certain directions.

"We'll go to meet some important people. There's a contract waiting to be signed." Ivan explained quietly, nodding every now and then at a passing Soviet soldier. They were still present in the streets. Brothers helping brothers...

"And you'll meet with your new boss afterwards."

"Ah... I see..." Gilbert didn't really listen. There was something about this city. Something IN this city.

Someone. Something. Something was calling out for him.

Without noticing he turned to walk into another direction.

"It's time. Also you should get to know your borders and how-" Ivan blinked and followed Gilbert, taking his hand. "Where are you going?"

Gilbert blinked and stopped. "A-ah... I... I don't know..." He looked at Ivan, then back to the street he had been heading for. "... I just... felt like... like I've known... I don't know..."

"Of course you know these streets. They're yours after all." His fingers curled tighter around Gilbert's hand. "You can roam around later, however down that street is the American sector and you've no passport to cross the border. We'll go wherever you want later."

"Ah, I... ok..." Gilbert seemed disappointed, looking into that direction with longing gaze. "Then... lead the way."

"..." He squeezed his hand carefully before he let Gilbert go again. "Come this way."

"Yes..."

Gilbert followed him, but every now and then he felt like... something was drawing him away. Every time, Ivan held him back, but... the feeling grew.

Ivan led him through the streets and they even crossed a narrow path, guarded and framed with barbed wire, until they ended up in front of a big office building. The soldiers guarding the doors saluted nervously and an equally nervous official came to greet them.

"They are waiting for you. All papers are prepared."

"Good. Tell them we're coming in a bit." Ivan gave back and watched how the man hurried away.

"Gilbert? We need to talk for a moment."

Gilbert blinked. "Huh? About what?" Somehow this whole scene made him a bit nervous.

"About you. You remember who you are, don't you?"

"I... I remember the name, but... I don't remember being GDR..." He bit his lip, looking at Ivan. "... Prussia... that's... that's my old name... right?" he whispered. "That's what Raivis called me..."

There was something sliding through Ivan's expression, but just for a moment.

"That is right. You've been Prussia once, but now you're GDR. You got a new chance to live. Otherwise you would have dissolved. You're a proud nation, back then and today. Remember that when we go inside. You're GDR and you'll rise to new strength. Maybe even to the point where you're just like before."

Gilbert wasn't sure what to think about this. So he just nodded and looked at the building. "... I'll rise to new strength..."

He felt like he had said this before, so many times, too many times, maybe.

"If you're unsure remember I'm here with you. We're family now. Da?" Smiling soothing Ivan patted Gilbert's shoulder before he led the way inside and to a large dim room.

As soon as the guard opened the door for them, a uniformed blond man rose from his chair, while the only other man inside remained sitting sloppily on his chair.

Gilbert entered after Ivan and his eyes met immediately with the blond soldier.

He stopped, staring at him with trembling gaze.

He had been the one... the one calling out for him.

His heart and head started hurting...

"U-uh..."

Ludwig gasped quietly in surprise. He had heard rumours but he hadn't expected that Russia would bring him to this meeting. The promise still rung in his ears. 'I'll care for him. With me he has a chance not to dissolve.' Russia hadn't lied...

"Alfred." The soothing smile on Ivan's lips was gone, replaced by a cold smirk. "I hope I didn't let you wait too long."

Alfred grinned widely, until he saw Gilbert behind him. The next moment he sat up, his face almost as cold as the Russian's. "Long enough, Russia." He stared at Gilbert. "... so the rumours are true... you kept him..."

Ivan didn't look over his shoulder, just kept on smirking. "What did you think would I do with him? Make him one with me? No... Every country needs someone to represent it and I'm happy to introduce you to the German Democratic Republic."

Gilbert just stared at the other man whose eyes were so similar to his.

When he heard his name, he snapped out of it and straightened his shoulders. "...! Yes!" Not very eloquent... but... he was still struck...

"German Democratic Republic?" Alfred laughed. "That's cute. Did you come up with that name?"

Ludwig's gaze went to Alfred and Ivan, trying to find out if it was alright to speak to his brother. He had waited and prayed for so long to see him again, but of course it was impossible right now to talk... He bit his lip, glancing at Gilbert.

Ivan shrugged lightly, holding out his good hand. "The people decided. This is a democracy after all. I'm just helping them out to get back on their feet." With that he came closer and let himself fall on his chair.

Gilbert didn't move at all at first. After a long time of hesitation, he followed Ivan, his gaze never leaving that blond man.

It hurt... why did it hurt so badly?

"Of course. A democracy." Alfred almost spat out that word. "You always think about your people first, don't you, Ivan..." He looked at Gilbert. "So... how do you feel, 'Democratic Republic of Germany'~? Last time I saw you, you looked even paler than today. I still feel disappointed that I couldn't witness you disappearing in front of my eyes..."

Gilbert gulped a bit, looking unsure to Ivan.

Why was that nation so hostile...? What had he done... when he had been Prussia?

Ludwig felt the tension inside of him and his hands shaking slightly. Clenching them to fists he tried not to show anything to America or Russia. He feared his brother would be ripped away immediately if he showed any emotion.

"Would you cut that bullshit you're always befouling your environment with? As you see GDR is fine and you'll be surprised how strong he has become." Ivan gave back coldly. That man made him angry... every time. "The past is in the past. Now shut up and give me that contract."

Alfred growled and got same papers. "As you wish, Russki. But I'll keep my eyes on you. AND him!" he said, pointing at Gilbert who twitched slightly.

"I-I... there's no need to...?"

Making a gesture to shut Gilbert up Ivan laughed at Alfred's growl. "So scared, oh mighty US of A? Didn't think you'd become this weak~"

Alfred's fist hit the table. "I'm not scared, nor weak, Russia" he hissed. "I just know what HE did. And I don't want that to happen again."

Gilbert bit his lip. "I'm sorry, whatever it was..." His eyes found Ludwig's again. He knew him. He... knew him...

"Uh..."

The smile vanished from Ivan's lips. "Gilbert, shut up. There's no need to apologize to a guy who pretends to be a hero while he's just a poor excuse of a dictator." Sitting up straight with an annoyed sigh Ivan leaned his arms relaxed on the table. "I said cut it, America. We're not here to discuss the war. Now give me that paper so I can quit looking at your baby face."

Gilbert bit his lip. He didn't like being talked to like that, but he didn't say anything about it. "... yes."

"There you go!" Alfred said and held out the papers. "Just sign it already and then leave. I don't want you on our side of this city!"

"Your side of the city?" Grinning Ivan pulled the paper closer, scanning it quickly. "Your side... in the middle of East-Germany. Are you sure you don't want to give us this nice little place? It's useless for you anyway."

Ludwig blinked and bit his lip harder.

"Definitely not!"

Gilbert blinked. "Wait... what? I thought... why his side?"

"Oh, didn't you tell him? You'll be his... what do you call that... 'Besatzungszone'? Sorry for my bad accent~"

"He's part of the Union." Ivan gave back. "And don't pretend Ludwig is anything else. It was you who wanted to split them up. Now don't pretend it was my idea."

"Split... split up...?"

 _NEIN! BRUDER!_ _LASS MICH LOS, VERDAMMTER SCHEISSKERL!_

"U-uh..." Gilbert held his head, memories flashing through his mind.

He saw himself; beat up just like everyone else, being dragged down a dark hallway, away, away from the blond soldier who was almost desperately shouting his name.

 _GILBERT! BRUDER!_

"B-Bruder...?" Ludwig was about to rush to Gilbert's side, but he stopped halfway. What was up with him? Why did he react like that? Had Russia hurt him?

Ivan sighed deeply. "Great, asshole. Thanks for giving him headaches. See what your bullshit talking mouth does to people? You better shut up."

"What?! It's probably your half-assed brainwash that damaged his head!"

Gilbert pressed his eyes shut.

 _DON'T HURT HIM! I BEG YOU, DON'T HURT HIM!_

It was his own, desperate voice, hoarse from screaming.

 _It's not his fault! That man manipulated him! Don't hurt him!_

"Uh..." Gilbert groaned as the memory of a fist hit him right into the stomach, just like back then.

 _Shut up, you German scum! You shouldn't worry about him right now, but yourself! We should kill you both, just like that, for what you did!_

"S-stop it..." Gilbert gasped, burying his fingers into his hair.

"Brainwash? Ha! I don't need such methods. Not like some other people in this room."

Ludwig couldn't hold back anymore. It was so long ago and Gilbert seemed to be in pain! With fast steps he was around the table ignoring what America or Russia would say. "Bruder!" he whispered, grabbing his shoulders. "What's wrong? Gilbert, Bruder!"

Gilbert didn't look up, tried to fight the pain, the memories.

Bruder...?

Brother...

I... have a brother...?

I have a brother...

His eyes widened and he cringed, gasping.

 _The state of Prussia, his central government and all subordinate authorities are hereby dissolved._

"AAAAAaaaghh..!"

"What's wrong? Gilbert!"

That bastard had hurt him! Ludwig was sure that Russia had hurt his brother somehow! Maybe America was right with saying he'd been brainwashed.

Wrapping his arms around his brother Ludwig held him tight.

Gilbert held his head, it hurt, his head, his heart, his chest, his body, his eyes! Memories were flashing in front of him; he heard voices, names, war, death.

Trembling he leant against the man with the broad shoulders.

"... Lud... wig..." he gasped, clinging with his other hand to his arm. "... Brüderchen..."

"J-ja... ich bin hier... ich bin hier, großer Bruder..." Ludwig whispered and pressed the trembling body tighter to himself. "Tell me what's wrong... let me help you... please..."

Alfred frowned. "Seems like your brainwashing is breaking down."

"It... it hurts..."

"Think whatever you want, I didn't brainwash him." Ivan growled back.

"Hurt...?" With wide eyes Ludwig looked up to the others. He knew he wasn't in the position to ask for favours, but he had to try. "Please, let me bring him to the sickroom! It's close by! He needs some rest!"

Alfred growled. "Don't ask for MY permission, he's HIS pet."

"For fuck's sake" Ivan hissed, glaring at the American. "Will you stop with your damn lies?!"

Ludwig looked back and forth between them. "R-Russia... Ivan, please!"

"Get lost, Ludwig! Before I rethink this shit!"

He didn't wait for more. Grabbing his brother Ludwig hurried out of the door and down the hallway. It was a bad idea to stand between America and Russia when they started fighting.

"All is fine, Gilbert... You're safe now..."

Gilbert groaned, his view blurred with more memories of war and pain and finally death.

"... I'm... dead..."

"No... no, you're not... it's alright! Just a moment!" Ignoring the people in the hallway Ludwig dragged Gilbert to a room. It was white, but empty, still left from the war when official buildings needed a room for the wounded. Letting Gilbert sit down on the field bed Ludwig kneeled down in front of him. "Bruder..."

Gilbert raised his gaze to look at him.

Worried blue eyes...

He had seen them before... years ago...

"... I... I died... I can remember it..."

"..." Biting his lip hard he looked up. "Yes... you did when they... dissolved you... But now you're alive again! I couldn't stop thinking about you! I prayed all this time!"

"..." Gilbert smiled weakly. "You look... good..."

He blinked and laughed then, half sobbing. "Don't make jokes, brother... How are you? Is the pain gone now...?"

"No... it... it hurts... I... I didn't remember, but... but now I do... slowly... I... uh..." He held his head again. "D-damnit.."

"You... you didn't remember...?" Reaching up Ludwig put a hand on his brother's hair. "So... so Alfred was right... he brainwashed you..."

"No, I... I woke up... and... and didn't remember anything..."

"You... you didn't? But now you do! You do remember... right?" Wrapping his arms around Gilbert's neck he pulled him into a tight embrace. "...I was so worried for you..."

"I... I think I do, yes..." Slowly he raised his arms to hug his brother. "Don't... worry about me... I'm the... the mighty Prussia... remember? No one can get me down..."

That made Ludwig laugh-sob once more. "That's right... no one gets my big... big brother down..." It was so long ago since they had been so close and for some time Ludwig hadn't even believed that Gilbert would come back. So he used the moment and didn't care to hold back. His brother was alive again... Gilbert was alive...

Slowly Gilbert began to stroke his back up and down. "Yes... so... no need to cry... you little baby..." he said with a smile, holding him tightly.

"... I missed you..."

It was sort of a lie because he hadn't remembered Ludwig until just now, but... it was also the truth.

"... I missed you too... I thought you wouldn't come back after... after what they did..." Ludwig whispered. "... I didn't believe his words... but you're here and... and all will get better again. Right?"

"... it has to..." Gilbert whispered, suddenly clinging to him. "... how are you...? Do they... treat you well...?"

"... I'm fine, brother... don't worry... They... the years after the war were hard but... now they treat me well... they even help me building everything up again... but I have to pay it back and all that was destroyed..."

"I see..." Gilbert said and closed his eyes. "... I'm glad they don't treat you badly though... When they separated us... I thought... I feared... I was happy to see you at the court back then..."

"... yes... I feared that too..." There was no need to speak that terrible thought out loud. "But they calmed down... I don't know why they hurt you instead... I... this was all my fault... it wasn't yours and still they... they... did that..."

"... don't blame yourself..." Gilbert whispered, stroking his back. "It was better this way... I had my time... my glory... I'm old, worn out and tired... But you... you're still young... you can still learn from your mistakes... you can still grow big..."

"... you're not old and worn out... don't say that, Gilbert..." Ludwig mumbled. "... you're wise and strong... I should have listened to you... instead I made so many mistakes. I... I'm not sure I want to be big... if they'll let me be big again..."

"You will... You'll be a big and healthy nation again, one I can and will be proud to call my younger brother..." Gilbert said calmly.

"..." Burying his face deeper on Gilbert's shoulder he remained quiet for a while. "... ok... with you I'll become big again... now that you're back, we... we'll make it happen..."

Gilbert smiled sadly. "... you heard what Alfred said... I'm... Russian territory now..." His grip tightened a bit.

Looking up Ludwig shook his head. "No... you have your own name. You're your own nation again. He's just... supervising you, just like America does with me. It'll get better!"

"... it's not my name..." Gilbert whispered, more to himself.

And he doubted it.

"Sure..." he said nevertheless. "I'm living on borrowed land..."

"..." Ludwig chewed on his lip. "... so what... at least you're alive... and that's what matters he most..."

"But it's YOUR land, Ludwig..."

"I don't care! As long as it means you can stay, I don't care, brother!"

"Calm down, Ludwig..." Gilbert said, stroking his hair. "I'm not... complaining. I just wish this wasn't necessary..."

"It doesn't matter. One day you'll get your land back and you can give me mine. All will be fine then. Until that happens we just have to endure this and..." He hesitated as a thought came to him. "Until then... you have to be careful... There are rumours about Russia..."

"... rumours?" Gilbert repeated and leant back a bit. "What... rumours?"

"That his boss is crazy and Russia is too... People said it got worse in the last years. At meetings... sometimes people from his house show up injured... Please be careful, brother."

"..." Gilbert thought about how Ivan had hit Raivis after he had called him Prussia. "... I will... don't worry... he won't bring me down.."

"Ok..." It was hard not to worry with all the things that were said about Russia's house, but they had no choice. "How... how did he treat you until now...?"

Gilbert smiled a bit weakly. "Good... he was friendly... actually... caring..."

"Maybe... it was because you didn't remember...?"

"... probably... he made sure none of the others called me by my old name... removed all the books I was able to read..."

Ludwig looked up with a frown. "... maybe he really tried to brainwash you..."

"Maybe..."

Maybe he tried to keep his house in peace...

Ivan knew him. He knew he'd fight...

"Don't... let him get you. Promise me, brother..."

Gilbert smirked at his younger brother. "Don't worry... no one will ever get me..." he said and held out his hand. "Promised."

Ludwig wasn't so sure, but he wanted to believe. Grabbing his brother's hand he clung to it. "Don't forget that promise..."

"I never forgot a promise..." Gilbert whispered and squeezed his hand. "You promise me to get strong again… ok?"

"Yes... I promise..." After so long Ludwig finally managed a little smile.

"That's the spirit..." He raised his head to the ceiling. "... do you think Russia and America killed each other...?"

Ludwig laughed quietly. "Wouldn't that be wonderful... but I fear we hope for nothing... Do you... have to go back?"

"Probably..." Gilbert sighed. "I don't know. Maybe... maybe not. I don't want to go back..."

"Then don't... stay here, brother. Your part of Berlin isn't far away. You don't have to stay in his house."

"I don't know if I have that choice..." Gilbert said lowly.

"Of course you have! This is your capital. He can't keep you away from here!"

There were noises outside. People ran past the room and talked upset.

Gilbert raised his head. "... something's going on..."

Ludwig looked up as well, before he got up. "I'll... have a look. Stay here. Ok?"

"..." Gilbert frowned a bit. "I'm not helpless, either, you know..."

His brother smiled crooked. "I know... but it's you who'll be dragged away... not me."

"... I won't let you go there alone..." Gilbert said and got up.

"..." Sighing quietly Ludwig gave in. "... when will I see you again?"

"I don't know... We'll see... I won't let him keep you away from me for too long."

"Alright..." If Gilbert was able to fight Russia...? Ludwig wasn't sure, so he took the chance and embraced his brother once more tightly.

Gilbert returned that embrace and took a deep breath. "... hab dich lieb, Brüderchen..." he mumbled, almost inaudible.

Ludwig's grip tightened at those words. "... ich hab dich auch lieb..."

"... komm... ab in die Höhle des Löwen..."

A last nod and Ludwig let go of his brother. Opening the door he glanced outside before he stepped out. An argument could be heard from afar. It seemed that America and Russia were still fighting.

"Seems like they still don't get along..." Gilbert mumbled and looked at Ludwig. "Shall we dare to take a look? Maybe they WILL kill each other..."

"That would be birthday and Christmas in one day." Still he nodded. There was no way around it. They couldn't escape.

Slowly they walked back, the argument getting louder and louder.

They were past staring and cold hisses already. Instead things were thrown. Normally Ivan wasn't that easy to take off his guard... not by Alfred at least, but this day wasn't normal.

He ducked under a pen flying his way, making his knuckles crack no matter how his arm hurt.

"You'll take that back now or I swear you can shove your contract somewhere the sun never shines, capitalist pig" he growled deeply.

Gilbert and Ludwig had reached the door just in that moment and Gilbert gasped. The room was a mess already. "Hey! Hey, stop fighting, goddamnit!"

"You stay out of this!" Ivan hissed without even turning around.

"Alfred!" Ludwig rushed to the American's side. "This is madness! Stop it."

Alfred pushed him aside. "For once I agree with that shithead, stay out of this!"

"I won't! This affects me as much as it affects you! You said yourself that we have to get on Russia's good side..." He said it audible on purpose, hoping, letting Russia know, would force America to calm down.

"Shut your mouth I said!" Alfred yelled at him. Looking weak in front of that Soviet asshole, that was nothing he was allowed to do now!

"Hey!" Gilbert said with a deep frown.

"What will your boss say?" Ludwig tried a bit quieter. He knew Alfred by now. Good enough to know how far he could go.

"Shut up, I said!" he screamed.

Ludwig was right and Alfred knew that, getting just angrier about it.

To Ivan he said: "Take your new pet and leave, before I forget my manners!"

"Manners?" Ivan laughed, straightening his back. "Which manners? You never had any." Leaning down he picked the contract from the ground and crumbled it in his fist. "This thing is cancelled. Congrats."

"What?! You can't just do that, Russki!"

Gilbert stepped closer and put his hand on Ivan's arm. "Calm down... Both of you! This is not how nations negotiate these things!"

"I can do many things, Fredka~"

Taking his arm back Ivan growled at the German. "Stay out of this, Gilbert. I won't say this once more."

"Ivan!", Gil tried again. "You're better than this! Better than HIM. Don't let him drag you down to his level!"

"Level? Which level?" Glaring at Alfred and Ludwig he threw the crumbled paper on the ground, flattening it under his boots. "The Soviet Union doesn't work with people who have none at all." And he turned around to go.

"..." Gilbert sighed deeply and stepped towards his brother. "... take care..." he said lowly, looking at him.

With a crooked smile Ludwig glanced at fuming Alfred and nodded then. "... you too... I'll write you..."

"GILBERT!"

Gilbert twitched a bit and frowned. "... see you... " And with that he turned around to follow Ivan with some distance.

Two sets of blue eyes followed them, worries in one pair and hate in the others.

Ivan didn't turn back to look if Gilbert was following, but he listened for his footsteps and walked faster. They passed confused and scared people trying everything to get out of Ivan's way. Just when they stepped out on the street again, Ivan stopped.

"You'll never... never interfere with something like this again."

Gilbert stopped behind him, his gaze firm. "You two behaved like little children."

"This is none of your concern." His voice was quiet and cold as ice when Ivan looked back over his shoulder. "I am the head of our family and if I tell you to shut up, you will shut up."

Gilbert bit his lip. "... like you told Raivis...? And everyone else to lie to me? Fine..."

"I told no one to lie. I told them not to call you by your old name."

"And to take everything that might remind me of it."

"What would it have helped you?" Finally Ivan turned around, fists clenched at his sides. "You didn't remember. Was I supposed to tell you what kind of war nation you've been? And what it brought you?"

"I was NOT a war nation!" Gilbert said with firm voice. "Not more than any of you others!"

"Fine! But what would it have helped to know that? See how stubborn you are! You would have never accepted your new life!"

"You're damn right, I'm not accepting it. Yet, I have to, right?! So, let's go 'home'."

"... Would you have preferred to die instead? To dissolve and never see your brother again?! Fine! Be ungrateful! You've always been. What the hell did I expect from you?"

"I've accepted the punishment I received! I accepted being doomed and being left behind for dying! Death doesn't scare me anymore! How is this better? A new name, my brother's land as mine... this isn't me anymore."

Ivan glared at him, feeling so unbelievable disappointed. "Fine. I'll give you my gun. Shoot yourself in the head and I'll take this land. I have no problems with that."

Gilbert frowned. "This is my brother's land, not yours...!"

"You slept through a lot, Gilbert. This world isn't the same anymore as it was before you died."

"... I know." Gilbert looked to the side.

He was a ghost...

"... let's... just go home..." he said, his voice calmer now. He was tired.

"... thank you for letting me see my brother..."

"Hmpf... It was a coincidence. I couldn't know he'd bring Ludwig along." However Ivan had hoped so. He never broke his promises... not without a good reason.

Turning around Ivan started to walk, not waiting for Gilbert anymore.

Gilbert hesitated a moment, looking back over his shoulder.

Ludwig...

He sighed and followed Ivan.

He didn't want to be ungrateful. He was alive. He had seen his little brother was ok...

But he was also a prisoner...

"... I still think this uniform would look better in blue..." he said lowly with the hint of a pout in his voice.

"Your army wears olive, but feel free to dye yours to whatever colour" Ivan gave back grumpily. "It's not like I'd care."

He was upset about the fight just minutes ago and he was just as tired as Gilbert. On top moving too much had hurt his chest and arm. Maybe he imagined it, but it felt like something sipped through his bandages.

Gilbert pushed his lower lip forward, not replying at all. He noticed his way of walking though.

"... you should see a doctor..." he mumbled.

"I don't need a doctor" he growled back. "It's a waste of time."

"You need one and even a blind person could see that! Goddamnit, you and your thick head! You'd heal much faster with a medic!"

"It's a scratch and I'm not weak. I won't let myself get down because of a damn scratch" Ivan gave back without stopping. Especially in this place he wasn't allowed to be weak. It'd heal by itself soon.

"... dämlicher Sturkopf..." Gilbert murmured and followed him, getting a bit closer now.

"Be glad I didn't hear that..."

They'd fly back home and there Ivan would take another break. Just sitting in his favourite armchair with some tea and vodka sounded like such a nice idea... With a sigh he closed his eyes, stumbling over a stone the next moment.

Gilbert blinked and out of reflex reached out to grab his arm to prevent him from falling.

Ivan hissed in pain as his hurt arm was pulled back, even if just slightly. Ripping it back he pressed it to his chest, feeling the pain running like waves through his shoulder and the rest of his body.

"Don't!"

Gilbert took his hand back quickly, biting his lip. "I just wanted...! Goddamnit. Whatever!"

What had he been thinking? Trying to help? Hah!

After that... things changed. Those nice evenings, when Gilbert and Ivan had sat together, talking about this and that, they stopped.

The meals got... a bit cooler, too. Gilbert didn't talk much, with no one.

He didn't want to be here, and even though Toris told him that it wasn't that bad, if he'd just be a bit more cooperative, he didn't want to pretend either.

He tried not to fight with Russia because after all he was thankful that he had kept him alive...

But every now and then it slipped through his lips.

"Are you trying to weaken me further?" he said when he entered Ivan's office, getting him his dinner since Raivis had been too afraid to do so. "Or why are your people taking down the factories in my place to rebuild them in yours?"

Ivan didn't even look up from his papers, when Gilbert entered. "I told you to knock" he said calmly but cold, putting a file away to take another. "And to answer your question: no. I don't."

"I did. You just didn't hear it." And he didn't really give him time to answer...

"So then why are you doing it? Letting it happen, I mean!"

Had Gilbert knocked? Ivan couldn't tell. The papers had taken all of his attention.

"There's nothing I can do against it. It's reparation. Beside you get new ones." It sounded like common business from his lips.

"..." Gilbert frowned and put down the tray on the table, maybe a bit louder than necessary. "Reparation... I see."

At the noise Ivan looked up. "Forgot what you and your brother destroyed on your Barbarossa trip?"

The German's frown got deeper and he looked to the side. "I tried to stop him from that... tried talking sense into his thickhead, but that asshole's power was too strong..."

There was regret in his eyes, the frown vanishing more and more, as he slowly turned around.

"... take the factories then... take everything. I guess it's my punishment for failing as a big brother." And with that he walked to the door.

It hadn't always been like that between them...

"Obviously you didn't try hard enough." He watched Gilbert's expression change, feeling the cold melting at the edges. Prussia had been punished for things not being his fault... but what could they do?

"Don't be stupid. It's the price you have to pay for existing. It will get better one day..."

Gilbert stopped. "... what was I supposed to do?" he asked lowly. "I had no power left. Only a brotherly bond that wasn't important anymore. With a boss that would've dissolved me himself if he could've done that, because I didn't match his beauty ideal." Gilbert laughed without humour.

"It's ok. I'm paying..."

Ivan sighed and crossed his fingers. "He didn't match that ideal either and stop taking the blame if you think you couldn't help it. Prussia would have never done that."

"..." Gilbert looked over his shoulder with a weak smile. "Well... I'm not Prussia anymore... right?"

"Sadly." He locked their gazes, searching the old fire, the refreshing will to defend himself Gil had shown just minutes ago. "But yes. You're GDR now. Will GDR turn out to be too weak to live on his own one day?"

"... tch. As if I'd wanted to be dependent on you for the rest of my life. You wish!" Gilbert growled.

This new identity... the lost memory... he still felt weird from time to time... as if he wasn't himself anymore... almost schizophrenic.

"Is that thought so bad?" Ivan smiled humourless. "Beside just a moment ago you agreed to pay whatever you have to. I could take everything from you and you'd have to stay forever."

"I guess if that's the case, I can just kill myself right away, right? Then you'll get all the land and people and stuff without having to feed me through" Gilbert replied coldly.

For some reason Ivan felt offended by his words. Glaring up at Gilbert he just stared for a moment before he opened a drawer of his desk and took a revolver out. Putting it on his papers he shoved it over. "If you feel like it."

Gilbert turned around, his expression confused, sceptical. "... you serious...?" he asked, looking for a trick in this.

"Are you serious?" Ivan leaned back in his chair, crossing his fingers on his stomach. "I won't hold you back right now."

Gilbert frowned and took the weapon. "..." Raising his hand he aimed for Ivan's head. "... it would be easy..." he mumbled.

Ivan didn't flinch nor blinked. Unmoved he looked right into the barrel, wondering... listening.

But then Gilbert closed his eyes. "But that's not my style... and it would bring just more chaos..."

He took a step backwards, raising the gun to his head. "Sorry that your work was for nothing..." Again he closed his eyes, suddenly his face so peaceful. "... I'm glad though... even though I didn't remember a thing, I guess I enjoyed the time with you. A bit. Just like back then..."

It would be better this way. Ivan... his boss... they'd take everything after all, slowly bringing decay to him, until he'd die anyways.

He was tired...

His finger curled around the trigger.

Then there was an empty click.

No shot was heard and nothing happened.

Slowly Ivan stood up.

Gilbert opened his eyes, staring into nothingness. Then he started laughing, lowly first, then louder.

"Hah... hahah... HAHAHAH!" With a thump the gun fell to the ground. "... how cruel you are..." Gilbert said, covering his eyes with one hand.

Of course... he should've known it...

"... how stupid you are..." Ivan whispered, coming around his desk. The next moment a hand landed right in Gilbert's face. Not very hard, not as hard as it could've been, just hard enough to be felt.

"... giving up everything you fought for... suffered for..."

For a moment, Gilbert didn't move. Then his eyes found Ivan's. "What I fought for? Suffered for?! There's nothing left! My land is not mine anymore! My people had to leave their homes! Everything? WHAT is everything? Everything I have is borrowed from my brother and ruled by you!"

"It's better than nothing. You're not the only one in that situation and do you see them whining? No. You have your life! You have..." He bit his tongue. This wasn't the right moment. "You have everything you need to rise to new highs again."

"Oh, sure. So, assuming that you LET me rise again at all, what for? So Alfred can dissolve me once again? He seemed pretty determined about that! Since I'm such a... what did you call me? War nation!"

"You're not Prussia anymore" Ivan growled, getting tired of this discussion. "Don't you see that you got a new chance? That you got the chance and resources to do everything again and make it better? Grow big enough that America is afraid of you! And if you can't do it alone remain a part of the Union because we can do it together for sure."

"You're right, I ain't Prussia anymore! I-" He blinked, looked at him, then to the side. "Yeah, together like the happy little family we are, right? Tch."

Together with Russia... they had tried many times in history, but it never was for long...

Ivan narrowed his eyes. "I try at least, Gilbert... I try to make this family happy. Make /everyone/ happy. It's not easy and it will take time, but in the end everyone will be and we'll be glad we went through everything to make it happen."

"You're a fool, Ivan. You've always been. Don't you see they're all afraid of you?! They'll never be the happy family you wish for!"

"It needs fear!" he thundered. "It needs obeying! Humans are like wolves! They need a leader who keeps them in place or they'll rip each other apart! Nations aren't any better and you know that!"

"No, Ivan!" Gilbert replied, his voice raised, too. "It needs respect to lead them, if you want them as your subordinates. And if you want them as your family, it needs love. So, tell me, how do I fit into your precious family? I'm not loved, I don't respect you and like hell I'd fear you! So, what now?"

"Don't you think I tried all that? It never worked..." Ivan hissed, picking the gun from the ground. Weighting it in his hand he looked down on it, trying to keep his anger low. "And I didn't choose to be in this place. It just happened." Looking up again he pinned Gilbert with his glare. "You're too blind to see... but you have your place here. You will fit in once you understand."

"Understand? Understand what?!" Gilbert asked angrily. He really wasn't in the mood for these kind of games!

"That you have no other choice! That you're in a so much better place than many others. That you're loved and you're just afraid."

"What?" Gilbert snorted. "I don't know what you're talking about! I'm not afraid! Afraid of what?! And loved? By whom?! You're talking bullshit!"

"You're afraid of what you became, of the future. Just minutes ago you wanted to shoot yourself." He held the revolver out for Gilbert to see, the barrel open. There was one bullet in it and it would have been the next. "And if I'm talking bullshit... you can leave now."

Gilbert stared at him, his fists clenched, biting down on his lower lip.

"...!" His eyes found the bullet. "You...!"

Ivan was right.

He was afraid of what he had become. A shadow of what he had been once... more dead than alive.

"So... so what? Fortuna loves me because she spared my life?" he then said with voice trembling with anger and ... something else.

Calmly the Russian closed the barrel again and put the revolver back on his desk. It hadn't been planned. He hadn't remembered in which place the bullet had been left, but he was glad it hadn't been in Gilbert's hand.

"Fortuna is a myth. A fairytale for children. You are your own Fortuna. Prussia rose with hard work and if there's still some Prussian blood left in you... you can do it again."

"Why... do you keep telling me that...?" Gilbert asked, his voice calmer now, lower.

He remembered what Raivis had said.

"I'm your prisoner... your subordinate... Just like the others. Why would you want me to rise again...? To be strong enough to be independent from you?"

"Prisoner...? No. No one is a prisoner here. Everyone is free to leave... however everyone is too weak right now to survive on their own. Maybe one day..." The sentence faded into nothing, being replaced by a blank smile. Ivan had thought about this as well many times, but he had never found a satisfying answer.

"Maybe I miss fighting you. Maybe I looked up to you and your kings a long time ago. I never wanted you to be dissolved. My people always looked up to your strength."

Gilbert listened to his words and they made him fall silent. He lowered his gaze for a moment, then closed his eyes. "You're such a weirdo..." he said lowly, but his voice was free of insult. "I guess... even longer ago it was... just the other way around."

"..." That made Ivan chuckle softly, remembering the old days. "Just because you had no idea how ice and snow worked and I had to explain... You've been easily impressed back then."

"What! That's not true! My home was cold, too! Maybe not as cold as yours, but..." He pouted. "That damn lake. You mean THAT story, right?"

Now Ivan couldn't help but laugh. "Of course I mean that story. You should have seen your face~"

How easy it was to slip from anger to friendly teasing... It worked with Gilbert and no one else.

"Goddamnit, I was still a dumb kid, stop laughing at me!" Gilbert pouted, pushing against his shoulder. "If it hadn't been like that, I would've kicked your ass...!"

"Of course you would have..." His laugh faded but a small smile remained on his lips. "That's the fire I miss to see in you."

"..." Gilbert looked to the side. "Fighting changed since then... it's not the same. I'm not made for modern weaponry... I guess I sound like the barbarian America sees in me, but I like looking at my opponent while fighting..." He sighed, then looked at Ivan. "I'd fight you every time, though. Just because." He smirked. "You always gave me the best fights."

Ivan sighed and shook his head. "Stop listening to America. He's an idiot..." Maybe Gilbert was right and he just wasn't made for this time. Things had changed. The world had changed... It wasn't so easy anymore and it made Ivan's chest tighten up. Still he smiled for the last part. "I take that as a promise then. One day we'll fight again."

It made Gilbert grin widely. "For sure. And I'll show you what it means to fight Prussia! I've learnt quite a bit since then!"

He wasn't Prussia anymore. But for now... he pretended to be.

"We'll see, Prussia."

"Goddamnit. How can you be such a pain in one moment and ... well. THIS in the other!"

Ivan lifted an eyebrow, not sure if to grin back or feel slightly offended. "I've no idea what you're talking about. I'm always like this~"

"Oh yeah? I'm pretty sure you know exactly what I'm talking about!" Gilbert still grinned. He wouldn't admit it, but he loved this...

Tapping his finger against his lips, Ivan pretended to think hard with an innocent smile. "Hmm... no. I've no idea. Enlighten me or I'll die stupid~"

* * *

 _Translation:_

 _Besatzungszone – occupation zone_

 _lass mich los, verdammter Scheißkerl - leave me be, damn bastard_

 _Brüderchen - little brother_

 _ich bin hier - I am here_

 _großer Bruder - big brother_

 _hab dich lieb - love you (used for family and close friends)_

 _komm - come_

 _in die Höhle des Löwen - into the cave of the lion_

 _dämlicher Sturkopf - stupid blockhead_


	5. GDR

_Authors' note:_

 _We like to take a moment to thank you all for following, faving and reviewing this story! We hope you'll go on liking it ~_

 _Comments and favs are very much appreciated. =D Tell us, what you think. We love to read your thoughts about this._

 _at Kira Desuke: your kokoro doesn't have to worry. yet =)_

* * *

 **GDR**

The days passed calmer after that conversation but Gilbert kept on picking some fights. Ivan took it as it was; knowing the former Prussian couldn't help it. Beside he had told him to fight. It was a nice change as long as it weren't serious fights. They even got less with time.

But Ivan didn't notice that. His workload increased with every passing week and he often stayed in his office and worked for hours, through lunch and dinner until late at night.

Gilbert tried to ignore it at first. That nagging feeling inside him...

But it got worse, became an ever-present throbbing that turned into pain every now and then. He got weaker...

Some days it was better than others, some days it was worse.

One day he broke a glass while helping Toris with the dishes, just because his fingers weren't able to hold it anymore. Toris got alarmed, but Gilbert made sure he'd shut his mouth. That it was nothing. Just a cramp...

That morning Ivan was late for breakfast. He had worked until the sunrise, finishing a report that was due that day. So he took his time in the bathroom, knowing the others would wait with eating.

Down at the dinner table the Baltics gave each other glances. "I'll go and get Gilbert. Ivan will be mad if he doesn't come." Toris said after a while of absolute silence and got up to climb the stairs and knock at Gilbert's door.

Gilbert blinked. "U-uh..." Slowly he raised his head from under the blanket. He was cold.

"Who...? What... what time is it?" he asked with tired voice, looking at the clock.

Toris blinked and leaned closer to the door so he wouldn't have to shout. "It's me. Toris. It's past 8. Breakfast is ready, Gilbert. Are you alright?"

"Ah... I... I slept in..." Gilbert mumbled and sat up with some difficulties. "I... I'll be down in 5 minutes... go... I don't want you to get... in trouble because of me..."

The room was spinning. This wasn't a good sign. Maybe he was getting sick...?

"..." Toris hesitated and glanced down the hallway. "Ok... but hurry. You know how he is. Yes? We're waiting for you."

"Yes... I'll be down... no worries..." He rubbed his eyes, groaning slightly.

He felt cold, yet he felt like he was breathing too warm air, not getting enough oxygen from it.

Toris remained another moment at Gilbert's door, before he turned around and went to leave. He knew Ivan had worked long and probably not gotten enough sleep. He'd be hard enough to handle...

"Gilbert slept in." he informed his brothers downstairs and was just about to sit down, when Ivan showed up.

"Good morning. Is breakfast ready?"

"A-ah!" Toris twitched a bit, but smiled at him. "Yes, it's... it's ready...!"

Upstairs Gilbert leant on the mattress and shoved his legs out of the bed.

He felt tired... so tired...

No...

Weak.

He could hardly move at all, it was painful and exhausting and not being able to breathe properly didn't help one bit...

He took a sort of deep breath and pushed himself from the bed, just to stumble when his knees gave in under him and he found himself on the floor the next moment.

"That's good. Thank you." Ivan sniffed the air, taking in the wonderful smell of fresh coffee, while his eyes slid over the table. Everything seemed ready.

"Where's Gilbert?"

"...!" Toris looked at the others and back at Ivan, trying to smile reassuringly, soothingly and apologizing. "He... he overslept, but... he said he'd be down in a few minutes...!"

Please don't get mad...!

Gilbert tried to push himself up, but failed. He managed to pull himself about 50cm with his arms before he lost his strength in them, too.

"D-damn..." His voice was breaking as he let his head sink down on the floor again.

"Overslept?" Ivan sighed annoyed. "Who worked all night? He or me?" He didn't want an answer to his question. He just sat down and grabbed the coffee can with a quiet growl. "We'll wait with eating some more minutes..."

"O-okay!" Toris sat down and looked at his dish in silence.

Gilbert curled up, gasping for air.

Help... help me...! Someone...

His fingers were curled around his shirt, his heart was aching.

It felt like on that day...

Will I... dissolve now...?

A weak smile curled his lips.

Sorry, Ivan... I... didn't want to be... ungrateful...

The minutes passed slowly like a fly caught in honey. No one seemed to dare and say a word while Ivan drank his first cup of coffee and soon enough the second. His head hurt from too few sleep and just the day before he had had another little argument with the German. Nothing serious of course. More of a teasing game; still he could imagine Gilbert pouting.

Slamming his hand flat on the table Ivan got up again, all patience gone. "For fuck's sake..." he growled and stomped upstairs, banging against Gilbert's door.

Tired eyes searched for the door. "... h... ilfe..." he whispered, his voice too much trembling to be heard at all. His hand reached out a bit before it hit the floor again as another wave of pain went through his body.

"... van..."

"Gilbert!" Once more Ivan slammed his fist against the wood. "I've no idea why you're pouting but I know you're there! We won't start eating before you come down, but I'm very hungry and very impatient right now! So come out or I'll come in!"

"I... v... van...!" Gilbert pressed out through gritted teeth. "H... help..."

Help me...! It hurts... I don't want to die like this...!

"Gilbert, I-!" Ivan blinked. He thought he had heard something inside. Was this a game? Was Gilbert making fun of him? He was not in the mood for such things...

Growling lowly he pushed the door handle down and had a curse ready on his tongue, when his gaze fell upon the other man on the floor.

"Gilbert!"

Gilbert tried to smirk, but failed badly. "... h...elp..."

Ivan was on his knees beside him the next moment, pulling him up into his arms. "What's wrong with you? You're cold..." Ivan could feel that, even through Gilbert's pyjamas. "What happened?"

Gilbert pressed his eyes shut and groaned slightly. "A-ah... it... it hurts..." he gasped, looking at him with tired eyes. "Dunno... I... can't ... can't move... breathe..."

"..." He bit his lip, brushing a hand through white hair to check for Gil's temperature. "Stay calm... I'm here now. You'll get better fast." With all care he could manage Ivan picked Gilbert up and put him back on his bed, before he hurried to the door.

"TORIS! We need a doctor! Now!"

Toris heard him shout and immediately grabbed the phone. "W-what happened?"

"Just do it!" There was no time to explain. Rushing to the window Ivan opened it wide, letting fresh and cool air in, before he hurried back and pulled the blanket over Gilbert's body.

"You need to concentrate on breathing, Gil." Taking a cold hand he leaned over him. "Look at me."

Gilbert took a moment to finally turn his head and look at him with tired eyes. "... feels... like dying... back then..." he said. "Don't... wanna..."

"Dying...? No, you won't die. I won't let you die..." Ivan whispered, squeezing his hand a little. "Maybe you feel like this... because your people leave... because they don't identify with you yet... but they will soon. You have to stay strong. You promised me, Gilbert."

"... I... I can't breathe... Ivan..." Gilbert's hand trembled in his as he tried to squeeze it back. "I'm so tired right now..."

"You can... you have to try." Putting his free hand on Gilbert's cheek Ivan leaned a bit closer. He barely felt the other's breath on his face. "Calm. In and out... come, Gil. Breath with me... in and out..."

Red eyes met violet as Gilbert tried to concentrate on the other's voice. "Ah... hn..." His breathing was low and short, faster than Ivan's words. But he tried.

"You can do it... Slowly, Gil. You'll hyperventilate like this..." All anger had faded. Now just worries were left. Ivan knew it would take some time for the doctor to reach them, until then he had to make sure Gil wouldn't get hurt any more.

"Shh... calm down..." he mumbled, caressing a cold cheek.

The German closed his eyes, concentrating fully on the other's voice.

"... your hand... 's warm..." he mumbled between two hasty breaths.

The Russian couldn't help a tiny smile. "That's because you're cold... Are you freezing? I can get you another blanket."

"... a bit..." he replied, his body shivering slightly as if to emphasize his words.

"Alright... I'm back in a second." He didn't want to let go of the shaking white hand, but Ivan had to. Getting up he took another blanket from the wardrobe and wrapped it around Gil's body.

"How is it now...?"

"..." Gilbert smiled weakly at him. "... better..." After a short pause he said: "You thought... I'd still... be pouting...?"

Ivan smiled crooked, sitting back on the edge of the bed. "I know your blockhead. I wouldn't have been surprised to be honest... Why didn't you tell Toris you don't feel well?"

"... Didn't... feel that bad... just... tired..." Gilbert replied.

He sighed softly, brushing his fingers again through white hair. "For how long now? Did it start just this morning...?"

"..." Gilbert looked to the side, his breath steadying a bit now. "... no..."

"... damn blockhead..." The soft expression turned into a half-angry frown. "Why didn't you tell someone? What if I hadn't come to look for you this morning? Stupid..."

"... I thought... it would go away... again..." Gilbert replied lowly.

"Stupid German..." Leaning in he blew a kiss on Gilbert's cold forehead. "It will go away... but there's no need to suffer. The doc will come in a bit and have a look at you. Then you can rest. Ok?"

Gilbert blinked a bit at that kiss, but then smiled. "... ok..." He closed his eyes, still trembling slightly. "... sorry... for making trouble yesterday..."

"Forget about it... I understand now, that you didn't feel good. But next time tell me." With another sigh he felt him tremble under his hand. "Still cold? Come here..." Kicking his house shoes off Ivan climbed on the bed and lay down beside him, pulling him into a soft embrace.

Gilbert's eyes widened a bit as he felt the warm body next to him. "... y-you...-" he whispered, feeling the warmth coming back slowly.

"... don't think anything of this... I just want you to get warm again." Ivan gave back, just as quietly.

It felt good holding him... How long had it been that he had held Prussia like this? Always just for a night or some hours, but Ivan remembered each time.

"... spasibo..." Gilbert mumbled, closing his eyes again. "... breathing... is better now..."

"That's good..." His hand wandered up to rest on Gilbert's chest to feel for the rhythm and the intensity of his breaths. "You can sleep a bit if you're tired. I'll take care of you."

"... what about... the others..." Gilbert said lowly.

"They are not sick. They can care for themselves for a while."

"That's... not what I meant... what... will they think if..." Gilbert closed his eyes, taking another deep and painful breath.

"Hm..." Ivan looked up to the ceiling, staying quiet for a moment. "Probably nothing... They know I care for my family. I'd do the same for them..."

"... I see..." Gilbert wouldn't admit it, but he felt a bit... disappointed.

Still he leant a bit more into the embrace, taking in the warmth.

There was something in Gilbert's voice that hadn't been there before, but Ivan didn't want to ask. Not now. The German needed warmth and Ivan was glad to give it. Tightening his embrace a little bit more he buried his nose in soft white hair. "Now sleep..."

A soft shiver ran down the German's spine as he felt the warm breath against his skin.

"... make... make sure, I won't... stop breathing... will you?" he whispered.

"I promise... you'll wake up again... and I'll be there to wish you a good morning."

"Hm..." Gilbert smiled slightly. "... ok then..." He closed his eyes and nuzzled a bit into the embrace. "... thank you... Ivan..."

"Sleep, Gil... and get better..." Ivan gave back quietly, blowing another kiss between white bangs.

... I'm here... I won't let you die again. One time was enough...

Would you kiss the others, too...? Gilbert wanted to ask, but decided not to do in the end.

He didn't want to know.

For now... he just wanted to sleep...

And right now... he didn't care if he didn't wake up anymore... it was warm like this and that was enough for him.

Watching him rest Ivan felt his mind racing. He had heard of the problems on the german-german borders. He had also heard of the people leaving, not even being afraid of getting shot... but he hadn't thought it would affect Gilbert so much. Why hadn't he mentioned before that he felt bad...?

Ivan chewed on his lip, caressing the other's hair thoughtful. He'd have to make a call as soon as the doctor would arrive... or if someone took the duty to watch over Gilbert for a moment.

There was a soft knock on the door. "... I... I called the doctor" Toris said without entering. "He'll be here in a few minutes..."

"Good. Spasibo..." Ivan lifted his head and hesitated. "Toris? Come here please."

"..." Toris bit his lip and entered slowly. His gaze wandered over Ivan, then the pale German. "... how... how is he...?"

"It seems bad... He has problems breathing and is all cold." Sighing he looked down on that grey pale face. „Did you notice he didn't feel well?"

"..." Toris chewed on his lower lip. "The... the other day he... a glass slipped from his fingers... they were trembling, but... when I asked him, he said it was just a cramp... I... I should've... I'm sorry. I can't read him very well... I wasn't sure if he was serious or not."

"So you did notice..." Ivan felt anger rising in his chest, fuelled by the worries and the cold he still felt in his arms. However...

"It's not your fault. He's stubborn and would have never told anyone... But next time I want to be informed. No matter who feels unwell. No matter if it's him or you or anyone else. Understood?"

Silently, Toris nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't think too much about it... it won't happen again."

"I hope so. I'm responsible for you all. I don't want to find one of you dead one morning..." Sitting up slowly, letting Gil slip carefully from his arms, Ivan stood up. "Do me a favour and have an eye on him. I need to make an important call."

"A-ah. Yes... of course." Toris stepped to the bed, looking down on Gilbert. "I'll... call you if anything happens..."

"Good. I'll hurry." Reaching out Ivan's fingertips ran once more over Gilbert's hair, before he turned to leave. However when he passed Toris he stopped once more and pulled the other's head against his shoulder.

"I trust you, Toris" he mumbled before he left the room.

Toris blinked, then bit his lip a bit. "I... I know... don't worry... I'll take care..."

At first Ivan walked fast, but not a moment later he fell into a run to reach his office. He'd have to travel to Berlin and speak to people in charge. With all the people leaving, Gilbert wouldn't survive for long... And here he had thought he'd done them all a favour.

Ripping the telephone up he waited for the woman on the other end to answer. "Berlin, Soviet Headquarter. The highest ranked official."

After a few minutes, a shiver went through Gilbert's body.

"Hn..." His face went from relaxed to pained again and the next moment he opened his eyes tiredly.

"... van...?"

Toris had sat down on a chair, but when he noticed the change he got up again.

"Ah... Ivan had to make a call..." he explained quietly, watching the pale face worried. "He's back in a bit..."

"... I... see..." Gilbert sighed, his chest felt so tight. "Are there... any blankets left...? I'm freezing..."

"Blankets? Yes, I... wait, I'll have a look." Toris searched in the wardrobe for more. Every bedroom had several spare blankets for the winter. It wasn't unusual for the heaters to freeze at times, so he did find two more and brought them back. "Here..."

Gilbert smiled tiredly. "Thanks... Don't remember being... this cold before..." He faltered. "... oh... yes... one time..."

"Hm? What time...?" Carefully he tugged Gilbert in, wondering when the doctor would finally come.

"I fought... Ivan... and... fell into a lake..." He chuckled weakly. "Guess he told that... that story some times... he likes... making fun of... of how I failed back then..."

Toris frowned a little, trying to remember. "Oh... oh, yes. He did tell that story, but that's ages ago... Didn't his boss and he tell you not to shoot on the frozen lake?"

Gilbert frowned a bit. "S-shut up... I was still young and stubborn..."

And maybe a bit stupid.

Toris smiled. "We all were back then and we all made mistakes. Even Ivan..."

"Well... he made the mistake of... saving me... twice by now... and in the end... he'll lose that game anyways..." Gilbert said with a weak sigh.

"... don't say that... at least not when he hears you." Toris gave back, suddenly very quiet. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Ivan wasn't standing in the door. "If you don't want this, I understand you... if it's time for you to dissolve... we have to accept... but don't tell him. He favours you and believe me... you don't want to fall in disgrace."

Gilbert turned his head to look at him. "Why... 's that so...?" he asked, his voice low. If from weakness or being lost in thoughts, couldn't be told.

"He's a child, Gilbert... a big child..." Toris whispered. "He can be sweet and caring and the most thoughtful guy in the world... but he's also under big pressure..." Once more he glanced over his shoulder. "He's not right in his head sometimes... and he'll punish everyone... even you if he thinks it's the right thing to do..."

"... I'm not afraid of him..." Gilbert said lowly, closing his eyes again. "Never was... If he... does so, I'll fight back..."

"That will just make it worse... Gilbert, don't be stupid. This won't go on forever. I've been through this before... Ivan will fall under all the pressure and then we'll be free again, but until then... Don't fight back. I beg you."

"... you were such a fighter... when you were young..." Gilbert's voice was trembling, speaking was so exhausting. "What happened to you...? I'll never... hold back... like this... this is just... not me..."

"..." Toris bit his lip and looked away. "Times have changed... I was big once but things got lost. I learned to fight in secret. Fighting openly... doesn't help anymore. You should think about it, Gilbert."

"I guess... you've always been... the brighter one of us... Hn..." He curled up a bit. "... d-damn..."

"Maybe..." Toris blinked. "Gilbert? Gilbert, what's wrong?"

"It... it hurts..." Gilbert gasped. "I... hn... c-can't breathe..."

Looks like he wouldn't be able to fight much at all.

"N-no!" Toris felt panic growing in his chest. "Gilbert, you have to... to calm down! Breathe slowly!"

"... 'm... trying..." he said, curling up a bit more. "But... it hurts... I... hn..." He dug his fingers into the blanket, teeth gritted, trying to calm down. "H-ha...!"

"W-Where? Where does it hurt?!" He grabbed Gilbert' shoulders, trying to find a hint on what to do.

Gilbert rolled on his back, hands clinging to his shirt now, right above his heart. "... h-help..." he gasped, trying to catch some air, failing badly. "Hn... a-ah...!" His breathing was short, not regularly anymore. "Hgh!"

He twitched, tensed, then suddenly relaxed again. For a moment it seemed like the pain was gone, but then the hard gasping had disappeared as well and left Toris in cruel silence.

Toris wasn't sure what to do. Making sure Gilbert didn't cramp. Making sure he wouldn't suffocate on his tongue. Yes. All that and more. All that and-

"... no..." The sudden silence hurt. Wide eyes stared on the unmoving man. "Nononono! Gilbert!" Leaning over him, pressing his ear on the German's chest Toris searched for a heartbeat. "Don't do that! Don't do that!"

His heart was still beating, lowly, weakly. But his chest wasn't moving.

"Don't do this, Gilbert... don't do this!"

"What's going on here?!"

Toris shot around, staring fearful and full of panic at Ivan standing in the door. "He's not breathing anymore! But he's still alive!"

A curse on his lips Ivan rushed to the bed and pushed Toris away. He didn't care that it was too hard and he didn't care that Toris fell to the ground. Just Gilbert counted.

"Come on! Breathe, Gilbert!" He grabbed the pale chin, even slapped his cheeks to get a reaction.

But Gilbert didn't react at all...

"H-he needs... CPR... Ivan...! The... the doctor should be here any moment...!"

"Get him! Get him now!" Ivan didn't hear his own voice, just the blood rushing through his ears.

GDR... Prussia... Gilbert... he couldn't let him die! Not again!

Closing pale lips with his own, holding the other's nose closed, Ivan blew precious air into Gilbert's lungs. Again and again, before he changed to press on his chest in a panicked rhythm. "Breathe, goddamnit!"

Toris bit his lip and stormed out of the room. What was he supposed to do? If the doctor wasn't here yet, how was he supposed to get him?

"You're not gonna die under my hands, Beilschmidt! Not once more!"

It didn't work... it didn't work! Ivan knew he had to stay calm, but he got faster with every passing moment. Blowing air into his lungs, pressing on his chest, air, chest, air, chest! Ivan had fought in wars and seen and done terrible things, but now he felt his eyes burn.

"Goddamn, Gil! Wake up!" he begged and locked their lips once more for new air.

The next moment, Gilbert tensed up, rolled over to his side and started coughing, gasping for air. "Ah! HNG! Hah, ah...!" His voice was hoarse, trembling, breaking every now and then when the struggle to get precious oxygen into his lungs got too much.

"Yes! Yes, like that!" Ivan smiled breathless but relieved, helping Gilbert to stay on his side. Rubbing his back he leaned closer, searching for any sign of his state getting worse again. "Breathe, Gilbert. Breathe."

Gilbert tensed up, cringed, still coughing and gasping. It hurt, but it was also so good...

"Hah... I... Ivan..." he pressed out between the gasps. "D-damnit... ah.."

"I'm here... I'm here, Gil..." It seemed over for the moment and relieved Ivan wrapped him in a tight embrace, pressing his face against Gilbert's pale neck. "... good morning, you damn German idiot..."

Gilbert didn't react at first, just trying to catch his breath. But then he leant his head a bit against Ivan. "... 't hurts... breathing... hurts..."

"... it'll get better... I promise it will..." Ivan mumbled, placing a kiss on cold skin. "... I spoke with your boss... they'll find a way... then you'll get better..."

"A... way..." Gilbert whispered. "Hm..." He didn't seem too sure about this, but he leant into the touch anyways.

"... thanks.."

"... don't thank me, just save your breath..." Looking up Ivan searched red eyes. "You need your breath... I'll make sure it'll never stop again..." And he leaned in to close Gilbert's lips with his own once more.

Gilbert blinked, his eyes widening a bit.

Was he... still seeping? Still dreaming?

"Hm..." After a moment he leant back, his gaze trembling. "What... are you doing...?" he whispered.

This... wasn't supposed to happen. They left this behind... so many years, centuries ago...!

And still Gilbert remembered Ivan's taste. It had been different from now, not tinted with Vodka, but a bit colder... like snow.

"..." For a moment Ivan held his gaze, wondering if this had been wrong after what just happened. But it had felt right. Even when it had been to get oxygen back into Gilbert's lungs and when panic had clouded his mind his lips on Gilbert's had felt right. Like so long ago.

"... CPR..." he mumbled finally. "... making sure you don't stop breathing again."

"I'm... not sure if that's... how this works..." Gilbert whispered, but a weak smirk curled his lips. "... but you get... a point for trying..."

"... it's called shock-therapy, I guess..." Ivan gave back with a little smile and held Gilbert tight to his body.

Gilbert sighed and leant a bit against him. "I'm so tired..."

Once more Ivan's fingers found the way into soft, white hair. "I know... but stay with me just a little bit longer... The doc should be here any second. He'll help you..."

"Hm..." Gilbert mumbled. "I still don't... think this is..." He shook his head. "Never mind..." With a sigh he closed his eyes. "I don't know if... he can help me at all..."

"Of course he can... He can give you painkiller and make sure you get enough oxygen. You just have to hold your head up for some days... maybe a week. We already work on helping you."

Gilbert sighed a bit. "... I'll try... promised, I'll try, Ivan..."

"I know..." he mumbled, nuzzling against him. "You don't want to die... right? There are so many nice things left to do... to see..."

"I..." he began and shut his mouth again. After a moment, he shook his head. "I ... I don't want to die... not now... not like this at least..."

"..." Ivan sighed deeply. "That's at least something, I guess... So I don't have to worry at the moment? I really don't want to. I do care…"

There were fast footsteps in the hallway outside and the next moment Toris knocked at the open door.

"I... I know..." Gilbert whispered. When he heard the knock, he raised the head a bit.

"The doctor is here..." Toris informed them breathless.

"Ah, good. Spasibo, Toris."

The man who entered was the same who had come to care for Ivan weeks ago. He looked a bit unsure at the large Russian and pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Well, then..." Taking his arms back Ivan got up again and straightened his clothes. "I'll leave him to you, doctor, and don't believe him if he says all is fine."

"No one would... believe I'm fine if I... if I said so..." Gilbert said lowly. "Not in this... condition..."

"See? He has to feel very bad to admit it." Giving Gil a last smile Ivan walked to the door. As he passed the doctor he listed everything that had happened just minutes ago, before he left the man to work.

The doctor examined Gilbert closely, but of course he couldn't find a physical cause for the pain. But he did what Ivan had said: he gave Gilbert painkillers.

Ivan talked to the medic before the man left again and he took care of Gilbert's well-being himself. Even if he had to work and even if he was tired from the night, Ivan brought him the meals himself and made sure he ate enough. He even brought him downstairs to rest in the living room where he had more books and could be monitored better by everyone, who walked by. The green bottle with oxygen was always at the German's side.

Gilbert didn't like it. He didn't like being so weak, didn't like having to depend on the others and especially didn't like being watched over all the time.

Every now and then he was glad about it though, and that were the times, when he'd get another attack.

Every time that happened, someone was there to help him and get the oxygen ready. Ivan didn't like the thought it happened this often and he worried for the night. He thought more than once about staying with Gilbert. If not with him in the bed, then maybe on a chair...

Holding two bowls with soup for dinner Ivan came into the living room.

"Hey. How are you...?"

Gilbert raised a tired gaze from his book. "... I feel like shit. Seriously. My whole body hurts and I haven't been out in ages..." He sighed, taking a deep and trembling breath. "This sucks..."

"I know..." Ivan sighed and sat down on the ground beside the sofa. "It will get better. I know I sound like a broken LP, but you need to stay patient for a little longer. Here." He held a bowl up. "Dinner."

"... thanks..." He took the bowl and looked at it without eating... "You know I'm... impatient..."

"... oh yes, I know..." For a moment Ivan stared into thin air, lost in thoughts with a little smile on his lips. "Still... you have to be."

"I'll try..." Gilbert said and started eating. "... did Toris made this?" he asked.

"Yes. He took care it's a light soup. You like it?"

"Yes... it's tasty..." It tasted a bit like... like something he had long forgotten...

Maybe some really old family recipe or something like that.

"It is..." Taking a thoughtful sip Ivan closed his eyes. "Say, Gil... Did you two talk about something before your attack?"

"... talk?" Gilbert blinked, looking down at the bowl. "... I... don't really remember... why're you asking?"

"Toris seemed somehow nervous, even after I assured him it wasn't his fault." He glanced up at the other.

"..." Gilbert didn't reply directly, just took another sip of soup. "... as I said, I don't really remember anything from that morning... he's a nervous person, trying everything to get things right..."

"Is that so?" A sigh left Ivan's lips as he kept on drinking his soup. "Listen... I try my best, but it's not an easy time for all of us. I need help from all of you so we can live on peacefully."

"I know that. And I'm pretty sure the others know that, too..."

"I'm not that sure..." Putting the empty bowl to the side he leaned his head against the armrest. "They all struggle in their own way, even if this is supposed to give everyone peace."

"Maybe they don't like being controlled and watched all the time" Gilbert said without much thinking at all.

Ivan growled lowly, not looking up. "They're not the only ones... It's for their best."

"... if you say so..." Gilbert just mumbled and emptied his bowl.

"... you all have no idea..." he growled under his breath. "Do you know what it takes to hold all this together... do you know what he-" Ivan bit his tongue. "Nevermind. Tell me." He turned to look at Gilbert, serious and maybe a little angry. "And be honest. Do you all hate me for what I do to you?"

Gilbert returned that gaze, silently staring back at him. "... I can't answer for the others. I don't know if they hate you, but they fear you for sure..."

Ivan held their eyes contact for a moment before he looked away. It wasn't that he didn't know, but he didn't want it to be like that. However... he had no choice. "... so be it..."

"... I, however, don't." Gilbert said. "I don't hate, nor fear you. Never did. Never will."

"Are you sure?" he smiled crooked. "Some people said this already. They do fear me now..."

"I have no intention of being afraid of you... I'll say what I want and if you don't like it, you'll have to deal with it."

"You should watch out... sometimes I can take critique, sometimes not..." he mumbled. Even now he was tired and being tired meant headaches coming. "I hoped you'd stay as nice as you had been without memories..."

"..." Gilbert looked at the ceiling. "... but that wasn't me... you said it yourself... you missed that fire..."

"I know... I did and do... still it would have been better... healthier..."

"... for you? Or for me..." Gilbert asked, without looking at him.

For a long while Ivan remained silent, before he got up and picked the bowl from the ground. "For you." he said without looking at the other.

"... thought so..." Gilbert leant his head back and closed his eyes. "I'm still not afraid of you, though. I won't provoke it, since I'm no masochist, but I can take some blows..."

"Don't." His fingers curled around the porcelain. "I don't want it to come to that. I don't want to have to punish you."

"... then don't..." Gilbert whispered, reaching out for him. "As I said... I won't provoke it..."

"I hope so..." Ivan looked down on the pale hand, watching the slender fingers move so very slightly. "... because I don't want this... I don't want... any of this... never did..."

"It doesn't have to be like this..." Gilbert said calmly and got up with a low groan.

Ivan snapped out of his thoughts at the groan. "Don't, Gilbert... you need to rest."

"I'm tired of resting... my legs are getting numb, too. I hate sitting around like this..."

"I know. But do you want to break down again? You almost died that morning." He looked into red eyes. "... I won't take that again..."

Gilbert looked at him, blinking, and gulped a bit. "... Ivan...?" He looked to the side. "..." And sat down again with disappointed face.

"..." Putting the bowl away Ivan got back down on the ground. Taking Gilbert's hands in his he observed them, following the lines of bones and skin with his fingertips. "I don't want you to die... It was bad enough to sign your death once..."

"... then why did you...?" Gilbert asked lowly, observing him silently.

"... it was war and we had won... I just had no choice." he mumbled, keeping his gaze fixed on delicate fingers. "I asked them to let you live... but I had everyone against me... even my boss..."

Gilbert closed his eyes. "Then how... did you manage to keep me alive...?"

"They wanted a reward for winning... for all the lives and property they all lost. We decided on splitting your brother... equally to our losses. While Arthur and Francis agreed to let Alfred take main care, I refused... and I refused to dissolve you, until they promised me I could keep your body..."

The German blinked, then chuckled a bit. "I wonder what they thought about that..."

Ivan smiled crooked. "Probably that I love to desecrate corpses for revenge..."

"Yes... probably..." Gilbert looked at him, his expression changing to a suspicious look. "You didn't, right?" It was a joke, obviously.

"..." He glared up at him, honestly offended. "I did many things, but I also let everyone stand against a wall who was caught plundering the dead."

Gilbert smiled slightly. "You've never been good at catching other people teasing you..." With a sigh he leant back and closed his eyes.

"... teasing... Just the thought alone is not funny. Nothing to make jokes about..." He watched him with slight worries, wondering if Gilbert felt bad again.

"I know, Ivan... I know you'd never do that. Not to me, not to anyone..." Gilbert sighed. "It was a lame attempt to lighten the mood..."

"... no... I'd never... I dared to touch your hair and hold your hands... nothing more."

Slowly Gilbert opened his eyes, looking at the ceiling with blank expression for a moment, then at him. "... is that so...?" He smiled a bit. "Seems like you... took good care..."

"I tried..." Ivan gave back quietly. "... there was not much to do while you rested..."

"... still... thanks..." Again he closed his eyes. "... I'm exhausted... from nothing..."

"... then you should go back to sleep." And he rested his lips just slightly on white fingers. "Go to bed..."

"..."

Why are you doing this... the kissing, the touches...

Just because you care? For everyone?

Gilbert sighed. "I don't want to... it's boring and I have slept through half of the day already..."

"Then rest here and read some more. I can bring you my gramophone so you can listen to some music, too. Also... I guess I should leave you alone."

"Why? Talking was... nice..."

He tilted his head looking up to that pale face. "I thought it exhausted you..."

"Idiot... I've been exhausted all day..."

"It won't help you calling me names..." Still Ivan sighed, still holding Gilbert's hands in his. He didn't even notice. It felt too natural. "So what now... keeping on talking?"

"I don't even know about what..." Gilbert sighed. "I'd say... just stay here, but... I guess you have work to do, so..."

"There are some files I should read through, but I feel like I'll get headaches... so maybe it won't hurt to do it later." Now he did let go of the other's hands and leaned his back against the sofa. Nuzzled into the crack between base and armrest the position was even comfortable.

"..." Gilbert's hand rested next to his head and when he moved his fingers he could touch Ivan's hair. It was softer than he remembered.

"... thanks... you can... go, once I fell asleep... ok? I don't want to keep you from work for too long."

Ivan closed his eyes, feeling the touch so carefully and light as if he just imagined it.

"Who will watch over you while you sleep...?"

"... maybe my old man still has an eye on me.." Gilbert mumbled. "I'm worrying everyone... I never wanted to be such a burden."

"Old man, hm? Maybe..." Ivan didn't have to ask who Gilbert spoke about. He just smiled into nothing, enjoying the darkness behind his lids. "It's not your fault. Besides... I'd worry more if you'd be all alone in Berlin."

"I'd be dead by now... which doesn't make me feel better... knowing that I'm only alive because I depended on someone..."

"Say Gilbert... is that really so bad? Depending on someone? What bugs you so much about that?"

"... how would you feel...? If you... had fallen... from a big empire to... a small nation, that can't live on its own..."

"Glad, I think..." Another smile slid over his lips. "Being a big empire hurts too much."

"... well... we're different then... I always liked being strong... being big... being needed... now... I'm just a burden to anyone... I hate it..."

"Change it then." Reaching up Ivan took the other's hand and pull it down to himself. "Become a big empire again. I'm looking forward to it."

Gilbert looked to the side. "'l'll try... as soon as I'm able to walk again without someone needed to guide me..."

So probably... he wouldn't be able to at all.

"I'll take that as a promise." Holding the slender hand in his, Ivan let his fingertips brush over Gilbert's palm. "One day... we'll stand across from each other and then we'll fight out who the stronger empire is."

"Hm... yes... and then I'll kick your ass... take over your land... and you'll be able to rest under my eyes..." Gilbert said, almost half asleep again.

"..." Ivan's smile shrank to something tiny but true, as he whispered. "... that sounds wonderful to be honest..."

Slowly, hesitantly, Gilbert curled his fingers around Ivan's. "... then... let's keep that in mind... I'll take... good care of you."

"... yes." Holding his hand Ivan took the warmth in. To be touched like that... no one else dared. "I'm looking forward to that..."

"You better would be..." With a deep and heavy sigh Gilbert leant his head back. "Now... I have more reason to stay in this life..."

Good... so have I... But Ivan didn't say that out loud. He just raised their hands to his mouth, resting his lips against them.

"... sleep a little..."

"..." Gilbert smiled softly. "... I'll try..." He closed his eyes. "... till... later then..."

"Khorosho spat'... lyubov..."

"..." Gilbert bit his lip. "... lyubov..." he whispered, too well remembering the meaning of it.

This was too long ago...

"... sleep now. So will I." Ivan said quietly and nestled more against the sofa, closing his eyes.

"... yes... you... you too... Ivan..." he mumbled and sank deeper into the cushions.

The room fell in silence and even if Ivan was tired he couldn't fall asleep. He listened to the breaths so close to him, felt for the slight warmth from the body just inches away.

When there were quiet footsteps.

Remaining at the door Toris wondered if it was a good idea to bother them now... Still he gulped a bit and raised a hand to knock softly at the door. "... is... is he asleep?"

"..." Ivan opened his eyes and glanced up at the sofa. Gilbert didn't seem like he had noticed. "... seems so..." Quietly he got up.

"A-ah, I didn't mean to... I... you didn't return for a while and... I wanted to make sure everything's alright... want me to take away the bowls...?"

The Russian picked the bowls up himself and brought them over. "We talked a bit... he's bored..." A smile slid over his lips when he looked back.

"..." Toris looked to the side with a weak smile. "I guess so... but he needs to rest... it's better this way..."

"What he needs is help..." With a sigh Ivan rubbed his temples. "They need to stop the people leaving... otherwise Gilbert will really die..."

The Lithuanian nodded, looking down. "... yes..."

He wanted to ask, does he want to be saved? Maybe he wants to die. Maybe he wants to leave.

But he remained quiet.

Another sigh left Ivan's lips as he glanced at Toris. "What's wrong? You seem thoughtful."

"A-ah... no, nothing... I... I'm just worried about him, that's all..."

"Are you?" Ivan observed his expression, looking for a hint somewhere as he brushed some hair from Toris' forehead. "Did it bother you to see us together?"

"...!" Toris looked at the side. "N-no..."

A bit maybe...

Yes...

He tilted his head to look at Toris' eyes. Ivan knew him for centuries now, just like he knew Gilbert.

"He's hurt and I care for him like I would care for you too."

"I-I know!" Toris said quickly. "I know that... I... I'm not bothered..."

I just don't want...

I don't even know...

Maybe I don't want you to be hurt...?

Maybe I don't want to share...

Not that I'd be in that position...

Not anymore.

"... I don't believe you, Torya..." His fingers curled carefully around the other's chin and with gentle force Ivan made the smaller man look up to him.

"..." Toris bit is lip. "I... I don't want you... to get hurt... that's... that's all." he whispered. "I'm sorry... that's... none of my business, I know..."

"Hurt...? Why would I get hurt? No, I won't... and you're right... that's none of your business..." He leaned down, remaining just inches away from Toris' lips.

"..." Toris looked at him, his eyes finding the other's lips, wishing, just for a moment for...

He closed his eyes. "... I'm sorry..."

"Don't be. I appreciate that you worry for me, Torya..." And he leaned the little bit in that separated them, placing a kiss on the corner of Toris' lips. "... I'm glad you're my friend."

"... I'm happy then..." Toris whispered, shivering a bit at that soft touch.

Something in Toris' voice made Ivan feel a sad sting. "..." Sighing he let his lips wander a bit to the side, brushing them carefully over the other's.

Toris blinked, surprised by that. "A-ah...?" he whispered, not sure how to handle this.

"... isn't that what you want?" he mumbled, not leaning back yet.

"... it... it is, but..." Toris whispered, "Is it... what... what you want?"

Ivan smiled a little, shaking his head just the slightest. "You worry too much, Torya. I want my family to be happy... the people I care for be happy..." And he sealed Toris' lips once more with his.

This time, Toris didn't retreat. He leant into the kiss, just a bit, taking in Ivan's scent and the taste of his lips. "Hm..."

The kiss lasted for a minute or maybe more. Ivan even brushed his fingers through long brown hair. It felt good. It gave him some peace after the worries of the last days, but this was for Toris, not him.

Carefully he broke the kiss again, remaining close, unwilling to leave the warmth just yet.

"..." Toris held his eyes closed, gulping silently. His breath was trembling, and he was torn between his feelings...

"... spasibo..."

"No... never thank me for something like this..." Ivan whispered and blew another kiss right between the smaller man's eyebrows. "I might feel offended."

"S-sorry..." he whispered and closed his eyes. "But I'm... happy right now..." Just a bit... thank you...

"That's good... Tell me from now on whenever you are sad. I want you to be happy... Ok?"

"... yes... of course." Toris smiled slightly.

So that was the reason, huh...

He should've known. "Thank you for trying to make everyone happy."

"..." He closed his eyes for a moment. "I try my best." It wasn't even a lie. Ivan did try, but it wasn't easy.

"Torya... I want you to-" The ringing of a telephone down the hallway made him look up. Stepping past Toris Ivan followed the sound. "Please have an eye on Gilbert. I'm back in a bit."

"... yes..." Slowly he stepped towards Gilbert and looked down on him. "... what do you want... Gilbert..." he whispered.

Do you want to die? Do you want to live?

What do you want from him...?

"..." Ivan listened to the voice on the other side of the line. The nervous man had the news he'd been waiting for, but the details... Ivan didn't like them. Chewing on his lip he nodded, even if the other couldn't see it.

"And they are serious? No misunderstanding possible?" Once more he listened, before he cut the call, dialling a new number.

It was a while later that he came back into the living room. "Gilbert?"

Gilbert twitched, but was awake - more or less - the next moment. "H-huh..?" He rubbed his eyes. "How long... was I asleep?"

"A little bit." Ivan walked past Toris without even giving him a glance, to kneel down beside the sofa. "Listen... I just got a call. There are news from Berlin."

Toris bit his tongue. "... I... I'll go then..."

Gilbert sat up. "W-what news? Tell me!"

"Yes. Alright." He waved a hand at Toris without even listening. The news were too grave.

"Your superior decided to stop the migration by closing the borders. No one's allowed anymore to leave. Not without permission."

"Is... is that even... possible...?" Gilbert said and looked to the side, saw Toris vanish without any further words.

"They can do that for a while."

"... that... won't make them identify with me..."

Ivan smiled crooked at his words. "Maybe not... they still have to work on that, but you'll get better anyway. However... that's not all... they decided for more. You won't like it."

"... what... what is it...?" Gilbert asked with sceptical voice, not sure if he even wanted to know.

Ivan made a face. He didn't like the thought himself. That move was dangerous...

"They're planning on building a wall."

"A... a wall?" Gilbert repeated. "What do you mean by that?"

"They want to build a wall on your borders. An actual wall... around the west part of Berlin and all along the border between you and your brother..."

"...!" Gilbert's eyes widened. "What? That's... that's not possible! It's not... what are they trying to do, copy China?" He held his head. "Uh... and... and a wall through Berlin? They can't just build a... a wall through a fucking city..!"

"That's what is planned. I think just like you. It's not possible but if they try... if they do..." He shook his head, sitting on the ground. "We have to see if they'll really pull it. It might just be a rumour yet. A fast idea. But as long as your borders are closed, you'll get better. That's something."

"I... I don't know if that's a good idea... it sounds... weird... wrong... and not like it would work at all..."

"It's not like we have something to say in this... I could speak to my boss maybe..." He shivered unintentionally. "... but I guess that's not a good idea..."

"No... probably not..." Gilbert sighed. "... is that... the only possibility...?"

"The wall? I don't know. They have to keep the people from leaving... somehow. Is it a good possibility? No... I don't think so."

"...isn't that... too much effort..." he whispered.

"It brings work... for some time. We have to see how it evolves. Maybe I'll make a trip to Berlin to speak to them myself. But until then... we should be glad you're saved."

"... hm... yes... probably..." Gilbert sighed a bit. "Sorry... I... I guess I can't really imagine that... I don't think... this will really work... I fear... I fear they will hate it..."

"I can't imagine it either..." Reaching up he caressed Gilbert's cheek with care. "Some will hate it for sure... you have to work so they'll identify with you, are glad to live where they do, accept it..."

"I don't know how..." he admitted. "It's been so long... since I've been nothing... "

"You'll learn again. I'll help you. Ok?" He smiled reassuring. "When you're better you can even move to Berlin for a while if you want."

"Hm... yes..." Gilbert smiled a bit. "I guess... I'd want that... thank you, Ivan.."

"Don't thank me. Just get better fast so I don't have to worry anymore."

* * *

Translations:

Hilfe - help

spasibo - thanks/thank you

khorosho spat' - sleep well

lyubov - dear, love


	6. I don't care

_Authors' note:_

 _Sorry for the long wait and thanks again for reading!_

* * *

 **I don't care**

No. He was sure he DIDN'T like the idea, but... maybe it really was his last chance? His ONLY chance...?

Gilbert didn't want to die. Not like this. He wanted to die on a battlefield, eye to eye with his enemy, not sick and weak in his bed... that just wasn't him!

He wanted to be strong again! So after dinner he was back in his room and started to train... slow steps, one after the other, always beside the wall or furniture to lean on to...

For another hour after dinner Ivan sat down in his office and worked. The situation in Berlin made things difficult. His boss wasn't too happy, but then again... they had promised GDR autonomy in some areas and safety was one of them. Besides... America would be pissed once he'd find out about the wall...

Closing his file Ivan rubbed his eyes and got up to get himself some coffee. On his way to the staircase he walked past Gilbert's room. There were some quiet noises...

Frowning worried he knocked. "Gilbert...?"

"A-ah..!" Gilbert sank a bit against his desk, cursing lowly under his breath. "Yes? It's open...!"

Shoving the door open Ivan poked his head in. "Hey... Is something wrong? Why aren't you in bed?"

"No, I'm... ah, I'm fine...! I just couldn't sit still...!"

Ivan shook his head and came in, holding out a hand. "You're supposed to rest, stubborn German."

"I don't want to rest anymore! I don't want to rely on others anymore!"

"..." His hand sank down again and with a sigh he crossed his arms. "So you're doing what now?"

Gilbert looked down at his feet. "I'm trying to get some strength back to my legs."

"By walking around. And what if you fall? What if you bang your head somewhere? No one will notice until the morning."

"Can't you understand me?! I'm sick and tired of sitting around all day! Who am I supposed to ask for help, everyone here has their own problems and tasks to do!"

Ivan tilted his head, watching Gilbert attentive. "If you stop shouting and start talking to me, I could help you."

"Tch..." Gilbert looked away. "You have enough trouble... I told you, I don't want to be a burden...!"

"..." That made Ivan smile slightly. Coming closer he wrapped an arm around Gilbert's waist to support him. "And I told you I want to help and see you getting well again. It's a nice change to those boring files and papers."

"... fine..." Gilbert growled lowly. "But just a few minutes, ok? I ... damnit..."

This was kinda embarrassing. He still was relying on Russia, HAD to rely on him!

"A few minutes it is then... Let's see how well you can walk." For some strange reason Ivan enjoyed this. Pulling Gil a little bit closer he made half a step, waiting for the German to follow. "Slowly."

Gilbert bit his lip and tried not to lean too much on Ivan. With his help, he stepped away from the desk, trying to rely only on his own strength.

He could feel how unsure Gilbert was. It was no surprise with all that had happened. That a nation could become so weak just from their people leaving...

"You're doing well. Want me to step away?"

"Yes..." He let go of him and made some steps, biting down on his lip as he felt how insecure he was, with his legs trembling. "... I can... do this.."

Ivan followed him and went past him in the end, waiting for Gilbert some more steps away with an encouraging smile. "Yes, you can do it, Gilbert. Come here~"

"Don't... talk to me like I'm a toddler, learning to walk..." Gilbert pouted. "That's embarrass-" His eyes widened as he tripped. "Ah!"

The Russian's arms were there to catch Gilbert before he could fall. Holding him carefully Ivan smiled into white hair. "Well... you're learning to walk."

"... shut up..." Gilbert growled, leaning against him and getting on his feet again. "You're having way too much fun with this..."

"I'm sorry. No... actually I'm not." he chuckled. "It reminds me of when I pulled you out of the lake~"

"Stop reminding me of that! It was stupid and I know it!"

Ivan couldn't help but laugh. "You're just too easy to tease with that!" He knew he was mean to make fun of Gilbert, but he had always loved his way of being so wonderfully annoyed. "I'm sorry. I really am. I'll stop," he promised, blowing a kiss on Gil's hair.

Gilbert bit his lip. "Yeah, I don't believe you." He pushed him away a bit, trying not to read too much into that kiss.

"Naw. Why not? Don't you trust me?" He made the best puppy eyes he could as he let Gilbert go from his embrace.

"I want to practice...!"

"We could practice more together~ How about that?"

"Are you sure you're not just gonna make more fun of me?" Gilbert asked, making more, slow steps.

"Just if you want me to." Ivan grinned from ear to ear, but at the same time he watched Gilbert's steps attentive.

"Why would I want that?" Gilbert pouted and made another step before he leant to the bed. "A-ah... damn legs... listen to me!"

His smile shrank a little as he came closer. "You need to train your muscles more. Lie down for a moment."

"But I don't want to lie down again!" Gilbert protested.

"I said for a moment. I don't want you to rest. Trust me once..." And the grin came back. "You owe me that from the frozen lake."

"... fine..." Gilbert groaned and lied down. "What now?"

"Good boy..." Sitting down to Gilbert's legs Ivan took each foot in a hand, holding them up a little. "Now press against me."

"... ok..?" Gilbert raised an eyebrow and started pushing against him. He had less strength than he thought.

"Hm... the pressure is alright, but not enough yet. I guess you should start with pushing your feet against something solid to train your muscles instead of walking right away." Ivan could feel the muscles vibrating from the too hard work. Letting Gil's feet go he took his calf instead, massaging it carefully. "If you force it, you'll get cramps."

"..." Gilbert bit his lip and looked to the side. "... I'm... I'm fine, damnit..."

It felt... a bit like back in the old days... Ivan could be such a caring guy...

He shook his head. "I'm fine!"

"Yes, I see that." Ivan didn't even look up, just continued to massage the muscle under the fabric before he turned to the other. It was relaxing even for the Russian. Just not thinking of politics for once... just not thinking of conflicts and war... A soft smile lingered on his lips.

"... why... are you smiling like that?" Gilbert asked lowly, trying not to feel too good under that treatment. Even though it DID really feel good...

"Hm?" Ivan seemed confused for a moment. "Smiling? I don't know. It's soothing. I like working with my hands for once. Does it feel alright?"

"... yeah, it's ok..." Gilbert said lowly. "I guess it feels... good."

That little compliment, counting so much more from Gilbert's lips, made him smile more. "Yes? Great, but you actually still feel kinda tense."

"... I guess..." With a low sigh Gilbert leant his head back. "I'll try to relax more... ok?"

It's just not that easy with someone massaging your legs at the same time! If that someone is you, at least...

"Ok. You know, you need to allow your body something good every once in a while. It's already working hard to recover." Blinking Ivan shook his head, smiling sheepish. "I sound like a teacher. Oh well..." And he let his hands wander up a little to Gilbert's thigh.

Gilbert tensed again. "W-what... are you doing?

"Giving you a massage. You think your calves have the only muscles important for walking?"

"... no, but..." Gilbert sighed and covered his eyes with his arm. "... 's ok... go on..."

Damnit...

"Just relax." There was a thought in the back of his mind... some little voice that told Ivan he was going too far. But he didn't listen to it. This was innocent, without a second thought behind it.

Smiling softly he turned his attention to the other leg.

Gilbert bit his lip, trying to keep his breathing steady and not to think too much of this. This was nothing. It was just a massage.

He gulped.

Damn that guy...

"You tense up even more..." It was just a whisper into the silence while careful fingers pressed softly on hard muscles.

"... sorry..." was all, Gilbert replied, trying to relax a bit more. "'m fine..."

"Hm... maybe it's enough for today." Leaning down Ivan pressed a feather light kiss on the albino's knee. "Just remember not to overdo it."

"... why... do you keep doing that..." Gilbert whispered.

"Doing what?"

"... the kissing..." Slowly Gilbert raised his arm and looked at him, his gaze flustered.

"Ah..." Ivan held his gaze. "I don't know. It feels right. It's my way of showing my affection."

"... hm... I see..." He closed his eyes again. "... can you... go on? Just a bit?"

"If you want..." Taking Gilbert's leg again Ivan lifted it a little and shoved the trousers up to reveal a white calf. Not a blink later warm lips sank down on it.

Gilbert's eyes flew open and he sat up, his face darkening with red. "W-what are you doing?" His heart was racing way too loudly.

Ivan leaned slowly up, still holding Gilbert's leg in his hands. "I did go on, like you asked me to."

"I-I meant the massage, you idiot!" Gil stuttered, his face deep red now.

"Oh? Seems I misunderstood you, then." He smiled softly. "I'm sorry. Still want me to go on?"

"..." Gilbert looked at him, unsure on how to respond to that. "I... I don't know..." This was... a weird moment and...

"... yes..."

Ivan's fingertips brushed tenderly over white skin. Violet eyes followed their trail and all the little movements the muscles underneath made. "Just to be sure... with what?"

Gilbert gulped again.

"Whatever you like..." he mumbled, asking himself WHAT THE FUCK he was thinking?!

"Hm... I like showing some affection..." Ivan whispered smiling and leaned down again. His lips caressed the pale skin, wandering slowly up to the knee.

The German watched him for a moment, then closed his eyes, shivering slightly. "Uh..."

Why did he say that? Why did he let it come this far?

They weren't back in the days! This was different!

The muscles under his mouth trembled. Ivan could feel it, taste it with his lips... Was this good or bad? Ivan knew Gilbert would speak up. Or was he too afraid? No... not Gilbert. He had promised he'd never be afraid of him.

Sighing softly he wandered further up, covering warm skin and thighs with kisses until he reached the fabric of Gilbert's trousers.

Gilbert took a deep breath before he looked at Ivan again. "... this... this is not good... Ivan... it's just not good..."

It was good... felt nice... but it wasn't good!

"..." He remained unmoved, lips resting on sweet skin for the moment, until he pulled back. "You're probably right... it doesn't seem to help you relax."

"That's... not what I meant... but... yeah... you're right..." Gilbert sat up, trying to escape this situation.

He wasn't good at this, never had been. He got up on trembling legs, walking a few steps before he had to lean on the bed again.

"I know what you meant." Violet eyes followed Gil standing up and walking away and for a moment... there was something like sadness in them.

"Your legs seem a bit better. If you keep on training slowly, you'll be able to run like a young deer again soon." Getting up Ivan straightened his clothes, before he walked to the door. "I guess it's time to say good night. Don't fall on your nose."

Gilbert bit his lip. "Like hell I would...! I'm not a child!" He chewed on his lip a bit, then mumbled: "Ivan..! Thank you..."

"Of course you're not a child... good night, Gilbert." And he opened the door and slipped outside. There was no sign to tell if Ivan had heard Gilbert's last words or not.

"..." Slowly Gilbert let himself sink down on his knees, looking to the ground.

Damnit, Gilbert. Way to fuck up...!

With a groan he pushed himself back up his feet. "Ivan! You idiot, wait...!" He stumbled towards the door and pushed it open, to follow him.

Lost in thoughts Ivan walked down the hallway. The need for coffee was gone. Maybe he would sit down in the living room instead with a book and a glass of vodka.

Just when he heard footsteps ahead he looked up again. "Toris. Why that sad face?"

"Ah, I... nothing." Toris smiled a bit. "I was looking for you... I made some tea and thought you'd like to drink some after working so hard all day..."

Ivan's face lit up with tender affection. Maybe tea and someone to talk with was better than vodka. "You're always so thoughtful... I don't know how to make it up. Spasibo, Torya." And with a smile he leaned in to kiss the corner of Toris' lips.

Toris smiled and closed his eyes. He knew this wasn't special, but he treasured it anyways.

"..." Gilbert bit his lip and slowly stumbled back into his room, throwing the door shut behind him.

Goddamnit, Gillbert. This shouldn't upset you at all!

The bang made Ivan look back. For a moment or two he waited for something to happen, but when everything remained quiet he put a hand on Toris' shoulder.

"Let's go and drink your tea before it gets cold."

Are you jealous, Gilbert? There's no need to be when you refused...

The following days were quiet... quieter than usual. The Baltics felt a strange kind of tension at the table whenever the whole household ate together.

Ivan buried himself in work. He didn't go back to help Gilbert for training because he had the feeling it wouldn't be taken well. However he never stopped thinking about that evening...

Gilbert didn't either. He was still angry about it.

Angry about himself, for letting Ivan do this. For letting him this close to him at all.

And angry at Ivan for kissing Toris just moments later!

What was he thinking? Was this just a game? Was he trying to 'calm' him like that? By pretending everything was like it used to be so long ago?

He was angry and disappointed and he showed it by not talking much at all, training on his own and getting bruised knees from falling down too often.

He took it as his punishment for his own stupidity and being so naive...

One afternoon Ivan walked up to Gilbert's room, where he rested. He was tired of feeling the glares and seeing the German leave whenever he arrived. And he was about to leave for some days. No one knew yet and he didn't want to leave, knowing Gilbert was pouting.

"Gilbert? Are you here?" he called out.

Gilbert didn't reply at first. "Where do you think I am" he then replied, stumbling from the bed to the desk with some issues.

He sighed and shoved the door to the German's room open. "I thought you're maybe downstairs. Who could know?"

"People here freak out when I'm getting too close to the stairs without anyone to help me down, so I try not to bother anyone," Gil said without stopping his training. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"... always the blockhead..." Ivan mumbled and leaned against the doorpost, crossing his arms. "Yes. You can do something for me. You can stop pouting and act normal again."

"I'm not pouting." Gilbert said. "I just try to act like a professional here. Or something like that. Not getting into some weird threesome or whatever the heck is going on in your head."

"Acting like a professional includes running away and getting mute?" He shook his head disappointed, blinking at the next words. "Weird threesome? I have the feeling you bumped your head somewhere while falling..."

"I'm not the talkative type." At his next words Gilbert frowned and turned around. "Well, then what were you trying to do, kissing me and then kissing Toris the next moment? I'm not jealous or anything like that. I kicked you out, but if you're into him, then why did you do that in the first place?"

"Ah... so it was you who slammed the door." Ivan tilted his head, loosening his neck muscles. "I told you it's my way of showing affection. Besides I kissed him on the cheek."

"Well, the other day I saw you kissing his lips, so, fuck that. And I guess I don't want that affection then. So just stay away from me, kay? Thanks."

Ok, maybe he WAS pouting.

A bit.

He had every right to do that, damnit!

Violet eyes fixated Gilbert with a strange mix of annoyance and maybe even anger. "Do you stalk me?"

"No, I don't. I just happened to be there in the wrong moment. Trust me on that, there are things I don't even want to know."

There in the wrong moment... No, Ivan remembered it. He had been stupid thinking Gilbert had been asleep and he had been concentrated on Toris' sad eyes...

"Even if I kissed him, Toris and I have a long history together. It's different. And you know even I need someone to be nice to me once in a while. Nice in the way of a friend."

Gilbert frowned. "So what? What's that supposed to mean?! You and I had history, too!" He sighed in annoyance and ran his hands through his hair. "That's not even my point. I don't care what you and Toris do! And, fine, if you kiss your friends on their lips, I don't want to be your friend. Where I'm from, people don't get kissed on their lips from friends."

"Yes, we had history too. But I grew up under Toris' rule for some centuries. We know each other on a sibling's level. ... and why do I have to explain myself?" Ivan groaned. "You are jealous. I'm not stupid. And about the kissing... have you been outside before your breakdown? Everyone does that, not just with friends. Kissing means nothing."

"You don't have to explain yourself because I don't fucking care. I don't care what you do, I'm done with you, have been done centuries ago. And, well, maybe I'm old fashioned. I don't want kisses from anyone, just like that."

So Gilbert was done with him? For some reason that hurt... deep down it did...

"If you wouldn't care you wouldn't shout. But fine. You don't care. Good for you. By the way you could have told me if you weren't fine with what I did. Don't pretend I didn't wait for your consent."

Gilbert growled. "Maybe I WAS ok with it! Maybe I was lost in thoughts and memories of what we once shared! I don't know if you tried to trick me so I wouldn't make any more troubles, and as I said, I don't care anymore. I won't make troubles, but I won't pretend to be your friend or anything more than that."

"Trick you? Why the hell would I need to trick you?! Or why SHOULD I? I can handle you without tricks. I know you're clever enough to not need such things." Ivan hissed, clenching his hands. THAT hurt. Gilbert had always been more than just an ally, more than just someone he needed for his goals...

"I did that because it felt right! And I told you that."

"AND I TOLD YOU I DON'T CARE!" Gilbert yelled. "Ok?! Can we just drop the damn topic?! What the heck do you even want from me?!"

"So you say..." Ivan grumbled. "I wanted you to stop pouting, since it's annoying the heck out of me. If you have a problem, say it to my face. But since all is said now, feel free to fucking calm down again. Fortunately for you I'll leave."

"I don't have a problem. Well, nothing you could change at least!" Then Gilbert blinked. "You're leaving?"

"Hmpf." The Russian turned to the door, ready to go and just leave Gilbert alone again. "Yes. I've work to do. With some luck you might be rid of me for a week or more."

"I see. Well, bye-bye then." Now Ivan was pouting, fine. Gilbert turned around and started walking again.

"Yes, I love you too" Ivan gave back and walked away, throwing the door shut behind himself.

"How nice of you!" Gilbert growled, biting down on his lip. "Fuck you..." He stumbled to the bed and lied down with a groan.

Damn you.

Damn you, damn you, "DAMN YOU!"

Ivan had wanted to restore the peace before his leave, now he had just made it worse. Growling he rammed his fist into a nearby door, leaving a dent in the wood.

Just some hours later he stood at the front door, dressed in his work uniform, a trunk in his hand. The Baltics stood lined up to bid him a good bye. Just Gilbert was missing... of course. Growling to himself, half disappointed and half annoyed, Ivan gave Toris the duty to look over the household before he turned and left without another word or goodbye.

Gilbert didn't want to say 'goodbye' and he felt like he wasn't needed there anyways.

After that, the days became... quiet. And kinda boring, too, but well.

Toris did his best to keep everything fine, keep everyone healthy and more or less happy. It wasn't easy all the time, but Toris did a good job with it.

He talked to Ivan on the phone when he called, keeping him up to date with everything.

And Ivan called every day or every second day, depending on how much time he had. He always asked for Toris' wellbeing, also for Eduard's and Raivis'. And always, after a moment of hesitation, he asked for Gilbert and let Toris promise he wouldn't tell the German.

It went on for over a week. Ivan's work turned out to be more complicated than expected and the calls got less until they stopped completely for days.

Gilbert didn't know it at first, but after a few days he asked Toris about his long face, and the brunette told him.

"Well, he's probably too busy to have an eye on us" was all Gilbert replied, but he thought about it.

Ivan was... his 'family' was important to him and he wondered why he didn't call...

Two more days everything remained quiet. Toris tried to call some officials and find out where Ivan was and what he was doing, but he always got the same answer. That he was asking for restricting information. It couldn't be helped and life had to go on.

It was two and a half week since Ivan had left, when Toris and Eduard went out to buy badly needed groceries in the next big city, leaving Gilbert and Raivis behind.

It was also that day that the telephone rang.

Raivis and Gilbert exchanged gazes and while Gilbert didn't move, Raivis quickly grabbed the phone. "Y-yes?! This is Latvia!"

There was silence for the moment on the other end, before a female voice spoke. "Good day. Could I speak the highest ranked official, please? I have an urgent message for General Braginsky's household."

"A-ah...!" Raivis looked at Gilbert, looking as if he was short from crying. "The... the highest ranked official?"

There was no one like that. Not now, with Ivan and Toris, who held responsibility, gone.

Gilbert sighed and grabbed the phone, saying with his most-diligent voice: "This is Gilbert Beilschmidt, embodiment of GDR. What can I do for you?"

There was another moment of surprised silence and it sounded as if the woman covered the phone to speak to someone, before she turned her attention back to Gilbert.

"Good day, Comrade Beilschmidt. My name is Irina Sokolova, Kremlin Headquarter. General Braginsky asks someone to pick him up in the next two hours." And she gave him an address without even waiting for an answer.

"Wait, please repeat that address, ok? I need him to write that down..!"

Damn Russians...!

"I'm sorry, but there's no time for an official letter. I'll repeat it once more."

"W-write down?" Raivis looked around and grabbed a book and a pen lying around, shoving both in Gilbert's hand, hoping to be helpful. "H-here, Gil!"

Gilbert frowned and grabbed the things, writing down quickly. "Verdammt, Weib, mach langsam!" he cursed while he repeated everything. "Do you want me to pick him up at the right place or not?! Am I allowed to repeat for correctness?"

The woman on the other end sighed deeply. "I'd like to remind you, Comrade Beilschmidt that I'm working for Comrade Chruschtschov's office. I've not much time. But yes, please repeat."

"I'm sorry, my Russian isn't perfect, and if I don't pick him up, he'll be pissed." Quickly he repeated the address. "That correct?"

"Yes, that's correct. You're expected during the next two hours. Good day, Comrade." and she cancelled the call.

"W-what... what is it? We're... s-supposed to p-pick Ivan up...?"

"..." Gilbert cursed lowly and put down the phone. "Yes. We have two hours." He held the note under Raivis' nose. "Do you know where that is?"

"A-ah?" Raivis blinked and grabbed the note, without taking it from Gilbert's fingers. "I-I... I don't k-know... It sounds f-familiar... W-wait!" Turning around Raivis ran away to come back with a map he unfolded on the sofa. "There... there it is..." It was a place in the middle of a forest, close to a small city, but otherwise the map seemed empty. "We s-should wait for Toris and Eduard..."

"We have no time for that." Gilbert got another note and wrote the address down again, telling the others they were gone. "If we'll be late, we'll be in trouble. Get your coat, you have to navigate me."

"W-what? B-but, but, Gilbert!" Raivis kneaded his hands, watching Gilbert unsure. "I'd rather... not come to p-pick him up... really not..."

"Goddamnit, Raivis. I don't know, where that is. Do you want me to navigate with that map while driving?" Gilbert growled and grabbed the map. "Fine. Damn coward!"

The smaller nation was close to tears again. "I... I-I... Gilbert, wait! I'll... come with you... i-it's just..." He bit his lip. "N-nevermind... I'm coming..."

"I'll make sure he won't do anything to you, ok? Don't be afraid, and for god's sake, don't cry, ok? I can't handle that!"

Not with those big eyes... damnit!

"O-ok... I... I won't..." Taking the map back Raivis went to get their coats. It was cold outside already. The autumn was almost there and the winter not far.

"I g-guess we need around o-one hour to go there..."

"Great..." Gilbert growled, searching for the keys for the car. "Damnit, where did Toris hide them?"

"The... the keys? They're in the cookie jar in the kitchen."

"... who the hell hides... ah, just fuck it..." Gilbert grumbled and got the keys and slipped into his coat and boots. "Come."

"Y-yes..." Raivis followed Gil into the garage where the car stood, when he remembered something. "C-can you even d-drive, Gilbert? With your... your legs and all...?"

"Well, YOU won't drive with this trembling!" Gilbert replied and sat down. "It will do, don't worry!"

Raivis wasn't sure if there was nothing to worry, but he climbed on the passenger seat, spreading the map on his lap. "Alright... l-let's do this fast..."

"Yes..." Gilbert started the engine and began to drive. It was ok.

After a while he noticed that his legs were trembling, but he didn't have time to stop now.

Raivis looked on the map with concentration and gave him directions. He didn't seem to notice Gilbert's condition at first but after a while he asked every now and then, if the German was ok. He even offered to drive since he had calmed again... or so he said.

But Gilbert wouldn't let him. He knew Raivis was just as old as himself, but he didn't feel... safe, being driven by someone who looked like a child.

Plus, the other one still was trembling every now and then.

Gilbert just drove a bit slower.

"It should be somewhere here, right?"

"Yes... the map says... it says we should be close. F-follow that road, please." He pointed at a path leading them behind some trees. The street looked used, even if they didn't see any other cars on their way. It was strangely quiet all around. Expect for two soldiers stepping in their way, guns ready to use.

"Stop!"

Gilbert stopped immediately and lifted his hands slowly. Just in case. "Don't shoot. We're not armed!"

Raivis did the same, falling back into uncontrollable trembles.

While one soldier remained in front of them, the other came to the window. "This is restricted area. Rank and cause of your arrival, 'comrade'" he sneered.

Gilbert didn't look at him. "Gilbert Beilschmidt, embodiment of GDR, and Raivis Galante, embodiment of Latvia. We're here to pick up Ivan Braginsky."

The soldier stared at them for a long moment before he gave the other a sign to step away. "Alright. Follow the street to the gate. Tell the official in duty why you're here."

"Ok..." Slowly Gilbert put his hands down on the wheel again and started driving slowly.

Damn this place, where were they here?

The soldier looked after them as they drove down the way. It was sided by tall trees, standing very close, allowing barely a look through. However after some more meters tall grey walls could be seen, topped with barbed wire. Even the gate was made of thick iron, guarded by more soldiers.

"... I-I d-don't like t-this..." Raivis whispered, flinching as he heard shouting behind the walls.

"... me neither..." Gilbert stopped the car. "... get out of the car and stay behind me, ok?" Slowly he got up, hands slightly raised. "We're not armed...!"

"G-Gil! You-!" With wide eyes Raivis watched him leaving the car. He didn't like this and he didn't want to get out. Trembling heavily he remained on his seat, observing how the soldier on guard duty came to talk to Gilbert.

"Good day, comrade. What do you want here on this fine and sunny day?" the man, with the gun ready in his hands, asked smiling.

"I was ordered here to pick up comrade Braginsky." Gilbert replied, his hands slowly sinking.

"Ah, the General." The man smirked in a weird way. "We heard someone was on the way. Come with me. By the way, what's your friend doing there?" He pointed with a gloved hand to the car and shivering Raivis, who pulled his head between his shoulders.

"... he's not used to going out... I guess this place scares him... don't threaten him, he's just a child..." Gilbert replied, maybe lying a bit.

"I see. Well, he's perfectly save here. No one will bother him." Turning around the man walked to a door in the big gate, while several eyes watched them from all over the place.

"Come."

Gilbert stopped a moment and looked at Raivis. "You stay here, ok? I'll be back soon!"

Or at least... he hoped so...?

"..." Raivis shook his head at first, terrified of the thought to be alone, but then he took all his strength together and nodded.

Gilbert nodded, reassuring. You will be ok. Promised.

And then he turned around to follow the soldier.

The man waited for him at the gate, still smiling nicely. As soon as Gilbert reached him he pushed the door open and gestured for him to go inside. Two other men waited for him there, hidden in the shadows. And they grabbed him hard.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _verdammt - damn_

 _Weib - woman (rather old and rude term)_

 _mach langsam - go slow_


	7. Almost broken

_Authors' note:_

 _Once more the new chapter took a while but this one is extra long as apology._

* * *

 **Almost Broken**

Rough hands pushed the German around, searching his pockets and every fold of his clothes for weapons.

"A-ah!" Gilbert had to fight down the urge of attacking them.

Don't fight.

This is their place. Their rules.

Don't fight them.

"I told you, I'm unarmed...!"

"Better safe, than sorry, comrade."

They weren't very gentle with him, but fast. With a shake of their heads they retreated again and left Gilbert alone with the soldier in charge.

"You said the truth. I'm glad, comrade. Now come. The General is waiting for his ride home." The man took the lead through another door in a second gate, giving the way free to a wide, open place. Far away barracks could be seen and men in grey, ripped overalls.

"I'm not stupid enough to lie to you people..." Gilbert growled slightly and followed him, looking around sceptically. "... is this some sort of... labor camp?"

"It's called Glawnoje uprawlenije isprawitelno-trudowych lagerej i kolonij, comrade. Gulag if that's easier for you. However we prefer to be addressed properly." The soldier walked over the place to a sturdy looking building at the side. No one guarded its door and no one was in the dimly lit room they stepped in. "Wait here."

"... I'm sorry, my Russian is still rusty" Gilbert replied and stepped into that room.

"Ok... I'll be waiting..."

He didn't feel safe here. Not at all.

With a smile the man vanished and for a long while nothing happened. Shouts could be heard from outside every now and then. Working noises, too. But beside that everything remained quiet... before steps got loud. The soldier from before came back and smiled brightly at Gilbert, while he waited at the door.

Gilbert waited, wondering what kind of place this was. Why he was here...

Why IVAN was here...

He raised his head when he saw the soldier. "... so...? Where is he?"

Why was that guy grinning all the time? He made Gilbert want to punch him in his face!

"He's on his way. I guess there are some things left to sign." His smile widened even more, however when new steps came closer the soldier tried to pull himself together. He even saluted when Ivan stepped into the room.

The tall Russian looked tired and pale, having what seemed like dark shadows under his eyes. However his clothes were perfect. No dust, no dirt and not a single fold. It gave a strange sight with his expression. It remained completely blank as his eyes found Gilbert and wandered further to the door.

"..." Gilbert bit his lips. Something was not right, he knew it, but he couldn't grasp it.

"Ivan? I'm here to pick you up."

Somehow he didn't expect him to reply. It was more like he expected something horrible to happen. He expected soldiers, grabbing them both and pulling them back into the camp, with Raivis out there, alone, and their only chance. If they hadn't shot him already.

They were doomed.

Gilbert shook his head. Stop that. This was not the time.

"Can we go?"

There was no answer. Ivan just kept looking at the door in stunned silence until the soldier took the action.

"I think all is clear now, Comrade General. The papers are signed and there's nothing to worry about anymore. We're proud you came to visit our humble camp." And the smile stayed on the man's lips as he opened the door and saluted once more. "Have a safe drive."

That seemed like the magic words that made Ivan function again. Without looking at anyone he walked outside, not even waiting for Gilbert.

Gilbert frowned and followed him. This wasn't normal. Ivan looked like a broken man. And he didn't even want to think of this possibility...

He followed Ivan, looking suspiciously at the soldiers, still waiting for this to be some sort of trap.

Just outside... let's just get outside...

The guards watched them, but no one moved a finger. Not when they reached the gate and walked through the first door and not when they passed the second, leaving the camp behind. However the door was shut behind them with a loud bang and something changed in Ivan's movements. His steps got less firm and his knees gave in just a little bit, enough to make him waver.

Gilbert stepped closer to him, ready to catch him, if he fell.

"... just a few more steps..." he whispered and lead him to the car, opening the backdoor. "... sit down... we'll go home..."

Ivan tried to keep a blank face, but it wasn't so easy anymore. Freedom... home... All of it seemed so close now with the car he knew and Gilbert beside him. Shaking fingers searched for something to cling to as they walked closer to the car and they found the seam of Gilbert's jacket. Ivan didn't even let go of the fabric after he sank on the backseat with a low groan.

Gilbert bit his lip. "... what did they do to you..." he mumbled and carefully loosened his fingers. "Let me go, Ivan... I have to drive... I'll take you home..." he whispered and after a moment he kissed the other's forehead.

"..." Ivan just shook his head barely visible, unable to answer or give any other sound that very moment. However when he was forced to let go, he looked finally up to Gilbert with wide, terrified eyes.

"... no..." he mumbled, voice raspy, and buried his fingers in the German's shirt.

Gilbert bit his lip. "Ivan, we have to go... I can't drive like this..." He raised his hand to his cheek, making him look into his eyes. "Just a few minutes... let me take you away from here... then I'll come back, ok?"

"..." Ivan gulped visibly, before his fingers slowly slipped from the fabric. He knew when he wanted to leave this place he had to let go... so he wrapped his arms around himself instead, curling up as much as the pain and the space on the backseat allowed him to.

He was safe here... he'd leave with Gilbert... and not come back any time soon.

Another kiss was placed on his head and then Gilbert shut the door and almost jumped into the car. The engine howled when he started it and hit the gas pedal hard, turning the car in one smooth movement, driving away as quickly as he could.

Raivis watched everything with a slight tremble, not daring to speak up. His eyes darted to the guards at the gate and the others on the street, as they passed them fast. No one stopped them on their way and there was no word spoken inside the car, until the forest was far behind them.

"I-I can... I can d-drive..." Raivis whispered.

Gilbert looked at him. "... you sure?" was all he asked, looking at Ivan in the mirror.

The smaller one nodded fast. "I am... I'm... I'm calm. Drive to the s-side. Ok...?"

"... ok..." He looked into the mirror again and then drove to the side. Gilbert got out of the car quickly and pushed the keys into Raivis' hands before he climbed on the backseat, right beside Ivan.

Taking the keys Raivis closed the door behind him, staying outside. He had the feeling they all needed a short moment...

Ivan didn't look up as the engine was turned off, nor when he heard the doors being opened and shut again. However when he felt someone sitting down beside him he turned his head.

"... Gil..."

"... I'm here..." Gilbert sat close to him and after a moment of hesitation, he took his hand. "... you're safe now."

Violet eyes rested on their hands and a moment later he turned his hand enough to let his fingers curl around Gilbert's. "... I... I know..." His own voice sounded strange to him. Ivan hadn't talked in days, just screamed. A shiver ran through his body at the memory. He wasn't allowed to be weak... and still he could just hold back by biting his lip hard.

A warm hand was put against his cheek and Gilbert turned his head to look at him. "... what did they do to you..." he whispered.

What did someone have to do to break Ivan Braginsky...

The warm touch startled him a bit, while he was still caught in the events of the past days. Looking up Ivan felt his gaze finally breaking as violet met red again and with a low cry he leaned in, burying his face in Gilbert's shoulder.

"... everything..."

"..." Gilbert bit his lip and wrapped his arms around him. "... damn this... Raivis! Get in the car! We'll go home now!"

Ivan needed treatment.

"A-ah... yes!" The smaller nation was fast to take the driver's seat and lead the car back on the street. He didn't want to know what was going on at the backseat, but he couldn't help glancing into the mirror every now and then. Whatever had happened... it must have been bad.

"... d-does... does he need... a doc...?" he asked quietly.

"Probably... I don't know what happened, but this seems bad..." He held Ivan closely, brushing his fingers through his hair every now and then. "We'll find out at home."

"O-ok... I'll hurry!"

Ivan didn't react on them talking about him. He had enough to do with fighting himself and that terrible shaking which wanted to take over his body. He was safe now and no one would harm him anymore... He knew that and his fingers dug once more into the fabric of Gilbert's shirt, deeper and tighter with every new gentle stroke through his hair. "... want... home..."

"... I'll take you home... don't worry..."

Gilbert held him for the whole way home, stroking and kissing his hair all the time.

What did they do to you?

They were even faster than on their way to pick Ivan up, ending up going back the one hour way in just slightly more than half an hour.

Stopping right at the front door Raivis jumped out of the car and held the backdoor open. "We're there..." he panted, as if he had run all the way.

"Yes..." Slowly Gilbert leant back a bit. "... Ivan? We're home... come... let's get out of the car... and then I'll prepare a warm bath for you... ok?"

Ivan had almost fallen asleep in the last minutes, so he blinked confused as some of the warmth was suddenly gone. However when he noticed the building outside some light came back to his eyes.

"... ok..." He hadn't listened. He was just glad to be home again. So glad... Without help Ivan managed to get out of the car, but his weak knees didn't let him take the last steps without help. It felt as if all strength had left him, now that he was home and didn't need to be strong anymore.

Gilbert held his arm, supporting him slightly, helping him into the house.

Raivis stayed outside meanwhile, watching them both vanish inside. He wasn't sure he wanted to take care of Russia... After all Gilbert was there to do that, so he'd care for the car instead just too gladly.

"... will you manage the stairs?" Gilbert asked, still holding Ivan. "I'll make you a bath... and then we'll see if you need a doctor. Ok?"

"...hm...?" Ivan blinked and looked up the stairs. They looked terrible high with his aching mind... he wasn't sure if he could do that alone. His knees were so shaky... still he nodded. He was home. It was ok. He knew all of these stairs by heart.

"... ok... sounds good..."

"Ok..." Gilbert didn't wait or hesitate, but grabbed his arm and put it around his shoulder. "Remember, my legs are kinda weak, too, so try not to stumble..." he mumbled and started climbing the stairs with him.

"... Gil..." Ivan didn't have the strength to fight or let go and walk alone. Deep inside he was thankful for the German's help and he felt guilty. So he helped as much as he could. Grabbing the handrail he took as much weight from Gilbert as possible. They were slow like this, but in the end they did reach the first floor without falling down.

"... spasi... bo..."

"Don't thank me... we're not done yet." Gilbert helped him walking to the bathroom. "... are you hurt?"

That was a stupid question, but he had to ask anyways.

"..." Ivan tried to shrug with a blank smile. He couldn't tell. There had been pain the last days, but his mind was filled with cotton now that he was able to relax a little. Everything just got fuzzy on the edges...

"... guess..."

Gilbert bit his lip and shoved the bathroom door open. "Sit down..." he said, letting him go near the tub.

Ivan did as he was told, clinging to the bathtub's edge. The white of the room hurt his eyes for some reason. But what was worse was, that it reminded him... Memories flashed before his eyes and his fingers dug painful into the hard surface.

"... hngh..."

"... Ivan?" Gilbert turned to look at him, concerned. "It's alright... you're safe now... I'm with you."

"... I... I know..." he whispered through clenched teeth, covering his eyes with one hand.

It was too fresh and he was too tired. He just wanted it to stop... just stop...

"... m-make... it stop..."

"..." Gilbert didn't know what to do. WHAT to stop...

So he just wrapped his arms around Ivan, burying his face into his shoulder. "... you're safe..."

There was someone... someone warm... someone who didn't want to hurt him...

Something like a whimper left the Russian's lips as he wrapped his arms around Gilbert in return. He needed someone to cling to, someone to trust... and he was so glad it was Gilbert.

"... G... il..."

"I'm here... I'm here..." He stroked his hair, while he watched the water fill the tub. "... Ivan... is it ok... to let go? To take off your clothes? I'll be careful not to hurt you..."

"..." For a moment Ivan held Gilbert tighter, unwilling to let him go. It meant the warmth would go... but if he wanted to rest he had to let go. Hesitating he leaned back, rubbing his face slowly.

"... yes... I... yes..."

"... I'll be careful..."

Slowly Gilbert started to unbutton his coat and push it from his shoulders. "I'm with you, ok? No one's gonna hurt you."

"... I know..." Nodding barely noticeable Ivan tried to help, while he watched Gilbert's fingers move and work. It had something soothing about it... watching him, knowing the touch wouldn't hurt. Almost. He hissed quietly as he made a wrong movement to slip out of his coat's sleeves.

Gilbert bit his lip. "... I'll call a doc once you're in the tub, ok...?" he said lowly and started to undo the buttons of his uniform jacket.

Ivan doubted a doctor could help, but he nodded anyway. The memories came back to him with the pain and he wasn't sure if it would be a nice sight. Still he kept on helping getting rid of his clothes. The faster they were through with it, the faster he could rest...

When Ivan felt Gilbert's fingers opening his shirt buttons he let his hands sink back on the tub edge, looking to the side.

The skin underneath wasn't pale. Most of it wasn't. His chest was covered in smaller and bigger bruises and cigarette burn marks. The most prominent spot however was a large bruise further down, right above the last ribs. It wasn't red anymore, but bluish black and violet.

Bruising a nation wasn't too hard. They bruised as easily as humans. But breaking their bones like this… that needed a lot of force.

The more Gilbert saw, the darker his face got. "... those fuckers..." he growled and when he saw the big bruise, he held his breath. "... don't be afraid..." he mumbled before he brushed his fingers just so slightly over his skin.

"..." Ivan bit his lip, tensing up for the touch. It hurt but he pulled himself together. It was bearable... almost nothing. "... i-it's... alright..."

"It's not alright!" Gilbert said angrily. "Why did they do that?! I thought they were your people?! Weren't that Russians? How dare they even touching you?!"

Ivan groaned quietly, holding his head. "... not... so l-loud... please..." He had stopped asking himself these things. It had happened before... and it would happen again... probably.

"... they just... followed... orders..."

"Fuck that!" Gilbert growled. "Goddamnit, if I get my hands on them...!" He crouched down in front of him and took off his boots.

Don't, Ivan wanted to say. It won't help. You'll just get in trouble. But he remained quiet, feeling his chest tighten for an unknown reason. Gilbert cared for him... It sounded like that.

Watching him for a moment Ivan closed his eyes with a sigh. "... I... I didn't agree... with him..." he whispered. "I spoke up... so he... put... put me back... in... my place... it's not... their fault..."

"They should know their place! And Yours! You are Russia, damnit, without you, they are nothing! Things like this make me sick to the bone!" He put away the boots and grabbed Ivan's belt. "... I'll take them down, ok?"

"... Gil..." He wasn't sure what to say. Gilbert was right, of course. But what could he do? He hadn't gone there out of free will. They had knocked him out. It had needed four skilled men to hold him down... Maybe he was just weak.

"... I'll help..." Ivan mumbled and put his hands on Gilbert's shoulders for support, before he got back on his feet. It was easier this way... less embarrassing...

Gilbert bit his lip and slowly opened his trousers, pulling them down while trying not to hurt the other one. He wasn't sure what to expect, more bruises maybe, more burns?

There were bruises and burns as well, giving the pale skin some spots of unhealthy color. Some were new and some older, already healing. Just like the long, flat cuts in the flesh, following the lines of Ivan's muscles.

"... if I ever get my hands on them..." Gilbert growled again. "Assholes...!"

"..." Ivan looked to the side, embarrassed, while his fingertips dug deeper into Gilbert's shirt. "... just... don't look... I don't... don't want to... think about it..."

Gilbert held his gaze down. He had seen enough to be boiling in rage for these fuckers...!

Slowly he got up again, looking at Ivan. "... I'll... turn around, if you want, so you can get undressed completely... and sit into the tub..."

"... yes... please..." He didn't look up anymore, feeling his face burn in shame. All of this wasn't his fault and still it felt like this... still he didn't want to be so vulnerable...

When Gil did turn away Ivan pushed his underwear down and tried to ignore the pain, but when he climbed into the tub and the water heated his wounds he had to hold back a scream. It hurt... It hurt!

Gilbert bit his lip and turned around slowly, stepped to the tub. "... is it bearable?" he asked. "It will stop soon..."

Bearable? It felt like burning again. Ivan had to fight the tears of pain. Every movement of the water hurt his skin. Every breath seemed too much friction with the liquid, but like Gilbert had said it got better every passing moment.

"... i-it's... ok..." he pressed through clenched teeth, glancing apologizing up to Gil with something like a smile. "... o-ok..."

Silently Gilbert sat down at the edge of the tub and carefully stroked his hair. "... tell me when it's getting better... do you... want me to wash your back then...?"

The gentle touch soothed the pain more than Ivan would have ever imagined. Longing for some release he leaned closer, trying to relax. Warm water was good. It would clean him, even if it already got a pink shade. "... yes... I can't... do it alone right now..."

"Ok..." He reached out for the sponge and dipped it into the water, started to wash his back slowly, gently. "Tell me, if it hurts. You're injured. Don't pretend you're not, ok? This has nothing to do with showing weakness." He knew he had no room to talk, but he felt like he had to remind Ivan.

"... it hurts... this whole time..." Ivan gave back with a crooked smile. "...there's... there's nothing to pretend... left..."

Every now and then, when Gilbert washed a wound, he twitched but Ivan tried not to groan or to give any other sign of pain. It had to be done and the sponge did feel good on unhurt skin... after all these days…

"... Gil? ... thank you... for... all of this..." he mumbled after a little while.

"Don't thank me for this... right now... I think you need a friend..." Gilbert said lowly. "..." Carefully he took his arm and started washing that, too.

"... then thank you... for still... being my friend... after all..." There was so much more Ivan wanted to say, but the gentle treatment made him tired. Now that the pain got less, he could concentrate on the tender touches and like the caresses of a lover they lulled him into growing darkness.

"Still no need to thank..." Gilbert said again and went on, took his other arm and did the same before he carefully started washing his chest, trying not to get too close to the broken rib.

That was when Ivan slipped into sleep. He trusted Gil not to hurt him. He knew he wouldn't hurt him. And together with the gentle care and the warm water surrounding him his exhausted mind just gave in to the darkness.

Gilbert watched him fall asleep. "..." It wasn't good at all, he'd get all wrinkly and finally Gilbert would have to get him out of there..!

Still he didn't wake him up... he stroked his hair, caressed his head.

"What did they do to you... and only because you spoke your mind...? Next time I'll come with you... and I'll help you fight back."

Nightmares and memories waited for Ivan in his sleep. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew they would come, but instead of dark dreams he heard a familiar voice and felt caresses. They seemed so real in his dream as if really someone was there with him. It made Ivan smile slightly but glad, turning his head in that direction. "... lyu... bov..."

"..." Gilbert looked down at him. "... not anymore..." he said lowly. "It's been ages ago... but sometimes I remember... do you remember me from time to time? How I used to be...?" Slowly he leant down to kiss his head.

A sigh was all Ivan gave back. He couldn't understand in his sleep, just know and feel that someone was there who loved him. It helped so much to keep the cold away and it brought him back to sunny fields and endless nights and kisses shared with affection...

Gilbert just stayed like this, caressing his hair, talking lowly to him, having an eye on him.

After a while - he lost track of time - he carefully touched his shoulder. "Ivan... Ivan, wake up... the water's already getting cold..."

It was so nice in his dreams, warm and peaceful. Ivan didn't want to wake up, but there was that voice... Someone called for him and slowly he opened his eyes. Rubies were the first things he saw and it brought a smile to his lips. "... Gil... did I oversleep again...?" It had happened so often... in his lover's arms.

"..." Gilbert smiled slightly. "You could say that..." Carefully he pushed a streak of hair out of his face.

"... too bad... I don't want... to get up yet..." he mumbled and closed his eyes again, catching Gilbert's hand to lead it to his lips.

The German bit his lip. "Then come to bed... I'll stay with you, if you want..."

"... that would be... nice..." Ivan was already slipping back into sleep. "... no one will... miss... us..."

"Yes... no one will miss us... come..." He carefully took his arm and pulled a bit. "Get up..."

"... hm?" Ivan frowned and blinked once more, feeling something sting for the movement. Something wasn't right... The bathroom didn't look like he remembered. Rubbing his eyes with a groan he sat up. "... ah... was I dreaming...?"

"... I guess so..." Gilbert smiled slightly and held his hand out to him. "... are you awake enough to get out of the tub?"

"... tub..." Ivan blinked slowly once more, looking around until his gaze got caught on Gilbert's hand. Hesitating a silent moment he reached out and took the offer. "... yes... I guess..."

Gilbert carefully pulled him out of the water, taking care that he didn't fall. "... I'll get you a towel, ok?"

"... ok..." He felt his legs tremble slightly, but how the air cooled his wet body felt good. Closing his eyes Ivan reached out to support himself on the wall, before the thought came to him that he should get out of the tub. Slowly, needing all concentration, he tried to step out by himself.

Gilbert turned around with the towel in his hands. "Ah...! Careful!" He was quickly by his side to prevent him from falling. "You're still exhausted!"

"..." It took even more strength than Ivan had imagined. Everything just hurt and he took the help gladly, leaning heavily on Gil's shoulder. There was no thought about being dripping wet and naked. It didn't matter while new cottonballs formed in his head. "... n-not even... that..." he mumbled with a crooked smile.

Gilbert sighed and wrapped the towel around him. "... come..." He helped him out of the tub and put a smaller towel on his head. "... do you want to sit down? Can you dry yourself, or do you want me to help?"

"... I just... want in my... bed... and sleep..." The fabric of the towel rubbed over his sore skin. Moving like that wasn't comfortable, but the pain was bearable for the moment. "... it... feels good... to... be cold..."

"... no, it doesn't..." Gilbert mumbled and made him sit down before he searched for a bath robe. "Here... put that on, you can dry in that..."

"..." It didn't? Unsure if he understood right Ivan sat down with Gil's lead and watched him. Being cold did feel good, even if it made him tremble. Frowning slightly he looked down on his hand, wondering why his fingers were shaking so much. "... put... what on...?"

"This...!" Gilbert frowned a bit at the trembling. "... put that on... you'll get better soon..." He held out the robe for him, waiting, examining him.

Ivan did reach out for the robe but as soon as he had it in his hands he just stared at it. For some strange reason he wasn't sure what to do with it. He just held it, trembling without even noticing how much, while his heart beat faster with every passing moment.

"... Ivan...?" Gilbert asked carefully. "What's wrong with you...? Sit down, ok?" Suddenly he was worried.

"... what... does all... all of this mean... I... I..." Something was wrong. Ivan felt it, but he couldn't react... couldn't even answer Gilbert's question. He felt so dizzy in his head. The world around him got blurry on the edges... and there was nothing he could do. He could just watch how his hands were shaking, while his breath accelerated in tune with his racing heartbeat.

"Ivan... Ivan, calm down...!" Gilbert said, taking him by his shoulders. "It's alright, I'm here, I'm with you...! Sit down, please!" Slowly he pushed him down on the tub.

"... Gil...?" It was as if Ivan saw him for the first time. Confused he looked up to him, panting too fast and too flat. He even tried to get up again, not understanding that he had to rest, which resulted in him slipping from the tub's edge instead. "... w-what..."

Gilbert grabbed him and made him sit down on the ground now. "Damnit, Ivan..!" he hissed, then raised his head. "RAIVIS! RAIVIS! I need help, goddamnit!"

"... hngh..." Ivan flinched at the loud voice and tried to cover his ears with shaking hands. What was going on...? What happened here?

Outside the bathroom fast steps came closer and out of breath Raivis opened the door. "I'm... I'm h-here! I c-called the doc."

"Good. I think he's breaking down here...!" Gilbert held Ivan, stroking over his arms slightly. "Raivis, can you help me getting him to his bed?

"I-I? How?" Biting his lip Raivis glanced at the man he feared so much. He was a mess... The smaller one couldn't find other words for it. "I... y-yes, ok..." Wrapping Ivan's arm around his shoulders he tried not to think about this too much.

"On three. One... two... three!" And Gilbert pushed Ivan up.

Ivan could barely hold himself on his legs anymore. All his weight rested on Gilbert's and Raivis' shoulders. Still they were nations and somehow Raivis managed not to break down.

"L-Let's hurry. He's h-heavy!"

"I know that, damnit...! Come...!"

Thank god Ivan's room wasn't too far away. Together they somehow managed to carry him there. "Get him to the bed...!"

"Y-yes! I'm trying!" Raivis wasn't sure how but they even managed the last steps together. Putting the large man down he backed away as soon as he could, watching him with wide eyes. "W-what's wrong with h-him?"

"I don't know, I'm no medic, but I guess the shock is finally coming..." Gilbert said, arranging Ivan on the bed in a - he hoped - comfortable position. "Ivan, can you hear me?"

"..." At this question Ivan opened his eyes a bit and glanced around. He had trouble breathing and understanding where he was or what he was doing there, while his muscles didn't stop shaking. However this place felt familiar... and it gave him a little safety back. "... G...Gi...l..."

"Yes. I'm here. The doctor will be here any minute. Trust me, you'll be ok...!"

"... o... ok..." It was more of a question than an answer as Ivan lifted a hand to reach out for that familiar face.

"I... I'll go down and w-wait at the door for the doctor..." Raivis mumbled as he saw that and turned around to hurry away.

Gilbert took Ivan's hand and held it to his cheek. "...don't worry... ok? You're home. You're safe. You're not alone..."

"... I'm... not...?" Gulping quietly he closed his eyes again in an attempt to calm down and turn mentally to his surroundings. It was hard but with the feeling of someone's skin he had something to focus on. "... 're... warm..."

"... yes... and I'm here with you... it's alright." Gil leant down to him and kissed his forehead. Then he pulled the blanket over him. "You'll be alright..."

Gil's words calmed him a bit more. Ivan felt how the trembling got a little better and he even sighed for the kiss. It was warm were he felt cold, until the lips were gone again and he felt the blanket instead. "... y-you'll... stay...?" he mumbled exhausted.

"..." Gilbert hesitated. But then he nodded. "Yes... I'll stay as long as you wish."

That brought a smile back on pale lips. "... 'asibo..."

Someone knocked at the door the next moment and Raivis poked his head in. "T-the doctor is here..."

Gilbert nodded. "Get him in!" He smiled slightly at Ivan. "The doc will take care of you... ok?"

"... doc...?" Ivan frowned slightly, not understanding right away. His world was still blurry where it wasn't filled with red eyes and soft white hair.

Raivis waved at the man and stepped back to let him into the room. It was the same doctor who had come to see Gilbert not too long ago.

Gilbert looked at him. "He's hurt. I don't know what those assholes did exactly, and how long, but I guess he has at least one broken rib... and several cuts and burns and is very likely under shock..."

The doctor glanced at Ivan as he came closer, nodding in agreement. "It looks like shock. Do me a favour and get some more blankets. Fast. His feet need to get put high" he ordered and opened his bag.

"Understood." Gilbert turned around to walk to the dresser and got some more blankets and cushions to put under his legs.

"... G... il?" Ivan mumbled as the German vanished from his view. It made his heartbeat increase again with irrational panic, while the doctor had a look at his wounds.

"I'm here, Ivan. Just listen to my voice. I'm still here." He lifted his legs a bit and put the cushions under them before he stepped back to his side. "See? Still there... told you, I would stay as long as you wished."

Ivan turned his head in the direction of Gilbert's voice, just to smile again that shaky smile. Gilbert was his anchor. Focusing on him made it easier to breathe and not to tremble that much anymore. Ivan concentrated so much on Gilbert that he didn't even notice the injection the doctor gave him. However he noticed his eyelids getting heavier and the trembling less.

Gilbert raised his head. "What did you give him?" Carefully he stroked Ivan's head. "Something to sleep?"

"He needs to calm down or he'll get a stroke from the shock" the doctor explained and looked through his bag. "Keep talking to him until he's calm enough to sleep."

"Ok..." Gilbert sat down right next to the bed so Ivan could see him without much effort. "See? Ivan, I'm here... soon you'll be all fine and troublesome again... we'll have lots of fights and stuff... but it will be ok."

"... fights...?" Blinking slowly Ivan tried to sort his thoughts. It got harder with every passing moment. Even harder than it had been before. "... dun like... fights..."

"You promised me" Gilbert said. "You promised, once I'm back to health, we'll fight. So I can overthrow you and take your land and you can rest..."

"... ah... yes..." Ivan closed his eyes for a moment, fighting hard to open them again afterwards. "... rest... with... with you..." he whispered while his view blurred more and more, fading to black. "... Gi...l-"

"... it's ok... you should sleep... I'll be staying here with you. Promised..."

His lips moved but Ivan's voice was too quiet to be understood, before he slipped into sleep again.

"Finally..." the doctor sighed. "It should be fine now. You can go. I need to work."

"No." Gilbert shook his head. "I won't get in the way, but I'll stay."

The man gave him a long glance. He had been called to this house many times already and he had given up to reason with nations long ago. "If you stay you can help me at least. If the rib is broken as it looks, I need you to hold him up to get bandaged. But first those burns... You said you know what happened?"

Gilbert shook his head. "No. I don't know. I only assume. He disagreed with... someone high up and was thrown into a camp. He was like this when I took him from there. I don't know what they did, but I do know that Ivan isn't easy to be broken like this."

"Camp? Ah..." The doc's face darkened while he treated the wounds. "Explains a lot. I've seen such wounds before. Cigarettes are used not only to torture but to keep people awake. If they didn't let him sleep for days it'd explain this break down."

Gilbert clenched his fists. "... if I had the power...!" he growled.

I will punish them... I swear to god, they will pay... some day, somehow...!

The man shook his head. "Let it be. The KGB is fast to act and most people never show up again. It's almost worse than under Stalin..."

"Tch..." Gilbert bit his lip. "I'll grow again and I'll take them down, all of them."

"I'll be the first to congratulate you when that day comes." Turning to Ivan's largest bruise the doc felt for the broken rib. Even under drugs the touch made Ivan groan quietly. "Hmm... it's in place. At least something."

Gilbert looked at the bruise. "Can you... stabilize it a bit?"

The doc nodded and grabbed a wide bandage from his bag. "Yes. This should do. Help me and hold him up a bit. Yes?"

"Ok... will... will he be ok? I won't make it worse like that?"

"Lift him just enough so I can get around his back. Not more. He's not allowed to bend too much the next days or move too much at all, so the rib will stay in place. If he does it might still puncture some inner organs."

"..." Gilbert bit his lips and nodded. He wrapped his arm around Ivan's shoulder and carefully lifted him up a bit. "Like this...?"

"Yes. Perfect." The doctor worked quickly, trying to avoid too much pressure without being able to ask Ivan about it. "There... put him down. You have to take care of this. The bandage needs to stay tight, but if he starts getting troubles breathing you have to loosen it. Understood?"

"Understood... this state will... go away, right? He'll be alright?"

"I guess." The man looked over his patient with a sigh, having still so much to do. "He's been through other things already, so I guess he'll heal this time as well."

Gilbert looked at Ivan. "... don't take too long..." he growled. "You know I get easily bored..."

The doctor cared for the other wounds, bandaged some and gave Ivan some more injections, before he pulled the blanket back over him and packed his things together.

"Alright. He'll sleep a little longer... judging from the shadows under his eyes it might even take some hours. Let him rest and make sure he stays warm for now. If his state changes in any way call me again."

Gilbert nodded. "Understood... I will take good care of him..." He held out his hand. "Thank you for your help..."

The doctor blinked, not used to people thanking him, but he did take Gilbert's hand. "You're welcome. If something's wrong, call me. Yes?" And he grabbed his bag and turned to go

"Yes... I will...!" Gilbert sat down on the edge of the bed, looking down on Ivan. "... you better get well soon..."

It didn't take long after the doctor was gone that there were footsteps coming fast closer and the door opened. Standing there, out of breath, was Toris still dressed in his coat and boots.

"I heard from Raivis...!" he panted and stared at the bed.

Gilbert raised his head. "... thought so." He looked back at Ivan. "He's hurt and exhausted. But he's strong... he'll be himself soon enough..."

"..." Toris bit his lip as he came slowly, almost hesitating closer. "... he'll be for sure... What happened? Raivis wasn't very clear..." Carefully he took a big cold hand to hold it in his.

"I don't know. They put him in a ... camp... for speaking up against whatever. They... no idea what they did to him. They hit him, cut him, burnt his skin... in just a few days they made him a mess!"

Toris gulped quietly, curling his fingers tighter around Ivan's hand. "I thought these things were over... Gilbert... thank you for getting him home. I know you two weren't on best terms when he left, but... thank you anyway..."

Gilbert looked at their hands. "..." He turned away his face. "Yeah, whatever... do you... want to take care of him? I told him... to stay by his side... but... I guess you'd rather do that...?"

He didn't even know why he said that. Maybe because he noticed the look in Toris' eyes...

Remembered that kiss.

No matter, what Ivan said... if it was true that Toris was just a friend to him...

Ivan was more to Toris.

Toris looked up. "You told him you'd stay...? I guess he won't be happy then if you leave..." He noticed the strange expression on Gilbert's face, but he wasn't sure what to think of it. It was most likely that the German was just bothered by having to stay.

"But sure... I take care of him. You don't have to stay here."

"... do you think he'd care? If it's me or you?" Gilbert asked lowly.

Sure, Ivan had cared, minutes ago.

But he had been hurt, mistreated, he probably had been happy for ANYONE being nice to him...

"..." Toris looked down on the big hand in his slender one. Maybe Gilbert wasn't bothered by having to stay...

"If you promised him you'd stay... and he wasn't in delirium... I guess he will care..."

Gilbert sighed a bit. "I guess... I'll stay then... but... depending on how long it takes... maybe you can look after him, too..."

"That sounds... like a good plan." He smiled a little and put Ivan's hand back on the blanket with care. "Do you stay here then? I can... I can make some tea and something to eat for you two meanwhile."

Gilbert nodded slowly. "I guess... that's a good plan..." He smiled slightly. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Toris gave back quietly and looked for a long thoughtful moment down on sleeping Ivan, before he smiled at Gil and turned to make the promised food. He was worried for Ivan and he would have loved to stay by his side to watch over him, but he knew and he had seen things... Maybe it was Gilbert who was expected to do all that.

Gilbert waited until he was gone before he slowly took Ivan's hand. "... he cares for you... you shouldn't play games with him... I know you kiss people all the time, but... I don't know... if I were him... I'd be hurt by it..." he mumbled.

Toris took his time preparing a simple soup, which could be drank cold, and some tea before he came back with a big tray. Knocking carefully he slipped into Ivan's room and put everything on the small table by the window.

Bringing a cup with steaming tea over to Gilbert he glanced at their patient. "Did his state change...?"

"It's been less than an hour... so... of course not.." Gilbert replied tiredly. He raised his gaze at the tea and slowly reached out for it.

"Sometimes miracles happen..." Toris gave softly back and gave him the tea. "You look tired. Do you want to take a break maybe? As you said... there probably won't be any change yet..."

Gilbert rubbed his eyes. "... I... I guess I'll at least go to the bathroom... and take a hot shower or something like that... somehow I'm cold..."

Toris frowned slightly. "Don't get sick over worrying... which reminds me... how are your legs? You've not been completely fine this morning..."

"I'm fine..." Gilbert said, trying not to let his legs tremble too much as he got up. "I'll need a good night of sleep and I'll be fine..."

"I see... Don't overdo it. Yes? You have to get better too..."

"I know that." Gilbert left the room and went to the bathroom. In the shower he finally sat down, letting the hot water soothe his trembling.

Obviously this day had been too much.

Toris looked after him and sighed deeply, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "He's just as stubborn as you are, Vanya..." he mumbled and took once more Ivan's hand to hold it. "... but he likes you... I don't think he would have stayed otherwise." Smiling sadly he leaned over to blow a kiss on Ivan's forehead. "... I don't want him to hurt you... but you shouldn't hurt him either... he tries so hard..."

Gilbert didn't notice how long he stayed under the water. But after what seemed to be an eternity, he left the bathroom again, slowly getting back.

At the door he stopped. Toris... was talking...? Did Ivan wake up already?

"... but then you stopped calling. I knew something had happened..." Another deep sigh could be heard. "You'd never stop calling with your need for control... We were worried for you. Well... mostly I... you know Eduard and Raivis... but I think Gilbert was worried too. He didn't show it, but... I had the feeling. It's good you're back now... now you just have to wake up and we all can be happy again. Ok, Vanya?"

"..." Gilbert bit his lip. Don't talk about me like that... he'll get ideas...

I wasn't worried for him!

Why was he even denying it...?

"..." Smiling gloomily Toris reached out to brush some hair from Ivan's forehead. Somehow he felt cold to the touch and he remembered Gilbert's words. "You know... maybe you should wait... with waking up, I mean..." he mumbled. "... wait, until he's back... I think it would make him very happy. And you want to make him happy... right?"

Slowly Ivan's fingers moved on the blanket and a sound like a sigh left his lips.

"... Ivan?" Toris asked quietly. "Can you... hear me...?"

Why would you say something like that...

Why would it make me happy?

Gilbert clenched his fists. Of course he'd be relieved when Ivan woke up again, but...!

And why… would Ivan want HIM to be happy?

He raised his head as he heard Toris' words.

He's waking up?

"... hn..."

"Ivan...? Vanya..." Leaning over him Toris watched his face attentive. This was no dream Ivan was having... The Russian's eyelids twitched slightly, before he frowned just a little.

"Hey... Vanya..." Toris felt his eyes burn a little and he rubbed them quickly as he noticed the other blinking.

"... Gil...?"

The smile was almost gone as fast as it had come. Leaning back a little Toris tried to remain unmoved by that little word. "No... it's Toris..."

Ivan blinked, slowly waking from the drug. "... Torya... you?"

The German bit his lip.

Ivan, you idiot... why... why did you ask for me...? We're... not even friends...! We're fighting all the time!

For a moment he considered just leaving...

But somehow he couldn't.

"Yes... I came back from running errands." Once more Toris managed a smile as he leaned closer and put a hand on a pale cheek. "How do you feel?"

"... dizzy..." Ivan mumbled and leaned into the touch. It felt warm.

"Are you in pain...?"

The answer took a moment while Ivan listened to his body. It stung still here and there now that he moved a bit, but it was bearable. Also the pressure around his ribs was uncomfortable, but not painful yet again. "... it's... alright, I guess... where... where is Gilbert...?" he mumbled finally. "... he... promised to stay..."

Gilbert gulped.

... I didn't leave... I wanted to come back...

I thought you'd be happier with Toris around...

Stop that, Gilbert. You're making a fool out of yourself.

"He did..." Toris gave back carefully. "He just went to take a shower... he's been here until not long ago."

"..." Ivan looked around tiredly and closed his eyes then. "I see... I thought... I thought I heard him talking... in my dreams... So he... was here...?"

"Yes... He took care of you all this time..." Somehow it hurt to admit this. No one was around and Ivan probably too tired to think straight. It would have been so easy to lie... but Toris didn't want to. "I'm sure he'll be back any minute... or... do you... want me to get him?"

If it helped Ivan... if it'd made him happy...

Once more the answer took a while. Toris wasn't sure if Ivan maybe had fallen asleep again, but when he leaned over him tired violet eyes looked up. "... yes, please..."

Toris smiled bravely and blew a kiss right between pale eyebrows. "I'll get him for you... Don't try to get up meanwhile. Ok? It won't take long..."

Gilbert tensed and for a moment didn't move at all.

But when he did, he turned around to walk away.

This... this wasn't good...

A last squeeze of Ivan's hand, a last glance on his pale face, and Toris got up to walk to the door. There he looked back once more before he slipped out and closed the door again. For a moment he just wanted to sink back against the wood and cry, when he noticed the movement not far away.

"Gilbert...?"

Gilbert stopped, caught in the motion. "... tell him... I fell asleep..." he said lowly.

I don't want to see him... I don't want... this to happen again...

It will just end as it did last time.

"..." Had Gilbert listened at the door? Toris bit his lip. "Why...? He wants to see you, Gil..."

"... what if... I don't want to see him? You should go back. He likes you. And you... well... you do so, too. Sort of..."

"You stayed at his side since you brought him back... Do you really think I believe you? You-" Toris blinked overrun. "..." Biting his lip he looked to the side. "He doesn't want me there right now. Isn't that answer enough...?"

Gilbert closed his eyes. "... he's awake for a few minutes and already troublesome..." he grumbled and got back into the room.

Toris didn't follow him back, nor did he even look after him. Instead he walked slowly down the hallway, smiling a broken and sad smile.

"So you're finally awake?" Gilbert asked and stepped to the bed.

Turning his head Ivan smiled gladly at seeing Gilbert again. "... Gil... yes, it seems so... doesn't it...?"

"Hm... yes..." He sat down on the bed. "Why did you send him away...?" he asked softly.

"Hm...?" Ivan needed a moment to understand who Gilbert talked about. "Torya...? I didn't... just asked him to... look for you..."

"You know... that's the same as saying... I'd rather have someone else around than you..." Gilbert sighed.

That made Ivan frown a little. "That's... not true... it's just... you promised you'd stay... and you've... not been there..."

"I'm sorry... I was tired... and I didn't think you'd wake up so soon... so I asked Toris to look after you a bit... it was the right thing to do..."

"... what do you mean... with that?" Slowly Ivan tried to sit up, but the movement send a sting right through his chest.

"Stay down" Gilbert ordered, pushing him back. "You're not supposed to move. And I mean what I said. Toris was worried about you..."

Ivan groaned quietly, holding his rib with a hand. It seemed the painkiller the doctor had given him weren't strong enough for that.

"... Toris is always... worried..." he mumbled. "I know he... he was..."

"... do you really not see how he looks at you..." Gilbert whispered without really knowing WHY he said that.

"... whatever... you stay down. Are you in pain? Should I get some painkillers for you?"

"..." Ivan closed his eyes, feeling the bandage under his fingertips. It hurt when he pressed down just slightly on the broken rib, but it helped him keeping his head clear. "... I'm not stupid... nor blind... but... it's over..." he gave back quietly, shaking his head for Gil's question.

Not for him, obviously. "... kay." Gilbert looked to the window. "You should sleep a bit... you're exhausted and hurt... and there's not much I could do anyway..."

"... why do you... care, Gilbert...?"

"... why do you ask..." Gilbert replied. "Want me to go? I'll get someone else who'd be glad to sit here with you..."

"... that's not... what I meant..." Finally he turned his head to look up to him. "... but if you're bothered... I thought... I heard you promised to stay... some time ago... but no need to stay... if you don't want to... anymore."

"... it's not like that..." Gilbert looked at him. "Why did you ask for me? Why... does it matter if it's me who looks after you...?"

"..." A sigh left Ivan's lips. He wasn't sure if to laugh or... just cry. He was exhausted enough to do both. "... you're blind... and stupid..."

Gilbert bit his lip, remembering Ivan's words, just minutes ago...

"... don't..." he whispered.

That's not possible. It's just not possible...!

"... don't what..." Ivan didn't feel strong enough to discuss this matter now, but it was a fact that he had thought of home, all these endless nights he hadn't been allowed to sleep. And it was a fact that he had thought of everyone, worried for everyone, but most of the time for Gilbert...

"... don't tell me, that you... after all these years..." Gilbert looked to the side.

That's not good... Ivan...

"... I won't... tell you anything... you won't believe me anyway..." Ivan gave back quietly and turned with a pained groan on his side, giving Gilbert his back. He was tired... so tired and cold... A shiver ran over his skin.

"... want me... to get another blanket...?" he whispered.

"... da..." And maybe some more painkiller weren't such a bad idea as well. If it helped to sleep...

Gilbert got up and walked to the dresser. "..."

With a sigh he sat down again not a moment later and pushed off his boots before he turned around to Ivan. "... make some room... there are no blankets left..."

With a little frown Ivan looked over his shoulder. "... what... are you doing...?"

"... what do you think I'm doing? You're freezing and there are no blankets left. I'll do what you did for me...!"

It resulted in another groan to turn back on his back... and make some space. "... you don't have to..."

"I know. Do you think I'd do anything because I HAVE to? You've dealt with me over centuries, you should know better" Gilbert growled and lied down with him.

"..." Yes, he knew Gilbert and he knew his sense of pride... that was why Ivan wasn't that sure. Still... Gilbert's presence felt good... he felt warm at his side. "... and what now?"

Gilbert shrugged. "Let's cuddle a bit? You're cold, aren't ya? If you can kiss your friends, you should be able to hug them, too..."

"... I can't..." Ivan turned his head to look into red eyes. "... it hurts."

"... then I'll just cuddle you a bit..." he said and got a bit closer, putting his arm around Ivan without putting any pressure on his rib. "... you'll get warm soon..."

"..." It was a strange feeling... having Gil embracing him for the first time on his own. Ivan remembered blurred how Gilbert had held him back in the car and how he had cried on the German's shoulder. Once more he felt his eyes burning... he was safe and home. For real.

Turning his head he hid his face on Gil's neck.

Gilbert bit his lip and after a moment of hesitation, he buried his fingers into his hair.

"... I meant it..." he mumbled. "If I had the power... I'd beat the crap out of every one of them..."

No matter how it hurt... holding his rib with one arm Ivan wrapped his other around Gilbert's back, digging his fingers into his shirt. Gilbert was warm...

"... I... know..." he whispered muffled. "... but you... shouldn't... still... spasibo..."

"... you shouldn't move that much... idiot..." he mumbled. "And I'm not afraid of them... I'd take them down... all of them. And I will... once I'm in charge. You can bet..." Out of reflex he kissed his head. "But for now... I'll keep you warm..."

"..." Ivan believed every single word. Back then he had said he'd love to sit and rest and letting Gilbert take care for once. This maybe wasn't his end of being the head of the family... but he could pretend.

Brushing his nose over white skin, he closed his eyes. "... it's better... already..."

"... good then..." Gilbert said. "You should sleep a bit... I'll stay here and keep you warm... I promise not to walk away this time..."

"..." His fingers tightened a bit around the fabric of the German's shirt. "... ok... I won't... too..."

"You better wouldn't... the doctor said you're not allowed to move much...!"

That made Ivan smile. Nuzzling closer to the other, enjoying that warmth so much after what he had went through... he closed his eyes, mumbling words of love into thin fabric and skin, barely understandable.

Gilbert stroked his hair, staring into nothingness.

He heard the words and even if he couldn't understand most of them, he knew their meaning...

"... I'm here..." he whispered.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _Glawnoje uprawlenije isprawitelno-trudowych lagerej i kolonij (Gulag) -_ _Main Administration of Corrective Labor Camps and Labor Settlements_

 _Spasibo – thank you/thanks_

 _KGB (_ _Komitet Gossudarstwennoi Besopasnosti) - Committee for State Security_


	8. The Call

_Authors' note:_

The sky is cloudy, it's raining and cold.

I just turned 30, I'm feeling so old.

BUT IT'S STILL A BEAUTIFUL DAY!

HERE'S THE NEW CHAPTER, HOORAY!

 _This was a personal message from Mi-chan._

 _Thank you all so much for faving, following and reviewing! Your nice words always make our days! Also a special thanks to SM-13 for her wonderful fanart!_

* * *

 **The Call**

Ivan slept for hours. Being close to someone he trusted gave him enough safety to rest and take all the hours of sleep he had lost the last days. He didn't even wake up when Toris came to bring them dinner and he kept on sleeping all night as well.

Gilbert stayed by his side all the time. He only slipped out once for a few minutes to go to the toilet, but he returned right after that.

It was in the late morning the next day, when the doctor showed up again to check on Ivan's rib. It woke the Russian and he let the man take care of him, unwilling but without protest. It meant he'd get better eventually and he even felt hungry enough to devour three portions of breakfast, just to feel sick afterwards. But it was worth it... and Ivan's mood rose soon to an almost happy level.

Until that call came.

Gilbert was sitting next to Ivan when the phone rang, lecturing him about how he had 'told him so', not to eat that much at once.

Just seconds ago Ivan had grinned from ear to ear, listening to Gilbert and giving him a played sheepish glance. However when the phone rang all positivity melted from his expression. Only few people had the number leading to his personal room...

"..." He stared at the phone, not moving at all.

"... won't you... pick up?" Gilbert asked, confused. "Or do you want me to go first...?"

"No!" Ivan got startled by his own voice and how harsh it sounded. He hadn't meant to...

"No... it's better if you don't..." Taking a deep breath that hurt his rib he picked the phone up and held it to his ear. "... I'm here."

Gilbert twitched a bit, frowning. Something wasn't right...

Who was it...? His boss?

The mere thought made him angry.

"... yes... yesterday..." Ivan listened to the voice on the other end of the line and his expression darkened more with each passing moment. He gritted his teeth. "... I'm perfectly fine... yes... no, it won't happen again... what?" He frowned and glanced at Gilbert. "... at three...? Is that necessar-... yes, sir... yes... it might be that-" There was a beeping on the other end. Taken off guard Ivan started at the phone.

"... what was it... Ivan?" Gilbert said lowly, looking at him with concern.

With a low curse he smashed the phone back on the table, hissing right afterwards when the sudden movement hurt his rib. "... that bastard... that bastard knows very well I'm not fine yet!" he growled in pain.

"... what is it, Ivan?" Gilbert insisted. "What does he want from you?"

"... he wants to see me... this afternoon at three... for god's sake!" He wasn't sure what to do, if he even could stand on his feet already. The doc had been direct about Ivan's state, but he couldn't ignore this...

Gilbert's face darkened. "That bastard...! You have no choice?"

Ivan ran a hand over his face. "... no, I've no choice... he'll punish me again if I don't show up..."

"..." Gilbert bit his lip. "Then I'll come with you."

"... what?" He looked up, confusion and worries in his eyes. "... no... no, you can't."

"Oh yes I can! You're hurt! The doc said you're not allowed to move much! You can hardly stand on your own, so YES, I will come with you!"

Ivan wanted to disagree. He wanted to explain why Gilbert couldn't come... wasn't allowed to come... but he shut his mouth again and just looked at him in silence. His body still hurt and despite sleeping so much he still felt tired. Having Gil with him... Ivan had the feeling it would give him the strength to go through with what he had to. "... fine... if you insist..."

"I do, indeed!" Gilbert growled. "That bastard won't make that injury any worse than it already is!"

"Gilbert... I understand your anger... but if you want to come... with me... you have to follow the rules..." Reaching out he put a hand on Gil's arm, squeezing it harder than it was necessary. "... it's dangerous... do you understand me?"

"Tch... yes... Yes, I understand, you can let go! I won't do anything stupid, ok?"

Like kicking that asshole's ass!

Ivan sighed deeply. "Of course you won't... but Gil... I mean it... ... look at me... I don't want this to happen to you too..."

"This WON'T happen to me. I promise that!" He'd fight until either they or he himself was dead! He wouldn't allow ANYONE to break him!

Ivan had a bad feeling about this, but there was nothing he could do. Gil wouldn't stay behind anymore... he knew the German too well.

Groaning quietly Ivan sank back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "... we should get our uniforms... and get the car ready to bring us there..."

"You stay there... I'll arrange that..." Gilbert got up and vanished out of the room to get everything done.

He'd make sure Ivan went home fine again!

The hours went by and Ivan felt a lump in his stomach. Not from the food, but that one moment coming closer, where they had to leave. When it was time, and Gilbert had just left his place at Ivan's side, he got up from the bed to get himself dressed. He wanted to save that little bit of pride he had left… even if it hurt.

A few minutes later, Gilbert knocked at his door. "... Ivan? Are you ready? Or do you need some help?"

He washed some pills down with a glass of water the moment Gilbert knocked. It would help soon, but until then he just had to pull himself together. With slow steps, a hand always close to a surface or the wall, Ivan came to the door, fully dressed in his usual uniform.

"I'm ready to go... if you are."

Gilbert looked at him with worry. "I am..." He straightened his jacket. "I'll be right next to you... ok? It's ok to show some weakness... at least until we're there..."

Ivan smiled crooked. "Some weakness..." As if he hadn't shown how completely weak he was the day before. Still he took the offer and leaned heavy on Gilbert's shoulder. "... until the medicine works..." he mumbled with a sheepish smile. "Let's go."

"Sure. Come..."

Ivan didn't look up on their way to look into Toris' eyes, whom they passed by the door. For some strange reason he felt bad... and not just for the feeling of his rib moving.

Gilbert supported him all the way, downstairs and to the car.

"We'll manage this. Ok?"

When he could finally sit again Ivan sighed deeply. "Yes... we have to. But Gil... remember what I told you. It's dangerous..."

"I know. Ok? I know. I'll shut my mouth and won't do something stupid." Or at least he'd try. But Ivan didn't have to know that.

"... I hope so..." Ivan mumbled under his breath and made himself as comfortable as possible.

Meanwhile Gilbert sat down behind the wheel and waited until Ivan was ready. "Let's do this."

"Ok... If you don't mind, I... I guess I'll try to sleep a bit more...?"

"I don't mind. Sleep. Gather your strength..." He gave him another worried gaze, before he started the engine and drove off...

It took them a while but finally a warm hand was placed on Ivan's arm. "... wake up..."

The Russian flinched at the touch, looking around with tired eyes. "... who... are we... there already?"

Gilbert nodded slowly. "Yes... we are... how do you feel?"

"Ah..." Rubbing his face Ivan sat up straight, feeling his body stinging a little at the movement. It wasn't as bad as before, so the medicine worked, but it was still there. "I'm fine... What time is it?"

"It's... a few minutes until three... come... let's not give him a reason to be upset..." Gilbert said and got out to open his door.

"... right." Rubbing his face once more, trying to look as intimidating as ever, Ivan waited for Gil to open the door before he took a deep breath and stepped out. Straightening his back he shrugged off all signs of his wounds and walked into the building, as if nothing had ever happened.

Gilbert followed him with some steps distance. He was Ivan's subordinate. Not his friend.

At least, not here...

He didn't have a good feeling about this place... not at all...

Ivan took the lead through the hallways, past offices and soldiers standing guard here and there. Most people greeted him properly and even exchanged some words with him, but always on a very submissive level. Ivan was the highest ranked officer in the whole building... except of course for the man they were about to meet.

Stopping in front of a large wooden double door Ivan took another deep breath and glanced over his shoulder at Gilbert, before he knocked and entered. He knew his boss had heard of his arrival already.

For a moment Gilbert hesitated, but then he followed him, closing the door lowly behind him.

This office was way too big for one... or just big enough for someone with a big ego...

Behind a large desk sat a man, who didn't even look up from his files after the door had been closed again. Stepping closer Ivan stopped about two meters in front of the desk, just waiting. He knew this game already and he gave Gilbert a sign to keep standing in the background.

"Comrade Chruschtschow. I'm here as you requested."

Finally the man looked up and his eyes immediately found Gilbert. "You brought a friend. I thought I ordered you here alone."

Gilbert twitched and bit his lip. He straightened his shoulders, not showing any signs of fear - which he didn't feel. Just despise.

"He's my second in command. He needed to get to know the house," Ivan explained without an indication of discomfort.

An eyebrow was raised and his boss leaned back into his chair. "GDR is your second in command? Are you sure of your choice, Ivan?"

"I'm very sure."

"Hm..." For a long moment the man stared at Gilbert, before he shrugged him off and turned his attention back to his nation. "Well, then. Shovel your own channel."

That comment made Ivan growl quietly.

"Ah." It was a sharp, warning sound. "Haven't we talked about this? Be quiet when I talk to you."

Gilbert kept his hands folded behind his back, clenching them to not just punch this guy's face.

How was he talking with Ivan? He was RUSSIA, goddamnit!

Be quiet, Gilbert. You'll just make things worse...

I know... but it's so fucking difficult!

"Seems your men did a bad job if you already start to act up again."

Ivan gritted his teeth and looked down on the carpet. He wasn't allowed to let himself be provoked. Not after what had happened...

"I won't act up."

"No, of course not..." His boss put his fingertips together, glancing on the file in front of him. "I got the report from your friend. You acted up for three whole days. Was that really necessary? I thought I made myself clear. Fighting didn't help. I have to say I didn't plan on letting them perform the sleep deprivation on you, but seeing you're as stubborn as your people I had no choice but to order it. You understand me, don't you?"

"... yes..." Ivan pressed through his teeth.

"..." Gilbert looked to the side, suppressing a deep growl.

This... stupid... STUPID man! How could one person be so utterly STUPID?

Punishing, WEAKENING his own country like that! Didn't he know ANYTHING? Didn't he know that not only the wealth, the people influenced Ivan's health, but also the other way round?

STUPID IDIOT!

Three days...! In just a few days they had BROKEN Ivan! GODDAMNIT YOU STUPID FUCKER!

"Good. I hoped you'd be a good boy now." The man sighed deeply. "You see, I didn't want to continue what Stalin started, but with your stubborn head I have no choice. You know we're not allowed to show any weakness in front of the capitalists. Right?"

"... right..."

"Good that you understand. I'm really glad. And still you're standing here and I'm sure you'd like to break down right now. The report," he put a hand on it, observing Ivan attentive, "was very specific on your condition. I see you sweating, Ivan, but even after this you should be able to remain strong and invincible. How do you want to win this quiet war? Hm? When you're weak like this?" The man got up and walked slowly around the desk until he stood in front of Ivan. He was several heads smaller than his nation; still it felt as if he was a giant.

"He's standing here" Gilbert said. "He's stronger than anyone I know."

Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth, you filthy piece of shit! SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH!

... and you, too, Gilbert. You should shut your mouth, too.

"..." Ivan's boss leaned just a little to the side, to glance at Gilbert for a moment. "Heard that, Ivan? How proud you must be that your subordinate thinks you're strong... But how strong are you, when you can't even keep them under control, I wonder?"

"Beilschmidt..." Ivan's voice was trembling slightly. He didn't even turn around to look at him. "... Stay quiet."

Gilbert bit his lip and looked to the side.

Asshole. Asshole asshole ASSHOLE!

You goddamn fucking asshole!

"Hm... at least he listens. Now back to you..." Looking up to the tall Russian Ivan's boss smiled a little. However that smile was cold. "I asked you a question. How do you want to win this war like that, Ivan? You know that we have plans on Cuba and when that happens, we need to be stronger than the US. YOU need to be stronger than this Jones-guy."

"... I will be..."

"What? What did you just mumble? I couldn't hear you."

"I will be stronger," Ivan repeated louder, fists clenched at his sides.

"Hm... why don't I believe you? Maybe you need more training. Winning the Great Patriotic War made you fat and lazy..."

"That's not true," Ivan hissed, feeling his self-control fading and with it the painkiller.

"Oh no?" His boss looked up at him, lurking. "So what is this?" And without warning he punched Ivan in the chest, making him groan in pain as he got down on his knees.

"IVAN!" Gilbert was next to him the next moment and glared at the Russian. "The fuck are you doing?"

Ivan gasped for air over the stinging pain, holding his ribs as tight as possible.

"Is that a way to address a superior? Watch your mouth, German." Hands folded on his back Ivan's boss walked around them, looking down on his nation as if he was a filthy insect. "You can't even take that, Ivan, and I am human. You won't win a third war like this... But I won't let that happen. First, keep your subordinates under control!"

Gilbert growled and stepped next to Ivan, glaring at his boss. "Want me to break one of YOUR ribs?! Then you can show me how strong YOU are when someone punches you! And what is all that talking about a third war, are you still not tired of fighting?!"

Ivan's boss glared at Gilbert, not the slightest bit of fear in his eyes. "Really now... Do you really dare to act up in my country, in my office, you piece of Nazishit?"

"What did you just call me, you fucker?!" Gilbert shouted, clenching his fist and making a step towards him.

"GILBERT!" Ivan had fought himself back on his feet and reached out to grab the German's arm in an iron grip. "Enough! Stand back! Now!"

Gilbert growled at the Russian, not moving a bit. "What. Did you just call me?!"

Ivan's boss smiled sweetly at him. "A piece of Nazishit. You know, I fought in the war and I saw what kind of people you are."

"Gilbert!" Ivan put all authority into his voice he could manage, as he tried to pull him back. "I said enough!"

Gilbert freed himself from Ivan's grip, still glaring at that man. "... you should be happy he's here to stop me from smashing your skull..." he hissed, stepping back a bit.

His heart was racing. He was so ANGRY.

"You should be happy he's here to stop me from throwing you into a camp, boy" the man gave back, still very relaxed in front of a nation boiling with rage.

Grabbing Gil once more Ivan pulled him back and to the door. "Don't say... another... single... word..." he whispered panting. "Not... one... more... word, Gilbert."

Gilbert glared at Ivan, his eyes burning with rage. "I'm not afraid of him" he said. But in the end he just looked to the side, his hands clenched until his fingernails dug painfully into his skin.

He wasn't afraid. That bastard could try to break him, too, but Gilbert would fight or die. He would NEVER let anyone break him like that!

I know, Ivan wanted to say, but instead he just shook his head. His heart was racing, but not with pain or rage... but with fear for Gilbert. He had felt himself what his boss could do and he knew if he let this happen to Gil... he wouldn't come out of this alive.

"You'll leave now... You'll wait at the car for me... Understood?"

"...!" Gilbert looked at him with wide eyes and shook his head. No! NO, Ivan, no freaking way!

"I said... you'll leave now." Ivan growled. He didn't want to send Gil away. He was afraid he wasn't strong enough with his support in his back, but this was better... This had to be or the German would kill himself.

"..." Gilbert glared at him. "Fine. Fine, whatever!" And with that he turned around and shut the door quite loudly. How could that guy DARE to talk to them like this!

Fuck you! Fuck you all! I'm not afraid of this asshole! I'd show him and his fuckers! "GODDAMNIT!"

Ivan was left behind with hurting ribs and ice in his stomach. He understood Gil... but he was equally afraid for him.

"You should really work on keeping your dogs under control," a voice snarled from behind. "I guess we have to talk about that a bit longer..."

Gilbert stormed down the hallway, but instead of going to the car, he sat down on the ground just a few hundred meters away from the office.

Don't you dare hurting him even more...!

He buried his face into his arms.

Goddamnit...

He made everything worse...

It took a little while before the voices behind the double door got loud enough to be heard even in the hallway. It sounded as if Ivan and his boss argued, although no clear word could be heard. Something shattered with a loud noise inside the office and not a moment after something thud against the wooden doors.

Gilbert raised his head. What... what was that?! He got up on his legs quickly and walked first, then ran back.

"Ivan!" he shouted and stormed into the office again.

Ivan sat leaned against the wall right beside the doors, curled up and holding his ribs. His face was just as white as the wall behind him and twisted in pain.

His boss looked up from the remains of his desk lamp shattered on the floor, and frowned angrily. "Haven't you been ordered to wait outside?"

Gilbert didn't even look at him, but crouched down next to Ivan. "Ivan...!" Worry was in his face. "Goddamnit..."

The only answer was a pained groan. Ivan tried to sit up straight again, but he ended up coughing which just made his rib worse.

"Your superior is worthless right now. Bring him home and nurse him back to health. Maybe then he'll be of use again."

Gilbert glared at him. "... fick dich doch, verdammter Dreckskerl..." he growled and grabbed Ivan's arm to put it around his shoulders and help him up. "Come... let's go home..."

The movement almost made him cry out, but Ivan tried not to give in to the pain again. Biting his lip hard enough to make it bleed, he helped with getting up and stumbled through the door with Gilbert's help.

Just away... this wasn't good... just away...

Gilbert walked as fast as Ivan could and helped him into the car.

"... sorry..." he mumbled. This was his fault...

As soon as he was sitting, Ivan gave in to everything, just falling to the side with a groan still holding his ribs. "... leave... w-we need... to leave..." he pressed through gritted teeth.

Before his boss decided differently.

"..." Gilbert bit his lip and sat down on the driver's seat. It didn't take him long until they were far enough from that man.

"... are you angry at me?" he mumbled. He should be. He didn't listen. His pride and temper got him carried away and this was the result of it.

The pain calmed down a little, the longer Ivan was allowed to lie unmoved. He even found it easier to breathe again and himself able to uncurl, resting flat on his back as much as the space in the car allowed.

"... I told you not to act up..." he murmured after a moment of silence. "... he tried... to provoke us... on purpose..."

"Well, he did a good job" Gilbert growled. "... sorry... I didn't want him to hurt you.."

"... it's not... your fault... he... would have... anyway... still, you are... you're so very... fucking... lucky..." Ivan growled. "... what if... if he had send... you away..."

"Tch. He could've tried...!" Gilbert growled.

"He would have done!" He almost screamed, just to groan again in pain. "H-He would... have... executed... you... you damn... German... blockhead..."

"You know just as well as I do that you can't just kill a nation like that. We tried in so many wars, it's just not possible" Gilbert replied with surprisingly calm voice. "And I would've given them a hard time."

"... you stupid... stupid... asshole!" Ivan howled, almost desperate. "I won't... allow you to... to let yourself... be tortured!"

"You should've let me kill that asshole... you'd probably be better off without him..." Gilbert mumbled.

"... no... who knows... who'd come next... he's already nicer... than Stalin... ever was..."

Gilbert looked at him from the corner of his eye. "I'm not easily caught, Ivan... nor tortured... I'm not as strong as I used to be, but I'm not weak either."

Lifting his head Ivan glared at him from the backseat. "... am I weak then...? I didn't... gave in out of... free will... you know?! You've no... no idea... what they can do... I won't allow that... I won't..."

"And I won't let that asshole go on hurting you..." Gilbert muttered. "You should sleep now... you're hurt and exhausted and the doc will kill us for not listening."

"..." Sinking back on the seat, covering his eyes with his arms, Ivan gave up discussing. Just as Gil had said he was hurt and exhausted. But even if he had been hurt back in the office, he'd defend Gilbert any time again from being send away... "... idiot..."

"I heard that" Gilbert just replied and drove on.

It took them a while until they were finally home again.

Ivan had tried to sleep the pain away, but it hadn't worked like before. So he was awake when Gilbert stopped and got up slowly to open the door.

Gilbert stepped around the car and held out his hand for him.

"... I'm still mad at you..." Ivan mumbled before he took the offered hand and got out.

"... sorry..." Gilbert said, and meant it. He hadn't wanted this to happen. "Come... let's get you into bed…"

"Yes..." That sounded like the best idea of the whole day. Leaning once more on Gilbert's shoulder for support, they got into the house.

"Toris...? Toris! We're back...!"

Toris opened the door of the living room. "Ah, you're fas-" His eyes widened. "Oh no, Ivan! Is it worse again?"

He made a throw-away gesture, shaking his head. "I'm fine... just need some rest. Can you... make some tea, please? Preferable something... against pain..."

"Y-yes, sure!" Toris looked at Gilbert for a moment, then vanished into the kitchen.

"Come... just a few stairs and there will be a soft and warm bed waiting for you."

"Sounds wonderful..." Sighing quietly Ivan looked up the stairs, taking a deep breath before he climbed them with Gilbert's help. "... what do... you say..." he whispered panting. "... if there's... some of the... good... drug-stuff... left?"

"I hope so... we'll find something. I'm pretty sure..." Gilbert smiled reassuring as he helped him upstairs. "Careful..." he said, stopping at the end of the stairs. "Just a few meters left."

"... yes..." The door to his room was so close... Making just a short break Ivan nodded for them to go further. "... I hate to be this weak... goddamn..."

"You're not weak. You're hurt, Ivan, and that is a difference..." Gilbert whispered as he opened the door for him.

He smiled crooked. "... it's not... you can say about... my boss... what you want... but he is right... in the... current situation... I can't let... this... make me weak..."

"... this world doesn't need another war..." Gilbert mumbled as he pushed him down on the bed. "And your boss is an idiot. He's the one weakening you... what a dumbass would do that!?"

"... don't get me wrong... I don- argh!" He groaned when his back met the mattress, sending a jolt through his body. But as soon as he adjusted to the flat surface it got way better. "... hah... I don't want... war... and I know..."

"... you'll get healthy and strong again, ok? Just get some rest already. I'll get some painkillers..."

"..." Ivan closed his eyes, sighing softly. "... fine... it's not like I could... jump around or something..."

"Yes." Gilbert turned around to vanish, just to come back a few minutes later with some tablets. "I found some. I guess that should be enough."

He had managed to get rid of his boots, as well as his jacket and shirt. It felt more comfortable this way and with a little smile Ivan looked up when Gil came back. "... as long as there are more than two... it sounds fine..."

"Do you think I'd come back with only two tablets?" Gilbert snorted. "Of course there are more. You can take two at once for the beginning I guess" he said and sat down next to him.

"...tz... give me the whole bottle... like that I can... sleep at least."

"Those don't make you tired, dumbass, they only ease the pain. And trust me, two is enough."

"... I took three... before we left... still hurts like hell now..." Ivan gave back, holding his hand out. "... if it stops... hurting... I'll be able to sleep... right?"

"... fine, take three, like I'd care" Gilbert growled and gave him the tablets.

He smiled slightly up to Gilbert, taking just two of the painkiller in the end. "... as if I want... to worry you..."

"Now you say that" Gilbert said, but his voice was calmer than he pretended to be. "I'll stay here, ok? At least until you're asleep..."

"...hm... sounds good..." Maybe he was imagining that just swallowing the medicine soothed the pain already, but it didn't matter. As long as it worked and Ivan managed to get more comfortable without big problems.

"... hey, Gil...?"

"Hm?" Gilbert looked down on him, just frowning a bit over that sudden abbreviation of his name. Had Ivan called him this before…? If so he just really noticed it now. "What is it?"

"..." Ivan looked up to the ceiling, pondering about his next words for a moment. "... thank you... for defending me..."

Gilbert blinked. "..." Then he looked to the side. "... don't thank me for doing nothing..." he whispered. "That asshole knows nothing... I couldn't just listen to his poisonous words... and then again I didn't do much at all..."

"... you spoke up... it wasn't wise, but..." A sigh left his lips as he turned his head. Reaching out he touched Gilbert's hand carefully. "... it... means a lot..."

"... I'm not used to humans talking like that. Not to me. My bosses... they've always treated me with respect! So... I just can't keep my mouth shut... and that's why you're now in worse state than before..." Gilbert hesitated for a moment, then took his hand. "... sorry for that... and I guess I'd do it again."

Ivan shook his head slightly. "... not worse... this... would have happened anyway..." And to realize that, in this very moment, made him tremble. Biting his lip he stared into thin air until he felt a warm hand on his. "..." The touch made him smile again. "... stupid German..."

"... you're stupid" Gilbert replied, not being very creative. "And you're trembling... are you cold?"

"... yes." That was easier than the truth. Ivan realized that he had to think about all that had happened and that he would have to make sure, that everyone was safe. For a little while Gilbert had been in danger of being send away... He didn't want that to happen again.

"... want... want me to... to warm you up a bit?" Gilbert whispered, squeezing his hand slightly.

"..." Ivan watched their hands with a small smile, squeezing his fingers back just as slightly. "... that would be nice..." Maybe it would take his mind off these dark thoughts… It hurt enough already.

Gilbert returned that smile and slipped out of his boots to crawl under the blanket with him. "I'll be careful... ok?" he said and wrapped his arm around Ivan.

"... I know you can be... if you just want to..." Ivan gave back and took the chance to nuzzle against him. It was nice and warm to be held and after a moment of silence Ivan stretched a little and blew a kiss on pale lips. "... thank you..."

Gilbert blinked and bit his lip, looking to the side. "I-it's nothing to thank for..." he mumbled. "You're cold... even your lips feel like ice..! Better warm you up a bit..." And with that he hugged him a bit more.

"... ah?" Ivan blinked overrun. His lips felt cold...? Really? But Gil's embrace tightened anyway. He didn't back away...

"... yes... it would be nice... if you could warm me up more..." he mumbled, brushing his nose against a white, warm cheek. "... what about my face?"

"... it's... cold, too" Gilbert lied and cupped his cheek with one hand. "... better?"

Ivan sighed softly and closed his eyes with a smile. "... yes... it feels good..."

"... good.." Gilbert whispered and after a moment of hesitation, a trembling pair of lips brushed over Ivan's nose. "... you... you should sleep.."

That gentle touch made his stomach curl in joy and when he opened his eyes again the rubies of Gilbert's eyes were so close. "... will you sleep with me?"

"...!" Gilbert's eyes widened a bit, then he looked to the side, his face flushed. "U-uh... sure... I'll stay..."

Gilbert was cute with that blush on his cheeks giving him some colour. Ivan could have watched it for hours. He remembered that he had always enjoyed seeing the German's face darken with red, little pearls of sweat resting like diamonds on pink skin. Together with these sweet moans...

"... that's nice of you..." Ivan whispered and closed his eyes again, while his lips rested in the crook of Gilbert's neck.

"... I know... I can be nice. Sometimes... ... jerk..." Gilbert held him close, trying to stop the trembling, make him comfortable, let him sleep...

"Sleep now..."

Ivan chuckled softly, placing a thankful little kiss on Gilbert's neck, before he got as comfortable as possible in his arms. "... I will..." It felt so good...

"Good boy..." he mumbled, absently stroking his hair. He'd stay awake with him...

It didn't take long for Ivan to fall back into sleep. The medication worked and listening to the heartbeat so close by calmed him like nothing else. He just needed to pretend it was one of their secret nights from so long ago and that no cruel reality waited for them in the morning... Like this it was just too easy to fall asleep in Gilbert's arms.

Gilbert stayed by his side, an hour, maybe two, until he got hungry.

Slowly he raised his head a bit. "... I'll be back in a moment... ok?" he whispered and slipped out of Ivan's embrace. "I'll just get something to eat..." And with that he sneaked out of the room and downstairs

There were voices coming from the kitchen, together with the sound of cooking. It even smelled like dinner already.

Gilbert's stomach growled loudly as he stepped into the kitchen. With a tired smile he leant against the doorframe. "Smells like I've chosen the right time to come down..."

Two pairs of eyes looked up to him. Raivis sat at the table, cutting some vegetables, while Toris cared for the pots on the stove.

"Gilbert..." Toris exchanged a short glance with his brother. "So you're finally awake... Is Ivan too?"

Gilbert shook his head. "No. He's still sleeping." With a low groan he sat down, rubbing his neck. Lying with Ivan like that was a bit uncomfortable after a while...

"..." Toris chewed on his lip and took a moment to decide and pour some tea in a cup to bring it over. "Here. What happened?"

"His boss is an asshole. That happened" Gilbert replied and took the tea, looking down on it. "... should've kept my mouth shut, but he was... goddamnit...!"

"You spoke up...? Right in front of Chruschtschow?!" Toris gasped.

"T-that's not clever, Gilbert..." Raivis added.

"Tch... I know that" Gilbert growled and looked to the side.

"What happened there, Gilbert?" Worry spoke from every fibre in Toris' body. "Ivan looked hurt. More than before. Does he need a doctor again?"

"Yes. That asshole punched him right in his chest, to prove how "weak" he is" he spat out. "That was the moment I spoke up... Ivan sent me out after that guy called me" his face darkened, "a Nazi, and I don't know what happened then, but I came back when I heard fighting noises..."

"..." Toris chewed on his lip while his gaze wandered to the door and the way to Ivan's room, hidden by walls and furniture. "That's how they all treat and treated him... You're not allowed to let them provoke you, Gilbert. It'll just make it worse for him in the end."

"I know that, ok?! I saw it with my eyes! It could've ended badly for me, too, just saying, but right in that moment I didn't care." He looked down on his tea. "... afterwards he thanked me..." he mumbled.

"... I couldn't care less..." Toris mumbled barely audible more to himself than the others, looking up again when he heard the last bit. "He's ju-"

A sarcastic chuckle cut him off. "Of c-course he thanked you..." Raivis gave back. "You saved his big rear."

Gilbert looked at him with a frown. "What do you mean?

"W-why do you think did h-he take you with him in the first place?"

"Raivis... don't..." Toris warned him, but his brother just shrugged.

"If it h-hadn't been for you it w-would have been worse for h-him."

"Why's that?" Gilbert asked. "And, so what? If I could actually do something, that's fine by me then..!"

"Y-you're fine with being used as buffer? He w-would have sacrificed you if it had been needed. Tz."

"If he wanted to use me as a 'buffer' or 'sacrifice' why would he have stopped me from hitting that asshole? Huh?"

"Cause that would have brought a bad light on him? Cause he can't keep his s-slaves under control?" Raivis reached out for a little glass waiting on the table and downed it. "But with that little bit of distraction he got all the p-problems on you."

Gilbert growled. "I... don't believe that."

Ivan wouldn't do that. He HADN'T done that! The worry in his eyes was real!

"O-of course not..." Raivis chuckled and got up to get the vodka bottle from the fridge, however Toris stepped into his way.

"You had enough, Raivis..."

The smaller one frowned angrily. "You're a-all so wrapped in his charm you don't even get h-how he uses all of us!"

"How do you think he uses us? I know he's not always doing what's best for us but at least he tries?!"

Wow, so now he was here, defending Ivan to that little trembling guy... something was definitely wrong here.

"Tries to b-brainwash us and take over our countries, yes. Don't you all see what's going on here? F-from the very start, e-even under the last Tsar, he tried to dissolve us and grow bigger and take over the world in the end. He's a s-selfish, cold-hearted, manipulative monster, that-"

A low growl from the door made him shut up.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _fick dich doch – fuck yourself_

 _verdammter Dreckskerl – damn dirty swine (in this case rather ‚bastard'/'asshole')_


	9. Everything inside

_Authors' note:_

 _A big sorry for the delay! Life has been very very busy for Mi-chan and me lately. We hope this chapter makes up for the long wait._

 _Also a big thank you for your nice comments and thanks for the correction. We're always thankful for constructive reviews._

* * *

 **Everything inside**

Gilbert opened his mouth to say something, but when he heard that growl, he stopped, his eyes widening as he turned around. "...! You... you shouldn't walk around!"

"... say that again..." Ivan growled, hands clenched at his sides. He didn't see anyone but Raivis, who pulled his head between his shoulders when the Russian came slowly closer. Anger was burning in Ivan's chest and it hurt... these words hurt more than his ribs. "... say that... to my face..."

"Ivan...!" Gilbert stepped in his way. "He's drunk and you're hurt. You shouldn't even be on your feet right now!"

"... get out of my way, Gilbert..." Ivan hissed, pushing him to the side. "... I'm ripping... my damn heart out... for all of you... for peace for all of us... and I won't... let anyone speak ill like that!"

Gilbert frowned and grabbed his arm. "Ivan, stop it, ok? You'll just make your injury worse and this will 'weaken' you more!"

"I'm not weak!" the Russian roared, ripping on his arm. "Let me go for fuck's sake!"

"I know that! But you'll hurt yourself more, goddamnit!" He stepped between Ivan and Raivis again. "Raivis is drunk and not happy, get over it and go back to bed!"

Without warning Ivan ripped his arm up and slapped Gil with the back of his hand right in the face.

Gilbert stumbled back with a loud gasp, bumping against the counter. "Ah...!" For a moment he literally saw stars, then he raised his gaze to glare at Ivan, holding his burning cheek.

"..." Ivan stared at him, hand still raised in the air, not understanding right away what just had happened. When Raivis toppled his glass over in an attempt to get somehow away, he blinked and glared at the smallest nation. His glare would have melted steel, but instead of going after him Ivan just turned around and stomped out of the kitchen.

Gilbert sat down with a groan, still holding his face. "Damnit..." he growled, looking at Raivis. "You owe me some... damn, that hurt..."

Suddenly sober again Raivis pulled his head even deeper between his shoulders, trying to just vanish somehow. "I-I..."

"It's better if you don't say any more..." Toris mumbled and kneeled down beside Gil to look at his cheek. "... you alright?"

Gilbert looked at him as if he wanted to say 'don't act like you'd suddenly care', but in the end he pulled away his hand. "... guess so. Feels numb a bit, but I guess that was to be expected."

Toris sighed deeply and got up again. "I'll get you some ice..."

"... thanks..." he mumbled, leaning his forehead on the table. "... damnit... all I wanted was some food..."

Quietly Toris took some ice from the freezer and wrapped it in a clean towel. "Dinner is ready. You can have some if you still want to..."

"... yes, thanks..." Gilbert took the ice and held it against his cheek with a sound somewhere between a relieved sigh and a pained hiss.

"... G-Gil... I... h-haven't I t-told you...?" Raivis whispered, trembling.

"You shut your mouth. If you had done that earlier, he wouldn't have snapped! And I wouldn't have had to interfere!"

"B-But I-!"

"No, Raivis! Gilbert is right. Just be quiet..." Toris rubbed his face, shaking his head. "You hurt Ivan... of course he'd snap then. What do you expect by saying those things?"

He frowned at a muffled shattering noise coming from somewhere in the house. "Oh great..."

Gilbert raised his head. "... what is he doing now?" he mumbled, sighing a bit. "Sounds like he's taking down his room or something like that..."

"He probably does..." Toris gave back quietly. "... better not to interfere now... he... he'll calm down again..."

"... and his rib will be worse after that." Gilbert growled. "Goddamnit, that idiot...!"

"It can't be helped... as soon as he calmed down someone should bring him some more painkiller and tea and... I guess... it will be alright again..."

"I think someone should stop him from doing that..." Gilbert mumbled and got up. "He'll just hurt himself... and we will have to deal with the mess."

"Gilbert..." Toris was beside him, but decided against touching his arm. "It's not wise to go up there now..."

"You're talking to the man who almost punched Chruschtschow right in the face. Do you think you're talking to a WISE man?"

"..." Toris bit his lip, grabbing Gilbert's wrist. "I mean it... You can get hurt and it won't make his mood any better."

Gilbert looked into his eyes. "You don't care if I get hurt. But HE will get hurt, don't you get that? He's fucking injured and he should be lying down! He shouldn't be moving at all until a doctor saw him!"

"And how do you want to stop him? Do you think I haven't tried that before in other situations? I know he's hurt! And yes, he'll hurt himself more, but if he hurts you on top... he'll curl up again! It won't help him, Prussia!"

"So I'm supposed to just sit back and let this happen?!"

"Yes! It's not nice but there's nothing you can do for him!"

"What if _I_ can do something that YOU couldn't?"

"..." Toris stared at him, his expression twisted between agony and anger. "... fine..." he mumbled and let go of the German. "... go... go and get happy... good luck, Prussia... you'll need it..." And with that he turned around, going back to the stove and the still cooking dinner.

Gilbert bit his lip, feeling a bit of regret for his words, but then he, too, turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

He climbed the stairs and stopped in front of Ivan's room. "...Ivan!" he shouted, knocking loudly.

The noise had stopped a little while ago.

There was still enough to break left, but his rib had prevented Ivan from raging further. Sitting on the ground, arms wrapped around his hurting body he tried to get enough air into his lungs again.

"... s-stay... away..."

"... I'm coming in" Gilbert said and opened the door, entering just a step and looking at the mess. "... you idiot..." he mumbled.

"... I said... stay away..." Ivan mumbled, glancing to the side.

"And I said I'm coming in." Slowly he closed the door and stepped closer. "... you should've stayed in bed..."

"... I was hungry..." he gave back, getting back on his feet with a groan. "... and... you were gone..."

"I was hungry, too... I wanted to come back after I got a snack..." Gilbert made another step towards him. "Maybe I would've brought you something."

"... doesn't matter now anymore... does it..." Ivan sounded bitter and he took another step away, giving Gil his back.

"Could you please stop backing away and look at me while we're talking?" Gilbert growled. "No... it doesn't matter anymore. But you still should lie in bed and maybe I STILL would bring you something!"

"... Gilbert..." He buried a hand in his hair, sighing deeply before he gave in and turned to face the German. Ivan's eyes were full of pain and not just the physical kind. All anger was gone already, leaving him with a burning feeling of guilt, especially when his eyes rested on Gilbert's red cheek. "..."

"... geht doch..." he mumbled and looked at him. "You should lie down again... and wait for the doctor... wrecking your interior isn't helpful, either..."

Ivan smiled crooked, rubbing his rib slowly. "... it helps calming down..." Then his smile broke again. Ivan couldn't help looking at the bruise. "... Gil... I... I'm sorry..."

Gilbert blinked and raised his hand to the bruise, twitching a bit as he touched it. "Ah... I should've kept my mouth shut, just like before... I guess I don't learn quickly."

"... no... you don't..." Ivan mumbled. "... still I... I shouldn't have... I didn't... want... to hurt you... I didn't mean it... I was just..." He shook his head helplessly.

"Ivan, shut up. Raivis said a lot of bullshit and you got upset, end of story! I'm not as breakable as my skin might make me look!"

"..." Flinching a little, Ivan felt too vulnerable in this very moment and under these circumstances to take a scolding. So he looked back on the ground, walking slowly back to the bed where he sat down with a pained groan.

After a moment, Gilbert followed him and crouched down in front of him. "... want me to get you some food?"

Ivan shook his head slightly, glancing back at the reddened skin. Reaching out with shaking fingers he caressed the bruise with care. "... I'm... not hungry... anymore..."

Gilbert closed his eyes for a moment. "... then lie down again... I'll stay with you... I'm not hungry anymore either..."

The movement hurt, but Ivan leant forward and placed a kiss on Gilbert's hurt cheek. His skin felt so raw and warm... "... I'm sorry..."

Gilbert blinked a bit and looked up at him. "... I know..." he mumbled. "It's just a bruise... nothing more."

"... I hurt you... it's... the last thing... I wanted... after everything you... that you did for me, Gil..."

"... stop it..." he whispered and took his hand from the bruise, squeezing it slightly. "I told you, it's just a bruise..."

It wasn't just a bruise. For Ivan it was so much more... but he didn't want to give in to his fear and he was tired, so tired again. Lifting Gilbert's hand to his lips he caressed his fingers a moment, before he tried to lie down.

Gilbert got up again and sat down on the mattress. "... want me to get you some painkillers?"

"... I guess they won't help anymore..." Ivan whispered, holding his ribs once more. "... stomach already hurts... from the others... it's ok."

"... it's not ok..." Gilbert mumbled and took his hand. "... want me to stay...?"

"... if you want to... I don't want to be... a selfish monster..." he gave back, smiling crooked.

"... do you feel like you're acting selfish? Or like a monster?"

Ivan sighed, turning his head to look at the ceiling. "... sometimes... I feel a bit selfish... wanting you here... you know... you don't need to stay... or defend me... but it's nice that you do..."

"Did I ever do something because I needed to? Well. I guess, sometimes I did, but USUALLY I don't. If I defend you, it's because I WANT it..."

Gilbert's words made him smile a little and look back up to him. "... how do I deserve you? ... after signing your death sentence..."

"..." Gilbert's smile shrunk a bit. "... you didn't want to do it... right?" he whispered, squeezing his hand a bit.

"... no... no, I didn't want that... as I told you... we always looked up to... what you build from nothing..." Squeezing Gilbert's hand back he raised it a little, watching their fingers curl around each other.

"And in the end... you saved me..."

"... I tried to... not sure it worked..."

"I'm still here, aren't I?" Gilbert said. "I wouldn't be without you..."

"... but are you happy... with how it is...?"

"Sometimes I am..." Gilbert looked to the side. "I just wished... I'd get to see my brother more often..."

"... I see..." His fingertips wandered absentmindedly over the white hand. "... I can't do much about it... it also depends on Alfred..."

"I know..." Gilbert said lowly. "But I appreciate what you're doing anyways... It's not ideal, but... it's ok." He smiled a bit, looking at their hands.

"... I wish... I could make it good instead of just ok... somehow..."

"It's... it's not like that..." Gilbert said and lied down next to Ivan, looking at him. "Most of the time, I... I actually enjoy this... the way it is..."

The movement of the mattress and the warm body beside his... it send a soft shiver down his spine. "... really?" A little smile curled his lips and Ivan held their hands against his chest.

"... really..." Gilbert smiled slightly. "Do you... want to sleep a bit longer? This time... I swear I won't vanish..."

"... not sure I _want_ to sleep any longer... but I guess I should..." A sigh left his smiling lips, as he nuzzled back against Gilbert's chest. "... you're allowed to leave for the bathroom... and maybe dinner, but beside that... you're my personal warming bottle now..." Ivan teased quietly.

"Hm... I guess I'll have to live with that then..." He pulled the blanket over them, holding him close. "... but don't think I'll clean your room too..." he said with a teaching voice.

Ivan chuckled quietly. "... don't worry... Raivis will have to wear the maid outfit..."

"..." Gilbert leant back, looking at him as if he wanted to figure out if he was joking or not. "... maid... outfit?"

He tried to keep a serious face, but it was just too hard. Laughing quietly, even if it hurt, Ivan buried his face in Gilbert's chest. "... yes... yes, I have one... it was for a masquerade ball... I swear."

"..." Gilbert looked at the ceiling. "... did... YOU wear that?"

"... I swear to God... if you tell that any other nation... I'll bury you somewhere the sun doesn't shine..." Ivan gave back with a thoughtful smile.

"... I won't tell, but I'd really love to see that." Gilbert chuckled.

He slapped Gilbert's shoulder carefully. "... no way... not without some more drugs."

"... I guess I'll go get some harder stuff then?"

"..." Ivan glared playfully up to him. "... don't you dare, Gilbert Beilschmidt..."

"... you're such a spoilsport..." Gilbert sighed and closed his eyes. "I'll still imagine you in that cute dress~"

"... imagine as much as you want... like this you'll never see it..." Sighing as well Ivan buried his nose in the crook of the other's neck. It felt nice to joke a bit around after everything that had happened.

"Like this?" Gilbert repeated. "Don't tell me there IS a way to see it?" He laughed. "Ok, ok, I'll stop the teasing now..."

"... hmpf... I hate you..." Ivan mumbled against white skin, already slipping back into sleep. "... you're not... gonna see me in... corsetnstuff..."

"..." Corset and stuff...? Gilbert's eyebrows rose a bit and he chuckled, holding him closer. "You don't hate me..." he mumbled and kissed his forehead.

"... I do..." Ivan murmured muffled, barely audible and a smile on his lips. "... so much... ya lyublyu... tebya..."

Gilbert tensed a bit at those words. "... I know..." he whispered and stroked his head. "I'm here... and I'll stay..."

"... spasibo..." He was almost asleep again, giving a sound like a purr for the caresses. Ivan felt good in his arms... safe... and warm... "Gil..."

The days passed and Ivan rested a lot. His rib got slowly better, even if it had been moved too much that day in the headquarter. The doc had been very clear about not moving and not working. Not even laughing was allowed. But with Gilbert's care and some visits from Toris, whenever Gilbert was gone, Ivan didn't get bored enough to complain. After a week he even went back to work for some hours, always watched by attentive eyes for which he was innerly very thankful.

Gilbert knocked at the door. "I got some food for you" he said while entering. "It's time for a break. The doc said not to overdo it!"

"Already?" Ivan glanced at the clock and stretched carefully. "I'm not even close to being done. Oh well..."

"I don't care. For now, you ARE done." He put the tray on the desk and sat down. "You'd better like this."

"Yes, mommy." Rolling his eyes he gave Gilbert a played annoyed glance, before he looked down on the food with a raised eyebrow. "What is this? Should I be afraid?"

Gilbert growled. "No. It's Königsberger Klopse. Don't look at it, as if it's poisoned!"

"Königs-... Wait. You cooked yourself?" Ivan smirked. "And you're sure it's not poisoned?"

"..." Gilbert's face darkened a bit. "Fein, jerk, if you're not hungry, I'll take it away! Das war das letzte Mal, dass ich was gekocht habe!" he growled and got up, pretending to take the tray away.

"Naw... Don't pout now. I was joking." Reaching out he grabbed Gilbert's wrist. "What's wrong, moy zaychik? Are you tired of caring for me?"

"... I don't speak much Russian, but I know what that means..." Gilbert pouted. "You shouldn't make fun of someone trying to care for you."

"Fun? But I don't make fun of you. Honestly, Gil..." Calling Gilbert by his short name had become a habit over the last week, however mostly when they were alone. Getting up Ivan came around the desk. "What's wrong? You seem moody today."

Gilbert looked to the side. "That's not true..."

Truth was... he was scared. Of the things happening between them. The things coming back to him...

"..." Ivan frowned. He felt that something was up. Just this morning Gilbert had been more... happy. "It's not?" Cupping a pale cheek he made him look up. "So why can't you look at me while saying that?"

Gilbert blinked and a moment, red met violet. "... I... sorry... I'm just... I guess I've been thinking too much these days..."

"About what? Gil... you cared for me all this time and I'm thankful for it. You seemed... worried but glad. So... what's wrong now?"

Why had the cheerful mood around changed so suddenly?

He didn't look at Ivan when he said: "... this... between us... I... I like it... but... I'm scared of it, too."

"... this between us..." Ivan let the words sit on his tongue, trying to figure out their taste. "... why are you scared? Don't you want us to be... close? Or do you fear me...?"

"What? No!" Gilbert snorted. "I don't fear you, never did and never will...! It's... more that I... fear what will happen..."

"And what will happen...?" Sighing he cupped Gilbert's cheeks with both hands, watching how his fingertips wandered over white skin and into soft hair. Ivan had done this so often the last days and never thought further than the very moment. "It can be different from the old times, you know? We already live together... We don't need to hide from whomever anymore..."

"You think so?" Gilbert said. "What do you think your boss will say to this? – Would say!" he corrected himself. Damnit, they were not together yet!

"..." Ivan stared at him and then looked to the side. He remembered those acid words his boss had spoken... the pain he had felt... and not because he had been punched. "... he can tell me what to do when it comes to this country... but I won't let him decide my life for me..." There was anger in his eyes as Ivan looked back into red.

Gilbert returned that gaze. "... and what do you think he'd do if you'd refuse to listen to his commands?"

"What he always does..." Ivan growled, angry about himself. "But I don't care. He can't kill me and he won't live forever. And more importantly..." Leaning closer Ivan took Gilbert's face tighter into his hands, feeling the other's breath on his lips. "I have someone who'd care for me."

Gilbert's eyes wandered over his face and down to his lips, before he closed them. "And what if he takes me away from you?" he whispered. "I don't know... if I could stand that..."

"I won't let him..." Arms sneaked around Gilbert's back, holding him close. "He wanted to do that... but I didn't let him..."

Gilbert blinked and looked at him. "... is that... the reason why he hurt you?" he whispered.

"Yes..." Ivan mumbled, looking into red eyes, sinking into them at the memory of that afternoon. "He said you're rebellious... that you need to be tamed and he knew a place... I told him I'll take care... that I won't send anyone away."

Gilbert pressed his lips together. "You protected me...?"

Don't...

"Like you protected me..." Ivan gave back, blowing a kiss on closed lips.

"What if he wants to test you...? Me?" he mumbled. "Won't he want to see if you... 'tamed' me...?"

"... I trust you not to speak up in his presence again... You know him now, Gil... how he tries to anger you... You're just not allowed to give in again... I know you can do it."

Gilbert closed his eyes.

He wasn't sure of it...

The thought what that man might do, just to see if Ivan did what he said... it terrified him...

"Gil... Gil..." Ivan whispered, holding him a bit tighter to himself until there was no space left between them anymore. "... I didn't remember how much I love you being by my side... I forgot about it because there was no way to be with you... but now... please... stay with me, Gil... don't leave me again and I won't leave you... never."

Gilbert knew this wasn't possible... it just wasn't!

But still he nodded.

"I... don't want to leave you..."

"Good... I don't want to leave you either..." Ivan whispered a happy, almost teary little smile on his lips before he leant in to seal Gilbert's in another kiss.

Gilbert closed his eyes, leaning slightly into that.

He wanted to stay like this... with him...

Slowly he leant back. "... what have you done to me..." he whispered before he kissed him again.

'I could ask you the same' Ivan wanted to give back, before he was cut off. His hands wandered over that slender back and ended up in Gilbert's hair, while he kissed him back.

He had longed for Gilbert's lips, his sweet mouth for long, but hadn't dared to think that far... until now.

Gilbert sighed slightly, feeling like he was sent back to better times, where they had been madly in love and passion...

"... Ivan.."

"... da, lyubov..." Ivan whispered back, painting a line over white cheeks with his kisses.

Gilbert leant into the kiss, presenting his cheeks, his lips, his neck, while his fingers ran through blond locks, caressing the other's neck and shoulders.

Sighing gladly Ivan took the invitation, exploring soft skin and slender muscles like he hadn't in centuries. Carefully he sucked on the crook of Gilbert's neck, leaving a loving mark there.

Gilbert tried to suppress a moan, twitching slightly under his lips. "A-ah...! That will leave a mark, you idiot...!"

"I know..." Ivan whispered, running the tip of his tongue just slightly over the spot. "... I want to make sure that this is not a dream..."

"... damnit...! You're so selfish...!" Gilbert growled, not really protesting though.

They'd all see.

They'd all know.

Well. Fuck this.

"... I am? Hm..." Leaving Gilbert's skin he leant his face against the warm curve instead, breathing in that sweet and at the same time musky scent of the German. "I don't want to be selfish... but I just love to kiss your skin... I still love it..."

Gilbert bit his lip, looking to the side, his fingers still buried in Ivan's hair.

"... and I... guess I still love how it feels..." He still wasn't sure if this was good or not.

"... really..." It was just a whisper when his lips found the way back on Gilbert's neck, continuing what he had started. "Gil..."

Gilbert moaned again, slightly pushing against him. "A-ah... damnit, IIvan...! The... the meal's gonna get cold... and... uh..."

They really shouldn't be doing this...

Pulling tenderly, letting the white skin slip through his lips Ivan leant back and glanced at the tray. "You're right. It would be a pity if it would go to waste after you went through the trouble of cooking it."

"Hm... yes..." Gilbert rubbed his tingling neck. "... we could... go on later..." he mumbled.

Smiling Ivan blew a kiss on Gilbert's nose. "Whenever you want... but for now I'm hungry. Will you eat with me?"

"Do you have to ask? Sure!" Gilbert smirked a bit and sat down. "It's my favourite, after al!"

"Heh..." Sitting down as well Ivan shoved the tray between them, glancing from the corners of his eyes at the spot darkening slightly on Gil's neck. "It is? It smells good at least. I can't remember if you made this before..."

"Definitely not for you" Gilbert replied with a grin. "You'd better like it!"

"Let's see..." Piercing one of the meatloaves with his fork Ivan nibbled on it. "Hmm..."

Gilbert looked at him, waiting, trying to hide his anticipation.

"... so?"

"I'm not sure..." He nibbled once more on it, giving no sign of any emotion. "And you made it yourself?"

Gilbert frowned. "Yes, I did!"

"Well, that explains a lot, I guess."

"... and what's that supposed to mean?"

Ivan smirked from ear to ear. "It's delicious"

"..." Gilbert glared for a moment. "You fucker!" For a moment he wanted to throw something at him, just because Ivan kept him waiting for that answer. But then he just crossed his arms and pouted. "Of COURSE it is!"

Ivan chuckled and reached out to pat the other's arm. "You're really moody today. It was a joke, Gil. It's delicious. Honestly~" And Ivan held out the fork with a piece of meat.

Another growl, but then Gilbert opened his mouth and let him feed him.

"... of course it is. It's Prussian food made by Prussia, what do you expect?" He looked to the side. Officially he wasn't Prussia anymore...

But still.

Smiling Ivan picked a piece of potato and held it out for Gil. Just watching pale pink lips wrap around the fork. So slowly and careful... No. He shook his head. That thought was going way too far...

"What I expected? Delicious food from a delicious man~" Ivan gave back, licking his lips.

Gilbert chewed with slightly blushed cheeks, not looking at him.

Damnit... he knew how this would end sooner or later. And it wasn't good! Ivan wasn't healthy enough for that!

Ivan kept on feeding Gil and himself, watching his blush with a smile. It felt like those past days, just a little better because he now knew that Gilbert hadn't forgotten what they had shared long ago... because Gil felt like he did.

"You're cute with that hue on your cheeks. It's almost the colour of your hickey~"

"... shut up..." Gilbert mumbled, pouting slightly. "This is all your fault... ahhh..." He opened his mouth, kinda liking this.

He couldn't help but laugh, picking another piece of meat up to shove it past the German's lips. "Might be, but you like it~ Don't deny it."

"... maybe..." Gilbert said and swallowed that too. "Maybe I should mark you, too, then you'll see who's laughing last!"

Ivan didn't know why it was so hard to stop smiling with Gilbert around, but he liked it.

"Feel free~" he whispered seducing and pulled his scarf down just a little. It wasn't like Gil had never seen the scars underneath, so he didn't care.

Gilbert raised his eyebrow, looking at him. "... you cheater..." he said with a teasing smirk. "You'll hide it anyways... well..." He got up and walked around the desk, pulling Ivan's chair back a bit and sat down on his lap. "Challenge accepted..."

"Advantages of wearing scarves~" Ivan chuckled and tilted his head, watching Gilbert coming over. A smirk grew on his face and he wrapped his arms around Gil's waist. "Heh... challenge, yes? I'm waiting..."

It seemed that eating time was over.

Gilbert just grinned and leant in, until his lips touched his neck, brushing his teeth over the skin, sucking and nibbling on it gently.

Ivan leant back against the backrest, giving Gilbert more access to his neck. It was a sign of trust. He trusted Gil... and it felt good. A sigh escaped his lips. "Hmm... a good start..."

"Start, huh? I guess you're expecting more then?" Gilbert whispered against his skin, brushing the tip of his tongue over the coloured mark.

"I can definitely hide more. That's no problem..." His chuckle faded into a moan not a moment later. "Gil..." Ivan sighed, letting his hands wander up and down his back.

"Hmm..." Gilbert accepted that challenge, too and started to 'destroy' his skin with kissing and biting and sucking.

Ivan was sensible on his neck. Barely anyone was allowed to touch him there and it made Gilbert's little affections even more effective. Moaning deeply, more than he probably should, he let his hand slip under the German's shirt, searching for warm skin to caress.

Gasping Gilbert leant back a bit, biting down on his lip. "H-hn... d-damnit... your hands are so cold..." he groaned, feeling shivers run down his back. "... why does this feel good though?"

"Ah...?" Ivan blinked, blushing a little embarrassed. He didn't want to make Gil feel uncomfortable. Not now when- "... if it feels good... I guess I can warm my hands on you then?" he mumbled and spread his fingers on warm white skin, hidden under fabric.

Gilbert gasped and arched his back with a hiss.

Damnit... this... this was arousing him...?

The fuck is wrong with you, Beilschmidt?!

With a growl he leant forward again, burying his teeth back into warm, scarred skin.

"Hngh..." Ivan growled back at the bite, scratching his fingernails over soft skin. He felt like a wolf snarling at his mate and loving every second of it. This was... wonderful, passionate... it felt so damn good.

He had waited so long for this to happen and it seemed Gilbert had waited too…

Pushing his hands deep into Gilbert's pants, grabbing his buttocks just like that, Ivan stood up, literally throwing Gil on his desk without ever letting him go from his tight embrace.

Gilbert gasped a bit at the sudden movement and leant back a bit to glare at Ivan. "You could at least warn me...!"

That wasn't what he wanted to say.

He wanted to tell him to strip off his clothes and just do what he felt like.

And then there was this low voice that told him to be careful...

"Since when did mighty Prussia need a warning?" Ivan grinned, almost breathless. Feeling that wonderful body under him, pressed just so slightly against his chest, send a shiver through his bones. A wonderful stinging he had never felt before.

He was hungry... Ivan realised it the moment he leant down to press his lips back on Gilbert's neck, his pelvis between wonderful, strong legs.

The last time was just too long ago.

Gilbert moaned slightly and leant his head back. "Hah...!"

He felt the heat building up between them, felt how his trousers seemed to shrink.

With another, louder moan, he wrapped his legs around Ivan's hips.

This wasn't planned. Nothing of this had been planned this very morning and still Ivan felt himself trapped now in Gilbert's full body embrace. And damn, it was addicting. The heat between them and their bodies rubbing against each other.

"... damn..." he cursed with a moan, feeling his lower parts growing too big for their prison. "Goddamn!" Throwing everything overboard Ivan ripped on Gilbert's shirt.

For a moment, Gilbert wanted to protest as he felt the buttons being ripped off, but then there was air on his heated skin and instead he arched his back, moaning more.

Cool hands brushed over Gilbert's chest, caressing every inch of white skin hungrily. Ivan felt him breathing under his hands, felt him vibrate with moans... and he wanted to see if Gilbert still tasted the same. Grabbing his hands he pinned them on the desk to the left and right of Gilbert's head, to lower his lips on the skin he had just caressed.

"Ah!" Gilbert gasped a bit as he was pinned down, arching his back again in a not so honest attempt to struggle him off. Ivan's lips were hot on his skin and it made him groan in lust.

Gilbert still tasted like Ivan remembered. Smiling, feeling his body shiver and sting with lust, he kissed that slender body, nibbled on it and even bit both pink nipples with care. He wanted to hear him moan more, scream even.

Should everyone in the house hear them. Ivan didn't care.

Struggling free, slender fingers soon dug into Ivan's hair as Gilbert squirmed under him, moaning, gasping, his legs wrapped tightly around Ivan's body.

Goddamnit.

"HAH!"

Yes, like that... Ivan scratched his teeth over Gilbert's skin, bucking testing against his crotch. That movement made him shiver. How he wanted Gilbert... and now, not any time soon. Ivan wanted him now!

Leaning up he glared down on Gilbert, panting, lurking, full of unfulfilled desire.

Gilbert suppressed a moan, looked up at him with blurred eyes. "... if you... rip my pants, you're the one who pays for new ones..." he whispered.

Ivan blinked before he laughed out loud. "I pay for them anyway most of the time!" he chuckled and grabbed Gilbert's leg, forcing them to let his hips go. Smirking broadly he lifted Gil's hips easily from the wooden surface and threw his legs over his shoulders. It gave him a good enough access to the German's lap, to bite teasingly into the fabric of his trousers.

His lips slightly parted, Gilbert looked up at him, growling slightly. "... don't... mess with me... ah...!" He arched his back, feeling the blood pulsing in his arousal. Get off these pants... I beg you...!

"But I love the look you give me~" Ivan was as impatient as Gilbert, but teasing him a bit longer...

No. His own trousers felt so tight and it was more than visible that Gilbert hid something... delicious... in his own. Brushing his hands over Gilbert's crotch Ivan opened the buttons, freeing the sweet white length. "Someone's excited..."

Gilbert moaned in relief. "God... this is so much better..." he hissed, looking up at him. "You should be melting with that scarf..." Wasn't he hot, too?

"Should I? I'm melting cause you're hot." Still Ivan nestled on his scarf and pulled it off. He was more than hot, but he enjoyed it, feeling cold most of the time.

With his scarf off and Gilbert's best piece right in front of his nose there was no question on what to do. Leaning in he brushed his tongue over silky flesh, but the position was everything but comfortable for him. Despite being rather slender, Gilbert was no lightweight to hold up forever.

Gasping Gilbert bit his lip, arched his back slightly and moaned in passion and lust.

"Ah... hn...!" He dug his fingers into the Russian's hair, almost hearing nothing but the blood in his ears.

This didn't work... Ivan couldn't reach Gilbert as much as he wanted to. So with a flick of his tongue he let himself fall on his knees, ready to swallow his lover whole in the new position... when he froze.

Gilbert didn't notice immediately, but when Ivan stopped with his doing he slightly sat up and looked at him. "Why... do you stop?" he asked with heavy tongue before he noticed that something was wrong. "... Ivan?"

He didn't breathe nor moved at all, just staring at Gilbert's lap and right through it. Until now Ivan had been able to ignore the pain in his chest. The lust and passion had been so much bigger than the stings, but with dropping on his knees a pain had shot through his upper body, which he couldn't ignore.

"... s-shit..." he whispered, not daring to take more air into his lungs or to move at all.

Gilbert frowned and sat up completely, staring at him for just a few seconds before he slipped from the desk and closed his pants again. "... what's wrong, Ivan?" he asked with worried face as he crouched down. "... the... your ribs...!" He bit his lip. Goddamnit, of course, Ivan had lifted him up...!

"... f-fuck... fuck... fuck..." Raising his arms slowly Ivan wrapped them around his chest, holding his vibrating rib. Every breath hurt like it hadn't anymore since over a week. "... it f-feels... as if somethin'... 's clamped..." he pressed through his teeth.

"Damn...!" Gilbert looked at him, hands reached out without touching him. "Can you breathe? I'll get the doc...!"

"... i-it stings..." Leaning his forehead against the desk Ivan closed his eyes. "... no doc... just... give me a... s-second..."

"You can hardly breathe, Ivan, you need to see a doctor!"

"Gil... god...damn." Trying to take a deep breath which ended in a hiss, Ivan sat up and grabbed Gilbert's arm. "... help me... up..."

Gilbert bit his lip and took his arm to put it around his shoulder. "Goddamnit, you thickhead!" he growled and pushed him up.

It was painful to stand straight, so Ivan ended up half hanging on Gilbert's shoulder. "... I don't do this... on purpose..." he growled back. "... goddamn... fucking... rib..."

"... sit down..." Gilbert said, more or less carrying him to the chair.

He did as Gilbert told him, grumbling something about fighting in wars and having been ripped apart before just to end up defeated by a single broken rib. When Ivan sat he could curl up enough to make the pain bearable. "... I'm sorry... this wasn't planned..."

"Shut up" Gilbert just said. "I should've stopped this when you lifted me. It was obvious this wouldn't be good... am I allowed to get a doctor now?"

"..." Ivan looked guiltily to the side. "... got carried away..." he mumbled, shaking his head in the end like a child. "... he'll just... rant and do nothing..."

"We'll have to make sure it's still in the right place!" Gilbert insisted.

"... it's not like I spit... blood or something... it's fine, Gil..."

"... fine. Do what you want." Gilbert growled. "Am _I_ allowed to look after your bandages then?"

"... Gil..." Ivan wanted to say something, make a joke about Gil still wanting to get under his shirt, but he gulped it down. Why did it have to turn out like this...?

"... sure... still sorry..."

"... I said stop that. We'll just wait a bit longer" Gilbert said and kissed his nose while he unbuttoned his shirt and carefully stroked over his chest to feel if the rib was out of place.

"... don't want to wait..." Ivan whispered under his breath, sighing softly for the kiss. Gil's hand was warm and his touch felt good, until he reached the almost faded bruise. Ivan flinched with a hiss.

Gilbert growled slightly. "I'm sorry, but this really doesn't feel good..."

"... n-no... it doesn't..." Ivan groaned, leaning away from the touch. "... but it'll... heal..."

"Ivan, I'll go and get a doctor. This needs to be fixed."

Ivan wanted to protest. He didn't need another time-out. He was already behind on everything... but breathing was hard like this and it hurt... and he wanted to love his beloved German some time soon...

"... alright... I guess... it can't be... helped..."

"Thanks..." Another soft kiss, then Gilbert got up and left the room to get the doctor.

The man arrived quickly. Fortunately it seemed he had worked somewhere close by, when the call had reached him, so it had just taken about 15 minutes for him to stand in Ivan's office.

The doctor examined him with an angry frown. "What did you do? I ordered you to rest!"

"... I have... work to do... and I tried to... catch a file that... fell down..." Ivan had had enough time to think of an excuse. It wasn't great but then again... who cared anyway?

"... and don't... shout here..."

"If you had listened to me, I wouldn't have to. Now you'll have to go to the hospital. This needs a surgery!"

"... wait... what?" Ivan looked up to the doc and over to Gilbert. "... no way... I've no... no time for this!"

"Well you should've thought about that beforehand. Get someone you trust and tell them what to do. They'll do fine without you for just a while. It's not like it will need centuries, you know."

"..." He bit his lips, closing his shirt again. "... if you'd wait outside, doctor..."

The doctor frowned but got his bag and left the room with a low growl, muttering something about irresponsible patients.

Sighing Ivan rubbed his face. "... will you get along... without me, Gil...? There are... some documents... that need to be...filled out."

"..." Gilbert sighed and ruffled his hair a bit. "You're troublesome, Ivan. But, yeah, I'll get along. It's not for long, so don't worry."

"... but I do..." Catching Gilbert's hand he pulled him closer, leaning his forehead against the German's chest. "... Toris knows... what to do... ask him if... someone calls or post arrives... ok?"

Gilbert didn't like it, but he still nodded. "Yes, of course. Ivan, we're all adults... we're used to leading countries... we'll manage this."

"... heh... true... and still..." Ivan nuzzled his nose into Gil's shirt, taking in his scent once more. "... hey Gil... will you visit me?"

"Hm... I don't know... I guess I'll have to ask my superior...?" He smirked. "What do you say? Can I get a day off to visit this hot guy in hospital? It's kinda my fault that he's there."

Ivan chuckled softly. "Hot guy...? ... just if you introduce me to him... you sure... he wants to see you? If it's... your fault..."

"Well, it was his fault for lifting me in an attempt of hot and passionate sex, so... I hope he wants to see me?"

"... ah... if it's about... hot and passionate sex... I'm sure he wants to... make sure you two don't scare... the nurses..."

"... oh, no worries. He won't get sex until he's better" Gilbert said with a wink.

"... no? Poor guy... and there he looked... forward to it... so very much..." Ivan sighed with a little smile. "... after waiting so long... for his beloved bunny..."

"... I guess, if the bunny ever catches him calling him that in public, he'll break another rib~" Gilbert kissed his nose. "... I'll come to visit you. Promised."

"... ok... I'll wait then..." Ivan whispered and stretched a little to blow a kiss on Gilbert's lips. It was worth the pain.

"Good boy."

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _geht doch – there we go/ Finally! (term used when someone who's expected to do something, stops resisting and finally does it)_

 _Königsberger Klopse – meatloaves Königsberg style (famous Eastprussian dish)_

 _fein - fine_

 _Das war das letzte Mal, dass ich was gekocht habe – This was the last time I cooked something._

 _Moy zaychik – my bunny_


	10. Little white lies

_Authors' note:_

 _Ok._

 _I'M SORRY._

 _I'm so, so sorry that this took SO fucking long. I had lots of RL trouble, searching for a new job, a new flat, trying to organize everything... so... sorry, sorry, sorry. Here, have the new chapter ='D_

 _~ Mi_

 _Also thank you for following, reading and commenting our little story. 3_

 _Please leave a comment if you feel like it. No matter how small, every little comment makes our day and cheers us up. Thank you all._

 _~ Alu_

* * *

 **Little white lies**

The doctor came to take Ivan with him and the atmosphere in the big house changed immediately. Raivis and Eduard relaxed, even joked around a bit. Just Toris seemed more quiet and thoughtful.

He went to care for Ivan's paperwork and called the hospital in the morning without letting anyone know. They told him Ivan would undergo surgery in some hours and that there was no need to call again that day.

So the morning passed and they were just about to prepare the lunch, when the phone rang.

Gilbert picked it up, thinking that it might be the hospital.

"Russia's house, this is Beilschmidt...?" He hoped it was alright...

There was silence on the other end before a voice snarled. "Ah, the Naziboy... Where's your superior? He's not answering the phone in his office."

"...!" Gilbert tensed and clenched his fists.

Behave.

"He's at the hospital." Should he make something up?

Toris frowned at hearing that, coming slowly closer.

"Hospital? Why would he be at the hospital?" Ivan's boss growled.

Gilbert looked at Toris and back into nothingness. "Some spy attacked him. He... he broke his wounded rib before Ivan could fight back and get him seriously injured..."

His mind was spinning.

Stop this. This won't end well!

"...!" Toris' eyes widened. He made some hasty movements, trying to gesture Gilbert to stop that.

"... is that so? And why wasn't I informed about that matter?!"

"It..." Gilbert bit his lip. "I'm sorry. This is my fault. I was supposed to tell you, but... I didn't think it was important enough to bother you."

He looked at Toris with a helpless expression. What should I have said?! That he broke his goddamn rib while trying to have sex with me?

"Oh, I see. Well, of course. You're right. Why would it matter to know that someone attacked my nation and wounded him enough to end up in hospital?" The voice on the phone was silky... and cold.

"G-give me the phone!" Toris hissed and reached out for it.

Gilbert bit his lip and handed it over. He couldn't lie under pressure, ok?

Toris literally ripped the phone from his hand, taking a deep breath before he spoke.

"Sir... this is Laurinaitis. I'd like to apologize. It's been all chaos here and after Comrade Braginsky was brought awa-"

"Shut up."

He gulped quietly.

"Whatever happened... and whoever is in charge, I was not informed. I want to see this Beilschmidt now and I expect a full report by the time he comes here. Understood?"

"... yes, Sir."

"I made myself clear? You know the protocol."

"... yes, Sir. I do..."

"Good." And the line was dead.

Toris stared into thin air.

Gilbert looked to the side. "... sorry... I couldn't really think clearly..."

"You... you lied to him... and that was a really, really stupid lie!" With a bang the phone was put down. "We have no way to prove that! A spy?! Really? How are we supposed to explain this to him?!"

"I never said I was a good liar, ok?" Gilbert defended himself. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Goddamnit... tell me, what would you have told him...? If I had told him the truth, he would've punished Ivan again for being 'weak'..."

"..." Toris bit his lip. "... we would have found a lie... but now he wants to see you. He wants to see you right away, Gilbert. That's not good..."

Gilbert bit his lip. "... I see... guess I better get dressed up then, huh..."

A shiver ran down his spine.

"Yes... you should hurry. He's not a patient man..."

Chewing on his lip Toris turned around and took some steps. When he stopped again he didn't turn around. "... I'll come with you..."

"What? No. Toris, I don't think this is a good idea!"

"It's not a good idea to let you go alone..." Toris growled, anguish in his eyes. "You'll end up getting executed... and I don't want to explain that to Ivan..."

Again Gilbert bit his lip and looked down. "I'll get dressed..." he said and turned around, walking to his room and get into his uniform.

It didn't take much time until he was outside, next to the car.

Toris had dressed in his uniform as well and just gave his brothers some last instructions, before he came outside to join Gilbert. He had also called the hospital just to find out that Ivan was still sleeping. He had refused to leave a message... It would just upset him.

"Alright... let's go."

"Yes."

Gilbert let Toris drive - not like he'd remember the way from last time - and looked out of the window, thoughtfully.

"Hey..." he said after a while. "What... would happen if I told him the truth? That I lied... because I didn't want to make Ivan look bad. Would it get him into trouble again...? Because I don't want that..."

Toris kept his eyes glued to the street, remaining silent for a while. "If you'd take all the blame... he'd be spared... But what do you want to tell Chruschtschow on how it happened?"

"... dunno... I could tell him he fell down some stairs because I stumbled against him..." Gilbert said, looking outside. "... think he'd buy it?"

"I guess... it's more plausible than your story of the enemy spy..." Toris made a face, thinking back to that phone call. What a mess.

"... you know he'll punish you for lying... do you?"

Gilbert didn't look at him. "... I don't care..." he finally said.

"... but Ivan will... as soon as he finds out he will care, Gilbert..." Toris glanced at him. "I called the hospital... He's still sleeping, but everything went fine. Thought you'd want to know..."

There was a pause, but then a soft smile lit up the German's face. "... that's good..."

The smile vanished.

"They'll... let me go after a while, right...? Just... like they let him go?"

Toris bit his lip, staring back on the street and the buildings passing by. "They have to... you're GDR... Gilbert, listen to me. When you speak to him... don't act up... don't speak against whatever he says, just... take what he'll say or do and maybe... it won't get even worse..."

"I know... I promised Ivan to stay quiet around that guy..." He looked at him. "... if he... does something to me, don't tell Ivan... ok? He's not supposed to get upset..."

"... I can't promise that... he'll find out, because I fear whatever his boss will do... it will be visible..." Toris mumbled.

"... then he'll find out eventually... but there's no need to tell him beforehand..."

"Yes... you're right. I'll stay quiet... it's not like I want to upset him on purpose..."

"... thanks, Toris..."

The rest of that drive was quiet. Unsettling...

Soon enough they stopped at the headquarter and Toris shut down the car engine. In front of the big doors, which lead into the building, stood a secretary. As soon as she saw them stopping she came closer.

Toris' fingers tightened around the steering wheel. "... he waited for you..."

"... thought so." Gilbert got out of the car and straightened his jacket. He looked at the secretary. "I'm sorry, I hope we're not too late?"

"You've been expected earlier" she gave back with a soft smile. Watching Toris getting out of the car as well she nodded and gestured upstairs to the doors. "Please follow me."

"I see." Gilbert didn't look back to Toris, but followed her in silence.

His heart was racing. Not because he was afraid - well, not really at least - but because he thought of that asshole and what he did to Ivan the other day...

Toris followed some steps behind Gilbert, looking attentive around. He had the feeling something was wrong... that someone was watching them, but whenever he took a look there was just the normal office crowd.

It didn't take long for them to end up in front of Chruschtschow's office. The secretary knocked carefully and after a moment they were called in. Turning around the woman left with a blank little smile on her lips.

Gilbert took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and stepped into that office. "I'm here..."

He didn't really know what to say, how to greet this man he'd rather punch to a pulp.

"Sir..." Toris stepped beside him, bowing his head slightly. At the second voice Chruschtschow looked up from his papers and raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't I want to see you alone, Beilschmidt?"

"...?" Gilbert looked at him, then Toris, and back at him. "Sir, I'm sorry. I needed him to get me here, since I didn't remember the way."

"You can't even remember the way alone? How useless are you?" Leaning back Ivan's boss crossed his fingers over his stomach. "Well, then... Where's the report on that... 'spy attack', Laurinaitis?"

Toris bit his lip, not sure if it was good to say there was none. They had no choice…

"Sir, if I may speak?" Gilbert said and without waiting for the answer, he continued: "There is none."

"Really? What a surprise..." The man seemed everything, but surprised. "And why is that?"

"Because I lied." Gilbert straightened his shoulders. "Of course there was no spy."

The room temperature dropped some degrees at Gilbert's words. Toris didn't dare to breathe, but he prayed in silence...

Chruschtschow glared at Gilbert, leaning forward to put his arms on the desk. Toris had the feeling Ivan's boss wasn't as overrun as he should have been, but then again... Gilbert's story had been fishy from the start.

"Is there something you want to tell me... Naziboy?"

"..." Gilbert gritted his teeth, but didn't do anything else. "He fell. I stumbled against him and he fell down the stairs. It was a stupid accident and for some reason I felt too bad for it to tell you the truth."

"So you came up with that... harebrained… story and thought anyone would believe it when you pushed him down the stairs instead? I knew you wouldn't be happy with being here, but attacking your superior..."

"It was an accident, Sir! Gilbert didn-"

"Shut up, Laurinaitis!"

"I never said I was a good liar. I've been taught to tell the truth, so I've never learnt thinking of good lies," Gilbert replied as calmly as he could. "I didn't attack him. It was an accident."

"So? Yes, I heard about your precious... 'preußische Tugenden'... still you dare to lie to me and bring your superior into hospital. You didn't even think it was important to report this... You too, Laurinaitis."

Toris gulped quietly.

"What do you think should I do with you now?"

"I don't know. I guess you'll punish me for misbehaving" Gilbert said, his voice calm and steady, but his pulse racing.

"Misbehaving? You call this misbehaving? It's high treason" Chruschtschow hissed. "I'm your superior, GDR. You put the whole country in danger with pushing Ivan down the stairs and hurting him. You think that would be solved with a simple punishment for misbehaviour?"

Gilbert clenched his fist.

So what about YOU hurting him? It's your fault he's in the hospital in the first place, you fucker!

He closed his eyes. "I'll accept whatever punishment you think is appropriate."

This answer seemed to surprise Ivan's boss. Toris chewed on the inside of his cheek, watching the man attentive. He could almost see his suspicion.

"I see Ivan managed to put some common sense into you, Naziboy... Tell him I'm proud of him."

Toris saw the man's hand wander to the phone on his desk, where he pushed a button.

"No, wait. I guess I'll see him sooner than you will. Never mind then, Naziboy. Don't break your little empty head."

Gilbert bit his lip. Ok. So… maybe he was a bit afraid now.

"Is... Lithuania allowed to leave now?" he asked lowly, knowing he wouldn't leave with him.

Toris clenched his teeth.

Don't, Gilbert... Don't ask him for anything... Don't make your situation worse...

"Actually... no. There are still things we have to talk about. Why do you care? Afraid for your little friend?"

"No. We're not friends. He doesn't like me and I don't care for him. But someone has to take care of all the paperwork back home."

"..." Chruschtschow observed Gilbert's face for a little silent moment. "You're a bad liar..."

It was that moment someone knocked at the door and without waiting for an answer four men in uniform came in.

"The white one. Code Blue." Ivan's boss said with a wave of his hand and immediately they grabbed Gilbert.

"G-Gil!"

Gilbert tensed, for a moment about to fight back, but then he bit his lip and looked straight at that damn bastard.

"I wasn't lying this time. Toris wants me out of the house because I'm troublesome to everyone."

Toris' hands clenched to fists. That's not true. Not like this...

"Well, his wish will be granted. Bring him away..."

"Yes, Sir! Come, bastard." Grabbing Gil's arms harder the soldiers pulled him to the door and out into the hallway, while Toris looked after him. He had a bad feeling... a very bad feeling...

Gilbert didn't struggle. He looked at Toris and then closed his eyes.

Don't fight back.

Not as long as Toris is still with that guy...

He smiled weakly.

Well, maybe he had lied a bit when saying he didn't care at all for Toris.

And Toris felt his heart skipping a beat once the doors feel shut and cut his view on Gilbert. If something serious happened to him... if they killed him... he'd never be able to look into Ivan's eyes again.

"Laurinaitis."

"... yes, Sir…"

The soldiers dragged Gilbert along the hallways, not caring if he bumped against corners or stumbled over stairs in the process.

Gilbert's heart was racing.

I want to fight. I want to fight back!

I mustn't fight back...

He looked over his shoulder, back into that hallway.

Don't hurt Toris. He's dear to Ivan... don't hurt him...

"So... where are you gonna take me...?"

"You'll see soon enough, scum."

They lead him through a metal door and the hallway got darker and more… blank. They were still in the same building. They hadn't left or stepped outside, still it started to look different there after a short while.

One of the soldiers shouted something and a heavy door opened for them, leading into a metal covered hallway with many secured doors to both sides. Like a prison.

Gilbert didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

He bit his lip and slowly started to resist, pushing his feet against the floor.

I don't want this...

The soldiers holding him frowned and pulled him further with force.

"What now? Move, Nazi!"

"Don't call me that! I'm NOT a Nazi!"

"Really? We'll see, Nazi."

Dragging him along they soon reached a man in a grey suit. Standing beside an open door, hands crossed behind his back with a smile, it seemed he had waited for them.

"Is that our new friend? Please come in. And stop being so rude to him."

Gilbert didn't like him either.

"Let me go!" he growled, pulling at his arms now.

But the hands holding him were like iron.

"We'll let you go once you stop struggling" the stranger said and stepped back, watching with an everlasting smile how the soldiers dragged Gilbert through the door and into the dim room.

There was nothing but a single chair in the middle of it, right under a lamp hanging from the ceiling. "Sit down."

"... is this even real..." Gilbert mumbled and gasped a bit as he was pushed into the room and onto that chair.

"Goddamnit, I can sit myself, ok?!"

The door fell shut behind the grey man and his soldiers. While two stood guard beside the door the man came closer, his hands still behind his back.

"Of course you can. Please excuse my men. They still need to learn how to behave. So... I guess I should introduce myself. The name is Schukow. What's yours?"

"... Beilschmidt. Or DDR, if you prefer the official way" Gilbert growled.

"DDR... I heard a lot about you. Who knew I'd ever see you here." Schukow smiled brightly and came closer until he stood right in front of his guest.

"Stop acting like you'd care for being polite or something like that. You and I know this will be anything, BUT polite."

"I'm always polite. I hate rude people and you seem to be a rude person..."

Without warning he hit the side of Gilbert's head with something hard.

Gilbert gasped as his head flew to the side and he saw literally stars.

Goddamnit... that hurt.

He glared at Schukow. "..."

"I guess, after welcoming you, we should make you familiar with the rules of your little visit here." Weighting the baton in his hand Schukow kept on smiling.

"You speak when you're told to speak. You tell the truth. You don't act up. Understood, Beilschmidt?"

"Not sure if I got the last one correctly... what do you mean by acting up?"

"Ah, you're clever. What a clever question, right boys?" The soldiers grunted in response.

"Most people forget to ask which makes their life pretty hard. By acting up I mean fighting back, misbehaving, not listening to the good advices we give you. Did that answer your question?"

Gilbert licked his lip. He was pushing his luck already.

"... guess I'm gonna have a hard time..." he said with a smirk that hid his true feelings too well.

"I love all that stuff..."

"Is that so?" Something like a shadow slid over the grey man's face before he smiled brightly again. "Alright. It's the special treatment then. Boys!"

Making their knuckles crack the two soldiers who didn't guard the door came closer, glaring at Gilbert. For a short moment they stood still – waiting - before they jumped at him on a nod from Schukow.

Gilbert's eyes widened and within a second he was on his legs, fighting them back.

Do what you want. But don't think I'll give in easily!

They were two, but he was a nation. This was... kinda fair.

Iron like fists flew at the German but the same amount of hits that reached Gil, were given back. Schukow watched them fighting with an angry frown. Snapping his fingers the other two soldiers came closer as well. They pulled batons out from under their coats, reaching out to hit Gilbert in the back of his knees.

Gilbert gasped and fell down, raising his hands immediately to protect his face against them, trying to get up quickly.

But they didn't let him. Without break they were above him and let fists and batons fly down on their victim, while Schukow watched.

"You should stop fighting back. It will just make it worse."

But Gilbert didn't stop.

He used to be Prussia. He used to rule half of Europe!

It felt like an eternity until he finally broke down and curled up under their hits. His body was a mess and it seemed like every bone hurt..

Still they didn't stop. The soldiers kept on hitting and kicking him without mercy until Schukow raised a hand.

"Enough." Stepping past the panting soldiers he squatted down, burying his fingers in Gilbert's hair. "You may be a nation..." he whispered smiling. "But I know very well how to break you. I've done it before."

Gilbert glared at him through swollen, bloody eyes. "... you... won't break me..." he whispered. "You can... kill me... but you'll never... never break... Prussia." And with that he spat into his face.

With an unnerved sigh Schukow wiped the bloody spit from his cheek, grabbing Gil's hair harder to smash his head on the ground.

"Rude... Bring him away. I guess /Prussia/ could need some rest before we start for real."

Gilbert groaned in pain, gasped as they pulled him up. His legs didn't listen to his commands and the whole room was spinning around him.

Under Schukow's eyes they dragged him away and out of the room back into the empty hallway. The soldiers ignored his groaning and once more didn't care to watch out and prevent him from bumping against the doorpost. He was barely more than a bloody bag between them and they treated him like that, literally throwing him into a brightly lit cell and the cold water that covered the lowered ground, before the door fell shut.

Gilbert gasped as he felt the water soak through his clothes and sat up with some difficulties. "A-ah...!"

He raised his head, looking around. What ... what was this?

"Hng." He flinched, cursing lowly. Damnit. They got him good...

Several floors above his head Toris hurried through the hallways. He had been dismissed with a slap across the face and a verbal scolding after backing up Gilbert's story of the accident and a report on Ivan's well-being. He knew if it hadn't been for Gilbert's confession he would have been off worse...

Panting he stormed into an office and scared the secretary half to death. "I need to talk to the chairmen right now. It's important!"

The woman just stared at him, not understanding.

"The chairmen!" Toris almost shouted. If he managed to speak to the right people... maybe he could get Gilbert out this evening and before something serious happened to him.

If Gilbert got severely hurt... No. He didn't want to think of that...

Gilbert had leant his back against the cold wall, staring at the door on the other side of the room. His arms were wrapped up around his chest and he was breathing heavily, trembling already. From the fall his clothes were all soaked and after he had failed to stand for longer than two minutes, he had just given up and sat down in the water.

Bastards...

I won't be broken...

This is nothing... just some water... It's cold, but I'm from the north... I know Russia...

You can't break me...

He curled up a bit, suppressing a sneeze, since the last one had sent a jolt of pain through his body.

Damnit...

It was the moment the light was turned off and left Gil in absolute darkness. There was no sound to hear except for his own breathing and the little noises the water made whenever he moved in it.

The German grind his teeth, then snorted and started laughing. "Really? Really now?"

He pulled his legs closer to his body with another pained groan, wrapped his arms around the knees and buried his aching face into them. "... what do you think I am... afraid of the darkness?"

As an answer the light flashed up again, maybe a bit brighter than before. This on and off of the neon lights above his head continued in an uneven pattern for about one hour before the light remained switched on again.

Gilbert kept his eyes shut and buried into his arms. Still the lights reached him a bit and it hurt his eyes.

"... Arschlöcher..." was all he murmured every now and then, feeling like his toes getting numb by now.

He was left alone for another hour in the blinding light until a key turned in the lock and the heavy door was opened. Smiling brightly Schukow stood in the door frame, glancing amused at his guest.

"Well? How are we now? Ready to behave?"

Gilbert raised his head and after a short moment, the smirk was back. "How did you know I liked to take a cold bath to wash away some blood? That was really... really kind of you."

His voice was trembling of the cold, but he didn't care.

"Was it? Well, I'm glad I could make your stay comfortable." The smile didn't vanish from the grey man's face, but it turned into something cold. "And since you like it so much, I have an upgrade for you. Don't thank me. I know I'm just too generous sometimes." With that Schukow turned to the side and spoke quietly to someone. It sounded as if a kind of small machine got started somewhere.

Gilbert frowned slightly at that sound. What now-

\- and the next moment a jolt of electricity shot through the water.

He couldn't finish that thought, as he literally jumped to his feet with a muffled scream, hitting with his back against the wall as his legs gave in slightly.

"Motherfucker...!" He started running - well, slightly stumbling - towards that man, ready to punch him.

Schukow saw him coming but his smile didn't falter. Instead rifles appeared left and right of him, aiming at Gilbert.

"I wouldn't do that, Beilschmidt. Or do you want your brain scattered all over the place?"

Gilbert stopped and growled. "... fucking coward...!" he growled.

"Ah. I don't need to be brave, Beilschmidt. That's not my job. Giving you a nice holiday here... yes, that's my job." And he made a hand gesture, sending a new jolt through the water.

Gilbert suppressed another scream, stumbled back and fell into the water, face down. Gasping, coughing he sat up. "Great... I can't... can't wait...!"

"I know. It's exciting, isn't it? Well, I guess you could need a bit more sleep before we start for real, since you're already so... willing to work with me." With that Schukow turned around, looking back over his shoulder. "I'm back in an hour. I hope you learnt until then."

"Fuck you." Gilbert growled and pushed himself up, stumbling back a bit.

Damn you...!

Schukow shook his head with pity. "Give him another portion." And with the door falling shut behind him the electricity ran once more through the water and Gilbert's wet clothes. Some seconds longer than before.

"GAAH!" His body tensed and when the electricity was gone, he fell back into the water, gasping for air.

"GHN!" He clenched his teeth, growling, and slammed his fist into the water. "ASSHOLE!"

In another building far away Ivan stared at the ceiling. He felt way better than the day before. He could breathe freely again and the pain was gone thanks to the medication they had given him. When he brushed his hand over the thick bandage he still flinched for that strange numb feeling, but it was alright.

The only thing that wasn't alright was, that he had been left alone. A one-bed room just for himself. Nice and calm and boring... Whenever he heard footsteps outside Ivan looked up with hope to see a white shock of hair poking in from the hallway, however it were always just nurses and doctors. Ivan even asked them if someone had called, but since midday no one had asked for his state any more.

Sighing disappointed he closed his eyes, mumbling a word into the silent room.

"Gil..."

Gilbert was lying in the water, staring into the bright light, his sensitive eyes hurting terribly.

Every now and then the light flickered and Gilbert tensed, preparing for another shock.

"GAH!"

He curled up on the side, being wet and cold and hurt. He wasn't sure if the shocks were getting stronger or longer, or if it was just the imagination, caused by pain and exhaustion.

"You won't break me with that..." he mumbled.

"Don't worry. I'll break him with that." Schukow smiled into the receiver of the phone and nodded even if the other side couldn't see him. "Yes, Sir. Of course. Don't worry." Once more he nodded and put the phone down then.

"Alright, boys. It's time. Get the porcelain doll. I want to play~"

He was tired. He had no idea how long this had been going on by now, but he was tired of it!

His muscles were twitching every now and then, overtaxed by the electricity, and it hurt.

But that was ok. He was a nation, a warrior, he was used to pain.

But this was so tiring...

Heavy steps came fast closer and the next moment the door flew open. The four soldiers from before came into Gilbert's cell. Without a word two grabbed him, while the others guarded the door with loaded rifles.

Gilbert gasped a bit in surprise. "Ah! Goddamnit, fuck off!" He pulled on his arms.

"You have an appointment. Don't try to struggle" one of his torturers growled and pulled Gilbert to the door and out of the water into the hallway.

Gilbert struggled, but not much. He tried to save his strength for later.

"An appointment? With whom?"

"With your hotel manager" one of the others chuckled, getting a glare from his comrade.

"You'll see, Whitey. It's not far."

They dragged him down the hallway and back into the empty room he had been beaten up in. Now however there wasn't even a chair. Just Schukow waited there, leaned against the wall and welcoming Gilbert with a smile.

"There you are. You look terrible, you know that?"

The door fell shut behind Gil and his guards.

"I was about to tell you the same" Gilbert replied, then shrugged. "But once I'm out of these clothes and dry, I'll look fine again. But what will you do about this ugly face?"

One of the soldiers holding him, gave him a hard hit on the back of his head, while Schukow just sighed deeply. "You're a stubborn one. I see... Well, I can't do anything about my face, but we can do something about your clothes." Snapping his fingers he gave his men a signal and without warning they kicked into Gilbert's knees to bring him down.

Gilbert gasped and when he was on his knees, he kicked to the side, angry at them treating him like this. "Fuck off!"

"Take his clothes off, but be careful. We wouldn't want to cut him. Right, boys?"

Laughing the third soldier approached them from behind, weighting a hunting knife in his hand, while his comrades held Gilbert down. Running the tip of the blade lightly over Gilbert's back he finally grabbed his collar and started cutting it open.

"What-" Gilbert tensed. "You fuckers! The heck are you doing?" He didn't dare to struggle too much though. That knife looked pretty sharp.

"You said yourself you want out of these clothes, so we're helping~" Schukow grinned, while he watched how his man cut the uniform off Gilbert's body.

"Assholes...!" Gilbert growled. "... then again... I never could stand that ugly piece of cloth..."

"See? We just do you a favour."

The man worked quickly and surprisingly careful. He cut the sleeves of Gilbert's jacket and shirt open and ripped both away. On a sign his comrades pulled the German back up on his feet, so he could care for his trousers as well.

Gilbert glared at them, growling lowly. "Yeah, a favour. I guess I won't get a new uniform from you, though?"

Schukow laughed, while the soldier ripped Gilbert's trousers off and ended with his underwear. "I thought you don't like it anyway? Please decide for something already."

"I said a new one. Dark blue would be nice, yes."

"You already look dark blue to me." Grey eyes wandered over Gilbert's body, glancing at the countless bruises the beating had caused. "Looks painful. Do you want a massage for that?"

Gilbert raised his eyebrow. "Hm. Depends. Do you have some hot girls to do it? If not, I guess I'll pass."

"No. I'm sorry. Our hot girls work in the women tract. Alright, boys. Prepare him for the questioning."

The German growled. "I don't even know what you think I could TELL you."

"You'd be surprised. We always found something to talk about with our guests."

While Schukow spoke, the soldiers tied Gilbert's hands and feet to ropes. The ropes around his wrists got tied to some iron rings on the ceiling, while the ropes on his ankles got tied to rings to the wall. On a sign they straightened the ropes, pulling Gilbert's limbs apart.

"Ah!" Gilbert gasped a bit as they yanked on his legs and he had to fight to keep his balance. "... ok, this is pretty uncomfortable" he growled.

"That's the point."

They made sure his legs were fixed in an uncomfortable position while Gilbert's hands were just loosely stretched. Like this he had to balance his weight on his parted legs, without being able to hang on the ropes from above.

"Alright. Let's start."

Gilbert looked from one to another, his heart racing pretty much now. He didn't know what to expect and that made him... really uncomfortable...

"… you can't be serious." Toris felt tired, so tired after many phone calls and long discussions. He had called all chairmen of the congress he could reach this time of the night. He had explained to every single one of them how much of a bad idea it was to keep the embodiment of GDR captured. However he hadn't mentioned torture, knowing everyone knew already what it meant to anger Chruschtschow.

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow is too late!" His voice was unusually harsh as he shouted into the phone. Of course it was late at night but tomorrow was too late!

"Ok… yes, ok. Thank you anyway…" With a deep sigh Toris cut the call and looked up to his ambassador against whose desk he leaned. This man and his subordinates were the only people Toris trusted in this building. They were all Lithuanian and some even spied for the resistance. Toris knew all that. He knew it and he supported them, like they supported him. His ambassador had even come from home to help him now.

"He's not willing to talk to the big boss…?" the man asked quietly, knowing the answer already.

"No… not before the morning, just like the others…" The nation buried his face into his hands with a deep sigh. It couldn't be helped… he needed Ivan. People here listened to him. Well, of course. He was their motherland.

"Listen… do me the favour and keep calling the rest of the list. Explain what I told you. I need to drive to the hospital."

"The hospital? And in the middle of the night? Why…?"

"I need to get help…"

Half an hour later Toris lead his car through the empty streets.

It was too late for people being outside and it was forbidden anyway. So he drove the way to the hospital on the other side of the city faster than expected.

Stopping with squealing tires in front of the big glass door Toris jumped out and hurried inside, just to be stopped by the night guard. It was an old man, totally overrun by the nation and his flood of explanations and swears. Still he didn't let Toris pass. When the Lithuanian tried to get past him with force that little old man turned out to be surprisingly strong. He held Toris back and the nation didn't want to hurt him...

Chewing on his lip he begged that someone called Ivan, that it was a matter of life and death, but the old man remained unmoved. It took them several minutes of loud discussion, in which curious nurses came to see what caused all the ruckus, until the night guard threatened to call the police. Toris didn't need that. If the police got him, he knew they'd lock him up for the night... and he had no time for that.

Cursing under his breath Toris pushed the old man away, making him stumble and fall, maybe even get hurt in the end. He didn't know since he sprinted past him and the screeching nurses into the white and brightly lit hallways, without a look back. If he remembered right Ivan's room number had been one from the second floor. Running up the stairs Toris heard footsteps behind him.

He was in trouble... in big trouble... Still he didn't stop, wasn't allowed to stop. Rushing into the hallway with the patients' rooms he searched for the right number.

There was turmoil in the hallway which didn't wake only Ivan from his sleep. Frowning sleepily he glanced at the door and the line of light sipping through the gap at the bottom.

"What the heck..." he grumbled and turned a little to the side, closing his eyes again... but just for a moment. "...?"

"Ivan!"

There it was again!

"Ivan!"

He knew that voice!

"... Toris?"

Footsteps and angry shouting came closer, before the door to his room was ripped open. The sudden light blinded Ivan for a moment, but the voice was unmistakable.

"I-Ivan! Something happened! Something terrib-!"

Toris couldn't finish his sentence. He was ripped from his feet the next moment and pushed to the ground by two male nurses. He struggled desperately to get free, but they kneeled on him, trying everything to not let him go.

"What..." Pushing his legs out of the bed, Ivan sat up. "Get off him. I said get off him!"

"Sir, we can't let-"

"Get off him!" Ivan growled with as much authority as he managed in a nightgown.

Glancing at each other the nurses slowly let got of Toris, who immediately got up on his feet and stumbled into the room.

"Ivan! Ivan we... we need your help!" he panted, fighting for air.

The Russian frowned worried. If Toris acted like this, if he came to wake him... something was very wrong.

"What is it? Toris! What is wrong?"

"I-It's Gilbert... They got him! Your boss called and we had to go there and Gilbert lied to him and then he was brought away and-"

Ivan didn't need to hear more. Ripping his wardrobe open he struggled to get dressed under the protest of his caretakers. He wasn't supposed to get up or get upset or even leave, they shouted over and over, but he didn't listen. There was just one thought while he closed his trousers, ordering Toris to get his shirt and a coat.

Gilbert... they got Gilbert... and he was all alone!

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _Preußische Tugenden – Prussian Virtues_

 _Arschlöcher - assholes_


	11. After all these years

_Authors' note:_

 _Yes, we're still alive and kicking! We're sorry you had to wait so long for this, but life is a mess right now._

 _Thank you to everyone for reading, faving and commenting. You rock!_

 _~ Alu_

* * *

 **After all these years**

Gilbert was breathing heavily. Everything hurt. And yet his body felt so numb.

Schukow was still asking his stupid questions and Gilbert was still giving stupid answers. But he wasn't as big mouthed as before.

He was tired of this game... tired of the pain. He wanted to go home.

A hand grabbed Gilbert's chin for the hundredth time, forcing him to look up into grey eyes.

"So? Are you willing to talk to us now, little porcelain doll?"

Gilbert growled weakly. "Stop asking ... stupid questions. If you want... to beat me up... just do it. I'm tired of this ... stupid game..."

"Game? I already told you and I will tell you again. This is no game we're playing. This is serious business." And a fist got rammed into Gilbert's stomach, once more.

Gilbert gasped, coughed up some blood. "Ah...! Once... once more...! What... do you want from me...? I answered all your... fucking questions!"

"You did but I'm not satisfied with your answers." Sighing Schukow let him go and wiped his hand clean on Gilbert's wet hair. "Maybe we should take a break. Boys. Do what you want to him, but I need his tongue working. Understood?"

Through swollen eyes Gilbert looked at them. "I'm not... afraid of you..." he growled, weakly clenching his numb hands.

"You're really no fun, Whitey." They made their knuckles crack and fists flew down on the already bruised and beaten-up body, while Schukow turned to the door. He had to give a report and as far as he could see, it was going well. Some more days and that man would be a complete mess.

He chuckled to himself, listening to the groans behind him as he opened the door - when a large hand wrapped around his throat and let the chuckle die.

Ivan's fingers were white from the force he used to dig them into that man's skin. "You stay." It was barely more than a cold growl.

Gilbert didn't realise it first, but after a few moments he noticed the fists had stopped to drum on his body.

With a hissed breath he raised his head, but he could hardly see anything.

"Who let you in here?!" one of the guards said. "What... what happened to Yuri and Mikail?"

"They were clever enough not to resist," Ivan growled and glared at them. "Step away from that man or your superior will end up with a broken neck."

Both men looked at each other, then at Gilbert and back. "What if we don't?!" One grabbed the knife he had used to cut the clothes and aimed at Gilbert's throat, panicking a bit.

Ivan forced Schukow down on his knees, barely giving him the chance to breathe while the man's fingers scratched desperately over his arm. He took that moment, getting a taste of the struggle, before he glared cold at the other. The air seemed to freeze around him. "Do you have any IDEA who I am? I could get you executed in the morning and I will, if you keep on speaking up against your Nation."

Suddenly there was realisation in their eyes and they gasped.

"We... we were just following orders!"

With a groan, Gilbert let his head hang. He must been imagining things... He could clearly hear Ivan's voice...

"Get lost. Now. And if I see your faces again, I'll let the dogs rip them off. Understood?"

They nodded and ran as fast as they could.

Russia followed them with his eyes, growling something not understandable, before he turned back to Schukow who was already blue in the face. Ivan had seen Gilbert from the corner of his eyes, but he didn't dare to think about it yet...

Still the thought made his blood boil. It would be so easy to kill this man here and now. Just a squeeze and it would be over... but instead of killing him, Ivan threw Schukow into a corner like a lifeless doll. He'd get his revenge...

"Toris! Come here!"

"Y-yes!" Toris entered the room, his face even paler than Gilbert's was usually.

They'd get into trouble... so deeply!

That was the moment Ivan dared to look up. His heart skipped a beat as his eyes wandered over Gilbert's tortured body. How long had he been left alone with them?

Biting his lip hard, gulping any word down, he hurried over and almost didn't dare to take that swollen face into his hands. "Gil..."

Breathing heavily, Gilbert looked at him. "... you... shouldn't be here..." His eyes found Toris. "... I told you not to... to tell him..."

He'll be upset.

He'll get into trouble.

"Shh... Don't talk now." Blowing a trembling kiss on Gil's forehead Ivan wrapped an arm around his back, holding him as careful as possible. "Cut the ropes, Toris. Hurry."

"Y-yes!" Toris grabbed the knife that guy had left behind and cut the ropes as quickly as possible. "C-careful!"

"... yes..." He held him up, even pulled Gil into his arms in hopes there were no bones broken in his body. When the ropes were gone Ivan let him down carefully and slipped out of his coat to wrap Gilbert into it. "We'll go home now."

"You're... not allowed to lift... heavy things..." Gilbert mumbled. "You should leave... you'll... get into trouble..." His eyes wandered to Toris. "You'll get... Toris into trouble, too..."

"My rib is fine now." Ivan felt blood sipping through bandage and shirt, but the pain was barely there and he couldn't care less this very moment. "I won't leave you here. We're going home now and call the doc. Come." Pushing his arms under back and legs, Ivan lifted Gilbert slowly up.

Gilbert pushed against his chest. "You... you fucker...! I said... you're not allowed!"

"And I said we're going home!" Ivan's voice was shaking slightly. He wouldn't leave him here. He'd never leave him here!

Holding Gil tighter to himself he turned to the door. "Toris..."

"Y-yes! I'm... I'm coming...!" He quickly followed him, away from this place.

Gilbert whimpered slightly. "I didn't... go through this... so you could... you will end here again...!"

"I won't." Ivan mumbled, eyes fixed on the way before them. "He had no right to punish you. You're not his subordinate."

"I'm yours... and... that... makes me his, too... sort of..." Gilbert protested under heavy breaths, "Ivan... let me down... you'll just... end up in the hospital again...!"

Ivan stopped and looked at Gilbert's swollen face. "I don't fucking care! Ok?! I won't leave you here and I won't let you go alone in your state! I'm fucking fine, what I can't say about you, Gilbert Beilschmidt! So shut up and let me help you!" His voice echoed from the naked walls, getting quieter when he buried his nose in Gilbert's wet hair. "... you're mine... and you got hurt because of me. Toris told me everything. So let me help you, you damn stupid German blockhead."

Gilbert pressed his lips together, feeling his eyes burn slightly. "Then... then move already... and... don't carry me around so long..." he whispered.

"Ok..." Pressing a kiss on Gilbert's ear Ivan kept on moving.

It was good all this had happened in the middle of the night, so they didn't meet anyone on the way to the car who dared to stop them. Still Ivan was aware that countless eyes watched their escape. He was aware of every single one and he was aware that this would have consequences. After all he had hurt a member of the headquarter and freed a prisoner, but Ivan couldn't care less. He'd solve this problem later, now Gilbert was more important.

Putting him on the backseat of the car carefully, he gestured Toris to drive, while he climbed in with Gilbert, just like Gilbert had done with him that last time.

Toris sat down and started the engine, driving off as quickly as he could.

Gilbert groaned and leant a bit against Ivan's shoulder. "... he'll be angry at you.."

"He can't. He has no right to be," Ivan whispered, wrapping his arms tenderly around Gil's body. "And that's not important now anyway. Is something broken? What did they do to you, Gil..."

"... dunno... can't feel much anymore..." He closed his eyes, feeling so dizzy all of a sudden. "... tried to break me... they'll have to learn much... if they want to break... my Prussian will..."

Ivan bit his lip, caressing slowly wet and bloody hair. "We'll go home and there you'll rest for a while, the doc will have a look at you and all will be fine again."

"Hm... yeah... just need some sleep..." He nuzzled a bit against Ivan's shoulder, ignoring the pain in his swollen face. "'s alright..."

"Yes..." Gilbert felt so cold to the touch despite all the bruises and wounds all over his body. Ivan knew what they had done. He knew how it felt and he held Gilbert a little tighter, trying to give him some of his warmth and some safety.

Gilbert didn't get how they drove home. He dozed off, falling somewhat asleep, almost into a comatose state.

Meanwhile Ivan watched over his sleep, touching his wet ribcage every now and then. It seemed the surgery cut had opened, but it was nothing compared to his broken rib or what Gil had been through.

Just when Toris stopped the car and the light flickered, Gilbert tensed, curling up a bit.

Ivan frowned when he felt Gilbert tensing and whispered into his hair. ".. you're safe here... no one will hurt you anymore. I promise."

Blinking Gilbert looked up at him, disorientated. "... where... am I?" he asked, then groaned. "A-ah..."

Slowly the coldness was fading, leaving behind the burning pain

"Shh... You're home, Gil. It's ok..." Ivan wasn't sure if it was a good idea to move Gilbert now, but they had to get out of the car. "I'll get you out... ok?"

"Out...?" For a moment he seemed confused, but then he realized where he was. "Ah... yes. It's ok..." He slipped over to the side a bit.

"Ok..." Ivan got out of the car, feeling his side sting. It seemed the painkiller faded, but he had no time for that. Hurrying around the car he opened Gilbert's door and helped him out, making sure the coat remained wrapped around his bruised body. "Come... let me carry you."

Gilbert shook his head. "You're hurt, too, damnit. I can walk. It's just... some bruises..."

He knew it wasn't quite that simple, but he didn't want Ivan's injury to get worse again because of his own stupidity.

"I know what these /some bruises/ are..." Ivan mumbled, picking Gilbert up and lifting him on his arms. "I've been there five days... now shut up. Toris? Call the doctor, please."

"Yes... and I've been," the German paused for a moment, not sure how long it actually was, "dunno... some hours... it's not that bad."

"I said shut up," Ivan mumbled with as much care as he managed, while he brought Gilbert inside and carried him upstairs, ignoring Eduard and Raivis staring at them and jumping at Toris as soon as he closed the door behind him.

However he didn't bring Gilbert into the German's room.

Gilbert sighed, defeated, and let him just have his will.

Secretly, he was glad he didn't have to walk. Right now he wasn't sure if he'd manage to do so.

"That's... your room...?"

"Yes... I want to have an eye on you." Putting him down carefully on the freshly made bed, Ivan pulled away the coat and glanced down on the countless bruises and wounds. A growl rose from inside his chest as he started to search for broken bones. "Tell me if it hurts too much."

"It's not... broken..." Gilbert sighed. At least that was what he thought. He couldn't say it for sure, but it didn't hurt enough for broken bones.

He wasn't sure though if anything inside had been damaged. Their fists had felt like iron after a while.

Ivan took great care examining every bruise that was big enough to hide further injuries, trying not to cause Gilbert too much pain. The doc would hopefully come soon... he always had. Until then he wanted to care.

"It seems you're right, but it's better if we wait for the doc..." He sighed and brushed some still moist hair from Gilbert's forehead. "Why did you do that, Gil...?"

Gilbert wasn't able to look at him for long. "I... didn't really DO anything... I just... didn't tell him the truth about... about why you're in the hospital. After that... I didn't speak up..."

At least not against HIM.

"Why didn't you tell him what happened...? That I was stupid enough to lift something heavy? You shouldn't have taken the blame, Gilbert... and lying to him on top." He sighed deeply, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Standing hurt a little.

"I panicked... or so I guess. It was stupid, but..." Gilbert looked to the window. He couldn't see much, his eyes were hurting, but it was better than looking at Ivan right now.

"I didn't want him to... to hurt you again..."

Ivan felt his chest tighten. So it was his fault... his fault that Gil was now as broken as he was. Taking his pale hand he raised it to his lips, caressing the little blue and red bruises. "... it's my job to protect you not the other way around..." he mumbled. "I'm sorry I wasn't there..."

Gilbert turned his face to look at him. He tried to frown, but it hurt, and his swollen face made it almost impossible anyways.

"... shut up. I do what I want... and you've been under his feet for... for so long...! You have a right to rest sometimes, too..."

"... you do what you want..." Ivan couldn't help a little gloomy smile. "Yes, you do. Seems I didn't train you well enough yet, hm?" Kissing Gil's fingertips, his palm and finally the imprints from the rope around his wrist, Ivan got a bit closer. "I rested enough. I won't allow him hurting you again. Or anyone else... it's a promise."

"How will you keep that promise... Ivan? You can't even protect yourself from him... nor can you protect us..." Gilbert smiled weakly, or hoped he did. "It's ok... it's not like any of the others would be as stupid as I was..."

"I could protect myself but I'm his country. I'm bound to him, but you are not... You may be in a certain way part of the union, but he has no right... no damn right to touch you..." Ivan wanted to growl, to rage and get all the hate for that man out, but Gilbert kept him at bay. With his swollen face and his black and blue and red body, he didn't dare to speak out loudly in fear of hurting him even more.

With a low groan he raised his hand to his cheek, brushing almost feverish fingers over the cool skin. "Don't look at me like that... it's just some bruises. I'll be ok in no time."

Leaning into the touch Ivan put his hand on Gil's. "... yes... I know... still it hurts to see my mighty Prussia like this..." he mumbled. "It feels as if you get a fever."

"Don't you remember? I'm DDR now..." Gilbert sighed. "Don't worry. It's just the blood rushing through my body now... it's not that bad. It feels warm again..."

Ivan didn't answer to that. He remembered how he himself had told Gilbert that he wasn't Prussia anymore...

"Still... We should look out for that." Letting Gilbert's hands go, Ivan carefully pulled out the bed cover from under him to wrap him into it. "Is that better...?"

Gilbert closed his eyes. "I... yes. I guess it's better." He sighed again. "Would it be ok to sleep a bit? I'm so tired..."

Maybe it had been more than just a few hours after all.

"Of course. Sleep... rest. I'll stay and make sure you're safe," Ivan mumbled, running his fingers through white hair. "I'll care for you like you did for me... so sleep."

Gilbert smiled again and took a deep breath. "... thanks..." he mumbled, already half asleep.

It didn't take him long to slip into a more or less deep sleep.

But it also didn't him take longer than ten minutes to wake up again with a low gasp, eyes wide immediately, expecting the next electric shock. "Ah...!"

Ivan had kept on caressing his hair, making sure Gil was asleep before he went to get a chair and settle down at his side. He just had found a comfortable position, when he heard Gil gasp.

"Gil...? Gil, what's wrong?"

Gilbert blinked for a moment, then frowned slightly. "Ah... I... nothing. It was just a dream..." With another groan he turned on his side, curling up a bit.

Gritting his teeth Ivan slipped from his chair, kneeling down beside the bed to take Gilbert's hands and hold them tight. "... what did they do to you?"

Another sigh. "... except for beating me up? Not much..."

"And what was... that /not much/?" Ivan asked carefully.

"They pushed me into a room with water on the ground... the light was either too bright or flickering... it was... quite uncomfortable" he said, tried to shrug it off. "And then they... every now and then they sent electricity through the water... not much... but it was... annoying."

Annoying. And painful.

Not enough to really hurt him badly, but still painful enough.

Ivan's grip tightened with every word leaving Gilbert's lips. Of course he knew the methods, the things these people did to torture, but he had hoped Gil didn't have to go through that on top.

"Did that wake you...? Did they keep you awake?"

"Hm... yeah..." Gilbert closed his eyes. "It's ok... I can go on without sleep for several days..."

Sometimes, when he had been busy with work, he had been up for days, only napping some minutes in between.

It always had had a prize, but that didn't matter now.

"But you shouldn't!" Ivan's words came out harsher than he wanted. "You need your sleep to heal. It won't get better without..."

Slowly, red eyes were opened again and looked at him. "... I know... I just wanted to say that you don't have to worry... because of what they did. I'm fine."

Biting his lip Ivan looked down, smiling a crooked smile in the end that contained not one grain of humor. "... where did I hear that before..."

Gilbert smiled slightly. "Unlike you... I AM fine... or will be soon. Don't worry. It was just annoying... and the bruises will heal. They just look that bad because my skin is white and thin as paper..."

What could he say to that? Letting go of Gilbert's hands Ivan got back up and sank on his chair. "... if you say so..."

"I do... don't worry..." Gilbert closed his eyes and the smile vanished.

He wouldn't have minded if he had held his hand a bit longer.

Holding his side, which didn't hurt that much anymore fortunately, Ivan watched the other from his seat. He remembered how he had felt just a week ago. He had wanted to be held, to be close to someone where just had been pain and loneliness before. But Gil... Gil seemed so much stronger... and like he was now, in pain and feverish, Ivan didn't want to force his love, his sense of closeness that seemed to heal all wounds for him on Gilbert...

"... sleep..."

"... Ivan...?" Gilbert then said, lowly. "... can you... come back here?" He bit his lip. "Your hand... felt nice..."

The Russian hesitated a moment, before he slipped back on the ground and reached out to take the slender fingers into his hands once more. "... better...?"

"You could've sat on the chair, but... but yes... better..." Gilbert closed his eyes. "It's easier like this... to remember that I'm here now..."

He couldn't have remained on the chair. Bending over enough to hold Gil's hand hurt, but Ivan didn't say that. Instead he squeezed his hand a little more. "I know... but I thought you didn't want this. Can I do something else for you?"

"Just stay with me... for a while?" A shiver ran through his body. "Until I'm asleep at least? Reassure me, that I'm... home."

These words made Ivan's heart clench painfully. "... of course..." Getting up Ivan crawled on the bed to pull Gil into a careful embrace. "You're home, lyubov... you're home and safe... and I won't let you leave again."

Gilbert suppressed a low groan. It hurt, but he didn't want Ivan to worry.

"That's good to hear..." He closed his eyes and leant against Ivan's shoulder. "... th... spasibo..."

Ivan felt the tension in that slender body and remembered again what was wise to do and what not. He probably hurt Gil like this... but he didn't want to let him go.

"... I'm sorry..." he whispered into pale hair, pulling the bed cover a bit higher over the German's shoulders. "I'm sorry... you're home now... and the pain will leave..."

"Don't apologize... it's not your fault, Ivan..." Gilbert whispered, breathing in the other's scent.

"It is... partly, it is..." he gave back just as quietly, muffled by soft white bangs. "I'll make up for it... I'll protect you from now on... promised..."

Gilbert sighed. "Stop that... there's nothing to make up for ... and you'll have to protect yourself... he'll be mad at you... and Toris... too..."

There was silence for a moment. "... I have to thank him..."

"... don't worry about me... I'm sick of playing his dog..." The realization hit him like a brick. No, Ivan wouldn't bow anymore. This had been the last drop on a full barrel of pain.

"We both have to, I guess. He risked a lot..."

Gilbert buried his face into Ivan's shoulder. "If I had listened to him… that wouldn't have been necessary..."

"Listen...?" Ivan glanced down on the shock of white hair. "What happened?"

"He tried to stop me... when I was lying to him..."

"Ah... yes. He knows how my bosses are. He dealt with a lot of them already over time." He sighed softly. "Next time listen to him..."

"... I probably won't..." Gilbert whispered. "I didn't want you to get into trouble again..."

"Gil..." Pushing his hand carefully under Gilbert's chin he made him look up. "I know you mean well... and I'm thankful for that. Still I don't want you to get in trouble just to keep me safe... that hurts me even more."

"... that's stupid..." Gilbert whispered and freed his chin, leaning his forehead against his body again. "And what about me? It hurts me, too, if you're hurt..."

Sighing quietly Ivan buried his nose in Gilbert's hair. "I told you... one day you'll be in charge and you'll be the one to protect me and to worry... until then... that's my job. And I do it gladly."

"... fine..." Gilbert sighed, too tired to discuss this further. "... I'll... I'll sleep a bit... yes?"

Ivan knew this wasn't over yet, but he was tired too and gave in just too gladly. "Sure..." Long fingers brushed through Gilbert's hair. "And this time I'm here... no one will hurt you in your sleep."

"I know..." Gilbert whispered. "And... when I'm awake again... I'd like to take a shower... and..." he yawned, "wash away... the blood..."

"That sounds like a great plan." Ivan whispered back and pressed a kiss on pale bangs. "But now sleep. You feel feverish and need your sleep."

Gilbert didn't answer anymore. He was already asleep.

Just like last time, every now and then he woke up with a low gasp, but he found himself in Ivan's arms and smiled softly, falling asleep just as quickly again...

For a little while Ivan stayed awake and watched over him like promised, wondering how much longer the doctor would need to come. He even caressed Gil's hair and back when he flinched in his sleep, but after some time it didn't wake him anymore. Still he kept Gil in his arms, not moving, just protecting him.

After a while, Gilbert woke up again. Slowly, peacefully this time.

He curled up a bit, groaning. "Uh..."

His senses came back more and more, the numbness and confusion fading, but with that, the pain grew again.

The movement in his arms made Ivan frown and blinking tiredly into the dim light he lifted his head. "... Gil?"

"... I'm.. I'm alright..." Gilbert whispered, trying to fight back another groan and failed. "I... I think I-I could use some of these... painkillers now..."

"...pain...killers...?" Ivan blinked once more before his brain made click and he almost jumped up with a hiss. "They... they're here somewhere..." he mumbled with gritted teeth and got the little bottle from the nighttable and a bottle of water that had appeared there like magic during their sleep. He really had to thank Toris...

"Here."

"Thanks." With another groan he sat up. "Damnit..." As his eyes fell on his body, he bit his lip. "... wow... I look... really bad..." he mumbled, touching his chest and regretting it the next moment. "Ah..."

"I told you, but as always you didn't want to believe me..." Ivan gave back, glancing as well on the black and blue, violet and even green bruises covering white.

"... I'm a fucking rainbow..." Gilbert mumbled and suddenly laughed. "Hah... hahah...! Isn't that funny...? Finally... I get some colour...!" He chuckled and curled up again the next moment. "Ah, damnit."

Ivan frowned slightly and shook his head with a deep sigh. "I could give you some colour I'd prefer more on you..."

"..." Gilbert leant back and looked at the ceiling with a tired smile. "Hah... ugh... they got me... pretty hard, I guess... It didn't hurt that badly before though..."

"That was the adrenalin..." Lying slowly back down, supporting himself on his elbow Ivan leant a little over him. "You should take a pill." And he fished one from the bottle.

"... thanks..." With a sigh he took it and leant back again. "... uh... those bastards... it feels like my whole body is black and blue..."

"It is... and it will keep on hurting for a while." Fishing a second pill from the glass Ivan took it himself. "Good thing we're not humans, eh?"

"If we were humans we'd be dead now..." He let his hand run over his chest and stomach, making a face.

"That's right... and all would be over." Ivan chuckled dryly, watching Gilbert's hand wandering before he reached out as well, running his fingertips like feathers over colourful skin.

Gilbert let his hand sink and watched his instead. "... it will heal... soon enough," he mumbled.

"... yes... I know..." Resting his fingertips over Gilbert's sternum, feeling for the heartbeat underneath, Ivan finally leant in to blow a kiss or two on bad bruises.

Gilbert shivered a bit. It didn't really hurt... but it didn't feel really good either.

"Ivan..." he whispered and raised his hand to touch his hair. "Don't look at me like that... I tell you, I'm fine... it's just some bruises..." he said with soft voice.

Ivan leant into the touch and would have loved to just rest his head on Gilbert's chest, but of course that wasn't possible. Not without hurting him. "I know... still it makes me mad to see you like this..." he gave back quietly without looking up. "I promised myself in that cold cell that I won't let anyone endure that... no one who's not blessed with the chance to die..."

Gilbert's smile died and he made him look at him. "Ivan... if I were able to die, I'd be dead now... but... I'm still here. I'm still here, breathing and fighting, and I'm not hurt that badly... we all have been hurt much worse... in war... in disease... They tried to break me, but it needs more... much more to break this thick Prussian skull, Ivan... so... don't say that. I'm alive. I'm here with you. And I'm glad about it."

Ivan listened and bit his lip. Of course Gilbert was alive... of course he was right and Ivan was so terribly glad that he had spend /just/ a night there. And still...

Leaning up, leaning over him, Ivan blew a careful kiss on swollen lips. "I know... but that's not the point. I'm here to protect my family... it's my Job... my duty above all... and this... this was not supposed to happen."

Gilbert sighed a bit. "... Ivan..." he whispered and kissed him back, stroking his hair. "It's ok. It's ok, you don't have to feel guilty... it was my fault... let's... stop with this... ok?"

"... ok." This wasn't over yet. Ivan knew he had to work harder and take better care. He didn't want to lose someone... especially not Gil.

"... hey Gil..." he whispered, snuggling into his touch. "... ya lyublyu tebya..."

Gilbert bit his lip. Instead of answering him, he cupped his face with his hands and softly kissed him. "After all these years...?" he whispered against his lips.

"... I never stopped..." he gave back quietly, tasting the heat of broken skin and the salt of blood on Gilbert's lips. Ivan didn't let himself rest on that broken body under him, but he leant down enough to let their chests touch so slightly.

"... all... these years..." Gilbert whispered again with breaking voice.

They had loved each other. Then fought each other. Countless times they had seen each other on battlefields, fighting, hurting each other.

And all these years...

"I never forgot you..." he said. "Never... forgot what we had... never again had something like that..." Again he kissed him softly.

Ivan lingered in the kiss, feeling how it hurt Gil to think back to all that had been...

"... so I didn't imagine it..." he whispered, kissing broken lips tenderly. "I thought I saw... something... in your eyes. Something different from anger... different from hate... but I didn't dare to speak out loudly. I wasn't allowed to... to an enemy."

The German shook his head. "You didn't imagine it... I'm... I'm so sorry..." Carefully, bruised arms wrapped around Ivan's shoulders. "Sometimes... I wish we were human... some things would be easier then."

"Don't be sorry, lyubov..." Gilbert's skin felt hot even through the fabric of Ivan's shirt. It made him worry on the edges of his mind.

"It would be easier... yes... we could live in peace together..." He nuzzled his nose against Gil's. "But we're here now. We can pretend to be humans... and become happy together."

This won't work, he wanted to say.

They won't allow it, he wanted to point out.

In the end, some day, we're gonna be enemies again, he wanted to add.

It's always like this.

But all he said was: "... yes... Ivan..." before he kissed him again.

Ivan knew all that. He wasn't blind to the world even if he wished to be sometimes... and he knew all that just too well.

... let's pretend... he begged in silence, conquering Gilbert's mouth with care. ... let's pretend as long as we can... for I am yours... I've always been...

Even though the kiss hurt, Gilbert didn't break it. It was so nice and for now... he wanted to pretend... just for now. He wanted to pretend that everything was fine.

Their lips parted when there was no air left in their lungs and even then Ivan refused to lean back. He took in Gilbert's breath... lingered so close to his swollen lips in fear this dream would pop like a bubble as soon as he let it. "... Gil..." he whispered the second before someone knocked quietly at the door.

When he heard the knock, Gilbert blinked, as if waking up from a dream.

"A-ah..." He looked to the door. "... the doctor?"

Ivan didn't want to let him go yet and he didn't want to get up. It was too nice... too wonderful in Gilbert's arms. But it knocked again and with a low growl he moved, knowing better than to risk letting the doctor leave. "... I'll have a look..."

"...ok..." Gilbert closed his eyes again, leaning back into the pillow. Suddenly he was tired again...

Glancing a last time at Gilbert Ivan opened the door just a little bit, facing a mildly worried expression surrounded by nutbrown hair.

"Good morning..." Toris greeted quietly. "The doctor... he's waiting downstairs. Can I send him in?"

Ivan closed his eyes, rubbing over them. "Yes... yes, of course. Send him up. Gilbert's waiting already."

Toris nodded slightly and turned around to go and get that man. There was still time to ask how Ivan was doing. For the moment Toris knew that the Russian's mind was solely with the man in his bedroom.

Gilbert bit his lip. He'd have to thank him later...

Leaving the door open Ivan came back and sank down on his chair. "Tell the man the truth, ok? Don't be quiet if something hurts you..."

"You mean, like you?" Gilbert mocked, but nodded then. "It's ok. I won't lie..."

He made a face and even stuck his tongue out in return. "I'm allowed to do that."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Shut up... jerk..." he said with a soft smile.

"You shut up, bunny" Ivan shot back, falling silent when he heard footsteps coming closer.

Knocking at the doorframe the doctor came in and sighed deeply after the first look on his patient.

Gilbert looked to the side. "Don't sigh at me like that. It's not my fault or wish to look like this...!"

"Did I say something along these lines?" the doc gave back as he came closer. "What happened this time? Did you get under a train?"

"Sort of. Someone didn't like what I said." He shrugged and regretted it immediately.

"Ah. Seems many people here speak to the wrong people." And he glanced at Ivan who glared back.

"As thankful as I am for your work, I'd prefer if you would work instead of talking, doctor."

The man sighed once more. "Then get out so I can examine him."

Gilbert sat up with a groan, feeling like every muscle in his body hurt.

"No. You should remain laying." Carefully he pressed Gilbert back on the sheets, while Ivan got up and went to the door.

"Oh, by the way..." The doc didn't even look up as he went through his bag. "I heard your OP was yesterday?"

Ivan growled quietly.

"Thought so. I'll have a look at you later."

Gilbert gasped a bit, then sighed and looked after Ivan, then back at the doc. "And don't listen to what he says. He's hurt."

"I know," the man sighed again. "He can't be fine if they had him under the knife yesterday. But for now it's you. Tell me what happened." And he started to examine Gilbert's swollen face first.

"Not much... they mostly beat me up" Gil replied with a weak smirk, suppressing another pained groan every now and then.

"I see..." The doc worked quickly and quiet, frowning every now and then. When he was done and leant back, his expression was everything but pleased.

"Alright. It doesn't seem as if you have broken bones. That's good. But I think they got your liver pretty badly and with your fever you should normally get to hospital."

Gilbert smiled crooked. "Is that... necessary?" He didn't want to go. Not now...

"I'd suggest it, but knowing you nations you probably don't want to..." The doc sighed.

"Sorry... I... kinda don't want to leave him alone now... so... how bad is it? I guess I'm not allowed to walk around, huh?" Not that he could, anyways.

"You don't want to leave him? He belongs in the hospital as well!" He threw his hands in the air, just to groan defeated right after. "I gave up long ago to make any suggestions... So listen. It's not life-threatening yet. You should rest, especially since your bruises and contusions probably hurt enough. At least this week. You're just allowed to get up if really necessary. I'll give you some injections to help with the liver and I'll come back for a check-up tomorrow. If you start to feel worse or someone notices your eyeballs getting yellow, call immediately. Understood?"

Gilbert smiled a bit at that outburst. Somehow he felt sorry for that man.

"Yes. Understood. And... unlike him, I'll stick with that..."

"Oh, I hope so. You should be clever enough not to bring yourself to need a surgery. Now, lets see..." He went through his bag and prepared some syringes he gave Gilbert, together with a painkiller and three different kind of pills he had to take over the following days. It was the best he could do under the given circumstances.

"Alright. The pain should fade now and if the fever gets worse you can take one of these pills. As said... call if something is wrong."

Gilbert nodded silently. He was feeling tired again. "Yes... understood. Hey, Doctor...? Please... have a good look at Ivan, ok?"

The man blinked but smiled then slightly. "Don't worry your head about it. I will. And you rest now. You need all you can get."

"... thanks..." Gilbert sighed and closed his eyes. He didn't fall asleep, but he fell into a warm darkness, somewhere between sleeping and being awake, dazed by the medicine.

The doc just nodded and glanced at him, making sure the medicine he had given him worked, before he quietly packed his things and left the room to search for Ivan.

Ivan had retreated into his office. He knew the doc would take good care of Gilbert and with some luck it really was nothing serious. Sighing he sank on the couch in the corner, glancing down on the large stain of dried blood on his shirt. It was stuck to the wound... maybe he should get that off somehow before the doc saw him...

But it was already too late. There was a knock on the door and the next moment, the doctor entered. "Here you are... you know, you should be lying down, too." He frowned a bit. "Rather in a hospital, but your bed would do, too."

Ivan growled internally. He hated people just entering his rooms uninvited, but he didn't want to start a discussion now.

"This couch will do. My bed is occupied." He looked up. "How's Gilbert?"

"Then sleep in his bed" the doc said and got closer, frowning at the blood. "Under these circumstances, he's ok. No broken bones and I think no serious inner injuries either. His liver didn't feel good and it might be damaged, so have a look after him. He, too, would be better off in a hospital, but he, too, rejected me. So. Let's talk about this" he pointed at the stain.

These were good news, mostly at least. Ivan frowned at the liver comment just to smile tiredly. Of course Gilbert wouldn't want to go to the hospital. He was just as stubborn as Ivan himself.

"I'll take care of him, don't worry." Blinking he looked down. "There's not much to talk about. It bled. Period."

The doctor frowned deeply. "Let me have a look at least? Do you want this to heal at all?"

"It will heal... and fast, now that the rib is fine. You know that." It came out softer than wanted. Maybe all that had happened had exhausted Ivan too. Sighing he unbuttoned his shirt to let the man do his work.

The doctor didn't say anything, just examined him and looked after the wound, too.

He patched him up and sighed. "Take these, ok?" he said, handing him some pills. "They will ease the pain, the inflammation and that will make it heal faster."

Ivan watched him work, while his mind wandered back to Gilbert. He was glad he had been able to get him out, but it meant trouble. It was still early in the morning, but soon someone would call and demand an explanation...

"Hm? Ah, alright." He took the pills right away, so the doctor would have nothing to complain about. "Are we done then?"

"I guess so. Please, lie down a bit. Yes? You need to rest!"

"I know. I will when everything is settled." he gave back with a sigh. "I'll just wait for a call..."

The doc knew what kind of call that would be. "... don't let them get you again." And with a sigh he put down a glass of pills next to the couch. "... I don't want to come back again in no time."

"I'll try not to, but that's not in my power to decide." Sighing he glanced at the pills, feeling his eyes so heavy for some reason. "Thanks, doc. For everything..."

"I'm just doing my job... and I wish I didn't have to come her that often" he replied honestly and turned around. "... get well. Both of you." And with that he left.

Ivan looked after him, smiling gloomily. He would have preferred a world without pain and the doc's visits, but as said... it was not in his power to change that.

Outside in the hallway Toris waited for the doctor. "Doctor...? How are they?" he asked quietly.

The doc sighed. "What do you think? They are in bad shape, both of them. They need to rest, but as I know them and... the circumstances, this won't happen."

Toris bit his lip, looking to the ground. "I try to keep the trouble away from them as long as possible... Is there anything I should watch out for?"

"Russia shouldn't move too much. Watch out for him holding his chest, blood, breathing shortly and all that. GDR..." he sighed again. "Call me if you can see yellow in his eyes. He shouldn't move either. I guess, for some days, he won't be able to anyways..."

He nodded to everything, feeling a knot in his chest just for the things the doctor mentioned. "Understood. I'll make sure they stay in bed... or… I'll try to at least. Thank you for everything and coming so early in the morning."

He shook his head. "It's my job... take care of them, ok?" He smiled tiredly and walked away afterwards. This wouldn't be the last time...

"I will. Thank you!" Under different circumstances Toris would have accompanied the doctor to the door, but instead he knocked quietly at Ivan's door. When there was no response he opened it just a little to find the Russian asleep on the couch. He looked peaceful like that and not in pain. It made Toris smile a little bit.

Getting a blanket he covered Ivan with it and brushed some hair from his forehead. "... rest and get better... ok?" he mumbled, knowing Ivan wouldn't hear him. "... I'll take care of everything... there's no need to worry... promised..." And he leant down to blow a kiss on pale skin, just to retreat before his lips touched Ivan at all. This wasn't right... not anymore.

"..." Rubbing his eyes Toris got up and left the room quietly, making his way to look after Gilbert as well.

Gilbert was lying in Ivan's bed, looking at the ceiling through half closed eyes. He was tired... but not tried enough to sleep over the pain.

However Toris expected Gilbert to sleep so he didn't bother to knock before he entered.

Gilbert blinked and turned his head. As he saw Toris, he slowly sat up. "... Toris..." he mumbled, wanted to thank him and yet didn't say anything at all.

"A-ah? You're awake?" Toris stared at first and hurried to Gilbert's side the next moment. "You shouldn't sit. Lie down please! You should take all rest you can get."

"..." Gilbert sighed a bit and lied down again. "... yeah, I know..." He looked at him. "... you... you shouldn't have gotten Ivan there... it was dangerous." But he smiled weakly. "... thanks... anyways... even though you didn't do it for me... thanks."

"...I know... but Ivan was the only one able to help..." Letting his hands sink, Toris glanced at Gilbert's bruised face with an almost sad look in his eyes. "You think so...? You really think I would have left you there just like that?"

Gilbert lowered his gaze, looked to the side. "Maybe, no, probably not... you're too good of a person for that..."

But he hadn't forgotten his words from not too long ago.

'As if I'd care!'

Too good of a person? Toris chewed on his lip, turning a little to the side. Maybe that was true... if he liked the thought or not.

Gilbert smiled slightly. "It's ok. I know I'm not easy to like." In fact he knew that he was easy to dislike, sometimes at least. It was nothing he cared about, he liked himself, and he knew the people who counted, liked him too, and that was enough.

He looked up at Gilbert's words. "That's true... You're not easy to like... I'd rather hate you, but that's not easy either..."

It made Gilbert laugh quietly, before he flinched a bit and groaned. "Hah... is that so...? Even though I left you with that man? Telling him that I don't care if he does anything to you?"

He looked at Toris, bit his lip. "..."

Did he hurt you, too? Because of me?

Somehow he didn't dare to ask.

Toris rubbed his cheek, still feeling the moment he'd been almost swapped from his feet. Fortunately he didn't bruise easily anymore.

"You had no choice. Ivan would have done the same..."

"... I'm not Ivan..." Gilbert said. "I thought it would be best like this... not giving him a reason to attack you, too... sorry, that he did anyways..."

"He had all reasons even without anything you did or said, so... don't break your head about it. I'm thankful you tried anyway. Now... now rest and stop thinking about this. All should be fine now... for a while..."

"He had not... you didn't do anything wrong" Gilbert mumbled and sighed, looking to the side. "And all should be fine? Are you that naive, or do you just avoid thinking about the consequences? He will come back at this... and it won't take him long, you know that." Gilbert looked at Toris.

"He'll come. I don't know if he'll come to get me back, but he'll definitely come to punish Ivan. And the one who got him..."

Toris sighed, knowing he did all wrong by not giving Chruschtschow a report right away when Ivan had to go to the hospital and by allowing Gilbert to pick up the phone. He could have avoided all that... but then again... he had been too worried to think straight.

At Gilbert's words he frowned angrily, almost hurt. "... I'm not naive nor avoiding anything, Gilbert... I thought about the consequences since the moment I started to call the congress! I know he won't let this slip... I know he'll come for Ivan and for me! But I prefer to not sit in a corner and cry about something that can't be avoided. Instead I use the time to take care of..." 'the people I love'

No, he couldn't say that. "... of what needs care."

Gilbert closed his eyes. Toris hadn't just called Ivan... he had called...

"... sorry..." he mumbled and rubbed his eyes. "I won't... let him take you. Nor Ivan... not because of me..." He sighed a bit, still not looking at him. "Take care of Ivan... I'll be fine... and a good boy, not running around and all..."

Gritting his teeth Toris came closer, feeling his eyes burn so slightly.

"Now listen, Gilbert Beilschmidt... You won't sacrifice yourself for no one. Not for me and not for Ivan. He won't let you go and he won't rest until you're back and safe. It will hurt him even more to see you in their grasp than going through all that himself. Have you seen how desperate he was? No... But I did. In the car when we drove back to get you. He didn't hesitate even a second, despite the pain he must have been in and the doctors trying to hold him back. So don't dare... don't dare to worry him even more by going back out of free will... I'll take care of this. I'll make sure you two can rest. So don't even think about it. Understood?"

Swollen fingers grabbed Toris' hand. "And you think... he won't do the same for you?" Gilbert growled. "You think... he would let them take you without a word?"

"No. I don't think that..." Toris pulled his hand back. "... but I know it won't hurt him as much."

"You're a fool... you're dear to him. Even I can see that!"

"I know that..." Toris didn't want it, but he felt his voice trembling. "But he's in love with you... and if it means he can be happy... I'll go gladly."

"He can never be happy... without his family..." Gilbert mumbled, looking to the side.

"That's the problem, Gilbert... his whole family will never be with him... it's impossible..." Angry about himself Toris rubbed a tear away. "So stay with him... at least you stay with him..."

"... I'll try..." Gilbert whispered. "But it's not in my hands."

It never had been. Never would be. Eventually they'd be torn apart again. It was just a matter of time...

"... isn't it sad? Humans think we're so powerful... when we can't even decide about our own life..." Taking a deep breath, rubbing both hands over his face, Toris went to the door.

"... rest, Gilbert... Ivan will come for you once he wakes up. So rest for now..."

"... yes..." Gilbert mumbled, still not looking at him. "Thank you for everything... Toris..."

"... don't mention it." he gave back quietly and slipped outside.

After Toris had left, the house went quiet. Every now and then he looked after Ivan, but the Russian slept deeply. Maybe the doc had given him some medicine otherwise Toris was sure he'd be up and running again.

So some hours passed until close to lunch the telephone in Ivan's bedroom rang.

Gilbert woke up from his dreams, blinking, disorientated for a moment.

When he realized the phone was ringing, he froze.

"..."

He shouldn't answer. This was Ivan's phone. This would just get them into more trouble.

It didn't stop to ring.

Maybe... maybe if he would answer... maybe he could save them...?

With a groan he got up, his fingers hovering over the phone for a moment before he picked it up. "... da?"

"Comrade Braginsky?" It was a man's voice but not as deep as Chruschtschow's and not as angry as he probably would be.

"...nyet. This is... this is Beilschmidt. GDR. Russia is sleeping" he said. No lying this time.

"Ah?" There was a surprised moment of silence on the other end, before the man spoke again. "I see. Comrade Beilschmidt, my name's Nikitin. I'm glad to hear you're back home. I guess... it's not possible to wake Comrade Braginsky?"

"... I... I can try... But I don't know if the doctor gave him some strong painkillers..."

He was glad? Somehow this made Gilbert frown and raise his eyebrow. What?

"Oh, no. Then don't, please. He should rest and get better soon. After all, his country needs him." There was a smile in the man's voice when he said that. He meant it.

"Well, I guess I can tell you, too. In the end it's about your accusations."

Gilbert wasn't ready to believe him. Yet he tried to.

"... what... what is it...?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly. "I told him... I'd... I'd take responsibility of what I did..."

"Yes, I know, comrade. Don't worry. This morning the congress got together with President Chruschtschow to discuss your case. Thanks to an ambassador and his superior, who'd like to remain unknown, we had reports and files to check on all accusations. We all agreed on a misunderstanding and like to apologize for how you were treated. It wasn't in our will and interest to get you hurt."

"A... a misunderstanding..." Gilbert clenched his fingers around the phone.

A misunderstanding? Were they serious?

"... I... I see..." he said through gritted teeth.

Why didn't you come then?! Why didn't you listen to Toris when he asked for help? Why had Ivan have to come?!

"Well... good that Russia acted then..." he said, not willing to thank them for this.

"Yes... He should have waited for our agreement though. It would have caused less trouble, but in the end he did the right thing." Nikitin seemed unsure of Gilbert's response. It seemed he had expected another reaction.

"Anyway... please tell him that the case is closed and that there won't be aftereffects. Comrade Braginsky and you have been granted two weeks of paid vacation to recover."

"... so... so Iv... Russia won't be punished for acting against him?" Gilbert asked with trembling voice.

"No. The majority of the congress decided against any steps concerning Comrade Braginsky. He acted without permission, but got verified in our meeting. So there'll be no consequences."

There was a low sound as Gilbert fell down on his knees, ignoring how pain shot through his body. He leant his head against the desk, sighing in relief with trembling voice.

"... thank goodness..." he whispered, shivering slightly. "Danke..."

One could almost hear the man frown as he listened to the quiet noises on the other end of the line. "... Comrade Beilschmidt? Are you alright?"

"Yes... yes, I'm alright..." he replied with low voice, feeling tears of relief on his hot cheeks. "... thank you... I'll... I'll tell him as soon... as he wakes up..."

"Ah... well then... Spasibo. I wish you both a fast recovery and I hope we'll be able to work together any time soon. Good day, comrade."

"... good day..."

I don't want to work with you... you can all go and die in a ditch...

But thanks... thank you for saving him from his wrath...

Gilbert hung up and it took him a moment before he was able to pull himself up on trembling legs again to stumble back to the bed.

They'd be fine... they'd be safe..!

It was just a minute later that someone knocked at the door and Ivan poked his head in. He had a tired smile on his lips, which vanished the moment he saw Gil.

"... Gilbert?"

Gilbert raised his head and sat up immediately. "Why... why are you up? You should... be sleeping...! Ivan...!"

"I just slept..." He closed the door behind him before he hurried to Gilbert's side. Was he imagining things or were that traces of tears on his red cheeks?

"... what happened? Are you in pain?" Taking his face between his hands, Ivan searched for a sign of what could be wrong. "What happened, Gil...?"

Gilbert closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, putting his hands over Ivan's.

"... the phone rang..."

Ivan felt his heart stop beating. "... the... the phone...? Did you pick it up? Did you-?"

"Yes... I did..." Gilbert looked at him. "Don't worry... it's alright. We're safe..."

There was panic in Ivan's eyes. "... what... what do you mean? You talked to my boss?!"

Another headshake. "No. It was... ... I don't... something like Nikin... or something like that... he said... they talked into him... I guess they kinda apologized... or, well... something like that..."

"Nikin...? You mean Nikitin? Why would he..." Ivan listened with open mouth and glanced at the phone on his desk. Apologized? They had apologized?

"Maybe. I don't know, I'm tired and my head's hurting... that was probably him..."

"I'm... not sure I understand..." Ivan mumbled and blew a kiss on Gilbert's lips. "... why did you cry...?"

Gilbert sighed. "They said... it's good that I'm home... and that they didn't want this and all... they said they kept him from hurting you... there won't be… consequences..." Again he felt his eyes burn. "He... he won't come after you... Ivan..."

Was that really true? Had that man told Gilbert the truth...? Ivan knew he had to call the chairman once more and make sure all of that wasn't just a way to trick Gilbert. But for now...

"That's great... that's really great..." he whispered, leaning in to brush his lips over Gil's. "... but don't cry... please don't cry, lyubov..."

"I'm sorry... I... I'm just... I'm so relieved... and... and glad..." He leant against Ivan, shivering slightly. "I thought... they'd come and get you again..."

"Gil..." Ivan felt his heart breaking. Crawling on the bed to embrace Gil better, he held him tight, placing little kisses on his hair. "You heard him... no one will come and all is fine... Didn't I tell you it would be? Shh..."

"I know... I know, I just... I was... Sorry... I... I'm just glad I guess..." Gilbert whispered, leaning into the touch.

"Can... can we trust him? Please tell me that... Ni... Niki... whatever, please tell me he's reliable...!"

"Yes." Ivan didn't hesitate, even if his grip tightened a little. He could never be sure anyone from the headquarter was trustworthy, but he didn't want to upset Gil even more. "Nikitin is a good guy... I know him. We can trust his word..."

Gilbert wrapped his arms around him and held him closely, despite the pain.

"...good... we'll... we'll be fine... he said... we have two weeks off... to heal..."

"Yes, we'll be fine, love..." Carefully Ivan sank back on the bed, taking Gil with him. "Two weeks? Really...?" A smile slipped over his lips. "That sounds like vacation... Where do you want to go? Black sea, maybe? To go swimming?"

"... fuck you..." Gilbert whined. "That's not funny at all..."

"I mean it." Ivan protested tenderly teasing. "I'd love to go somewhere else with you... just away from all of this..."

"We're supposed to rest...Ivan... like this... I guess I shouldn't be moved at all... and you neither..."

"Then why did you get up to answer the phone...? Hm?" Sighing he rested his forehead against Gil's, feeling his skin still too warm and dry.

"Because..."

Because I thought I could help... could save you from him...

But he didn't say that.

"Because the sound was annoying..."

Ivan didn't believe him. He could feel other words were stuck on Gilbert's tongue, but he didn't press him. "I see..." Smiling he pulled the blanket over them both.

"Mind if I stay here? The couch wasn't very comfy."

Gilbert sighed and nuzzled into his arms. "It's alright to stay here..."

"Thanks, my little bunny... you're very generous..."

"Yes, I'm-" Gilbert frowned. "Don't call me bunny... I'm not THAT generous!"

He chuckled softly at that. "How about /my little bird/ then?"

"..." Gilbert liked birds. But...

"That's not better either...!" he grumbled, but not with that much protest anymore.

"Alright... alright. I'll find a better pet name for you then." Ivan gave back, kissing his nose. Maybe he'd stay with 'bird' and safe the 'bunny' for the time they'd continue what they had started few days ago...

"If you must... you could stick with Gil... I kinda liked that..."

Or those few times he had called him with his old name. He liked how it sounded from his lips.

"Gil? But that's not a pet name..." Ivan whispered back. "I always want to call you Gil. But how about... Prussiya?"

Gilbert shivered a bit. "... I... I like that..." he mumbled, looking away.

Could Ivan read his mind now?

"Really...?" Ivan's voice was soft like silk. "... it's so rare I can call you like this... maybe I should more often, when we're alone... my mighty... Prussiya..."

"... ah... yes... yes, you should..." he whispered, feeling how the hair in his neck rose.

"I will then..." he mumbled tenderly. "... whatever my Prussiya demands..."

"Hah... you're teasing me..." Gilbert whispered and looked at him. For now he was glad about his colourful face. Like this Ivan couldn't see his flushed cheeks.

"I would never..." Ivan gave back smiling, blowing another kiss on a bruised nose. "Too bad we're supposed to rest... otherwise I'd really tease you."

"Hrm... we can talk about that later... you won't do anything with that rib…"

"And you with these bruises..." A sigh left his lips. "Hey Gil...? Let's get better fast. Da...?"

"..." Gilbert chuckled slightly. "You know... after that talk... this sounds a bit lewd..."

"So? Maybe it was supposed to sound like that~"

"... is that so..." He looked at him. "Well. I'll be fine sooner than you, so... better get well!"

"Is that a threat now?" Ivan raised an eyebrow, unable not to grin.

"... maybe?" Gilbert said, smirking back at him.

The days passed and despite their rebellious natures Gilbert and Ivan rested. They had good reasons to get well fast again... at least Ivan had. It was just too tempting staying in one bed, cuddling and kissing every now and then when they felt like it. It was a wonderful time. They talked a lot and laughed together. For Ivan it felt as if they had never been apart...

But when the two weeks were over the telephone rang in his bedroom and he didn't need to guess who was at the other end and demanded his presence. It had just been too good to be true until the moment Ivan had to leave again, dressed in his best uniform.

Of course they had known this was gonna happen...

They both were still far from healthy again, but they felt fine enough... it had been quiet... peaceful two weeks and a nice feeling...

Gilbert looked at Ivan, his face hard to read, somewhere between pain and worry.

"... be careful.. ok?"

"I will be." Ivan mumbled, nestling on his uniform buttons without looking up. "He has no reason to do anything."

"You know, that's not true... and you also know he doesn't NEED reasons..." Gil whispered.

Sighing Ivan let his hands sink. "I know... but when I always think of that I won't stop hating what I'm doing and what I should love instead..."

"... I see..." Gilbert hesitated for a moment, then stepped towards him and kissed him softly. "Just... come back soon and fine... ok? I'm impatient, you know..."

Ivan sighed for the kiss, wrapping one arm loosely around Gil's waist. "... I know. You're the most impatient little bunny I know."

Gilbert frowned. "I told you about the bunny!" he growled.

"Hm... seems I forgot what you told me..." Ivan gave back with a soft smile, before he kissed him.

"... jerk..." Gilbert murmured and returned the kiss. "...you should go... don't be late..."

"... your jerk. " Sighing more deeply Ivan let go of him and straightened his uniform again. "You're right. I hope to be back for dinner, but feel free to start without me if I'm late."

"... yes..." Gilbert said, but he knew he'd wait. Because he knew how Ivan loved eating with his 'family'. "Take care..."

"I will." Turning around he was about to leave just to hesitate at the door and come back once more for a deeper, almost desperate kiss. As if Ivan feared he wasn't able to kiss Gilbert anymore once he was back.

And Gilbert felt like this kiss was exactly that - desperate...

"Lyublyu tebya, krolik. Don't do anything stupid..." Then Ivan was gone.

The German waved a bit, trying to hide his worries. "... I won't..." he mumbled, when Ivan was already out of the door, before he turned around and walked back to his office.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _Danke – thank you_

 _lyubov – dear, love_

 _ya lyublyu tebya – I love you_

 _krolik – rabbit, bunny_


	12. By his side

_Authors' note:_

 _Here's another chapter for you. We hope you like it. Please tell us what you think about it. We're happy for any kind of feedback._

 _And thank you again for reading, faving, following and especially taking time to review. You guys are great!_

 _~ Mi-chan & Alu_

* * *

 **By his side**

The hours passed and Ivan didn't come back from his meeting. There was no call and no message to tell his subordinates of his whereabouts and when the dinner was ready and served there was still no sign of him.

"I guess we should wait a little longer..." Toris said with a sigh, glancing at the steaming soup.

Gilbert just nodded, looking at the clock for the thousandth time that day. "Yeah... he should be back... any time. He said he would probably be late."

"Yes... Did he tell you what that meeting was about? Maybe he had to go and inspect some places on top. That happened frequently a while ago." Toris didn't want to think about which other reason Ivan's absence might have had and Gilbert seemed nervous enough.

But Gilbert shook his head. "No... I have no idea... which worries me just more... this... this guy..." He ran his hand through his hair, looking to the side. "Whatever. It's... he'll be fine. Ivan will be fine..."

"Of course he will be" Toris gave back quietly. He was thinking about reaching out and touch Gilbert's shoulder, when they heard the front door falling shut with a loud bang.

Gilbert raised his head, looking to the door. "...!" For a moment he was about to jump from his chair to greet Ivan, but in the end he didn't move at all, just stared.

Was he fine...?

All eyes were glued on the door to the dining room and after a moment heavy steps came closer.

Ivan was still fully dressed, holding a big briefcase in his hand, when he came in and glanced around. His expression was for some reason hard to read.

"Good evening" he grumbled. "Sorry, I'm late. Bring the dinner to my office. I need to work." With that he turned around again.

Gilbert opened his mouth, not saying anything. "...?" He looked at Toris, his expression questioning, confused.

The heck was that supposed to mean?

Toris blinked and glanced at the German. "Something happened..." he mumbled and got up to prepare a tray with Ivan's food.

"Yes..." Gilbert followed him. "... would it be ok if I get this to him?

Toris hesitated a moment but then he smiled and gave Gilbert the tray. "Sure. But be careful. He's in a really bad mood..."

I know that, Gilbert wanted to say, but instead, he nodded. "Yes..."

He took the tray and with slow steps he walked upstairs, where he knocked at the door to Ivan's office.

Going through his private library, Ivan piled books and files on his desk. He didn't even look up, expecting Toris with his dinner. "Come in and put it on the table."

Gilbert stepped into the room and put it down. "... are you alright?" he asked with soft and worried voice.

Ivan froze in his movements, feeling his heart beating heavily in his chest. Could Gilbert hear it...?

"Yes... I'm fine. Just lots of work to do" he mumbled, putting another book down.

Gilbert frowned and looked to the side. "You know... if you don't want to talk about it, I'm fine with that. But don't lie to me... that's not very fair."

He looked at him. Don't you want to greet me at all?

With a sigh he stepped a bit closer.

"He didn't do anything to me. That's not a lie" Ivan said quietly, finally turning around to face Gil.

He seemed tired all of the sudden; tired and worn out just from one afternoon.

"... sorry."

"... but you're not alright either..." Gilbert said and made another step, reaching out for his hand.

Ivan let it happen. His fingers even curled slightly around Gil's.

"It's just much work coming my way. I don't like it, but what can I do."

"..." Gilbert looked up at him. "You'd... tell me if something happened... right?" he whispered, holding his hand tightly before he leant in a bit as if to kiss him.

Seeing the worries in red eyes tightened Ivan's throat. He didn't want to see that. He didn't want to see Gilbert crazy with worries...

"... of course... I swear nothing happened. I'm not hurt." He leant in the rest, brushing his nose carefully against Gilbert's.

"Good..." Gilbert whispered and kissed him slightly. "Want me to join you with dinner?"

"Didn't you have dinner yet? I thought I said you're free to eat without me."

"I wasn't hungry... and Toris wanted to wait, too. We haven't been waiting long, no worries..."

Ivan sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "Why does no one ever listening to me?"

"We were missing you" Gilbert replied. "That's why..."

Leaning back Ivan looked at him. "... don't say that. I've just been away for some hours."

"So what?" Gilbert asked, looking back at him.

"You're exaggerating, Gilbert." A slight smile curled his lips. "Everyone but you and Toris wouldn't mind."

"Maybe. But we should be enough, right?" Another kiss was placed on his lips. "... we were worried... ok? So... we weren't hungry.."

"Gil..." They'd be worried even more if he told them. They'd go crazy just like he would once the realization sank fully in.

And Ivan didn't want that. There was still time and he wanted to spend it in peace.

"Then let's eat now. Together. Yes? I... really have to work later."

".. yes... I... I won't bother you then... if you want to eat alone, that's ok, too. Just tell me..."

"No. No, I don't want to." Catching his face between his hands Ivan kissed Gil tenderly. Maybe the German could take his mind off these things for a while.

"I want to share my food with you and if you want we could sleep together tonight again...?"

Gilbert showed him a soft smile. "Do you really have to ask?" He put his hands over Ivan's and sighed with a low laugh. "... seems, like you actually tamed me..."

"I thought it's nice to be polite and ask." Smiling dearly he nuzzled against Gil, placing little kisses all over his face. "You're not a dog, lyubov..."

"No... I'm a tamed Prussian..." Gilbert said and caressed the other's lips. "But it's ok. I don't mind... I'll be quiet for a while. It's nice."

"Hm... but just for a while... Sometimes I like you being loud and wild and full of fighting spirit" Ivan whispered back.

Gilbert raised his eyebrow. "Oh, is that so?" He smirked a bit and nibbled on his lip. "I'll remember that..." He licked the other's lips and turned around after that, strolling to the desk and sitting down.

Ivan blinked and opened his mouth, but shut it again. For once he hadn't meant /that/. He loved Gilbert all lively and big-mouthed, fighting like a wolf... not just in bed.

"You know... I really, /really/ have to work after dinner" he said and followed him.

"I know~" Gilbert said in an almost singing tone. "I told you, I wouldn't bother you."

"Mh... you're such a well-trained Prussian~" Ivan chuckled, leaning over to kiss him once more.

"Don't push your luck" Gilbert said with a slight smirk. "The food is getting cold. And you need to work. Riiight?"

"Right. Sadly." With the deepest sigh Ivan sank on his chair and picked the spoon up to hold out some soup for his favourite tamed Prussian. "Make ah, my wolf."

Gilbert raised his eyebrow. "..." After a short moment of hesitation, he opened his mouth and let him feed him.

"If this ever leaves this room, this wolf is gonna kill you. Remember that."

Ivan smirked from ear to ear, all bad thoughts forgotten for the moment. "I guess I can live with being killed by you. So, is it tasty? I'm hungry too, you know."

"Of course it is!" Gilbert replied. "Give me more?"

"Sure, you-... wait, what now? You like being fed~?" If it was possible Ivan's smirk grew even bigger.

"What. No! Maybe? ...yes. Shut up!" Gilbert blushed and grabbed the spoon quickly, starting to eat.

Ivan couldn't help but laugh. He felt the tension leaving his shoulders and for a while the world was a wonderful place.

They ate together, laughing, joking, and Gilbert felt like Ivan was back to his usual self.

He got up and kissed his forehead when they were done eating. "So... I'm thrown out now?"

"Mhm... Yes, sorry." Taking his hand Ivan blew a kiss on Gilbert's knuckles. "Thank you for eating with me. It was wonderful. Wait for me later?"

"I will be. Your room? Or mine?" Gilbert smiled teasingly, suppressing his next question.

Dressed?

He felt like he could see Gilbert's thoughts written all over his face and it gave his cheeks a bit of color. Maybe...

"Yours. I don't want to be woken by the phone."

"Good point~" Another kiss on his lips and Gilbert leant back. He smirked as he brushed his fingertips over blushed cheeks, before he turned around without a word and walked to the door. "Don't let me wait too long!"

"I'll try." The feeling of Gilbert's kiss and his fingertips lingered on his cheeks. Ivan would have loved nothing more than to quit everything and just follow him... but it wasn't possible and the smile on his lips crumbled. "... I'll try..."

"... good." Gilbert gave him another smile and left him then, to go back to his room. He was done with his work, so he just started to read something

The wonderful light mood Gilbert had given him soon vanished with the reports Ivan had to go through. He read about the latest results from the military base where they build it. He read about the calculations and the steps that needed to be taken before that day. Evacuation... pilot training... shelter building...

Every word made Ivan's chest tighter and filled him with fear. So they'd really test this thing... It would give them an advantage against the West and that was something to be proud of. But still... Ivan couldn't be happy. He was Russia after all.

It was already after midnight when he finally knocked at Gilbert's door, dressed in his nightclothes and dark shadows under his eyes.

Gilbert flinched, the book slipped from his hands and landed on the ground with loud thud. "Ah...?" He looked around, a bit confused, then rubbed his eyes and picked up the book again. "Come in..." It was dark and he searched for the light, blinking at the sudden brightness. What time was it...?

Slipping inside Ivan closed the door quietly behind himself and came over. Taking the book from Gilbert's hand and put it on the night table.

"You slept already? Sorry... didn't want to wake you."

"No, I... I just napped." It was a lie, and an obvious one, too, but Gilbert didn't care. "You... had much work, huh...?"

Ivan smiled slightly. He could see Gilbert's eyes being already puffy from sleep.

"I'm still not done but I'm fed up for today. Mind if I join you...?"

"Of course not." Gilbert slipped to the side a bit, making some room for him. "Here... come... It's already warmed up a bit for you..."

"What would I do without you...?" Sitting down Ivan kicked his shoes off to crawl under the blanket and curl up there. "... you're right... it's warm and smells like you."

"I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a good or a bad thing..." Gilbert said and switched off the light, nuzzling against him. "I'll keep you warm..."

"It's a good thing. I like your scent" Ivan whispered and wrapped his arms around him. "... spasibo..."

"Hm... I see..." Gilbert said with a soft smile. "And no need to thank me... ok? I'm just as glad as you are..."

"Ok." Ivan was tired and tensed up enough to just want to sleep and forget, but he remembered Gilbert's smile and his glance.

"Gil? Is it alright if... we just cuddle tonight?"

Gilbert blinked, had already forgotten about that. "Huh?" Then he smiled slightly. "... don't say that as if I'm a sex addict... of course it is ok..." he whispered and kissed Ivan's forehead. "I'm tired anyways..."

"I wasn't sure. You seemed so... happy after dinner" Ivan mumbled, closing his eyes for the kiss.

"I'm sorry. I was happy because you weren't hurt..." Gilbert smiled sadly.

"Gil? I'm tired. I just want to keep sleeping forever..."

"Don't say that. I want you to be awake with me... not now... but tomorrow again..."

Ivan felt bad that he had misunderstood. "Maybe for you I'll wake up again... but it's so nice in your arms."

Gilbert didn't reply immediately. He tightened his embrace around him, holding him close and caressing his back and hair.

"It's ok... I'll wake you up tomorrow...so you can smile again for me..."

"If you're there, I will..." Ivan mumbled tiredly, nuzzling deeper into his lover's arms. With Gilbert he could forget until the time would come to tell him.

"I'll smile... for you... tomorrow..."

"... good boy..." Gilbert whispered and went on to caress his hair.

When Ivan's breathing got slower, deeper, Gilbert kissed his head. "... I love you... you big idiot..." he whispered, like he had done so many times before when Ivan had fallen asleep in his arms.

The next day passed quietly. Ivan buried himself in his work and just came out of his office to join the others and eat. Beside these few moments he didn't speak to anyone. Not even Gilbert was allowed to join him and whenever he asked, Ivan told him that he'd tell everyone once it was time.

Just like this a whole week passed by. Ivan worked and made calls, was even out of the house from early morning to late night. Just sometimes he went to sleep in Gilbert's arms. Besides being so wrapped in his work Ivan got more and more tense and nervous. He even ended up slapping Eduard for letting a book fall, shouting at Raivis for a similar harmless thing.

And it didn't get any better the closer they got to that date Ivan feared...

Gilbert didn't like this. He wasn't allowed near Ivan and that made him... angry, confused, disappointed.

He noticed the change, Ivan was going through and he didn't like it at all!

So finally he stood at Ivan's room and knocked. "Ivan? It's me. Can I come in?"

It was just three more days... Ivan knew he had to tell them soon and-

He flinched at the knock, rubbing his face. "What is it, Gil?"

Slowly Gilbert entered and closed the door behind him, staying there. "... can we talk...?"

Picking another report from his desk Ivan buried himself in it. "Actually it's not a good time right now. What's the matter?"

"You" Gilbert replied simply.

Ivan looked up with a frown. "So...?"

"You bury yourself in work... you don't talk to anyone, not to Toris, not even to me. You SNAP over NOTHING. So don't tell me you're ok."

Ivan looked to the side, knowing he'd been unfair these last days.

"Don't shout at me, Gilbert. I have my reasons."

"What reasons? I mean… what happened over there? What happened with that guy? He did something because ever since then you changed!"

"Nothing happened there. He and I are working and that's it. It won't take long anymore so... don't worry. All of this will be over soon."

"What does that mean, Ivan? Why will it be over?"

"You'll see..." Ivan mumbled, burying his hands in his hair. "I'll tell you all tomorrow."

"... so you won't tell me." His face darkened. "Why not? You trust me, don't you? You say, you love me. So why... are you doing this? You're pushing me away."

"I DO love you!" His fist flew down on the desk. "I do trust you, but you have to trust me too! I'm trying to protect you here... you'll just... you will..." Ivan shook his head slowly.

With a few steps Gilbert was in front of the desk, too, and slammed his hands on the surface. "I will WHAT?! Tell me! I don't want you to protect me! I want you to tell me what's wrong with you!"

"Nothing! Nothing is wrong with me!" Ivan got up, glaring at Gilbert angry and hurt. The tension of the last weeks was too much just like the fear. "Not until I'll be BLOWN UP IN THREE DAYS!"

Gilbert's eyes widened a bit and then he frowned. "What... what did you say?"

Blown up...?

"What is he planning?"

"Fuck..." Sinking back on his chair Ivan covered his face with his hands. His fingers were shaking. Why couldn't he stop that?

"He planned the biggest… fucking... bomb in existence..."

"..." Gilbert stared at him for several moments, licked his lips and finally said: "... you mean... bigger... than Alfred's bombs...?"

Of course.

"Bigger than his... Way bigger." A rough laugh left Ivan's lips. "... four times bigger... and they want to test it..."

"Is... is he NUTS?" Gilbert asked and the next moment he sat down to rub his face.

Of course he was...

"Where will he test that? I mean... what about the people? And... what about you?"

He remembered Kiku... that wasn't good...

"An Island close to the arctic border. The few people working there have been evacuated a week ago..." He just wanted to throw up thinking about what would happen to himself.

"Is that his revenge? Or is he just crazy? He'll hit you hard with that, doesn't he know this or doesn't he care?" Gilbert's face was torn between anger and panic.

"They'll have to test it. There's no other chance if we want to stand our ground against Alfred. It's planned since years..." Ivan mumbled. "I knew about it, but haven't been informed about the progress anymore since over a year. I just hoped... it wouldn't be done any time soon..."

Gilbert ran his hands through his hair. "This is madness... this is just..." He took a trembling breath. "Three days... huh...?"

"Yes... October 30, 11:00..." He observed Gilbert's every move, listened to his breaths and regretted telling him.

"... will I be able to... to help you...?"

A desperate smile slid over his lips. "No... But you will be there..."

"W-what? Why that?" Gilbert asked confused.

"I wanted to tell you all tomorrow... so you'd have time to pack your things. Because /that/ is his revenge." Ivan laughed quietly. "You all are supposed to witness the glory and power of the Soviet Union..."

"... how... how is that a revenge? To see how they drop a big bomb? To..." Gilbert's eyes widened. "To see... how it will hurt you...?"

Ivan just smiled into thin air, running his hands through his hair.

Gilbert clenched his fists. "Well, he won't stop me from looking after you afterwards!"

"I've no idea what he planned... if he planned anything at all... or what will happen once they dropped the bomb. As far as I know-" His hand rested on a file lying on his desk. "As far as they say it's big... so... maybe you can't."

"What do you mean?! You... they won't kill you! Right? He can't be THAT stupid!?"

"He can't kill me, Gil... not with that. And he'd never risk it, but..." Ivan made a helpless gesture. He had thought about the effect of that bomb so much the past week. His mind had painted dark pictures in his head. He had even read reports about Japan and other places. He just didn't know anymore what to think.

"... I... I will take care of you... no matter what." Gilbert grabbed his hand. "I promise..."

Watching their hands in silence for a moment Ivan turned his and crossed their fingers. "... spasibo..."

"... don't thank me for that, idiot..." Gilbert said.

It made him smile. "But I want to. And now, I guess you should go back to work. I have to finish another report..."

"... I don't want to leave you..." Gilbert whispered though.

Ivan sighed with a smile. "You want to sit here and watch me read and write...?"

"Is that... so weird?" the other asked, looking at him.

"Boring I could imagine."

"I don't care..."

"Gil..." What could he say to that? Shaking his head slightly Ivan sighed once more. "Stay if you want."

"As if you could stop me from it anyways" Gilbert mumbled and sat down.

"Hmm... I could grab you and throw you out, if I wanted" Ivan gave back with tender affection; before he opened the files he needed and grabbed a pen.

"Yeah, but you don't want to" Gilbert said and leant back. "I'll just stay here... and watch you… and later we'll go to bed together again, ok? Don't you dare to sleep alone."

He glanced at him and felt a tickle running down his spine. "You really want to share your bed with a grumpy Russian? You're a very brave man..."

"I thought you would've learnt this by now..." Gilbert replied. "I'm the bravest of them all."

"Maybe you are..." Ivan gave back, smiling dearly before he turned to his work. He wanted to be over with this fast... if it meant he could sleep in Gilbert's arms.

Gilbert closed his eyes and leant back, waiting for him to finish his work.

He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all...

Ivan worked in silence, soon forgetting that Gil was there at all. The words on the papers, the facts, the moment that came closer with every breath he took... everything took his full attention like so many evenings before.

Rubbing his burning eyes he closed the file and leaned back, feeling a stinging pain behind his temples.

Gilbert looked at him and sighed a bit. "... you should stop... really... you look tired..."

"...hm?" Ivan blinked, overrun a bit. "Gil? Ah... do I? I'm still not done. I've to go through these documents and call the headquarter later. I still need some info for the report."

Gilbert sighed and got up, stepped behind him. "Ok... if you must..." he whispered and put his hands on Ivan's temples.

Gilbert's fingertips felt cool on his skin. Sighing softly Ivan leaned back, resting his head against the other's chest. "If you're tired you can go. I'll follow in a bit."

"I told you... I'll stay" Gilbert said and started massaging him slightly.

"You're a blockhead..." he whispered, closing his eyes. It felt good. Good enough to let a soft moan slip from his lips.

Gilbert smirked slightly. "I know. And you know that, too" he whispered to his ear.

"Mhm..." Ivan turned his head to the side, glancing at the pale lips so close to him. "Always knew you were one..."

"Well. It would've been hard not to notice" Gilbert replied and kissed his ear.

"True." He chuckled softly, falling silent for the little kiss. Reaching up Ivan buried his fingers in white hair, pulling Gil carefully down enough to kiss his lips.

Gilbert sighed slightly against his lips, smiling a bit. "... you still have to work... right? What a pity..."

Ivan groaned quietly, taking his hand back. "... jerk..."

"Hm... why me? You're the one rejecting me!"

"I'm the one who has to work. And you don't need to remind me once I decided to just chase everything to fucking hell."

Gilbert was still smiling and kissed him again. "Don't be like that" he whispered. "Finish your work... I'll go on with this later then... ok?"

"No." Catching Gil's hand Ivan pulled it on his chest right above his heart. "Later I'll just want to sleep... fuck this... fuck all this... it gives me headaches..."

Gilbert's smile vanished. "... Ivan..." he whispered and kissed him. "Maybe... you should stop?"

"... maybe..." He leaned into the kiss, smiling crooked. "I've seen all this for days... it doesn't stop... it just exhausts me with every file and every report... fuck it..." Ivan whispered, kissing Gil again. "Fuck all that... In some days I don't have to care anymore anyway."

"Don't say that like this..." Gilbert said. "You will be fine again... I'll make sure of that..."

"I know..." His fingertips brushed tenderly over a pale cheek, before he smirked. "But until then you'll have to do my work."

"... stop it... please... I'll protect you... somehow... I will...!"

"Oh Gil..." Pulling Gilbert down on his lap Ivan nuzzled his nose against his neck. "There's nothing you can do. Nothing anyone can do."

"... but I can try..." Gilbert said, stroking slightly over his arm. "Just let me... try..."

"Stay with me... that's all I need..." he whispered in return. "Stay and let's forget what's coming."

"No need to tell me that..." Gilbert whispered and kissed him slightly. "I'll stay all night if you want me to..."

Ivan sighed quietly, closing his eyes when he rested their foreheads together. "That sounds wonderful. In the last days I wanted to come to you so often... but I was always in such a bad mood and it was so late... I didn't want to neglect you."

"But you did" Gilbert said with a pouting face. "You should've come anyways... I would've made your mood better..."

"By letting me snap? Or smacking you?" He shook his head. "No... I didn't want that to happen."

"... don't say that as if you're used to doing that... it happened once... that's not a rule..."

"No, it's not, but I know myself... know how I react to... things..."

"Don't think about it" Gilbert whispered and nuzzled a bit against him, kissing his cheeks, then pulled down his scarf slightly to kiss his neck, too.

These little affections send shivers down Ivan's spine. Tilting his head he gave Gilbert more room. It felt warm. Having Gilbert in his arms felt so warm. Not like these past days...

"Gil... I'm scared..." It was barely a whisper.

"... I know" Gilbert whispered against his neck. "But I'm here with you... I'll always be with you... don't worry... everything will be fine in the end..."

Of course, he wanted to say. Like every time. But instead of saying anything, instead of thinking of the long time of suffering that would probably come, Ivan clung to Gilbert, burying his fingers into his shirt.

Gilbert smiled weakly, then closed his eyes and went on kissing his neck, softly stroking his arms and shoulders. "I'm here... and I'll stay with you..."

Ivan just let his words and kisses wash over him. He let it take the tension away that had built up in his muscles. There were no words for how thankful he was to have his Prussia... his German with him and slowly his fingers uncurled to brush over Gilbert's back.

Gilbert sighed in relief and pulled his scarf away completely now, caressing his neck with warm kisses, while every now and then he whispered sweet and reassuring words against his skin.

He let Gilbert do and just enjoyed it; relaxed more with every passing minute. He even moaned softly for the kisses on his scars in the end, burying his fingers in white hair. "Gil..."

"I'm here..." Gilbert mumbled and nibbled on his skin. "..." With a soft sigh he leant back to look at Ivan with a warm smile. "... I'm here..." he said and stroked the other's cheek before he kissed his lips.

Gilbert's lips were sweet just like his kiss and finally Ivan felt like giving back what Gilbert gave him. Running his free hand over a slender back and into the gap between fabric and skin, Ivan pushed tenderly back into the kiss.

Gilbert sighed against his lips and carefully wrapped his arms around Ivan's shoulders, deepening the kiss a bit. "Hm.."

Warmth... How he had missed it from the moment he had left Gilbert's side. Brushing his fingertips over warm skin, he leaned forward and pushed his lover slightly against his desk, never breaking their kiss. Closer... Ivan wanted to be even closer to him.

Gilbert didn't mind at all. He ran his tongue over Ivan's lips, asking for entrance while he nibbled on them.

Willing Ivan parted his lips for the intruder, letting him take the lead for a while. It felt good to be wanted, now that their wounds had healed enough...

The German pressed his chest a bit more against Ivan's, caressing his tongue with his own, moaning slightly into their kiss.

He hesitated, but then he started moving slightly on his lap. Not much. Just... a bit.

Gilbert tasted just as wonderful as Ivan remembered. Brushing his tongue over Gilbert's, caressing it back, he sighed in tune with his lover's moans. In this moment he felt peace and nothing but peace. Their kiss chased the dark thoughts away and-

His fingertips dug slightly into white skin in response to the movement.

Gilbert gasped slightly and red eyes met violet. "..." There was a question in his gaze, a question on how far he was allowed to go now.

Ivan just smiled softly, stealing another kiss from the German's lips while he pushed his shirt up. It felt good. It distracted him. And how long had they waited now...? Too long.

"... my mighty Prussiya..." he whispered.

A shiver ran down Gilbert's back as he heard that name. "At your service..." he whispered and let go of him, raising his arms a bit. "..."

Humming quietly Ivan pushed his shirt further up, making sure his fingertips and palms caressed the skin and muscles underneath on their way. Gilbert was beautiful now that the bruises were mostly gone. Just here and there were traces left and Ivan leaned in to cover them with his lips while he left Gilbert's arms tangled in the fabric.

Gilbert huffed slightly, letting his arms sink a bit and caught Ivan's head between his arms and the shirt. "I didn't know you liked it when I'm this helpless" he whispered with a smirk, pulling with not much effort on his arms.

"It's a nice change for once..." Ivan gave back smiling and let his hands wander over Gilbert's sides. "It's not like this could tie the mighty Prussiya. Right?"

"No..." Gilbert whispered. "But maybe I like it. A bit..." he added and leant in to kiss his warm lips.

"A bit..." Ivan repeated and sank gladly into the kiss. Almost on their own his hands explored that slender back and ended up slipping past the edges Gilbert's tight trousers, sneaking into them.

Gilbert arched his back a bit, moaning softly. "Hm... you're taking advantage now, huh...?" he said and licked his lips before he caught Ivan's in another deep kiss.

"I don't get the feeling that you protest..." he gave back before the kiss shut him up. Everything outside of their little bubble was forgotten. Ivan felt warm and safe and not just a little aroused by their kisses and teasing.

Pushing his hands deeper he grabbed Gilbert's buttocks, squeezing them a little.

Gilbert moaned slightly against his lips, before he leant back a bit, licked his lips and smirked at him. "I didn't say I'm protesting, right? As I said - I guess I like this... a bit..." he purred and pulled him closer to kiss him again, while his hips moved against the other's.

Ivan moaned into the kiss, digging his fingertips into soft flesh. The friction felt wonderful. The last time had been so long ago it didn't need much to fire his passion.

"My prisoner is good in teasing..." he whispered close to Gilbert's lips, moving the slightest to meet the other's lap. "But is he allowed?"

"Hm... dunno...? Your prisoner doesn't care... that's why he's a prisoner in the first place... he never cares, and now he's in trouble...?"

"Hm... maybe he is." Chuckling softly Ivan stood up, his hands still buried deep in Gilbert's pants. This time there was no pain from lifting him and it was easy to sit him on his desk, just like some weeks ago.

Gilbert blinked a bit, holding on to him with a slightly worried expression. "... will it... be ok...?" he whispered.

Ivan nuzzled his nose against his, smiling tenderly. "Don't worry. I'm fine if you are."

"I am..." he whispered and pressed his lips against Ivan's again.

"Good..." He kissed him back, taking his time to conquer Gilbert's mouth a little while, before he broke it again. A mischievous grin played on his lips. "I guess it's time for a body inspection. I wouldn't want that my prisoner gets bored in here."

"Oh? How... thoughtful of you...?" Gilbert said, smirking and leaning back a bit. "What if I struggle? I like my personal space..."

"Well... You're already tied up. I think I have to take advantage of that." And to prove his words Ivan grabbed the bonds of Gilbert's own shirt and pushed him down on the cool surface, pinning his hands above his head. "Feel free to struggle now."

Gilbert moaned slightly, arching his back under him. "Hn... I will...!" he whispered and pushed against his hands with not much effort.

Ivan laughed and shook his head, leaning down to run his lips over the pale chest. "Like this you'll never come free..." he whispered, brushing the tip of his tongue along a pink nipple.

"Hn..." Gilbert arched his back again, gasping. "Hah..." Again he pushed against him, raising his hands a bit from the desk.

With gentle force Ivan pressed his hands back down. He wasn't going to let Gilbert go this easily; not when he enjoyed it so much. "Hm... Not good enough. Try again." And teeth scrapped carefully over pink flesh.

A low gasp escaped the German's lips and he clenched his fists. "H-ah!" With slightly blurred eyes he looked up at Ivan, again pushing against his grip. "Let... go..." he growled with a not much convincing voice.

"Or what?" Seeing that glance sent shivers down Ivan's skin. How he wanted to kiss his lips and share their breaths, move with Gilbert like so long ago. But teasing him was such a sweet foreplay...

Cupping the white skin right over Gilbert's nipple Ivan sucked on it to leave a mark.

"Or I'll... ah...!" Gilbert turned his face to the side and bit his lip. "D-damnit..." he moaned, struggling under him without actually moving at all.

"... how sweet..." Ivan whispered, glancing with a smile at the little hickey. With a grin he blew over the moist skin. "Red looks so good on you, Prussia..."

"F-fuck..." Gilbert gasped, biting down on his lip. "Well, no one's gonna see it" he growled and arched his back again. "Hn... you damn teaser...!"

"I will see it and I will enjoy every second of it." Smiling he leaned his upper body against Gilbert's chest, pressing him down with his weight.

"Uh..." Gilbert gasped for air, looking at him with a forced frown. "You're... heavy, damnit...!" he growled and tried to move under him.

"Now... now..." Ivan whispered, brushing his lips just slightly over the other's collarbone. "Did someone just call me fat...?"

"Hm... maybe...! What if I did?" Gilbert grumbled and shifted under him, trying to bite his lips in a playful way.

"Then..." He leaned up a little, looking deep into red eyes, being so close to his lips without letting Gil catch him. "You can do this yourself." And Ivan got up and stepped away, leaving Gil behind on the desk.

"... wh-what?" Gilbert said and sat up, his expression a mix between confusion and annoyance. "Don't mess with me like that!"

"Who's messing with whom?" Ivan smirked to himself as he walked away and let himself fall on the couch in the corner. Sitting sloppy and relaxed, legs parted, he smiled at Gilbert.

Gilbert growled and got up from the desk, feeling how tight his pants were already. "You fucker..." he growled and pulled off the shirt from his arms, threw it to the ground and walked towards him with firm steps.

The Russian just kept on smirking, watching attentive every step Gilbert took. His gaze brushed over his naked chest and the red mark. "Now I'm afraid~"

"You better are" Gilbert growled and sat down on his lap harshly before he slammed his lips against Ivan's, kissing him almost violently.

The impact almost hurt. Reaching up Ivan buried his fingers in white hair and pulled a little. Not enough to really hurt, but to be felt.

Gilbert gasped a bit and growled, but didn't retreat. Instead he bit Ivan's lips.

Growling in return Ivan turned his head to the side and his lips out of teeth' reach. "You really want to be punished, do you?"

Gilbert licked his lips with a wide smirk, rubbing his loins against Ivan's lap. "... maybe... I was a bad prisoner..."

Ivan glared at him, trying not to react on the sweet friction. "Strip."

"...oh?" Gilbert asked, leaning closer a bit, a shiver running down his spine at that tone. "What if I don't?" he whispered, his hands wandering down to his pants.

"Then I'll make you..." Ivan growled quietly, biting Gilbert's lip himself this time.

"Oh? I would like to see that..." Gilbert whispered back. Was he pushing his luck too much?

Naa...

Again he rubbed his loins against Ivan's lap, pressing down on him with a lusty moan.

Ok. Maybe he was pushing his luck...

... and in return Ivan pushed him from his lap to the ground. However not a second later he was with Gilbert, holding him down with a guttural growl.

Gilbert gasped in surprise, then looked up at him with a grin. "Oh...? Getting impatient already?" he said, pushing his knee a bit up and between Ivan's legs.

"No. Just tired." How he wanted to kiss that grin away... Pressing Gil's leg back down, not even thinking about how good it felt, Ivan grabbed him not very tenderly to turn him on his stomach and pin him down again.

Gilbert blinked a bit as he found himself on his stomach the next moment. "Wha- hey!" He growled a bit and looked over his shoulder with displeased face.

Goddamnit, ok, he got aroused by that harsh tone...

After he was over the surprise, he found his smirk back. "So you like it this way?"

"Was it me who asked for this?" Pressing his palm between Gilbert's shoulder blades, Ivan leaned close to his ear. "If you bite like a dog then you'll be treated like a dog." he whispered, running his tongue over Gilbert's earlobe.

Gilbert clenched his fists and closed his eyes, suppressing a moan. "G-goddamnit... you tease!"

"Says you who grinded against me." Pushing his free hand between Gilbert's body and the ground Ivan searched for the buttons of his trousers, ripping them open without ceremony.

Yes, he was impatient.

"Ah...!" Gilbert gasped a bit and looked at him over his shoulder. "... h-hey, don't overdo this, ok?" he said, his voice a bit less cocky all of a sudden.

He remembered sex with Ivan. Sometimes it was sweet, sometimes it was rough, but no matter how, he remembered Ivan's size.

Taking a bit of pressure from Gilbert's back Ivan leaned against him, brushing his lips over his heated cheek. "A dog should trust his master..." he mumbled suddenly tender again.

Gilbert bit his lip and looked away, his cheeks blushing. "I... I know that! And I'm not your dog!" he said, struggling a bit again.

For a moment, just for a short moment he hadn't been sure if Ivan would hold back.

He knew the Russian could be a very passionate lover. But it had been a while since Gilbert had had sex the last time and... yeah.

"You're heavy, 'master'..."

Maybe he had let himself be carried away... The last thing Ivan wanted was to scare his beloved Prussian and with more careful fingers he struggled to push the other's trousers down... just to bury his fingertips deep in a soft buttock the next moment. "Starting that again...?"

"I'm a bad dog..." Gilbert whispered, glaring at him with seducing eyes. He moaned and arched his back a bit as he felt his grip. "Hng..."

Narrowing his eyes Ivan gave him another squeeze. "So you're a dog, but not my dog? I see. Still, if you're a bad dog you need to be punished." And with that he held his hand out. "Suck."

Gilbert glared at him for a moment before he grinned and wrapped his lips over his finger and started to suck it, caressing it with his tongue.

"Mh... don't dare to bite. You hear me?" he warned with something like a purr. Watching Gilbert suck his finger and feeling his tongue all warm and wet, made Ivan want to use something else instead...

Gilbert looked at him with seducing eyes, licking and sucking suggestively, just brushing his teeth over the skin every now and then.

Oh, he could almost read Ivan's mind...

"... I swear to god..." Ivan whispered, almost unable to rip his gaze away from the sight. It was not funny when the thought alone made his pants way too tight. Growling quietly he took his hand back and pushed his wet finger between pale buttocks. "We're coming back to that later... promised."

Gilbert chuckled a bit. "Ahaha... did I make you horny?" he said, moaning as he felt that wet finger. "Hn..." Damnit, why was Ivan so hot when demanding...?

"Just more impatient, my sweet dog. And it's 'did I make you horny, master'." Feeling for that hidden place Ivan brushed his finger over the ring of muscles. He knew it wouldn't be enough yet, but it was a start.

"Rear up."

Gilbert growled a bit. "Yes, 'master'" he purred then and lifted his hips a bit from the ground, looking at him with that teasing gaze. "Should I wiggle with my tail now~?"

Ivan just smiled too sweetly back at him, pushing his finger slowly but steady inside. "You can try."

Gilbert chuckled. "I guess I'll pass..." he mumbled and arched his back, moaning lowly at the feeling. "U-uh..."

"Hm..." It was not quite the reaction Ivan had expected, so he bend his finger a little, turned his hand to search for that special spot.

The German bit his lip and clenched his fists, gritting his teeth. "A-ah...! G-goddamnit!" He already was aroused enough!

The little noises Gilbert made were wonderful. "Did I make you horny~?" Ivan whispered and moved his finger.

Gilbert growled, looking at him over his shoulder. "J-just... impatient..." he replied, twitching slightly.

"Maybe I should have mercy then..." He knew Gilbert wasn't prepared enough yet and he saw how aroused he was already, so Ivan took his hand back and licked a second finger before he invaded his lover again. This time however he reached out for Gilbert's length as well.

Gilbert's eyes widened a bit and he gasped, arched his back and moaned loudly. "A-ah...!"

Goddamnit, Ivan! What are you planning to do?

It's been so long since his last time...!

That reaction made Ivan smile. Even if his own arousal pressed painfully against his boxers, there was no way to give it any release. Ivan wanted to feel Gilbert, but not hurt him...

Leaning against Gil's back, blowing kisses on his earlobe, he moved both hands in a slow but steady rhythm.

"S-stop...!" Gilbert groaned, almost angry. "D-damnit.. I'll... ah...!" He twitched, curled up his fingers and bit his lips.

"Relax. It's been so long..." he whispered in a silky tone, getting a bit faster. "I want you to enjoy this. "

"I-Ivan...!" Gilbert growled. "You... you fucker... you'll make me... a-ah! You'll make me come!" He tried to relax, but that sweet friction was almost too much already.

"I know..." Another kiss and Ivan increased his effort even more. "I wish I could love you properly but it's too soon."

"Th-then hurry up..! I.. gah... I don't want... uh..." Gilbert leant his head onto the floor, breathing heavily.

He didn't want to come like this... he...

"Hnnng-...! I-Ivan...!"

Ivan was in a dilemma. Preparing and widening Gilbert further would push him over the edge very soon for sure but without more preparation he'd hurt Gil before anyone would come. So he accepted their fate for now, kissing Gilbert's neck while he pleased him.

"Come for me once, lyubov."

"N-no, I... I don't... Ah..!" Gilbert arched his back. "I don't want... want to... HNG...!"

He tried to hold it back, bit his lips hard, but it didn't help.

"Gah!" He clenched his fists and moaned loudly as he came.

He kept on stroking Gilbert the whole time it lasted, imagining how it would feel to be with him this moment... and shuddered. Gilbert's moans were so sweet.

"I'm sorry..." Ivan whispered close to his ear, retreating finally.

Gilbert sank down a bit, breathing heavily. "... d-damn... asshole..." he whispered, his face blushed and sweaty, his heart racing.

God, that had been good...

Ivan smiled softly. "I said I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you." Wrapping his arm around Gilbert's body he lay down beside him, caressing his beautiful skin.

"..." Gilbert closed his eyes with a deep breath. "So what about you... I can feel you, you know..." he said and pushed his rear a bit against Ivan's arousal.

"Mmh... I know." Ivan moaned softly, brushing his fingertips over Gilbert's belly. "We could keep on stretching and see how fast you recover. Or I keep doing what I did the last years. You decide."

"... I want this..." Gilbert mumbled. "I want you..."

Brushing his nose over a pale cheek Ivan closed his eyes. "I want you too. I was stupid not to get lube here, but there's some in my bedroom."

"..." Gilbert turned slightly to look at him. "... is that so...?" he asked, considering to suggest going there...

"Da. Feel like moving? This room reminds me too much of work."

"... hm... yes... I mean... if you didn't rip apart my trousers, that is...?" He wasn't too sure actually...

Ivan chuckled, glancing down. "I guess I just ripped off some buttons." When he sat up he groaned for the pressure in his lap. "Damn..."

"You sure you can walk around like that?" Gilbert teased with a smirk

"Well. I can take you without lube too." Ivan shot back.

"I... guess I wouldn't like that... except you want to free me from work for a week or so...?" he said in a voice, as if considering it.

Ivan laughed. "No fucking way. You'll keep working and when you're done" He leaned closer again, catching his lips in a kiss. "... you'll work some more with me."

"This sounds like I'll be your sex slave or something like that" Gilbert said with a chuckle. He didn't sound like he'd actually mind...

"Maybe I'll make you that." Ivan gave back with a smirk and got up, pulling Gil with him. "Now move, slave, or I'll carry you naked and won't mind anyone seeing you~"

"..." Gilbert looked at him. "You wouldn't...!" But he didn't want to push his luck again and got up, pulling up his pants. "... maybe... maybe we should clean this..." he mumbled, looking at the ground.

"Hm?" Ivan followed his glance and shook his head. "You know... I really, really couldn't care less about the damn carpet right now. If we're not moving in the next damn minute I'll either go crazy or fuck you raw!" It was more a whine than a threat.

"... I... guess we'll be leaving then" Gilbert said and almost ran to the door. He peeked outside and no one was to be seen. Good. "Then... come."

Ivan blinked and rubbed his neck, following him. Maybe this had been the wrong choice of words...

The house was quiet and fortunately Ivan's room was close by, so it just took them some moments to slip into the bedroom and lock the door behind them.

Gilbert hesitated for a moment, but then he turned around and sealed Ivan's lips with another passionate kiss, pressing his lower body against his.

Ivan bit his lip, about to apologize, when Gil turned to him. He didn't want to but he had to groan into the kiss. He was so hard that the friction almost hurt...

"Gil..."

Gilbert opened his eyes and looked up at him. "... it's your own fault" he mumbled. "Your dog isn't well-trained."

"I thought I made my dog at least a bit tired some minutes ago..." Ivan whispered back, brushing some bangs from the pale forehead.

"... this dog is very energetic..." Gilbert replied, stroking down over Ivan's stomach and to his arousal. "... just like you."

He hissed quietly, leaning into the touch. "Is that so? How..." He licked his lips. "can I make him tired then?"

"Oh, I think you know that very well" Gilbert purred and grabbed him, pressing down on his arousal. "And don't you dare to do that again to me..."

Growling deeply Ivan followed Gilbert's example and pressed on the other's crotch. "As if you didn't enjoy it."

Gilbert growled and retreated. "I would've enjoyed other things better..." he said and pulled Ivan away from the door and towards the bed. "You'd better put some effort in payment now~"

"Payment?" An eyebrow was raised while he followed. "If I remember right it was me who worked until now and you had all the fun. So I have to pay?"

"For making me wait" Gilbert replied, but tilted his head in a thoughtful way. "Well... maybe you're allowed to relax a bit, too..." he said and pushed Ivan onto the bed.

There was a cocky comment lingering on his tongue, but Ivan gulped it down when he found himself on him back. "Oh, how nice of you~" he teased with a smirk.

"Yes. That's the person I am. A nice one" Gilbert purred while he climbed onto his lap, moving his hips slightly against Ivan's with a moan, before he slipped back a bit, brushing his hands over the tight fabric and to the buttons.

Resting his head on the mattress Ivan closed his eyes, moaning with his lover. He wasn't sure how long he'd last like this. Gilbert's weight was so sweet and... suddenly gone again? He glanced down with one eye open. "Does my doggie want his favorite toy~?"

Gilbert grinned widely. "Don't even think about it... Like this you'd come in no time and I really want you now."

Without much ceremony, he pulled down his trousers and then his pants, licking his lips as he freed Ivan's arousal.

He wasn't sure if to agree or to protest. "...hn..." Thinking about pale pink lips running up and down his length send deep shivers down Ivan's spine. He'd last longer if...

A relieved moan left his lips when his arousal was set free and finally able to stand up as it wanted. "...g-goddamn..."

Gilbert crawled back over him, smirking, his eyes switching from his arousal to Ivan's face and back again. "... tempting..." he whispered, and ran his fingers down his length.

Ivan felt himself twitching for the touch. Burying his fingers into the blanket he tried not to moan and give in to Gilbert yet. "I guess you mean... impressive..." He grinned panting.

Gilbert blinked, then laughed. "Oh, are we... cocky now?" He chuckled at his own, bad pun and sat up a bit, playing with his fingers on his own trousers.

"You're such a comedian..." Ivan shook his head with a grin, feeling his gaze glued to Gilbert's fingers. How he'd love to reach out and rip the trousers from Gilbert's legs... but Ivan wanted to see what the German would do.

Slowly Gilbert lifted himself a bit and slipped his thumbs into his trousers, pushing them down slowly, teasingly, all the time looking at Ivan. He got rid of them and crawled over Ivan again, sitting down on his lap and moaning at the feeling of Ivan's arousal against his rear.

Ivan watched every move with his mouth getting dry, more and more. He just needed to reach out and touch white skin, caress wonderful warm and silky flesh, but he didn't. His heart beat harder in his chest with Gilbert coming closer, every move promising sweet things to come.

"Hah... you're warm..." he moaned.

"I would've said hot, but yeah..." Gilbert leant down to kiss him. "... you said something about lube...?" he purred.

"For now you're just warm..." Ivan gave back with a wide smirk, burying his fingers gladly in Gilbert's hair as they kissed. "... mhm... nightstand..."

Without breaking the kiss, Gilbert reached out and started searching in the drawer for the lube. "Hm... You'll do that, just to be clear... I won't give you that much service..."

"Hn... And here I thought I was allowed to relax." Pouting a little, Ivan snatched the tube from Gilbert's hand, afraid he'd change his mind in the end. "Fine."

Gilbert leant down to kiss him again. "Don't pout. You can relax when you're done with preparations" he whispered, stroking over his chest.

"Hmpf." Ivan wondered who was the dog now. Still, he could barely wait. His arousal was so hard it hurt and Gilbert was so warm and tempting against him...

Opening the tube blindly he covered his fingers in lube before he reached down to guide them back into hot tightness.

Gilbert arched his back, moaning loudly. "Hah...!" God... this... this was...

"Hng..." It felt good... relaxing, hot... "Ah... y-yes...!"

Leaning a little up Ivan kissed Gilbert's chin, never stopping to stretch him more and more. Fortunately Gil wasn't fully unprepared so he allowed himself to go on where they had stopped.

"Does my dog feel good?"

Gilbert gasped a bit, looking at him through blurred eyes. "... yes..." he moaned, then bit down on his lip again. "Ah.!"

Gilbert was so cute moaning and enjoying himself like this. Ivan felt like he could watch him forever, but his arousal demanded attention. Every now and then their lengths brushed against each other, making Ivan moan as well.

"How about... more?" he whispered, poking a third finger teasingly against Gilbert's ring.

"Yes... yes, please...!" Gilbert begged, feeling how his own lust awoke again, and it felt so freaking good...!

"More!"

Ivan bit his lip. Just hearing Gil like that made him want to take him without holding back and this very moment. Taking his fingers back he took a bit more lube to invade his lover once more and stretch him better.

"Ah...!" Gilbert curled his fingers, dug them into Ivan's shoulders. "Yes... a-ah... HN!"

He started moving a bit with Ivan's fingers, moaning louder.

Watching that was too much to take...

Ivan hoped it was enough. Gil would tell him if it wasn't. Right?

Gulping dry he took his fingers back, grabbing Gilbert's hips instead. "I want you... now."

Breathing heavily, Gilbert looked at him and nodded silently.

He put a trembling hand on Ivan's arousal, leading it to his awaiting entrance. "... yes..." he whispered and closed his eyes as he slowly pushed down on him. "Hng..."

Chewing on his lip Ivan waited for the moment and hissed with pleasure as he felt the pressure against his tip. Gilbert was tight. He was so damn tight and hot! Somewhere in the back of his mind Ivan wondered if this was ok already. "G-Gil..."

Gilbert didn't respond. He was concentrating on slowly pushing down, ignoring that it was still so tight.

"A-ah...!" It was hot... it was so freaking hot!

He arched his back a bit, pausing for a moment before he went on.

He didn't stop so Ivan assumed it was alright. Still, even if he wanted to buck up into that wonderful heat, he held himself back, just moaned and dug his fingers into white skin.

"You're so tight..." he whispered smiling. "So damn tight... and hot."

"Sh-shut up... it's been a while..." Gilbert growled, pushing down until Ivan was all inside him.

"A-ah..." He leant down a bit, resting his head on Ivan's chest. "Give... give me a second... you... you're bigger than I remembered..."

"Hngh..." It was so good already, Gilbert didn't even need to move. Just being inside of him again pushed Ivan to the edge of losing his mind.

"It's your fault..." he gave back, blowing a kiss on white hair. "You make me this big."

"... fuck you..." Gilbert mumbled, almost whined, while trying not to move at all. "D-damnit..." He had been too greedy. "Just a minute... ok?"

"That was a... hah... compliment, you blockhead." Letting his hips go, Ivan brushed his hands over Gilbert's back. "... relax..."

"I... I am relaxed... that's the problem..." Gilbert replied with a weak grin. "It will... be better. Just a minute..." Their first time, so many centuries ago, had been the same...

Ivan remembered that as if it had been yesterday. It had been the moment he had fully fallen for this wonderful, strong headed, sweet and stupid man.

"You wanted it..." he whispered tenderly, brushing his lips over Gil's temple.

"I know...! I know..." Gilbert turned his head until their lips met. He felt how his insides relaxed, how it got better with every passing moment.

"... poor love..." Ivan whispered, honestly meaning it, before the kiss shut him up.

Slowly Gilbert sat up and looked down on him. "... relax..." he whispered and started moving, slowly, carefully, testing how far he could go for now.

Ivan felt his arousal pulsing in the tight heat, but it was bearable with their wait... until Gilbert moved. Just him sitting up made Ivan moan deeply and he smiled breathless up to him.

"Prussiya…"

A shiver ran down Gilbert's spine at that name. "A-ah...! Yes..." For a moment he closed his eyes, moving back and forth, his hands resting on Ivan's chest.

For a second or two he thought he felt Gilbert tightening even more. Ivan sighed deeply, watching the little pearls of sweat forming on Gilbert's face. They glistened like diamonds on his white skin.

"... how beautiful... hah..."

"Sh-shut up..." Beautiful... nothing of this was beautiful. Passionate, yes. Lusty, too. But... beautiful?

After some moments, he leant down a bit, moving slightly faster. God, it was good...

He just smiled breathless, not willing to discuss anything this very moment. The feeling of their union was too sweet, too good and too long awaited. Reaching out Ivan ran his hands over Gil's sides, brushing his fingers up over his chest and nipples.

Gilbert moaned, gasped, shivered. It felt so GOOD. He tried to keep his pace, but it was hard. He hadn't felt like this in ages...!

"Ah... I-Ivan...! Hn...!" So good... it was so good!

"Gil... my mighty... hah... my mighty Prussiya..." Ivan was close and the white skin under his hands, so hot and sweaty, just fuelled his passion. It felt like the first time, so full of lust but still testing, trying to get to know how the other worked.

Sitting up Ivan wrapped his arms around Gilbert, burying his face in the crook of his neck. "Prussiya..."

Gilbert breathed heavily against his hair, wrapping his arms around him, too, accelerating his pace a bit. "Ah... Ivan... Ivan...!" He arched his back, pressing his body against Ivan's.

"Hngh... you're... so hot..." He felt Gilbert's arousal rub against his belly, felt his insides clench around him. It was good, so good and Ivan was so close already. "I won't... last much longer..."

"Then... then don't... ah... hold back... HNG!" Gilbert arched his back, riding Ivan like he used to so many centuries ago.

"HAHG!" He clung to him, leaving red streams on Ivan's back, as he came, shivering wildly.

Ivan panted against soft skin, feeling every inch of his own skin prickle with lust. Every movement and every little noise Gilbert made pushed him closer and build up that sweet, sweet peak in his lap. When Gilbert tightened even more with his orgasm and the sweet pain pulsed under the German's fingernails Ivan felt the waves of pleasure rolling over him as well. Unable to buck into his lover's heat like this, his fingers dug into white hips to keep him close and going while he released himself into moist heat.

Gilbert didn't stop moving, but the movements became slower, less controlled.

He clung to Ivan, breathing into his hair before he turned his head and pushed Ivan back a bit so he could catch his lips in a passionate kiss, still moving.

Wave after wave rushed over Ivan while the time seemed to stop for the moment. It brought him back to a dim room so many decades ago, where a young man had conquered his mind and heart with his fiery eyes and his wild nature.

The kiss however brought him back to Gil and pushing back into it, letting their tongues caress each other; he lifted him a little and rolled around with him, not breaking their connection a single second.

Gilbert gasped into their kiss, as he found himself on his back the next moment. "Hn!" He looked at him with wide, lusty eyes. "I-Ivan..." he moaned, arching his back in passion. God, it felt so good. He felt his own heartbeat, in tune with Ivan's, where their bodies were connected.

Ivan moaned at the movement, finally able to give Gilbert back what he had given him. And he wasn't done yet. He was still hard and rolled his hips to push into his lover once more. "Gil..." he whispered smiling, placing little kisses all over his face.

"Ah...! N-no... Iva-AHH!" He clenched his fists, buried his fingers into the sheets, crying out in lust and passion and pain as his insides clenched around Ivan's length. "AH!"

No? It was hard to hold back, but Ivan did, remained unmoved even if his lust demanded attention. Panting quietly he leaned up a little to look at him. "Gil...?"

Gilbert closed his eyes, breathing heavily. "Just... just a moment..." Oh god, it was overwhelming. He raised his hands to touch Ivan's cheeks and pull him down into another kiss.

"... ok... go on..." he finally whispered against his lips as his insides finally clenched around his length again.

"... ok..." Catching Gil's lips Ivan kissed him tenderly and remained motionless for another moment, before he moved again. However his thrusts were more controlled, slow and not as deep anymore. He had forgotten how sensible one could become after an orgasm and he didn't want to hurt his beloved again.

Gilbert rested his hands on Ivan's shoulders, clinging to him as he arched his back, moving with him again in tune. "Ah... ah, yes... Ivan..!"

It was tingling, burning, almost hurting, but in the best way ever.

That was more what Ivan wanted to hear. Smiling he sank his lips down to Gilbert's neck to suck on his skin and leave some marks. They moved so wonderfully in tune, even if slow and tenderly, it felt as if they were one being.

"... ya lyublyu tebya..."

"... I love you... I love you, too..." Gilbert whispered, wrapping his arms around him and holding on to him, kissing his cheeks, his ear, his hair.

Always. Always had it been like this, it had felt so good, so warm, so safe when he had been with him.

So hot...

"Ah...!" He'd come again... he realized when the fire burnt inside his chest. "AH!"

Three little words and Ivan felt himself melting in the other's arms. His heart beat so hard in his chest in tune with Gilbert's, so close to him. It had been worth the wait. It was so good and addicting and Ivan wouldn't allow that they had to wait so long once more.

"Hah... Gil..." he sighed against his skin, pushing all the way in to wait a moment and retreat just as slowly until he almost left that wonderful heat. Tender but still passionate, wishing to hear Gilbert cry out in lust once more.

They were one. After many, many decades, they were one again and it felt so good...

It didn't take Gilbert long to feel the sensation build up again...

"I... Ivan..! I... ah... I'll...!" He arched his back, clinging to Ivan as he wrapped his legs around the other's hips to push him deeper inside. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt him hit that sweet spot and it almost pushed him over the edge.

"... me too... let's... together..." Moaning he let Gilbert press himself closer to him, smiling breathless when he felt that he touched something inside. Grabbing the other's hips, lifting him just a little bit from the bed for a better angle to reach that special spot, Ivan increased their speed once more. "Let's come... together... hah... as one..."

Gilbert cringed in lust under him, clinging to his shoulders, scratching the skin moist with sweat as he moaned, gasped, cried out in passion every time Ivan hit that sweet spot.

His insides convulsed around Ivan's length and finally he arched his back, crying out Ivan's name as he came.

It took Ivan just a second longer to join him, moaning Gilbert's name into the crook of his neck. The slender chest pressed to his and the fingernails on his skin just added to that wonderful, all-consuming feeling of being connected. It lifted Ivan and hopefully Gilbert, too, on a higher level than just being one physically while their orgasms washed through their veins.

Gilbert moved along with him, riding out their orgasms, moaning, gasping, clinging to each other.

They were one, their heartbeats in tune, just like their breathing. It felt good... so good...

Breathing heavily, Gilbert leant his head a bit to the side to kiss Ivan's cheek. "... lyublyu... tebya..." he whispered.

"Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu…" Ivan whispered back, turning enough to brush his lips over Gil's. The passion and lust was soothed for the moment, even if still lingering in his bones and the shivers running through his veins. It felt good. It felt wonderful. Still buried in his love Ivan felt like he could die and not regret a single thing.

Slowly, Gilbert's breathing got normal again and he sighed, his hands buried in Ivan's hair. "... I can... feel your heartbeat..."

He chuckled softly, nuzzling into the touch. "I can feel yours too... It's been so long... I missed you..."

"... yes... I... I missed you, too..." Gilbert whispered. It was only in moments like this, when he was open, stripped to his soul, when he was able to express these kind of things... he felt vulnerable, when doing so, but in this situation, it didn't matter, because he was safe with Ivan.

That was another reason why these moments were so precious.

"That's good to know..." Brushing his nose over Gilbert's Ivan retreated slowly and carefully from Gilbert's heat to roll on his side and take the other with him. Holding him safe and warm he nuzzled back against his heated body. "... will you stay with me this time...?"

"... if I can..." Gilbert whispered and nuzzled into his arms. They could never know...

"I hope you can... that we can..." Sighing softly Ivan closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Gil in his arms as long as it would be possible.

"Don't think about it now..." Gilbert whispered and wrapped his arms around him. "Let's just pretend this night will last forever... just you and me..." and with that he started kissing his shoulder softly.

"... just you and me..." With a tender smile Ivan stretched a little to give him more room, brushing his fingertips lazily over the slender back. "This night is ours and every night from now on... if you want..."

"Yes..." Gilbert replied without hesitation. Warm lips caressed salty skin. He liked his scent and taste, his fingers running idly over his chest.

"... just you... and me..." ... and eternity...

Ivan enjoyed the little affections with all his heart, giving them back and more after they rested a little. With lips and hands and all of their being they spend the night together. Loving each other more, leaving mark over mark on pale skins until their eyes fell shut from loving exhaustion, wrapped in each other's arms.

It wasn't easy for Gilbert to let go of his pride, let go of his armor, tear down that wall of cockiness and arrogance he kept to everyone.

Ivan was the only one who could make him do that. Ivan and maybe his brother, but in a different way (of course).

Gilbert let go and let himself fall into that warmth of Ivan's embrace.

He was safe here. Safe and warm.

He hadn't slept this good for ages...

* * *

 _Translation:_

 _lyubov - dear, love_

 _ya lyublyu tebya – I love you_

 _ya tozhe tebya lyublyu – I love you too_


	13. Vanya

_Author's note:_

 _Was lange währt, wird endlich Blutwurst..._

 _We're not dead even though it looks like it and we'd like to apologize for the long wait. (more info at the end of this chapter)_

 _Thank you all for staying with us and a special thanks to Mango and Grune. Your comments meant so very much to us. We hoped to give a different (our) view on this pairing and we're so damn happy that you all seem to like it. So thank you again to everyone reading, faving and reviewing! Have fun with this long overdue chapter._

* * *

 **Vanya**

It was some time in the morning when Ivan blinked into the dim light. He felt wonderful stings in his muscles and someone at his side once he moved. Smiling he brushed some white hair from a pale forehead, observing the tiny movements around the edges of Gilbert's mouth and eyes while he slept.

So it hadn't been a dream. Ivan could feel naked warm skin against his own, feel their chests moving. It was such a perfect moment.

A moment he never wanted to end.

A moment he had to seal with a kiss.

"Lyubov..."

Gilbert's face tensed a bit as he slowly opened his eyes, blinking. "Hm...?"

He felt so refreshed, so warm, yet kinda exhausted.

He couldn't understand it immediately, but the more he got back into consciousness, he realised that he was naked, in someone's arms, and being kissed.

"Ivan?" he mumbled, blinked again and supressed a yawn before he wrapped his arms around him again. "... too early."

And that was rare, too.

"Mmh... then keep on sleeping" Ivan whispered back, covering the other's cheek in little kisses. "I didn't want to wake you."

"But you did" Gilbert grumbled, not really upset though. "You better keep me warm now so I can sleep a bit more."

He smiled dearly, pulling Gil closer into his arms and the cover higher over them. "Forgive me. I promise I'll keep you warm and safe until you're well rested."

"... good..." Gilbert sighed and nuzzled his head under Ivan's chin, breathing in his scent.

He felt warm... safe... he didn't care that their bodies were still a bit sweaty, it was nice being here.

"I don't remember dreaming... but it was a nice night."

"Wasn't the night a wonderful dream itself?" Closing his eyes Ivan smiled into Gilbert's hair. He still smelled like love and if he concentrated he felt the kiss marks on Gilbert's back, right under his fingertips.

"Hm..." Gilbert smiled softly. "Yes... yes, it was." he mumbled and shivered under the touch. "I'm a bit concerned about how I look right now" he said with a smile in his voice. He could feel the marks, too. His skin was still tickling.

Feeling the shiver Ivan pulled him a little tighter until there was no room left between their bodies. It was so warm like this, almost hot.

"You look beautiful like always" he mumbled. "Some color fits you."

Gilbert blushed and looked to the side, making a face. "S-shut up..." he mumbled. Compliments like these were somehow embarrassing.

"I'm probably covered in hickeys..."

Smiling tenderly Ivan ran two fingers over his lips in a gesture to seal them just as Gilbert had asked of him. However instead of letting it just go, he slipped under the cover to look for the hickeys. The first ones were on Gilbert's neck, but he started to kiss the ones right over his nipples.

Gilbert made a sound somewhere between a growl and a moan. "Don't make them even worse...!"

"I wouldn't dare to~" Ivan's voice came muffled from under the cover and he really just blew tender kisses on them.

"...g-good..." he whispered and closed his eyes. It was too good to not enjoy it.

Ivan smiled against pale skin, caressing every hickey with his fingertips and lips. Gilbert tasted salty and he couldn't help but run the tip of his tongue over that slender stomach and the muscles under the skin.

Gilbert shivered and moaned slightly. "Hm... I-Ivan..."

It tickled but in a good way.

He searched for Ivan's head and stroked his hair, running his fingers through soft locks.

Making a sound like a purr, Ivan nuzzled his nose against Gilbert's belly. "I'm addicted to you..." he mumbled into white skin, proving his words with more kisses and licks. "I want to please you and hear your moans all day."

Gilbert gasped slightly. "A-ah... you... we can't... w-we shouldn't...! You know, if we start, we won't leave the bed today!"

He knew because this wouldn't be the first time.

"...hm..." Leaving his skin Ivan crawled back up, just enough to peek out from under the cover and glance at Gilbert, while he made sure their bodies rested against each other. "You're a spoilsport, lyubov."

Gilbert sighed, somewhere between being disappointed, aroused and trying to be reasonable.

"You know I'm right..."

"I know you are and still I say... why not?" Resting his head on Gilbert's chest Ivan listened to his heartbeat. "Why not staying in bed today?"

"Hm..." Gilbert looked at the ceiling, stroking Ivan's head. "Will it be ok?" he whispered, smiling now.

Why not...? Yes... why not...

"Of course it will be ok. Who wants to say anything against it?" Besides Ivan feared that they would have to wait a long time to love each other again, when that horrible day was finally over...

"Let's take today off. Just you and me."

"Hn... ok..." Gilbert wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes. "Let's just stay here all day... you and I... no one else... in our small little world."

Where it was safe and warm.

"That sounds so wonderful" Ivan whispered, wrapping his arms around Gil in return. Like this he could forget and pretend that everything was alright.

"Let's stay here. I want to stay with my beloved Prussian."

Gilbert smiled. "... hm... This Prussian approves of this" he mumbled and kissed Ivan's hair. "We can just lie like this and cuddle a bit?"

He wanted to add, don't tell that anyone though, but he didn't. He felt like it would destroy this warm moment.

"Yes. Let's cuddle for now." Ivan smiled to himself, brushing his fingertips over Gilbert's chest. He followed the soft curves of his muscles up to his collarbone and over a pale shoulder down his arm to rest his fingertips against Gilbert's.

"Say... did I hurt you last night?"

Gilbert blinked. "... hurt?" He smiled a bit. "Don't worry. I'm fine. You weren't too rough, if you meant that."

"That's good to know." Looking up Ivan stretched a little to blow a kiss on Gilbert's lips. "I was worried because you said no."

Gilbert looked to the side, blushing a bit. "... sorry... it was... just a bit too much..." he mumbled, remembering that feeling.

"Ah... I'm sorry." Ivan mumbled, kissing his neck apologizing. "It's been so long and you've been so tempting..."

Gilbert sighed. "I know, I know... who could've resisted me." He smirked slightly. "It's ok. You waited when I told you to... so it's ok."

"Still... I didn't want to hurt you." He smiled crooked and nuzzled back against his lover's chest. "Not after our first try was such a… miserable accident."

"Don't think about it... it didn't really hurt..." Gilbert said and stroked through his hair.

"And that time... let's just forget about that completely."

Ivan nestled into the touch, feeling lazy like a big cat in the afternoon sun under Gilbert's hands. He felt so good he almost purred.

"It's forgotten already. My rib is healed and period. Thank goodness hickeys heal faster" he whispered smirking.

Gilbert chuckled. "Yes. God, if these 'wounds' would stay that long... I guess I'll borrow one of your scarves, nevertheless...!"

He chuckled with him, running his lips over one of Gilbert's 'wounds'. "Sure. I'll give you one. And until you go out some time later maybe it'll be the only thing you'll wear for me~?"

"I can see you liking that..." Gilbert said, not really sure if HE would like that in return. "You'd have to turn on the heater more, you know."

Ivan grinned from ear to ear, kissing his lips and cheeks again. "The heater? That would mean I have to get out of bed." He whined quietly and nuzzled closer. "I'd rather keep us warm like this."

"Then I don't have to wear a scarf at all" Gilbert said and kissed him softly. "I can stay like this forever."

"Mhm... me too..." Wrapping his arms tight around the slender body, shifting enough to rest comfortably between his lover's legs, Ivan kissed him back - keeping him warm and safe.

They stayed like this for hours, cuddling, kissing each other, warming each other.

It was so safe and so quiet. No one dared to bother them and Gilbert was happy about it...

He had missed Ivan, lying in bed with him like this. It was... special. Always had been.

Just few times, for food and going to the bathroom, they let go of each other to sink back into the other's arms again right after. It was so nice and warm and peaceful.

Ivan took every minute, every second of Gilbert's presence in and imprinted it in his soul. He knew he'd need that memory soon and he took every chance of loving and touching and whispering sweet words to his beloved.

All day long and all night.

The following day they had to get out of bed and Ivan felt sorry he needed to let go too, but there were things that had to be done.

The first point on the list was to tell Toris and his brothers at the lunch table that they'd be allowed to witness the glory and victory of the Soviet Union. They should be proud. After all they'd see what they wanted to see for ages.

Ivan on his knees.

However, he didn't say that loud and he avoided looking at Gilbert while he smiled proud, without worries or panic. Gil would see behind his mask anyway.

Gilbert saw all that worry behind his eyes, and just a look into Toris' face told him, that he saw them, too. But like Toris, Gilbert kept quiet. Ivan wouldn't want him to speak up...

So the day passed faster than they wanted and after closing the last file on his desk, Ivan crawled back into Gilbert's bed, cold and stiff and with racing heart.

"We'll leave early tomorrow" he whispered into the fabric of Gil's nightshirt.

When Ivan crawled into his bed, Gilbert wrapped his arms around him, as if he wanted to say 'I'll protect you... don't worry.'

"Then you should try to sleep..." he whispered instead.

A humourless smile curled Ivan's lips as he turned his head. Resting it on Gil's chest he listened to his heartbeat. "I don't want to. I'll sleep tomorrow a lot..."

"Then stay awake. I'll be here with you... watching over you no matter what..." Gilbert replied, stroking over his back and hair.

Closing his eyes Ivan tried to let those gentle touches chase the fear away. "Gilbert? Will you promise me something?"

Gilbert's first impulse was to say "anything", but then he replied: "... depends..."

A sigh left Ivan's lips. "You know he'll want to torture you, do you?"

Gilbert pressed his lips together. "... yes..."

"Don't let him... Don't give him what he waits for. No matter what."

"I... I don't understand..." Gilbert whispered.

Once more Ivan sighed. "He knows I'd fight for every member of my family. However he doesn't know that you're even more important to me than the rest... so... don't. Don't show him that. He wants you all to be there and to witness this... It's his way of finding out who cares for me in return."

"I... I see..." Gilbert closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I won't show him then... but Ivan? You have to promise me something too..."

He looked to the ceiling. "Whatever I do... don't judge me..."

Ivan lifted his head enough to look at him. "Gilbert... Don't even think about doing something stupid."

Gilbert smiled. "I won't... Promised... I won't show him how much you mean to me." And he kissed him.

For some reason Ivan wasn't sure if Gil could keep his promise, but he leaned into the kiss and took some needed warmth.

"I need you..." he whispered against his lips. "Please remember that I need you by my side."

"I know... I won't forget that because I need you just as much" Gilbert whispered back, holding him closely.

Ivan didn't reply anything. Words seemed so heavy and pointless this very moment. So he just nestled back into Gilbert's arms, trying to forget and find some rest. "Iech lieb diech..."

A shiver ran down Gilbert's spine and he tightened his embrace. "... lyublyu tebya..." he mumbled and kissed him. "Try to sleep, Ivan... it will be a hard day..."

"Yes. Sleep too... with me..." It was barely a whisper.

Maybe it was the stress and exhaustion of the last days or maybe it were Gilbert's warm words and embrace that let Ivan slip into a dark, dreamless sleep.

Gilbert didn't sleep. He held Ivan, stroked his hair, his back, kissed him every now and then and mumbled soft words. It wasn't before 3am that Gilbert, too, fell into dark sleep...

When the first dim light of the day broke through the curtains Ivan blinked sleepily. It was warm and soft and he needed a moment to remember where he was and what would come.

Turning carefully out of Gilbert's embrace he sat up and rubbed his face, before he glanced at his beloved. How peaceful and beautiful he looked in his sleep... Ivan wished he could stay and watch this scene forever. But he had no time. Standing up he picked his shoes from the ground and blew a last kiss on Gilbert's forehead, before he sneaked outside.

It didn't take Gilbert long to wake up, too. "Hm..." His hand searched for Ivan, but all he found was the still warm spot beside him.

"Ivan...?" he mumbled and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Where did he..." He frowned a bit and sat up, groaning slightly. "... damnit... don't just sneak away like this...!"

Just a moment later someone knocked carefully at the door. "Gilbert?" It was Toris' voice that called out for him and hesitated, before he added "Ivan...? It's time. Breakfast is ready."

Gilbert slipped into his clothes and opened the door. "He's not here..." he said lowly. He tried to smile, but failed horribly. "... we... we'll take care of him... right?"

Toris glanced down the hallway and sighed then. He looked as if he hadn't slept much either. "Of course we will... no one else will" he mumbled, looking away.

"... yes..." Gilbert lowered his gaze. "... let's... let's look for him...? Maybe he's in his room...? Or the bath..."

Toris hesitated not sure if it was the right thing to do but in the end he nodded. "Yes, let's. He shouldn't be alone now."

Again Gilbert nodded and left the room. "... he'll be alright... he'll heal and... and everything will be ok again..." He didn't sound too sure, though.

Toris didn't answer immediately. It was strange to walk beside Gilbert like this. Some time ago this wouldn't have felt as if the other was someone with the same wishes... the same worries.

"Have you read the documents?"

"Some of them... Ivan didn't want me to, but I did nevertheless." Gilbert replied, his face darkening.

"So you know what to expect" Toris mumbled miserably. "I guess... he wouldn't want any of us being there if he could decide."

"Yeah... but that asshole wants us there..." Gilbert looked at Toris from the corner of his eyes. "You have to be strong then" he mumbled.

A little surprised Toris glanced back at him.

"You too."

Gilbert smiled grimly. "... I know..."

Stopping in front of Ivan's room Toris turned to him and held out a hand. "Let's watch over each other so we won't disappoint Ivan in any way."

Gilbert blinked and looked at Toris' hand for a moment, but then he forced a weak smile and took it. "... ok..."

"For Ivan..." Toris managed a similar smile before he let go of Gil's hand and knocked carefully. "Ivan...? Are you there?"

Gilbert didn't reply to that, he just straightened his shoulders a bit. "Ivan, breakfast is ready."

They heard some steps behind the door, some shifting, and it took some moments longer before Ivan opened. He was already half dressed in his best uniform, looking at them in silence.

"Go and eat something. I'm not hungry."

Gilbert bit his lip. "Do you think we are...? Come with us Ivan. You shouldn't be alone right now."

"Gilbert is right... come with us."

"I have to get ready to leave." Ivan gave back, about to close the door right in front of their noses.

Gilbert pushed against the door. "Ivan!" he insisted, looking at him. "Don't be like this. We're worried, ok? Come with us..."

Gritting his teeth Ivan looked to the side. "I know that you're worried, but it doesn't change that I'm not hungry. I'll come down later."

Gilbert pressed his lips to a small line. "... fine..." he whispered and stepped back. "Then come back when you need me again..." He hadn't wanted to say these words, but they were out quickly and he was too proud to apologize, so he just turned around and walked away.

Fuck this day. Fuck that asshole...! Goddamnit, Ivan...!

Ivan's eyes widened when these words reached his brain. Frowning angrily he looked after Gilbert. "What do you mean with that?!"

"Ivan, calm down. He didn-"

"Shut up, Toris. Gilbert Beilschmidt! Freeze!"

Gilbert stopped, but didn't turn around. "What is it?" he asked and looked over his shoulder. His face was torn between worries, anger and disappointment.

"What do you mean with that?" Shoving Toris to the side Ivan stepped out into the hallway. "Tell me... 'lyubov'."

The way Ivan said that, hurt. Slowly Gilbert turned around, looking at him. "Don't do that, Ivan" he said. "Don't you dare to start this now...!"

"Start what now? I didn't start anything! I just said I'm not hungry. For fuck's sake!"

"You sneaked out just like that!" Gilbert shouted. "Ok?! So what was that about?!"

Ivan blinked and frowned angrily. "That's it? You're pissed about that?" He wasn't sure if to laugh or to cry. "Excuse me, but I didn't want to wake you!"

"But you should have!" Gilbert replied. "I was there, all night, because..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Just forget it. I'll go and have breakfast now."

"I know you were." Ivan growled. "And I'm thankful for it. Still! Just because I left without waking you, doesn't mean I dumped you this morning! Or whatever might be your problem right now!"

"Can you just stop now?" Gilbert said, looking at him with tired and angry face. "I'm tired and worried and I just want this day to end! I'm sorry, ok?"

"I didn't start this..." he hissed in return and shot around to go back into his room. "... and you're not the only one."

"I know that!" Gilbert ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes, trying to think clearly. "Don't... leave me like that again... ok? Not... not when... when something like this is gonna happen...!"

Ivan stopped in the doorframe, feeling Toris' glance digging into his back. He just wanted to vanish somewhere and bury himself until all of this was over...

"I wish I could go all alone, so I could have let you sleep. You wouldn't have to worry and we wouldn't have this discussion now..."

"You think I wouldn't worry if I would stay here?" Gilbert asked, his voice now low.

Ivan looked over his shoulder back at him. "I wouldn't have told you... so yes."

Gilbert looked to the side. "Is that so..." he mumbled and turned around. "Well... I'll... go and dress now..." he said, feeling so disappointed in this conversation.

"Good" Ivan breathed and vanished in his room, throwing the door shut behind himself.

"Ah..." Toris looked back and forth between Gil and the door. "He... he didn't mean it."

"He did mean it. Do you know how long I had to pester him to make him tell me about this?" Gilbert looked at him with tired and frustrated face. "... go down... eat something... I'll take a shower and dress... I'm not hungry anymore..."

"He's just as worried as we are..." Toris gave quietly and glanced once more at the door. "You two should really eat something... I'll go and make some bread for later."

"I know... don't bother, Toris... I don't think he'll be hungry later... sorry. I'll go now. I need to wake up from this nightmare."

Biting his lip Toris nodded barely visible. He hadn't even shown up yet, but Ivan's boss had already destroyed something in this house.

Gilbert took a cool shower and dressed up in his good uniform. Well... the one that hadn't been destroyed during the torture. He combed his hair and glanced into the mirror. He looked terrible. Paler than usual with tired eyes and dark shadows underneath them.

Sighing he walked to Ivan's room again, knocking lowly. "Ivan...?" he asked softly.

Ivan stared out of the window into the garden below. A bottle of vodka rested on the windowsill. One could tell a good amount had vanished from it in the last half hour and maybe that was the reason why he didn't answer immediately.

"What."

Slowly Gilbert opened the door and entered. "I'm sorry... I really am." He got closer and looked at the bottle. "I'll take care of you... Ivan..."

"You don't need to." A crooked smile slid over his lips. He could feel Gilbert's presence close, but he didn't turn around. "I don't want you to feel... being used just when I want some attention."

"Will you stop that now...? I don't feel used by you, you damn idiot... Do you think all the things I told you these last two nights were just... lies? Things I said because I thought I'd have to? What I said was the truth... I need you... and I want you to need me, too."

Ivan closed his eyes, letting the words rush over him. "... if it's like that, don't say those things again... I need you every waking minute... I didn't wake you because I didn't want to see the worries in your eyes. I know they're there, if I am with you or not, but it hurts to know there's nothing I can say to make it better..."

"... I woke up... and the bed was so cold and empty..." Gilbert stepped closer and wrapped his arms around him from behind, burying his face into Ivan's back. "... I need you... we'll... go through this... and then we'll go home again... together... ok?"

"... Gil..." He felt guilty and torn, so sorry for all the things he had said. He needed Gilbert. Just his warm arms around his chest and his face feeling so warm between his shoulder blades made some of his fears smaller.

"... ok... ok…" Ivan whispered, feeling a few tears running down his cheeks.

Gilbert tightened his grip around him, feeling his heartbeat increase a bit. "... promised..." he whispered, not letting him go. "We'll go home together..."

Without another word Ivan turned in the embrace and wrapped his arms around Gil in return. He didn't want to go. He was afraid and not even Gilbert's promise could make it better. "... yes... let's..."

Gilbert held him for another minute or two and stepped back a bit, looking up. "Everything will turn out fine... in the end." He kissed Ivan softly. "Come..."

What a sweet lie.

Smiling slightly for the kiss Ivan rubbed his eyes. "Is it time already...?"

"... yes..." Gilbert replied with a sad smile. "I'll be with you..."

"I know..." Closing his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, Ivan pulled himself together. He couldn't escape this, but as long as Gilbert was with him - and his fingers curled tight around his hand – everything would be ok...

Yes, it would be ok.

"Then let's go... They're not waiting for us."

"Yes..." Gilbert smiled sadly and left the room with him, still holding his hand. "... I love you, Ivan... don't forget that."

"I won't. I love you too, Gil..."

Together they got down the stairs where the Baltics waited patiently. Even in their presence Ivan didn't let go of Gilbert's hand until they went outside and reached the car. He needed something to cling to and his love for Gil was no secret anymore anyway.

Gilbert climbed on the backseat, pulling Ivan with him. Toris sat down on the other side, while Raivis took his seat next to Eduard who'd drive them to the airport.

There was worried silence all the way and it seemed to be crushing them all...

They had almost reached the airport, when Ivan looked up and glanced around. He met green eyes and red eyes, smiling a little for them. "Why the long faces? We're about to see a milestone in military science. Smile a little, you two."

Gilbert just raised Ivan's hand to softly kiss it and then let go, looking out of the window. They weren't allowed to show anyone...

"I'd rather be at home..." Raivis whimpered.

"We all would prefer that" Ivan answered from the backseat, before he took Gil's hand again and squeezed it tight. "And I'm serious here. You're all supposed to be proud of the achievement. That's what they all want to see... what my boss wants to see. So try. No one knows what a bomb means to us, so try at least."

Gilbert didn't look at him. "Sorry... Why would I care about the things my jail guard achieved...?"

He tried to be indifferent, tried to act like he felt like a prisoner... He didn't want to smile.

Ivan lifted Gil's hand to his chest, squeezing it very tight now. "Because we're a Union." It was just a whisper. "We're a family. Never forget that." he said louder for all to hear. "We fight together and we'll succeed together. Never forget that."

"I won't smile" Gilbert said. "I've had enough of bombs and war..."

"Gil..." Ivan didn't know what to say to that. He was tired of this war as well, but he had no choice.

"We won't disappoint you, Ivan" Toris said quietly. "You don't have to worry."

Gilbert didn't reply. He hated this. He hated the man who was responsible for this and he wished he could kill him...

Gilbert could already see him waiting, when they reached the airport. His face darkened for a moment, but the next moment it became indifferent again.

They were important enough to be allowed to drive on the roll field and when Eduard stopped the car, Ivan realised he had missed the opportunity to kiss Gilbert a last time. Sighing lowly he brushed his fingertips over white, before he put on a smile that would have fooled everyone and got out to greet his boss.

Gilbert and the others followed, stopping in some distance. He tried not to look too darkly. It wasn't easy though...

Ivan and his boss exchanged formalities and everything looked perfectly normal, if there hadn't been an air of heavy expectations over them.

"I thought I ordered everyone?" Chruschtschow said and glanced at the other nations. "Where are your sisters? And the other guys?"

Ivan kept on smiling sweetly. "They are all busy with important political tasks. There are riots flaming up in some places. It's more important to crush them fast."

"Ah." It sounded as if his boss didn't believe a single word. "If it's like that, let's leave. We're late already."

Everyone followed and the dark feeling in Gilbert's chest grew...

Everything will be alright. Remember... you promised Ivan... you'll go home together...

Someone touched Gilbert's arm just slightly while they climbed the metal stairs up to the plane.

Toris looked up to him and his lips just twitched into a slight smile. 'Try it' his eyes seemed to beg. 'Please try'

Gilbert growled lowly and forced a smile. It looked just like this, forced, fake. And it made his anger for this guy grow even more...

Toris sighed lowly and even took the seat right next to Gilbert. He felt he had to watch out for Gilbert more than for Ivan, because he knew it would get worse.

When everyone was seated and the steward came to offer glasses with champagne, the engines roared and soon brought them into the sky.

Gilbert looked out of the window, watching the clouds go by. It was a dream, right...? A bad dream...

Yes... he'd wake up soon...

That thought made him smile more honestly...

He had a whole hour to dream before the plane landed again in the middle of nowhere. The runway was barely a hastily flatted line in the ground and they could see some large bunkers not far away. Some military officers waited for Chruschtschow and Ivan.

Gilbert and the rest got barely any attention when they were lead to one of the bunkers, always at least five steps behind the leader of Soviet Russia and Russia himself.

Climbing down into the dim corridors, they found men of high ranks waiting. Ivan and his boss greeted them, even shook their hands and exchanged some words, but always in a strange muffled voice. As if no one dared to speak out loud in the face of the event they'd witness soon.

It was deep in the guts of the bunker, when the young soldier who lead Gilbert and the Baltics, stopped in front of an open door, while Ivan and his boss were lead further down the hallway.

"Please this way" he said smiling.

Gilbert blinked. "Ah...? I thought we were going to witness this...?"

He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all...!

Ivan glanced over his shoulder when he heard Gilbert's voice, but he kept on walking.

"You will be able to witness it here." The young man pointed into the large room which had a slim but wide window. Like a cut from a saw it gave a view on the landscape behind the thick walls.

"... ah... ok...?" He looked at the others for a moment and then entered with them.

He looked outside. Under different circumstances, this could've been a great view...

The Baltics followed him, looking around curious, suspicious and afraid.

"You'll find special dark glasses on the little table to the right. It's recommended you wear them during the detonation" the soldier explained.

"Ah... ok..." Gilbert looked at the glasses, biting down on his lips, when Toris tucked carefully on his sleeve. Questioning he raised his gaze.

Toris looked up to him with a frown, nodding into the direction of the wall to their left. There was another window like opening, covered by a thick greenish curtain from the other side of the wall. If one listened attentive they could hear voices behind it.

Gilbert blinked, then got closer a bit, lifting the curtain just enough to see that Ivan and that asshole were right beside this room.

They talked quietly for a moment, when Ivan's boss fell silent. Smiling sweetly he went to the curtain, looking straight at Ivan while he pushed it aside. It seemed he hadn't noticed Gilbert yet, unlike Ivan who frowned deeply.

Gilbert blinked a bit, then forced another smile, nodding slightly as if greeting, before he stepped back and took one of the glasses. "... so they'll be watching us?"

Toris glanced into the other room from the corner of his eyes. "I guess... we're supposed to watch them" he mumbled.

"I thought we were here to see this great invention?" Gilbert asked, trying to hide the sarcasm.

"Of course..." Toris made a face and took one of the glasses for himself, when there was the sound of a siren. It swelled three times and outside their small window people got busy.

Gilbert looked at the others, then Ivan and then outside. "..." With trembling hands he put on the glasses. At least he could hide the worry in his eyes like this...

Raivis and Eduard followed Gilbert's example and prepared themselves. Even Toris joined them after a moment. There was a strange atmosphere in the room. The air was thick enough to cut and it was so silent, they could hear every word from the room beside them.

"Just some more minutes." Chruschtschow glanced at his watch and a short moment even into the other room. Ivan however didn't look at them anymore. His gaze was glued to the outside, when a soldier came and saluted.

"The preparations are ready. Vanya will be dropped according to the schedule."

Ivan's hands clenched at his sides.

Gilbert bit his lip and took a deep breath. "... so..."

He wanted to ask if they were safe down here but the question got stuck in his throat.

Ivan wasn't...

"Good. Make sure everyone is at their place in two minutes. You are dismissed." And Ivan's boss watched the young man vanished and listened to the heavy door falling shut.

"Well, then. It's about time." Hands crossed on his back he walked slowly back to Ivan's side. "Are you proud?" It seemed as if he didn't care that the others could listen to every word he said. "You should be. With this great invention we'll finally be stronger than the capitalist pigs."

"I am proud..." Ivan mumbled through clenched teeth, eyes still stuck to the empty landscape outside.

Gilbert didn't dare to look at them. He stood there, shoulders straightened, right next to the others, staring outside into nothingness.

What would happen? He didn't know... Something like this hadn't been used before and he hoped it would never again be used...

Once more they heard the siren three times and Chruschtschow kept on talking.

But Ivan didn't listen anymore. He felt his stomach form knots and tried to prepare himself for what would come. Not even the thought that Gilbert was close, just next door, gave him hope. Instead it made him sick to know his beloved would have to watch what would happen to him.

Please.

Please don't look.

He prayed in silence.

Don't let him see what happens to me.

I'll give everything; just don't let him suffer as well...

A last time the siren was heard and far, far away a plane could be seen in the sky. From their spot it looked small and innocent like a fly.

"It's time." Chruschtschow smiled. "Time to demonstrate the world how powerful we are!"

Gilbert pressed his lips together. Hidden from the views of everyone he reached out for Toris' hand, grabbing it and holding onto it with trembling fingers.

He was scared... he was so fucking scared.

Toris blinked behind his glasses, glancing down on their hands, before he held Gil's tight in return. He was scared too and there was nothing they could do about it.

Far away the plane dropped the bomb over the evacuated area. On a parachute the iron cylinder slowly glided down, giving the plane enough time to get out of its reach. Ivan watched that small black spot with trembling eyes.

Just a bit longer... just a bit longer...

Gilbert didn't notice, but he held his breath.

This is a dream... I'll wake up any minute...

They saw it before they heard the explosion.

With a flash of light something burst many meters over the ground and expanded, forming a kilometre high mushroom of smoke. Then many things happened at once.

A large wave of smoke and dirt rolled over the ground in all directions, ripping everything down on its way. The explosion was so far away, but that wave came fast closer and rushed over the bunkers with a terrible force. Nothing could be heard but the howling of that deadly storm.

Gilbert trembled; his knees were shaking under the mere force of this explosion. He clung to Toris, squeezing his hand that much he could feel his bones move against each other.

Wake up...

Wake up!

WAKE UP!

When the wind died down and left the air dusty and full of sand another sound could be heard. Toris couldn't sort it at once. His ears felt numb and Gilbert's grip hurt, but when he recognised that sound his eyes widened.

Someone screamed. Someone screamed in pain and agony.

Gilbert didn't move.

He couldn't. He just stared outside, where dust darkened everything.

He heard it. He heard it as clearly as if Ivan was standing right beside him.

He couldn't look.

His hand was trembling, almost crushing Toris', but he needed something to hold on to or he'd break down just like this.

Slowly, almost in slow motion, Gilbert turned his head to look at Ivan.

Raivis pressed his hands on his ears, not looking. He didn't want to see it and Eduard turned away as well. Just Toris ripped the glasses from his face and stared through the opening in the wall, his free hand pressed on his mouth while the screaming continued.

Ivan lie on the ground, fingers dug into his left arm. While his uniform wasn't harmed there was blood sipping through the fabric. Lots of blood. It not just tainted his sleeve but his side as well, from the neck down to his hips. Whatever was hidden under his clothes... it made Ivan scream in pain.

Don't show him.

Don't show him!

Don't show him!

Gilbert opened his mouth, but there was no sound to be heard.

He was trembling. He could hear, FEEL Ivan's scream.

He was like in trance.

And he knew, if he'd let go of that... he'd scream, too.

He couldn't stop the tears from burning in his eyes though... but he didn't blink, didn't allow them to fall.

In the other room it took a lot of strength to scream. Strength Ivan didn't have. Still, he couldn't stop...

For a very long time he hadn't felt something like this. For a very long time no pain had been so strong to prevented him from falling unconscious. It had started the second the explosion had rushed over his land and it didn't want to stop.

Make it stop...

Make it stop!

A shadow leaned over him and with a small cold smile Chruschtschow glanced over his shoulder to look at Gilbert and the others.

Gilbert trembled. He felt like the room was too small by now. He couldn't breathe...

Ivan was still screaming and Gilbert felt like it would tear his heart apart.

Let me help him...! Let me help him!

He pressed his lips together, trying not to speak up.

Toris trembled just as much as Gilbert, but he clung to his hand, half to support himself and half to hold Gilbert back, whatever he wanted to do. They weren't allowed to rush to Ivan's side. They could just pray it would be over soon...

The tip of a shoe poked into Ivan's good side once, twice and just when his screams faded into pained groans it stopped. "Pull yourself together. Would you? This is a good day for the Union."

Gilbert clenched his free hand, feeling hot tears on his cheeks which he quickly rubbed away.

Don't. Just. Don't.

"Is it really that bad? To be honest I can't believe you..."

Ivan didn't hear his boss. He was too busy not to fall apart. It felt like this... like falling apart. If he had been able to think this moment, he would have known just the fabric of his clothes kept him in one piece.

But he wasn't able to think. He was just able to groan and curl up and try not to move or breathe or exist at all.

Chruschtschow sighed deeply and stepped to the door. Some people had waited outside, alarmed by the screams, but ordered to not bother anyone until they were called in.

"Bring him up. I don't need him like this."

Gilbert's eyes widened. "S-stop..." he whispered.

They... would they bring him away?

Toris squeezed Gilbert's hand, shaking his head slightly. Everything in him screamed to rush to Ivan, but he knew they'd keep them away from him. Chruschtschow would keep them away...

A stretcher was brought into the other room and some men gathered around Ivan. They touched him, made him scream out again, to lift him on the stretcher in the end and carry him out into the corridors.

Gilbert raised his hand, but let it sink again. "..." He wanted to go with him.

He had promised to take care of him! To take him home!

But he knew Toris was right.

He lowered his gaze, fighting the tears.

Bastard...

Bastard!

I'm gonna kill you, one day!

They didn't notice how Chruschtschow left after the stretcher, but they couldn't miss it when he opened the door to their room and stood in the doorframe, smiling coldly.

"Well? How did you like this little show? Was it a nice bang?"

Gilbert let go of Toris' hand and slowly took off his glasses. "... impressive..." he mumbled.

Toris just looked to the ground, gritting his teeth in silence. Don't let him get you, Gilbert...

"Yes." The smile on the man's face was pleased. "Impressive indeed. Of course it will need some time to analyse all the data, but I think it's safe to say you just witnessed the largest bomb in existence~"

Gilbert nodded. "I guess you're right. It was... quite a bang..."

"Yes. And now..." Chruschtschow's smile became dark. "Imagine it equipped with uranium and full explosive power."

Gilbert looked outside. "... Massenmord..." he whispered. It would kill thousands and thousands of innocent people.

"Victory." Chruschtschow gave back. "Keep that in mind."

"Sure..." Gilbert said, eyes fixed on the dust.

Then he turned back at him.

For a long moment Ivan's boss stared at Gilbert, like a contest of who'd be stronger.

Gilbert returned that stare, but then he lowered his gaze.

Because he knew, he had to.

"Keep that in mind." the man growled coldly and, glaring at Toris, Eduard and Raivis as well, he finally turned to leave.

Gilbert didn't move. One minute, two minutes.

When he was sure, no one was around anymore, he sighed deeply and fell down on his knees, shaking rapidly.

Toris had gone to put his glasses back, looking at his brothers. No one dared so say a single word. It seemed they didn't even dare to breathe, until Gilbert broke down.

Chewing on his lip Toris came slowly closer, putting his hands on Gil's shoulders.

There was no sound to be heard, but Gilbert's breathing, that quickly turned into quiet sobbing as his tears fell to the ground.

He pressed his hands on his eyes, trying to force the tears back, to stop the crying, but he couldn't.

He could still hear Ivan's screaming in his ears; saw the blood in front of his mental eye.

Ivan... Ivan...!

"I... I promised...!"

Toris closed his eyes for a moment, fighting to not cry with Gil. It was so hard. He felt it too... he heard it too in his head.

"You couldn't keep it..." he whispered, not sure if he was allowed to wrap his arms around the other. "You had no chance..."

As a reply, Gilbert curled up until his forehead touched the floor.

"I can't... even keep a single promise..." he whispered, his voice shaking with sobs. "And now... I can't... I can't help him either! This SUCKS!" he screamed.

What could he do? Toris knew he had to do something. Just the day before Ivan had taken him to the side and made him promise to watch over everything and everyone while he was gone.

Now Ivan was gone... and Toris couldn't watch Gilbert cry.

"That's not true..." he mumbled and grabbed his arm. "Come... Come, we'll look for him... Come."

Gilbert raised his head, looking at Toris with reddish eyes. "What? How? They... will he even let us close?"

"I don't know..." Toris whispered with firm gaze. "But we won't find out if we don't try. Don't you want to be with him? Now that he needs you...?"

Gilbert just nodded and rubbed his eyes as he got back up. "Let's... let's search for him... he needs help... he... he needs... us..."

"Yes..." Ivan needed Gilbert. Toris was sure Ivan needed only Gilbert, but he wanted to try and help at least. He had promised...

"Let's go... Eduard, Raivis... We'll meet you at the plane." And with that he grabbed Gilbert's sleeve and pulled him outside.

Gilbert followed him, not sure where to go. "... how big is this place? Where could they have brought him?"

"There is a room with medical supplies in every bunker. In case of emergency. I've seen the plans." Without hesitation Toris hurried down the corridor, ignoring the dark stains on the ground. He didn't need to look down to know it was blood.

But Gilbert looked and it made him sick to the bone.

He wanted to scream, to hit something, SOMEONE, but he held back.

He followed Toris silently, looking around and scanning their surroundings.

They passed some people; soldiers, scientists… and no one gave them much attention. Everyone was busy with their work and to Toris' relief they didn't met Chruschtschow or anyone close to him.

Maybe he had left already?

It was when they came close to the surface exit when they heard busy talking and shouted orders. If Toris remembered right the sickroom was close by. "There..."

Gilbert nodded and when they reached that door, he hesitated. "... what if... He is here...? What if it's a trap... and he's waiting for us...?"

Toris bit his lip and glanced at the door. Would Ivan's boss do something like that? Yes... he would...

"Let me go first. I'll get you if everything is safe..."

"You're... risking too much, Toris..." Gilbert whispered.

With an half angry frown Toris glared at him. "Do you want to leave again? Do you want to leave Ivan all alone in there?"

"That's... that's not what I meant..." Gilbert said, but then he shook his head. "I don't want him to be left behind..."

"Good. Wait here." Toris knew very well what Gilbert had meant, but he wasn't willing to think about it. Not after hearing Ivan's screams.

He was in pain and it was worth every risk to be with him now.

Gilbert stepped from one leg to the other, waiting nervously.

* * *

 _Translation:_

 _iech lieb diech (ich liebe dich) – I love you_

 _Massenmord – mass murder_

* * *

 _Author's note:_

 _So... why did it take so long to update? We have to admit that life went on and priorities changed for both of us. Work, family, all that stuff. It's sad, but can't be helped. Despite having a lot of material ready, it also takes a lot of time, motivation and effort to put it into proper readable chapters. So we, Mi-chan and I, decided to end this story earlier than planned at first. This doesn't mean that this will be the last chapter. Nope! There are still five or six (maybe seven) chapters coming your way. Even if it might take some time again, we'll make sure this story will get a proper end. It's our baby after all..._

 _So we hope you can forgive us for letting you wait and that you will stay with us until the end._

 _\- Alu_


	14. Leave me behind

_Authors' note: This chapter took way too long. We're sorry. But thank you so much that you're still with us! Every view and fav and message means so much to us. Thank you!_

* * *

 **Leave me behind**

Toris shoved the door to a larger well-lit room open and what he saw was white and red. Blood red and medic white. He couldn't see Ivan from his place, two medics stood in his way, but he saw them still working on him. Gulping quietly he took a step closer and another, when a heavy hand fell on his arm. With an iron grip a soldier pulled him back and hissed something under his breath.

So it had been a trap? Taking a quick look around Toris made sure this man was the only danger, before he let his captor pull him to the door.

"No! Let me be! I need to see him!" He struggled just enough to make it seem as if he tried to get away, while they stepped back outside.

Gilbert blinked, then pushed himself against the wall, hiding behind the open door.

His heart was racing and a part of him wanted to help Toris, get that soldier away from him…

But the other part knew this was his only chance.

Struggling and protesting Toris managed to get a glance at Gilbert. He lifted his eyebrows just a little, trying to give him a sign, before he turned his full attention back to the soldier. Deep down he knew this was a bad idea. This man had waited for someone to show up and no one could know what would await Toris now.

Gilbert bit his lip, when that man pushed Toris away. He hesitated just a moment before he sneaked into the sickroom.

There were medics in his way and he wasn't sure what to do now but he saw Ivan and made some steps towards them.

Countless blood soaked cloths covered the floor around Ivan's stretcher and the number grew with the medics still working on his arm. One gave the other orders, making Ivan groan with every touch, when the man turned around and noticed Gilbert.

"What? Who are you? You can't come in! Out! Out now!"

"... how is he?" was all Gilbert replied, not moving a bit, his eyes fixed on Ivan.

The Russian was white like the walls, turning his head to the sides slowly and groaning every other moment, when his lips didn't move with silent words. The second medic held him down. He seemed to have trouble, even if Ivan looked everything but at full strength. Something wasn't right...

"We can't tell yet. Now out!" The man in charge reached out to shove Gilbert out of the room again.

"G... il..."

Gilbert's eyes widened. "I'm here! I'm here, Ivan!"

The two medics looked up to him and after noticing that Ivan turn his head to the voice, the one in charge gave his colleague a sign.

"You." He nodded at Gilbert. "Soldier, come here. Can you calm him?"

Gilbert blinked, then nodded quickly. "Yes... yes!" He got closer with fast steps, getting slower the closer he was.

He looked down at Ivan and he felt like his heart would shatter at the sight.

They had cut Ivan out of his uniform, revealing his left side. There seemed not much left of his arm, just a bloody mess. Here and there even the bone could be seen. It wasn't as worse on the left side of his torso, but something had definitely burned the flesh there and left it with open wounds.

"Listen, soldier. I don't care who you are or why you're here, but we don't have any equipment or enough sedatives here. So calm him down if you can so we can work. Understood?"

"G... il..."

Gilbert didn't reply to him, but leant closer to Ivan, touching his forehead, then his cheek. "I'm here... calm down, Ivan. Everything... everything will be ok... remember? I promised to take you home" he whispered with trembling voice.

He was so full of hatred for that man and yet so full of worries for Ivan.

Dull violet eyes looked up to him, blinking slowly to focus better. The world was blurred for Ivan. Not just because of the pain he was in but also for the few sedatives they had given him. Still, they hadn't been able to make him sleep.

Without a sound his lips formed words. There was even the hint of a smile, before the two medics went back to work and another groan left his throat.

Gilbert pressed his lips together to stop himself from crying again. "I'm here... I'm with you, Ivan..."

He didn't care if the medics would tell that asshole anything about this. He was needed here with Ivan and so he leant down to kiss his forehead.

The medics had enough trouble with their work to give Gilbert's doing any attention. However what he did seemed to calm Ivan. He still twitched slightly when a syringe was pushed into raw flesh, but he stopped struggling at least.

"Es ist ok..." Gilbert whispered into his ear. "Ich bin hier."

Again Ivan's mouth moved. He hadn't just calmed down but got also weaker with every passing moment.

Gilbert kissed his forehead again and his cheeks. "I'll take you home... I promise, Ivan... everything will be ok. I promise...! Do you hear me?" he sobbed, salty tears falling down onto his lover's face.

A tiny, exhausted smile curled Ivan's lips for the kisses and he closed his eyes to open them again when he felt something wet. "G...il..." Despite everything he frowned barely visible, lifting his good arm to search for his beloved. "... n't... cr...y..."

"S-shut up! I'll cry as much as I want..." Gilbert whispered in return, as he grabbed Ivan's hand. "I have every damn good reason to cry..."

Gilbert's touch felt warm. Sighing lowly Ivan looked up to him, worries in his tired eyes.

"G...il..." His beloved was crying and he didn't know why. Ivan could concentrate on this question, even if it hurt. It distracted him enough to miss how he was bandaged and the medics finally stepped back.

"Don't 'Gil' me...!" Gilbert said and blinked as they suddenly had more space. "Is... is it done?"

"We need to bring him to the next hospital, but we're not prepared for an emergency transport." The medic pondered a moment, taking a close look at Ivan. "The more we are, the faster we can leave... He's one of those nations. Right?" There was just a moment of considering their choices.

"Can you have an eye on him?"

"Yes, of course...!"

"Call for us if his state gets worse. Understood?" And with that the medic left running, followed hesitantly by his colleague.

Gilbert turned back to Ivan and took his hand, squeezing it. "Just a bit longer until we'll go home... ok?"

"... ome... I... I... ant... o... me..."

Gilbert didn't understand, so he just leant closer. "What... what is it...? You shouldn't be talking..."

Closing his eyes Ivan gulped quietly. It was hard to focus on the words, but at least he managed to squeeze Gilbert's hand a little. "... t... hurts..."

"I know... I know, Ivan..." he whispered, his voice breaking again. "They'll get you into a hospital. You'll be treated and you'll be alright in no time again..."

He understood hospital. Ivan knew he had to go there and he trusted his beloved that it would get better. He just needed to wait... if the world could just stop spinning and the warmth of Gilbert's hand wouldn't have to go.

"... n't... le...ve me... ple...se..."

Gilbert shook his head. "I'll come with you. I don't know how, but I WILL come with you... I won't let you be taken away from me."

That made Ivan smile a little again. If Gilbert would stay, all would be fine and maybe the pain would fade as well.

Gilbert stayed with him, until the door opened again and the medics entered.

"We're ready to get him on the plane. You can leave now."

"What... leave?" Gilbert said, standing up.

"We don't have much time. I guess you're not authorized to stay? So leave this to us. We'll take care of him."

Ivan blinked slowly, feeling the warmth gone.

"No. No, I will come with him!" Gilbert insisted, still not moving a bit.

"We've no time to discuss. This is a military event and every violation of the rules can have serious consequences."

"Gil...?"

"Then don't discuss and just take me with him!" He looked back at Ivan. "I'm here... Don't worry, I won't leave."

The medic sighed deeply. "Now listen. We can't. I don't even know who you are and we already risked leaving you alone with him. This might cost my head, soldier. So you have to stay here."

Ivan frowned slightly and tried to push himself up. "... Gil..."

"Lie down!" Gilbert said, turning around to him. "You're seriously hurt. Lie. Down!" He looked back at the medic. "I'm the embodiment of the German Democratic Republic and he demanded me to be here with him in the first place, so I won't leave now!"

The man looked at Gilbert, as if he tried to find out if he said the truth, before he glanced at Ivan. Despite having lost too much blood and being obviously in pain it seemed as if he would cling to the Albino at all cost.

"Fine... Alright. But it's in your responsibility. Now let's hurry."

"Yes... my responsibility." He looked at Ivan and smiled a bit. "I'll accompany you..." Then he straightened his back. "Can I help somehow?"

Ivan smiled slightly back, not getting what just had happened. But a smile was good. Right? And he let himself sink fully back down.

"No. We'll do this."

Ivan still rested on the stretcher, so on a sign the medics lifted him up, making him groan in pain, before they carried him outside into the corridor.

Gilbert bit his lip and followed them, his eyes on Ivan all the time.

"I'll take you home, Ivan... sooner or later. Trust me."

He looked to the side, wondering where Toris had gone...

The exit of the bunker wasn't far away. A small plane waited for them outside. It was just big enough to give everyone and the stretcher some room. Not more. The medics hurried to get there, but their leave didn't stay unnoticed.

"G-Gilbert?"

He looked up as he heard Raivis' voice. That was... a good thing, right?

Next to their own plane Raivis and Eduard stood, watching the small group from afar. They didn't dare to come closer, but they seemed worried anyway. Toris wasn't with them.

As he got closer, Gilbert looked around. "Where... where is Toris?" he asked, worries in his voice.

He knew. They had taken him...!

He looked back at the flat building.

"I-Isn't he with you?" Raivis' glance shot to Ivan and he bit his lip. "He d-didn't come back o-or anything."

"Fuck..." Gilbert hissed, his voice trembling. "Damnit... they..." He rubbed his eyes. "He's... maybe he's still..."

Maybe he was still inside. Maybe he was already gone where they'd hurt him...

The medics didn't stop while they talked, bringing the stretcher to the small plane they had prepared.

"What happened, Gilbert?" Eduard asked quietly. "Did you meet Chruschtschow?"

"No. No, we didn't... but... but Toris distracted a guard so I could sneak into Ivan's room..." He bit his lip. "I don't know where he is now."

"A guard?" Eduard's expression got dark and Raivis shivered even more. "Then he's probably under arrest. What shall we do now? We can't just leave him here."

"No. We can't, but..." Gilbert looked at Ivan. It seemed his restless eyes searched for something.

Or someone...

"Damnnit!" He couldn't leave Toris like this! Not after the things he had done to help him!

Eduard and Raivis looked at Gilbert. Both knew they couldn't do much about this. They weren't important enough to get Toris out, but they didn't want to leave their brother behind either.

"Gilbert... You're in command right now with Ivan out and Toris gone. What shall we do?"

"I'll get him... Don't worry. I'm just not sure about Ivan... at least... one of you should be with him."

"With him?" Eduard frowned a little. "I'm not sure he would want one of us with him."

"One of you will stay and tell him that I'll come later... that I had to get Toris first. I can't leave him behind. He didn't leave me behind either..."

Raivis looked as if he wanted to protest and even Eduard shoved his glasses up and looked to the side. Their silence said so much.

Gilbert straightened his shoulders. "You'll stay with Ivan. This is an order. I'll get Toris."

"B-but...!"

"Understood..." Nodding slightly Eduard grabbed Raivis' sleeve and pulled him along. He had no idea how to explain this to Ivan, but it wasn't like they had a choice.

Gilbert watched how they climbed into the plane and turned around to start running back. He wouldn't leave without him...!

At first he started roaming the big building rather blindly before he asked people if they had seen the Lithuanian.

But no one seemed to know anything. At least no one of the people left in the bunker. Just when Toris' appearance was described, a guy nodded and gave Gilbert the direction to a room not too far away.

Gilbert thanked him and hurried down that hallway. He found the room easily, but hesitated a moment before he knocked harshly against the door.

Behind it there was silence for a long moment before heavy steps came closer and a soldier opened the door. His expression was angry and his broad shoulders made the glance inside impossible.

"What is it? We're busy."

"I know. I'm here to get Lithuania" Gilbert deadpanned.

The man seemed surprised. "And what makes you think that guy is here?"

"I was told that I can find him here."

"Even if" the soldier snarled. "I have my orders. So get lost." And he tried to close the door right in front of the German's nose.

But Gilbert didn't let him. "And I have mine. Ivan Braginsky sent me here. Does that name ring a bell?"

The soldier glared at him. "I heard General Braginsky got hurt. However I have my orders from a higher ranked person."

Gilbert bit his lip. What now...

He could tell him the truth - that he had the wrong person.

But...

"I guess you want the person who treasures Russia, huh? That's what I heard at least."

"You hear an awful lot..." The man looked at him suspicious, thinking obviously about his orders. "What do you want?"

"I want Lithuania. He's not the one you're looking for."

"Oh really? Looks like you know more than I do. So who is the one I'm looking for then?"

Gilbert looked at him. "How the fuck am I supposed to know? No one I know likes Russia. He's bossy, he's paranoid, he's violent. All I can tell you is that Toris is mine."

The soldier's expression turned from suspicious to dark. "Watch your mouth, guy... It's better if no one hears you saying all that. And why should this guy be yours? Did you buy him or what?"

"Russia knows I think like this. He likes the ... challenge." Gilbert sighed. "And are you dumb? You think he likes Russia, but it's me he likes."

For a moment the man just stared at him, not really understanding. When a thought came to him however, he looked Gilbert up and down with disgust. "If it's like you say. Why was he in the sickroom?"

Yeah, why. Gilbert shrugged. "We had to look after him. He's our boss after all."

Well, that probably wasn't very convincing...

"Yea. Sure. Get lost already." With a bothered grunt the soldier turned around to close the door.

Gilbert groaned annoyed. "Goddamnit, let me see him!" he growled and pushed him aside. "Toris!"

The Lithuanian looked up from the chair he was tied to. He didn't look hurt except for a bruise on his jaw and he was awake, having heard everything.

"Hey!" The soldier seemed overrun by so much boldness.

Gilbert crossed the room with quick steps and approached Toris. "Good, you're not hurt" he said in the most caring voice he could bring up in that moment. "Toris..." He cupped his face with his hands and kissed him. "I'll take you home now."

It wasn't sure whose eyes were bigger; Toris' or the soldier's.

"Gilbert, you..." Toris bit his lip, gulping a comment down, when he saw his captor's glare behind Gilbert's shoulder.

"Oh, come on! Get lost already! This is disgusting!"

Gilbert looked at Toris, asking him to play along, before he turned around to look at the soldier. "Well, that's what I'm here for!"

Toris gulped quietly. "G-Gil... don't. I don't want you to get in trouble, love."

It looked as if the guy at the door wanted to throw up that very moment. "Get lost! And take him with you! Just out of my eyes!"

Gilbert smirked at Toris as he untied the ropes. "Come." He took his hand and stroked over the bruise.

"We'll go home now." He got up and pulled him with him, glaring at the soldier.

Toris let himself be pulled and looked to the ground when they passed his captor. All of this wouldn't go unnoticed, he was aware of that. A report would be send to Ivan's boss and then…

He wasn't sure what to think of all this, but Toris knew had to be thankful for Gilbert coming to the rescue.

When they were far enough away, Gilbert let go off him and looked to the side. "Uh... sorry for that" he mumbled. "I didn't know what else to do."

"It's alright... It worked I guess." Toris rubbed his jaw carefully, avoiding to look at Gilbert. "Why did you come for me? Where is Ivan?"

"He's on his way to the hospital... Your brothers are with him. I couldn't leave you behind."

Finally Toris looked up. "You left him alone? For me? I could have talked myself out of that."

"He... he'll understand it. I'll be with him just a bit later" Gilbert mumbled. "And I just couldn't. Ok? You didn't leave me behind either..."

"That... was something different. They tortured you back then." Crossing his arms in a self-protective way, Toris walked at Gilbert's side out of the bunker. No one bothered them. Maybe they had become orders as well.

"And how was I supposed to know they wouldn't torture you, too?" Gilbert replied lowly.

Toris bit his lip, feeling his jaw still hurting. No one could know...

"Ivan is more important right now... but thank you anyway."

"Ivan was taken care of. He's probably asleep right now... he probably didn't even notice that I was missing..."

Toris wasn't so sure, but this wasn't the right time to discuss anything. He just wanted to leave this forsaken place. "Do you know where they brought him?"

"Yes. I let them tell me before I went back. We just have to get a plane and then follow them."

"Alright... then let's leave. I don't like this place at all anymore" Toris mumbled and hesitated then. "... and I want to see Ivan... how... how is he? Do you know that?"

"He's... not in good shape..." Gilbert said. "I... I didn't see much, but... but his arm... I don't know... it... it was destroyed..."

"His arm..." Toris looked up with worries in his eyes. "What do you mean with… destroyed?"

"I don't know... it... it looked like... like it was just flesh and bones..." Gilbert's voice trembled. "Can you imagine... what damage this thing would do when fully equipped...?"

"I don't want to imagine..." Toris mumbled, remembering the blood he had seen, feeling sick all of a sudden. "We need to get to him... if it's like you said we need to make sure that... that they don't amputate his arm..."

Gilbert bit his lip. "... then let's get away from here... I don't want to be here anyways, when that asshole realizes we got away..."

"Yes..." They'd get in trouble. They'd definitely get in trouble, but Toris couldn't care less that moment. He just wanted to see Ivan and make sure he was alright.

They found someone to fly them back, finding their way to the right hospital short after.

It took some work to convince the personnel to let them in, but in the end they played their nation card and were lead to Ivan's room. They both had to hold themselves back from simply bursting in...

Slowly Gilbert opened the door, searching for another trap.

But there was no one in the dimly lit room. No one but Ivan lying in bed.

Two infusions were connected to him and a monitor beeped quietly, while body and arm had been wrapped in thick bandages.

Gilbert looked around, confused. Why weren't Eduard and Raivis here... or at least one of them? He frowned. He had told them to-

That didn't matter now...

Slowly he approached the bed. "Ivan...?" he asked lowly, not sure if he was asleep. He didn't want to wake him.

Toris followed quietly, closing the door careful behind him.

However he didn't dare to step up to the bed as well. Just looking from afar was enough. And in the end... he had just wanted to make sure Ivan was... more or less... okay.

The beeping of the monitor changed to a slightly different rhythm and after a long moment and using a lot of strength, Ivan opened his eyes.

Gilbert stopped and bit his lip, before he slowly made the last steps to the bed. "... Ivan..." he whispered, feeling his chest tighten again. "Can you hear me...? How... do you feel?"

His eyes were still dull, when Ivan glanced at him and closed them for a moment. It seemed as if it took a lot of strength to even open his mouth and let out some raspy words. "... yes... I can… hear..."

Slowly Gilbert sat down on a nearby chair, letting his eyes wander over Ivan's body. "I'm sorry... I will... take you home soon... ok? Just a bit longer..." He reached out to stroke some hair out of his face.

"... it's... ok... no... no need..." Ivan whispered slowly and even turned his head to the side.

Gilbert bit his lip and took his hand back. "... Ivan..." He lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry I'm late..."

"... no... matter..." It sounded disappointed and once more the beeping sound changed slightly. "... just... woke up..."

Gilbert looked at him. "I'm sorry... I couldn't just leave Toris behind. What if... what if they had done to him what they did to me... to you?"

At that Ivan turned back to him with a slight frown. "... Toris...? ... what... with him...?"

"He helped me distract the guard so I could sneak in to you in the sickroom... so I could be with you..." Gilbert explained.

He seemed to have troubles understanding. Ivan was under heavy drugs and still in pain, also he had woken up alone not too long ago.

"Ivan..." Toris stepped beside Gilbert's chair and reached out to caress his big hand. "Gilbert saved me... That's why he came late."

"I'm sorry but I won't leave now..."

Ivan looked back and forth between them, trying to understand. His mind was filled with cotton and it didn't help.

"Don't be mad anymore, Vanya. It was my fault" Toris whispered and smiled tenderly, when he grabbed Gilbert's hand to put it on Ivan's. "I'll leave you alone now and explain everything later... yes?"

Ivan hesitated but then he blinked. "... yes..."

Gilbert looked at their hands and smiled slightly at Toris. "Thanks..." Softly he squeezed Ivan's fingers. "I'm here..."

With careful steps Toris left and closed the door quietly behind him.

Ivan tried to look after him, but concentrating hurt his head. Closing his eyes again it took a moment before he squeezed Gilbert's hand back. "... you were... gone..."

"I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I told Eduard and Raivis to look after you... to tell you... that I went back to get Toris..."

"... they... didn't..."

Ivan couldn't know they had had no chance after the medics had given him some stronger drugs on the plane. They had tried though, but in his foggy state he had just asked for Gilbert over and over again.

"I'm sorry." Gilbert lowered his gaze. "I didn't want to leave... You have to believe that." He took Ivan's hand into his both, trying to give him some warmth at least.

Hesitant Ivan's fingers curled around Gilbert's. He had missed the warmth that had been gone so suddenly. "... will you... leave... again...?"

"No" Gilbert said and raised his hand to his lips. "I'll stay with you... no matter what happens..."

"... good..." He moved his fingers slightly, caressing Gilbert's lips. "... the... pain... is better... when... when you...re... here..."

"I'm sorry for making you wait." He leant closer to kiss his forehead. "I'll make the pain better until it finally vanishes again."

That made Ivan smile a little... finally smile again. "... would be... nice..." he mumbled and closed his eyes. He was so tired.

"... hey... wasn't... bad as... expected... eh?"

"You think so?" Gilbert said with breaking smile. "I think it was bad enough." He kissed his hair, his nose, his eyelids. "I was scared..."

A sigh left Ivan's lips for the kisses. It had just been a day but he had missed Gilbert's kisses already. "... me... too... ... was... embarra... sing..."

"Em... embarrassing...?" Gilbert repeated. "Is that all you care for?" And he kissed his cheek. "Then you really can't be hurt that badly..."

His smile turned crooked. "... he... made me... look... weak... I... I'm not... allowed..."

"You're not weak. You looked like someone who was hurt severely... and it was his fault... and he KNEW this would happen!"

"... of course..." Ivan moved a little for a better positon, but ended up hissing when his hurt arm moved as well. "... b-but he... could... have left... me... at h-home..."

"So what? That was exactly his point, to show this to everyone. Because he knew how this would make you feel..."

"... yes... it was... his revenge..." He couldn't do much more but lie there and try not to move, even if he wished he could take Gilbert in his arms and sleep a little under his protection.

"... no one... else... got hurt...?"

"Toris got a bruise... but that's all. We're all fine."

"... a bruise...? ...why?" Ivan looked up with a little frown. Even that hurt. "... I know you... explained... but... didn't... understand..."

"He and I... we went to see you... but we thought... maybe it's a trap? To find out who cares for you... so... he went ahead and there really was a soldier, waiting for us. Toris... he played the bait and lured him out, so I could see you..."

It took a moment until Ivan could process what Gilbert said, but when it finally reached his brain his expression got angry. "... that... bastard..." he hissed quietly, making the monitor beep faster.

"... and Toris... Toris is... fine...?"

Gilbert nodded. "Yes... he just got a bruised face... not much, really... seemed, like they were just questioning him when I got there."

"... tell him... thank you from... from me... and... that I... want to see him..."

"Yes... I will." Gilbert smiled slightly and stroked his hair out of Ivan's face. "You should sleep a bit."

"... it's... hard... to sleep..." he mumbled and leaned a bit into the touch.

"I know... but it will help you to heal" Gilbert whispered. "I'll stay here... watch over you... I'd sing you to sleep, but... I don't think that's something anyone would want to hear" he said with a low chuckle.

That thought made Ivan smile. "... why not... I... like singing... you... could... try... you know..."

Gilbert smiled crooked. He should've kept his mouth shut. His voice was good for songs sung in a bar - preferably drunk - but for singing someone asleep...?

But Ivan smiled so lovely...

Gilbert sighed softly and started humming.

Ivan watched his expression, seeing how uncomfortable Gil was, and he was about to tell him that it was alright... when Gil started humming. He wasn't sure if he had heard that melody before or not, but it sounded so familiar, so tender from the German's lips that Ivan sank gladly deeper into his pillows. Listening he closed his eyes with a smile

Like that it didn't take long for him to slip into painless darkness.

Gilbert went on humming this melody, until he was sure, Ivan was asleep.

With a soft sigh he kissed his forehead, his lips remaining close to the other's skin. "... ich liebe dich..." he whispered and sat back, holding his lover's hand warm between his own.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _es ist ok – it's ok_

 _ich bin hier – I am here_

 _ich liebe dich – I love you_


	15. Bad decisions

_Authors' note: Thank you all for staying with us and enjoy the next chapter!_

* * *

 **Bad decisions**

It was very early the next morning, when Ivan blinked slowly into the dim light. His head felt fuzzy. He wanted to reach up with both hands to grab it, but burning pain shot through his being. Hissing quietly he looked down, noticing the thick bandage.

"... ah... right..."

Gilbert blinked as he heard the voice. "A-ah... I'm here" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes, waking fully up the next moment.

"Ah! Ivan! You're awake?"

Smiling softly he looked up. "I am. Did I wake you?"

"No... No, I didn't sleep at all" he lied and squeezed Ivan's good hand. "I told you I'd watch over you."

"Yes, you did..." Ivan squeezed his hand back, stronger than the day before. His violet eyes were clear as well this morning. "Still... Is that sleep I see? There. In the corners of your eyes."

"No. No, you're imagining things" Gilbert replied. "I'll sleep another time." He lifted Ivan's hand and kissed it. "How do you feel?

He wanted to scold Gilbert, telling him he needed sleep as well, but in the end - and for the kiss - Ivan remained silent. "Mh... better. Could rip out trees."

"Yeah, I can see that." Smiling a bit, he leant down to kiss his lips. "But don't do that... the poor trees. They didn't do anything to you, did they?"

"Who knows… Maybe they did anger me?" Ivan gave back and leaned up following Gilbert to kiss him in return. It hurt his side, but it was bearable... It was better. The shock was gone.

"You shouldn't move too much" Gilbert scolded him slightly.

"But I want to..." Ivan pouted playfully, even wrapped his good arm around the other's neck to keep him close.

Gilbert shook his head with a quiet sigh, deciding it didn't help to scold anyone.

"Hm... So, how could the trees anger you?"

"I don't know" Ivan mumbled amused. "They grew too big?"

"Oh... Too big? Did they make you envious?" he whispered against his lips, stroking his hand over Ivan's good shoulder.

"Maybe... depends."

It felt good. It felt so good to have Gilbert this close. Ivan let his gaze wander over the pale face, the dark rings under his eyes and he was thankful that this time it was just his side and not Gilbert who had been hurt.

"What's too big for you?"

Gilbert shook his head. "Dummy... everything bigger than you is too much for me, you should know that."

And once more he kissed him, lovingly and with warm lips.

"I'm glad then that I'm not bigger..." he whispered into the kiss, pulling Gilbert closer until he rested against his chest.

"Me too."

Gilbert blinked a bit, as he felt him so close. "Is that really ok? Doesn't it hurt..?"

"No. Not like this. I'm fine, lyubov..." Ivan nuzzled his nose against Gilbert's cheek, enjoying his warmth. "I felt so lost yesterday when you were suddenly gone." A small smile curled his lips. "I know it had to be... but I didn't understand yesterday. So it's fine now."

„I'm still sorry..." Gilbert whispered. "I shouldn't have left you alone. But now... now I'm here and I won't go anywhere anymore."

He kissed Ivan's lips softly again, feeling his heartbeat against his chest.

"... mmh... I hope so. You promised after all" Ivan whispered back into the kiss. He didn't care if someone would find them like this. He couldn't care less to hide something so important to him after feeling how it could end one day...

"Yes and I won't break it." Leaning back a bit, Gilbert stroked his cheek. "Do you think it would be ok if I'd lie down with you a bit?"

Ivan felt his pulse calming for every kiss and every touch. "If you fit. I wouldn't mind."

"I'll try..." He slipped out of his shoes and sat down on the edge, to lie down next to Ivan with a smile, trying not to hurt him more.

The movement of the mattress made his side and arm vibrate with slight pain, but Ivan tried not to show it. Instead he shoved his good arm under Gil's body to pull him close.

"Making sure you don't fall out..." he whispered tenderly.

"Is it ok? Does it hurt?" Gil whispered and nuzzled a bit against him.

"Hm... it's mostly warm. So don't worry." Ivan brushed his nose against his lover's, taking in his scent over the smell of antiseptics and hospital.

"Then it's fine..." Carefully Gilbert raised his hand to rest it on Ivan's chest, caressing him softly. "Tell me, if it hurts… ok?"

Sighing quietly, feeling himself unable to take Gilbert's hand and just hold it, Ivan looked at him. "It hurts all the time but I want you here with me. It helps..."

All these little kisses and touches helped and were badly needed.

Gilbert made a face. "I..." He bit his lip and rested his head on Ivan's good shoulder. "I'll be careful."

"I know you will." He couldn't do much in his position without moving and hurting himself, still Ivan held Gilbert close and brushed his lips over his face.

"Did I apologize already? For being a dick yesterday...? ... well, I guess it was yesterday."

"Don't mention it..." Gilbert whispered. "We were both dicks... It's alright."

They had been tired and worried. It actually had been pretty predictable.

"Nothing's alright about it but I guess now's the wrong time to talk." Ivan felt how all the talking made him tired. If he had lost too much blood...?

"Hey, Gil... I want to go home..."

"I know. It... it won't be long. I promise..." Gilbert gave back quietly. "Maybe you should sleep a bit more... The time will pass faster like that."

Ivan sighed. "I can sleep at home... They can't do anything here we can't do there. I'm patched up." He glanced at the thick bandage. "And the blood will come back there as well."

"You're still exhausted and terribly wounded. What if something happens...?"

"I have a wonderful nurse to care for me. I can rest all I want in my bed, lyubov. And if something happens..." He smiled a little. "We have the doc. He'll be grumpy, but I don't care."

"A nurse?" Gilbert raised his eyebrows. "You don't mean me, right?"

He sighed a bit. "I'm... not sure if that's a good idea..."

"Mh~ Maybe I talk about you... maybe about Toris... Depends who wants to wear the nurse outfit out of free will" Ivan teased.

Gilbert frowned a bit at that comment. "Iii don't think so..."

That made Ivan chuckle, but just for a moment.

"Gil…" His smile was gone. "I don't want to stay here. We'll be watched. I don't... I don't like the smell in here..."

Gilbert sighed again, more deeply this time. "I know... I know. I just... do you think you'll be ok? And... do you think they will let us go?"

"I will be ok. It may hurt but the pain will fade again... I just want to go home and that's worth it..." He looked at Gilbert, pleading, searching for help. "They have to let me go. I'm their fucking country."

"You know he doesn't care for that..." Gilbert whispered, his will already crumbling.

"... you know... after this I don't fucking care for him anymore" Ivan gave back, quiet but bitterly.

He didn't really believe that, but in the end Gilbert nodded. "Ok then. I'll take you home..."

A smile found the way back on Ivan's lips and leaning in he blew a kiss on Gilbert's lips. "I knew I can count on you. I promise I'll be a good boy."

"You better be..." He sighed. "Am I allowed to stay a bit like this before I go and get you out?"

Ivan just smiled. "Sure. It's comfortable like this and it's still early in the morning. Right...?"

"Yes..." Gilbert nuzzled against him. "Then I'll stay and maybe sleep just a bit if that's ok."

"Of course it is... After you've been awake all night." Smiling he blew another kiss on white hair before even Ivan sank fully back into his pillow and closed his eyes.

"... lieb dich..."

"I love you, too..." Gilbert mumbled in return and closed his eyes. "... see you later..."

It didn't take long to fall asleep again with his beloved so close. The day was still young so it didn't matter.

Just when someone opened and closed the door again, Ivan blinked into the dim light.

Whoever that had been... they had seen Gil and him.

"Gil... Gilbert..." he whispered, brushing his lips over pale skin.

Gilbert blinked, then opened his eyes. "Hm...?" Slowly he raised his head. "What... what is it? Ah..! Are you ok?"

"Yes... yes, I'm fine..." Ivan answered carefully, so he wouldn't startle his lover. "Don't worry... but I guess we should get up."

"Ah... why? What... what is the time...? Is it already late...?"

"I don't know. They took my watch." He sighed, sinking back into the pillows. "But someone was here... I'm not sure if it was a nurse or someone else."

"... oh..." Gilbert sat up and looked at the door. "I'll talk to the doctor then. We'll leave."

"That would be nice." Reaching out Ivan grabbed Gil's wrist. "Hey Gil... thanks..."

"Don't thank me. I... I'd rather have you home and safe... and far away from Him."

To be reminded of his boss made Ivan's smile crumble. "Yes. Me too... If you have troubles out there send them to me. Yes?"

"Ok." Gilbert smiled a bit. "Don't worry. It will be alright."

"Hope so. If not I'll come out there... promised."

Gilbert just nodded and stepped outside, searching for a doctor. He found a nurse, though.

"Hey, I need to talk to the doctor who is responsible for Mr. Braginsky."

The young woman held a file board pressed to her chest, trying not to stare at Gilbert. "The... ehm... the ward round will be in an hour. Please wait until then."

"You know, he wants to leave. And I'll take him with me. But I'd rather talk to the doctor first."

She blinked. "Mr. Braginsky is in no state to leave yet. He has to stay for at least two weeks until his arm can be surgically rebuild."

"Well, he doesn't want to stay. And if you'd know him like I do, you'd know you can't keep him from leaving."

The nurse stared at Gilbert, lips pressed into a thin line. "I'll get the doctor. Wait here." And she turned to hurry away, searching the doctor, before she made a call.

Gilbert sighed a bit. Step one was done, but now the hard part would follow...

It didn't take too long until a grim looking man came down the hallway. He looked everything but please. "Are you the one who wants to get General Braginsky out?"

"No. I'm the one who's gonna help him getting out. He's the one who wants to leave" Gilbert replied.

The doctor crossed his arms. "It doesn't matter. He can't get out. There are more surgeries planned for his arm and he lost too much blood to be allowed to get up right now."

"Well, he doesn't care. He wants to leave. And I'm sorry, but I'm in no position to stop him."

"I guess you should be freed from your orders for now. It seems the medication got to his head. It happens to people with serious injuries. It's part of the aftershock. So don't think about it. We'll give him something to calm down."

"If you drug him, I'll get him out myself, just to make that clear" Gilbert said with firm voice.

The doctor glared at him. "I'm not sure you understand in which state General Braginsky is right now. His arm is literally just bones with few muscles left. He'd be in unbelievable pain without the right medication, also the blood loss needs to be watched. The risk of a system breakdown is too high."

"Do you want to explain this to him? He wants me to get him out. I want him to be safe from someone's spies. So... yeah. I'm not sure if this is debatable."

"Debatable... Did you even listen to what I just said? You won't move a finger. I won't allow him to leave and if you sleep better this way I'll tell him exactly that as well."

"Yes, I'd sleep better then."

Gilbert wouldn't admit it... but he knew the doc was right. It would be better if Ivan stayed here. At least a bit longer...

But how should he tell him that...?

"Fine" the doc growled and stepped past him to Ivan's room. He didn't even knock before he entered and the door fell shut behind him again.

Gilbert sighed and waited outside. Maybe this would be better...

For a while nothing was heard from inside. It seemed they talked quietly. But soon enough voices were raised and just a moment longer before something shattered with a loud noise on the door and the alarm light above the door blinked frantically.

Gilbert's eyes widened and he stormed into the room. "Ivan!"

Ivan sat in his bed. His expression torn between pain and anger he stared at the doctor, who stared back from beside the door.

"I said no! And it will stay like that! If you can't stay calm, you'll be put to sleep!" the man threatened just to duck under another water bottle flying his way.

"Stop this! Both of you!" Gilbert stepped in between them. "You won't drug him, I told you that!"

"You're not in charge here! You'll be escorted out!" the doctor shouted and rushed out, before something else would hit his head.

"Goddamn idiot!" Ivan growled quietly, pushing his legs out of bed.

Gilbert bit his lip and got closer. "Ivan... Think about it one more time, ok? He's right about your arm."

"I don't fucking care!" His bandaged arm didn't listen, so Ivan had to pull it with him. Gritting his teeth he tried not to show pain as he grabbed his elbow to support the useless limb. "I'll leave now and there's nothing he can do about it."

"Look at me and tell me you've thought this through!" Gilbert begged. "You might lose your arm like this... tell me you thought about that and I'll take you out, ok?!"

Ivan glared at him, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I thought this through and I won't lose my arm! Yes. It might take longer to heal, but I'll take that if it means I can be home with you and the people I love and not watch out what I do or say because someone will see and tell my boss!"

Gilbert looked at him and sighed softly before he grabbed his good arm and put it around his shoulder.

"I don't know if they'll let us leave... but we'll try."

Ivan let him help, but looked to the side. "You think I'm stupid for wanting to leave... just like he does. Right?"

"I'm just... not sure if it's the best for you."

"The best for me? So this is the best for me? Staying in a hospital full of spies?"

"I mean for your health... never mind... Let's just go before it will be impossible."

Ivan clenched his teeth, pouting. But he did lean on Gilbert and tried his best to stay upright, even if the world turned around him and brought the pain back to him.

"... you'll tell me if it's too much, ok?"

Gilbert stepped outside the room with him, looking around. "Come... this way... let's try not to look too suspicious."

"... n-not too... s-sus... piscious...? A-are you k-kidding me...?" Ivan pressed through his teeth. Maybe it was a bad idea, but now it was too late and they had to hurry before the doctor came back.

They couldn't know that the man received new orders that very moment.

Gilbert bit his lip, but then his eyes found something. "Here... sit down...!" he hissed as he dragged Ivan to an abandoned wheelchair at the wall.

"... w-what...?" Ivan blinked before he found himself in said chair. This was not acceptable...! He didn't need a wheelchair! He...!

He didn't complain... Walking was too hard. So he looked down, ashamed and in pain.

"Just shut up" he whispered. "Like this we won't drag as much attention towards us!"

Or so Gilbert hoped at least.

Ivan just bit his tongue. From the corner of his eyes he saw a nurse rushing away. "... h-hurry, Gil..."

"Yes, yes! Just shut up!" Gilbert sped up a bit, trying not to overdo it though. They couldn't raise attention...! But they had to get out...

"Damnit..." he hissed, pushing him into the next elevator.

The pain blurred Ivan's view. He almost regretted wanting to leave, but he really wanted to go home... and he had pulled Gilbert into this mess already.

Reaching out with his good arm he hit the button to the lowest level. There was ruckus to be heard when the doors closed behind them.

"... goddamn..."

"Calm down..." Gilbert said. "We need to distract them. Do you think they'll wait for us down there?"

"... no... I don't... think so... they need to... alarm everyone... first..." Ivan leaned back into the wheelchair, not sure if he should grab his vibrating arm or not. "I'm... I'm sorry... f-for this mess..."

"Don't apologize... its ok." Gilbert looked at the signs. One more floor. "Try to act normal down there, ok? Don't catch their attention."

He smiled crooked and grabbed his arm to put it on his lap. Ivan couldn't help a hiss, taking deep breaths to calm the pain down again.

"It's ok… At home, our doc will give you painkillers but also a scolding. Keep that in mind, yes?"

"... I-I... I know..." Ivan whispered, trying to look more confident than he was.

The doors opened and for a moment Gilbert expected guards to grab them.

But nothing happened.

"... quickly..."

The floor was empty and no one seemed to care for them. Something was wrong, but Ivan was in too much pain to notice that.

"... a... a taxi...?"

"Yes." Gilbert pushed him out of the elevator and through the hallway, looking as if he'd knew exactly where to go and why.

Well, he kinda knew, but... whatever.

He pushed Ivan through the entrance door and out of the hospital, taking a deep breath. "So far so well..."

Ivan held his breath all the way, fearing someone would come and take him back. But there was no one.

"T... taxi...! Taxi!" he called out to a parking car not too far away. There was always someone waiting outside the hospitals.

Gilbert signed the driver to stay inside while he helped Ivan to get in. "It's ok, I'll handle this" he said in accented Russian, before he folded down the wheelchair and put it into the trunk - they probably needed it at home.

Meanwhile Ivan just focused on breathing. The medication they had given him faded with all the moving. So he leaned in the gap between door and seat, making himself as comfortable as possible while he waited for Gil.

The taxi driver glanced into the rear mirror and frowned worried. "He seems pretty hurt." he said when Gil finally got to the open door. "You sure he's supposed to leave the hospital?"

"Yes, he is. They threw him out because he couldn't pay them. So we're going somewhere else, where they will help him" Gilbert stated, as he closed the door behind him.

"Ah..." Once more the man glanced into the mirror and then at the albino. "But you can pay me?"

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "I guess a drive will cost a lot less than the treatment he needs, right?" But just to make sure that guy wouldn't throw them out the next moment, he raised some money. "I can pay you, yes."

"Alright." The driver nodded and started the engine, driving onto the street. "Where to, then?"

Ivan watched them from the backseat, fighting to stay awake. It was hard. The world still turned but he trusted Gil. He'd bring him home.

Gilbert told him their destination and then leant back with a sigh. He carefully took Ivan's hand to squeeze it.

Soon...

For a little while Ivan squeezed his hand back, before all strength left him and he slipped into unconsciousness. The darkness was soothing and it didn't hurt at least.

It was a long way home, or it seemed like this to Gilbert. He tried to stay awake, but sometimes couldn't stop himself from dozing off.

When the taxi finally stopped, he looked around almost confused. "Ah... we're there...?"

"Yes." The driver turned to them and gave them both a pitiful look. "Want me to get someone out to help with the big guy?"

"Yes, please..." Gilbert smiled tiredly. "Ask for Toris. He'll help."

"Alright. Wait here." And the man went to ring and get that Toris-guy.

Gilbert got out and set up the wheelchair. Then he opened Ivan's door, touching his leg slightly. "... are you awake?"

Ivan didn't react immediately. He just blinked after a moment and frowned confused.

"... where...?"

Gilbert smiled a bit as he held out his hand. "We're home..."

"... home...?" His throat was dry and he felt sweaty, still Ivan smiled at the word. Taking Gilbert's hand he sat slowly up, hearing footsteps coming fast closer.

"G-Gilbert! Ivan! What the...?!"

Gilbert looked at Toris with an apologizing smile. "I'm sorry" he mumbled. "I couldn't make him stay there..."

Toris bit his lip to not curse when he saw Ivan. He looked terrible, but Gilbert didn't seem much better. "I'll take him... go in and... and get the bed ready." he muttered and shoved Gilbert in direction of the door.

"A-ah...? Ok..? Be careful with him, yes?" he said lowly and looked at Ivan before he stepped inside.

"Of course I will." And Toris turned to Ivan, murmured something about being unreasonable and stupid.

Inside Eduard waited and blinked when he saw the German. No one had expected him to come back home any time soon.

"Gilbert? What's wrong? Why are you here?"

"... I brought Ivan home" he explained. "I couldn't make him stay... and somehow I think it's the right decision... but... he's hurt and..." He sighed deeply, feeling so exhausted all of a sudden. "I don't know what to do."

Eduard decided to not give any comment, but his expression was an open book. He didn't agree with the decision to get Ivan home yet. "I guess you should rest. And I will call the doctor?"

"Yes... please." Gilbert ran his hand through his hair and walked upstairs. "I'll get Ivan's bed ready... he needs to sleep..."

"Ok." Eduard looked after him before he hurried to the telephone.

It didn't take long after Gil had climbed the stairs, that he could hear groaning and panting coming after him. Ivan had a lot of trouble climbing the stairs, even with Toris' help. Unfortunately no one could help him on his bad side.

Gilbert had prepared the bed and waited at the stairs now.

"Is it ok? Shall I help? Are you ok?" His voice was filled with concern and he didn't even know what to do, HOW to help at all. "Are you in pain, Ivan?" What a dumb question...

Ivan tried to answer, but it took too much air. He just clung to Toris, shaking his head slightly as they passed Gilbert.

"... he's hot..." Toris said lowly, glancing at Gilbert. "This is not good."

Gilbert bit his lip as he followed them and helped Ivan to sit and then lie down. "I'll get some painkillers..." he mumbled.

"No..." Toris looked at Ivan and chewed on his lip. "You stay... I get pills and cold water. Make sure he won't get upset." With that he turned around, rushing out of the room.

Gilbert fell silent and sat down on the edge next to Ivan, squeezing his hand. "... was it the right thing to do...?" he whispered and kissed him carefully.

"You'll be fine again... right? You promised..."

His breath went heavy and Ivan tried everything in his dizzy state not to move. Moving hurt. And it was so warm...

Opening his eyes he looked up to Gil, smiling slightly as he felt the kiss. "... G... Gil..." he whispered.

"I'm here... I'm here, Ivan. I won't leave... but you... you don't leave, either… ok?"

"... l... leave...? ... n-no..." It was just a whisper as he squeezed Gil's hand. "... just... n-need to... r... rest..."

"You'll be fine... right? You'll be fine again... and everything will be alright" Gilbert whispered against his lips. "Promise me... promise me or I'll take you back to the hospital..."

Ivan's mind didn't work as fast as he was used to, so he didn't understand anything. His mind felt like filled with cotton, hot cotton and pain. "... promise..." he whispered anyway, leaning a little in to touch Gilbert's lips. They felt cool against his hot skin.

"Thank you..." Gilbert gave quietly back and kissed him again, softly, with all the worries he had.

"Toris will be back with the painkillers soon... they'll take down the fever, too... you'll be alright..."

Ivan just smiled without a word, nodding the slightest. He was tired...

As if he had heard Gilbert's words, Toris knocked quietly at the doorframe before he came in with a bowl of water and the pill jar. "Here is everything... How's Ivan?"

"... not good..." Gilbert mumbled and helped Ivan to sit up a bit. "Come... take a pill... you'll sleep better then..."

Toris sat down on the other side of the bed, soaking a cloth in cold water, while Ivan took one of the pills with Gilbert's help. Ivan wasn't sure what was going on, but he trusted Gilbert enough to just do what he said.

"... Gil...?" he whispered after he had gulped the pill down with some wonderful cool water. "... why... is it... so... warm..."

"You're feverish" Gilbert said. "It will go down... don't worry... you should drink a bit more..." He kissed his temple and held out the glass for him again. "Come... try..."

"... ah..." It seemed to make sense what Gilbert said; still Ivan glanced at the glass unsure. "... what...?"

"Drink, Ivan. You need to drink more." The fever would make him sweat... He needed this.

"... oh... yes..." Putting his hand on the glass Ivan leaned a little closer, sipping on the water. It felt good in his sore throat. Sighing content he looked up when it was empty. "... more?"

Gilbert smiled a bit and looked at Toris. "Do you have more?"

Toris nodded slightly. "I have more outside. Here..." He held out the wet cloth for Gilbert. "I'm back in a second."

"Thank you, Toris..." Gilbert mumbled and took the cloth, stroking Ivan's forehead with it a bit to take away some of the heat.

Toris just smiled slightly and left.

The touch with the cool cloth felt good and made Ivan sigh relieved. After a moment he looked up again. "... I... have the... feeling... I... did... something stupid..."

"... yes..." Gilbert whispered with breaking voice. "But it's ok... it was my fault... we'll... we'll manage somehow."

Despite his mind being fuzzy and hot, making it hard to think, Ivan frowned protesting. "... don't... be silly..." he mumbled, reaching slowly up to touch Gilbert's cheek.

"I shouldn't have..." Gilbert closed his eyes and shook his head. "Don't worry... we'll take care of you..."

"... Pru... Prussiya..." Ivan tried to move a bit, turning a little to the side maybe and reach Gilbert better.

"Don't move, Ivan..." Gilbert whispered. "You need to rest..."

"... not... hngh... not when... you... make that... that face..." he gave back. His chest hurt just like his arm and it was still so warm, but Ivan tried to roll on his side anyway.

Gilbert pushed him on his back again. "I said, don't move." He tried to smile. "It will be ok. But you have to get better again..."

He gritted his teeth, feeling burning pain running through his body for the unwanted movement. "... I... I w-will..." Ivan pressed out, trying not to breathe, not to move, not to do anything to make the pain worse.

Gilbert leant down and kissed him softly. "The painkillers will start to soothe your pain, soon... I'll stay with you. You should try to sleep a bit."

Ivan wanted to answer him, maybe kiss him back - his stomach told him that kisses were good - but it took too much strength he didn't have that moment. So he just looked up to his beloved, trying a smile twisted in pain, before he closed his eyes. The exhaustion was too much.

Slowly Gilbert lied down next to him, his hand resting on Ivan's chest, hoping that he wouldn't hurt him.

This had been a bad idea... maybe one of the worst he ever made...

"Lyublyu tebya, Ivan... I'll stay with you... don't worry..."

Ivan didn't hear it anymore. The rushed decision to go home had taken its toll.

However Toris heard it. He had waited at the door, not wanting to bother them. Putting the water jug on the shelf by the door, he turned around to leave quietly.

Some time passed. Minutes or maybe hours? And Ivan became restless in his sleep. The fever was rising and despite the painkiller there was an aching in his destroyed arm, making everything just worse. Groaning quietly he turned his head from side to side, without waking up at all.

Gilbert looked down at him, stroking his cheek. "Ivan, wake up... you can take another pill..." he whispered, his heart clenching at the sight.

He didn't wake up, but he calmed a little for the touch. Breathing in short, heavy gasps Ivan's body tried to fight the fever and pain. His lips moved without a word, telling of dark fever dreams.

"... damnit..." Gilbert sat up a bit. "I'll get some help..."

Carefully he climbed out of the bed and hurried to the door.

"Toris!"

Downstairs Toris looked up from the telephone. The person on the other side of the line whispered in a pressed voice. It was hard to understand him, but this was important.

Biting his lip Toris turned back to his call. This would be done in a minute

... just wait a minute...

Gilbert frowned. Usually, Toris would reply quickly?

Slowly he closed the door and rushed through the hallway and down the stairs.

"... yes... yes, it's no rumor..." Toris clung to the speaker, trying to speak quietly to the other. "... he's terribly hurt... what? No! ... I said no. Just because Ivan is hurt doesn't mean it's possible... not yet..."

Gilbert frowned. What did that mean...?

He didn't like the sound of this.

Slowly he came closer.

"... you stay calm and hidden from the them... no open actions in the next weeks. It might result in a breakdown..." Toris sighed deeply as he listened to the other. "... I need to go now. I was called and-" He noticed the presence behind him more, than he heard it. Slowly he looked over his shoulder.

Gilbert looked at him with unreadable expression. "... you should hang up now..." he mumbled.

Toris did it without another word. Glancing to the side, straightening his clothes he avoided meeting Gilbert's eyes. "How much did you hear?"

"I heard enough to understand that you're working against Ivan..." he said lowly.

"That's not true..." Toris gave back quietly.

"Then what is the truth?"

As he finally looked up again Toris' expression was firm. "I work against this system and for my people."

"You know, that technically IS working against him... and it's treason..."

"I know. What will you do now, Gilbert? Tell Ivan?"

Gilbert closed his eyes. "He can't take that... not now and probably not anytime at all... so... no. I won't."

Toris bit his lip and looked down again. "You have to believe me, that I have my reasons... and that I don't want to hurt him."

"I'd be very disappointed if you'd say otherwise..." Gilbert looked at him. "I won't tell him. But if you hurt him... I'll hurt you. And that's a promise."

"I know. I'd be disappointed if you'd say otherwise" Toris gave back, honestly. This was not the time to explain this situation to Gilbert. Not now that Ivan was sick and Gilbert so much in love.

"I heard you calling me... What's wrong?"

"He's in pain and his fever is worse, I think... I... I need your help" he said lowly.

Immediately Toris' gaze went worried upstairs. "... that's not good. Maybe we should call the doctor again. He should have been here an hour ago."

"Probably..." Gilbert sighed. "I'm sorry... I should've tried to make him stay there" he whispered.

"Yes, you should have." He grabbed the speaker again, asking the woman on the other end to connect him with their doctor. While he waited for an answer Toris glanced at the other. "I understand Ivan's reasons... but you've been there. You know how bad it got him."

"... I know..." What could he say? He had no excuses for what he did...

"We need to make it good again..." Toris whispered just before someone spoke on the speaker and he got back to his slightly worried friendly self, asking for the doctor's whereabouts.

"Yes..." Gilbert stepped back and walked upstairs again to return to Ivan.

Quietly he entered the room. "I'm back."

There was a gasp and quiet shuffling. With wide feverish eyes Ivan stared at him and the door like a hunted animal. "... you're back..." His voice was hoarse and pressed.

Gilbert bit his lip and came closer, took his hand. "I'm sorry. I just... I had to get some help."

Ivan's fingers closed surprisingly tight around Gilbert's hand. "... you left... they... d-did they take you... away...?" It didn't seem as if he listened at all.

"No. No, Ivan, no one took me away." He stroked over his hand with a thumb. "Don't worry. I'll always return to you."

Pulling Gilbert's hand to his chest, Ivan looked up to him terrified. "... don't leave... promise... me that you... that you won't leave..."

"I won't leave." Leaning down Gilbert kissed him softly. "I'm here, Ivan."

That calmed him a little; still Ivan clung to his beloved as if he was afraid of losing him.

"... stay... please stay..." The fever had given him dark dreams and left him with the fear of seeing the people he loved vanishing.

Silently he stroked Ivan's cheek, kissing his warm forehead. "I'll stay. Don't worry, Ivan. Everything is alright..."

As if Ivan didn't believe him he repeated those two words again and again. 'please stay' It was like a mantra to him, while his eyes never left Gilbert's face, while he never let their connection break.

He didn't even notice Toris knocking quietly at the doorframe.

Gilbert raised his head. "Come in..." He still held Ivan's hand, stroking him. He was worried...

Toris noticed his expression and stepped beside him to smile down on Ivan.

"Vanya, why aren't you resting?" he asked carefully, finally getting the Russian's attention. "You worry Gilbert. Do you want that?"

"T... Torya?" Ivan mumbled and tightened his grip around Gilbert's hand enough to hurt.

Gilbert twitched a bit. "Ah... Ivan, calm down. You should listen to Toris and rest a bit."

Toris bit his lip. He had seen that expression in Ivan's eyes before. Two times he had seen it already...

"Vanya." Carefully he put his hand on Gilbert's and Ivan's. "Don't you feel it? You're hurting Gilbert."

Violet eyes shot back and forth between the two men.

"It's ok. Gil will stay here with you. No one will go away."

"Ivan, it's true." Gilbert said lowly. "I'll stay with you. Promised..."

"See? Gilbert promised." Toris tried the most reassuring smile he could manage and after another moment of looking at Gil and Toris in silence, Ivan softened his grip, even took his hand back.

"Thank you, Vanya. Gilbert? Can I speak to you for a second?"

"Yes..." Gilbert leant closer and kissed Ivan's forehead. "Rest a moment and don't worry. I'll return in a minute, ok?"

"... o-ok..." Ivan seemed calmer now. Or maybe he tried the shaking smile to sooth Gilbert's worries, because he had understood that something wasn't right.

Chewing on his lip Toris stepped back and waited outside.

Gilbert kissed him again and followed Toris silently.

"He's feverish..."

"That… and he's afraid" Toris gave back, rubbing his arm as he glanced at the door. "Whatever is going on in his head right now... He's honestly afraid."

"He asked me if I was taken away by 'them'" Gilbert said.

"Them...?" He sighed deeply. "Listen... You can't know it since you've not been there at that time but I've seen that expression before. Ivan is afraid... He's probably afraid of losing you like he lost people before."

"He won't lose me. I'll... make sure he'll understand that. He's just confused right now."

"Maybe, but be careful. I have the feeling he doesn't know what he's doing at the moment."

"What do you mean by that?" Gilbert asked confused.

"He... Ivan..." Toris hesitated, searching for the right words. "He can be violent if he's afraid."

"You think I don't know that?"

"I'm not talking about a simple slap, Gilbert…"

"I'll be careful." Gilbert sighed a bit, then smiled slightly. "Thanks..."

Toris shook his head. "I don't want you to get hurt... or Ivan. So... Oh, by the way. The doc should be here in a bit."

"I see. Maybe he can do something." Another sigh. "He'll yell at me, probably. And the worst thing is, he's right with it."

"Yes." Toris smiled crooked. "I'll make sure he scolds you after he looked for Ivan."

"Heh... great." Gilbert smiled sheepishly and sighed. "I should go back."

Toris nodded. "As said, be careful. If Ivan hurts you... he'll hate himself once he's clear again."

"I'll be careful. Don't worry, I don't want to be hurt, either" Gil said with a weak smile.

"Gil..."

Toris bit his lip at the voice from inside the bedroom. "I'll bring the doc up once he's here."

"... Gil... Gil where... where are you...?"

"Yes. I'm coming, Ivan!" He looked at Toris again, before he entered the room. "I'm here. Don't worry..."

Ivan reached out for him once he saw Gilbert again. His eyes seemed desperate.

"Where've you... been?" he whispered.

"I was just outside, talking with Toris" he said, sitting down at the bed. "I told you, I won't leave you."

"... they always... say that..." Ivan closed his eyes, pulling Gilbert's hand once more to his chest. He wanted... needed to feel him.

"But I mean it" Gilbert gave back. "Hey, Ivan...? The doc will come soon. When he's gone I'll lie down with you, yes?"

He glanced at Gilbert through half open eyes. "... now... please..."

"He will yell at me for this..."

"... please... I feel... feel so lost... and... it hurts..."

Gilbert sighed. "No. Ivan... look, I'll stay with you. I'll hold your hand, but... I won't lie down with you until the doc had an eye on you." He leant down to kiss his cheek. "This will do for that while."

For some reason this rejection hurt Ivan. His feverish mind didn't want to understand and he turned his head away.

"Don't be like that..." Gilbert whispered against his cheek, brushing his nose against the hot skin.

The touch made him shiver. Still Ivan didn't look back up. "... you'll... leave... just like... every one..."

"I promised, Ivan... I love you. Why would I leave you? Don't be silly."

Ivan turned back, feeling Gilbert's lips so close to his. "... swear..."

"I swear" he whispered and brushed his lips against Ivan's, just a bit.

"... ok... ok..." The tension left his body with the vow and the kiss. Finally Ivan could relax a bit more and he leaned into the kiss, taking strength from it.

"I'm with you" Gilbert whispered, kissing Ivan again and again. "I'll take care of you and everything will be ok again. Just like I promised."

Ivan believed him in this moment. Gilbert was the closest to him. He could trust him. Right? Gilbert would never leave... Not like everyone else he loved.

A knock at the door made him sink back into the pillow.

Gilbert remained for a moment. "This is the doc... Don't worry..."

He leant back. "Come in!"

The door opened and the doctor slipped in. He looked everything but pleased. His expression was even extremely sour, but he didn't say anything of what was obviously going on in his mind.

"Good morning. I guess you remember the procedure?" he said, glaring at the German.

Gilbert got up from the edge of the bed. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked, looking at Ivan with worried expression.

"I'd prefer to work in peace. It won't be a nice sight." The man put his bag down beside the bed, watched attentive by violet eyes. "Besides, I need some things."

"What things?" He was still holding Ivan's hand, squeezing it slightly.

Putting his hand on Ivan's forehead the doc remained silent for a moment, while Ivan's grip tightened.

"I guess you have no intravenous bottle holder somewhere in a corner, so I need something like a hat-stand. He needs an infusion against the fever."

"I'll get one" Gil looked at Ivan, putting his hand on his. "Let go, Ivan... I'll be back in a moment."

Violet eyes stared at red ones and it seemed as if Ivan didn't want to let go ever again. However he did in the end.

Gilbert smiled and kissed his forehead. "I'll be back really soon. Promised. A Prussian never breaks his promises."

While they talked the doctor had pulled up a syringe and used the moment of distraction to inject the sedative. It was strong enough to not give Ivan any chance to protest. Instead his eyelids got heavy and with Gilbert's name on his lips he fell asleep.

Gilbert sighed lowly. "Gott sei Dank..." he mumbled.

"It's not easy. Is it?" the old man asked, glaring at Gilbert from the corner of his eyes. "In a hospital people would have been able to care for him."

"I know that..." Gilbert murmured.

"Really? Then why did you bring him here? You can't care for his wounds properly here. You can't keep it as clean as it needs. He'll die of sepsis several times."

"He didn't let them help him. He didn't let them close enough."

"Then they would have put him into artificial coma." The man sighed deeply, walking around the bed to unwrap the bandages.

"That would've just made him more paranoid, once he's awake again..." Gilbert gave back quietly, looking at the sleeping man.

The doc huffed, pulling the soaked bandages carefully from the raw flesh. "And this is better? It bled recently."

Gilbert rubbed his eyes. "No... Of course it's not better! But what was I supposed to do? I tried... he just didn't listen..."

"He never does. I care for this damn house since I left university and he never listened. Still it was the wrong decision. God... Look at this mess."

Gilbert looked at it and covered his mouth with his hand.

"... then... how do you deal with him? How do you make him listen?"

The doctor sighed and pulled some instruments and bandages from his bag. "I ignore his ranting and knock him out if it gets too bad. Fortunately I'm always gone once he wakes up... That's an advantage, I have to admit."

"Yeah... and having those sedatives is one, too."

"I'll leave you some to use. Judging from the report I got at the hospital and all I see here, he should be kept down until it's a bit better. I can't even imagine how much this has to hurt." The man sighed once more as he started to work on Ivan's arm. "You better look away. It's not a nice sight."

"I'll... get the hat-stand and then... then I'll hold his other hand if it's ok, that is..." he whispered.

"Yes. He needs that infusion before he burns out. You'll have to repeat this the next days, but I'll make some notes for when I'm not here." He looked up at Gilbert's last comment. "Sure."

"Thanks for your help..." Gilbert slipped out of the room and suppressed a scream.

Damnit. Damnit! Why didn't he stay stronger...? Why did he allow Ivan to leave?

He clenched his fists and went to get the needed hat-stand.

It took him about five minutes to rush down and throw the coats on the stand over a chair.

And five more before he had calmed down enough to return to Ivan's bedroom.

"Here..."

"Ah, thanks." The doctor looked up from his work. He was already covered in blood, but still not done with fixing the bleeding. "See that infusion bag there? Put it on the stand, please. I'm with you in a moment."

Gilbert bit his lip and nodded, doing as the doc said.

How's he doing, he wanted to say, but it was a stupid question...

The old man finished what he had done before he came to the other side of the bed. With skilled fingers he attached the infusion to the access on Ivan's hand and adjusted the drop speed.

"Good. This should help the fever for now. Make sure the tube doesn't bend."

Gilbert nodded. "I'll take care of that" he whispered. "Thank you for your help."

With a sigh the doc smiled crooked. "Don't mention it. Listen, I'd prefer if he'd be brought back into a hospital, but I know he doesn't want to. So you and Laurinaitis need to take care of this. I will come back every day to check on him, but there are still many things that need to be done meanwhile."

"What things? Just... just tell us, we'll take care of them!"

"I know. I don't worry about that" he said calmly, soothing. "I'll write down some notes, but he should stay drugged for some days. In hospital caring for the nutrition and hydration would be easy, but here you need to make sure he drinks and gets everything he needs the moments he's conscious enough not to choke on anything."

Gilbert nodded. "Yes... ok. I'll take care of that, promised."

He stepped closer to the bed and caressed Ivan's hair.

The doctor watched him with an almost pitiful glance. "He'll be alright but even being a nation won't keep him from needing time to heal. I guess in some days his wounds will be good enough to let him wake up fully again."

"That sounds too good to be true..." Gilbert mumbled and smiled a bit. "He's in a lot of pain, right? And with the fever... he's not clear in his mind..."

"Right. If he'd been a human I'm sure he would have died of several things including the shock. So it's better to let him sleep now and keep the wake phases short. He should be too weak to struggle, so don't worry about that. However... No, he's probably not clear, so don't take to heart what he says or does."

Gilbert blinked. "What..." He bit his lip and looked at Ivan. "I'll try to remember that." He wasn't sure what to expect, but he knew it would be hard.

"Good. As said, I'll come back every day, so don't worry." And he patted Gilbert's shoulder carefully, leaving unintentionally some bloody stains there. "I'll give him new bandages and then I'm done for today. You should rest later as well."

"I'll try... Maybe I'll get a camp bed over here so I can be with him when he wakes up."

The doc sighed. "I said rest and I mean it. Are you sure you'll get rest here?"

"What am I supposed to do? I can't leave him. Last time he got so upset!"

"He's sleeping and he will sleep for some more hours. This whole procedure will take very long and if you want to care for him, you need your strength."

Gilbert looked at Ivan and sighed. "If he's asleep I can as well sleep here..."

Sighing defeated the man shrugged. "Do as you want. You nations are stubborn as stone." And he went back to finish his work and write everything down that needed to be done.

"Sorry..." Gilbert mumbled and sat down, burying his face in his hands.

He was tired and exhausted. He just wanted this nightmare to end...

The doctor worked quickly and after putting everything that was needed on Ivan's desk at the window, he came back to Gilbert's side. "Here." He held out a small white pill for him. "That will make you sleep better."

Gilbert looked at the pill and bit his lips. "I'll consider it..." He didn't like being drugged if not necessary.

"It's a light sleeping pill. Nothing too bad. Promised."

Gilbert didn't seem to be sure about it, but in the end he nodded and took it. "Ok. Thank you."

He smiled weakly.

"It's alright. I'll come back tomorrow morning and leave the notes with Laurinaitis. Is there something you want to know or need before I go?"

"I don't know... My head is kinda dull. I can't think straight" Gilbert sighed. "I kinda just want to sleep..."

"Then do. You need your strength." And squeezing Gil's shoulder slightly the doctor left.

Gilbert exhaled and looked at Ivan. He leant in to kiss his forehead, then got up to get the camp bed.

He wanted to stay here, even if he knew Ivan wouldn't wake up too soon.

Outside in the hallway Toris came up the stairs. He had taken the doctor's orders and bid him farewell.

"Gil? Do you need something?"

"Yes. I want... I want to get the camp bed. I promised to stay with him, but... I need some rest."

"Ah..." Gilbert did seem exhausted. Toris could imagine how tired he was by now. He didn't felt much better. "Let me help you? I know where it is."

Gilbert smiled softly. "Thanks, Toris... again. I appreciate that." He followed him in silence.

He gave him a little smile and lead Gilbert into a storage room where beside many other things the camp bed was put away. Together they managed to get it out and carry it back.

"Hey Gilbert...? If you want to rest I can stay with him for a while."

Gilbert looked at him for a moment, then lowered his gaze. He considered it... not only because he was really tired but also because he knew, Toris wanted to help, too, and take care of Ivan a bit at least...

"I... Do you think it's ok? I don't want him to get upset."

Ivan probably wouldn't even notice it...

"I think Ivan will understand that you need to rest as well" Toris gave back quietly, biting his lip. "But if the doc is right, he won't wake up properly for some days anyway."

Gilbert nodded again and smiled a bit. "Ok... I'll leave him to you then. Danke, Toris."

He probably wouldn't even need that sleeping pill...

Toris gave his smile back. "No problem. I'll get you as soon as something happens."

Gilbert gave him another smile before he left for his room where he fell into his bed and slipped into sleep almost immediately.

Looking after him for a moment, Toris brought the camp bed into Ivan's room and sat down beside him. With a little sigh he took Ivan's good hand and leaned down to blow a kiss on it. "I'm sorry, Vanya... I'm not Gilbert but I hope it is ok anyway. Until Gil wakes up again... just... until then..."

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _Gott sei Dank – thank God_

 _Danke – thank you_


	16. Consequences

_Authors note: Thank you all for staying with us! There are still people coming along each chapter and we couldn't be more happy. Tell us how you found us, if you feel like it. We're very curious._

 _Also sorry for the rather short chapter. The next one is already in progress and will hopefully come faster... (it's my fav one so far, so stay tuned :) )_

* * *

 **Consequences**

The night passed quietly and Ivan slept like the doctor had promised. Toris let Gilbert sleep as well, giving Ivan his medication himself whenever it was needed.

Just when the doctor had left after caring for Ivan's wound the next morning, Toris went to knock carefully on the German's door. "Gilbert? It's morning."

Gilbert blinked a bit and sat up. "U-uh... how... how long...? What time is it...?" he mumbled as he searched for the clock.

"Gilbert? Can I come in?"

"Yes, sure..." Gilbert yawned and stretched. He didn't feel awake, but he wasn't as exhausted anymore either.

Quietly Toris opened and slipped inside, smiling at Gilbert's tired face.

"Good morning. How are you?"

"Ah... morning? Did I sleep that long?"

Toris nodded slightly. "It's almost 9."

"I see…" Gilbert smiled wearily. "Guess I'm fine. How are you? And... how's Ivan?"

"I'm ok and Ivan..." A sigh left Toris' lips. "Ivan is, too. He slept all night peacefully. He got fever early this morning but the medicine helps. Also the doc said we can let the sedative fade so he can get something for breakfast. I thought you might want to be there when that happens."

"Ah, yes... thank you." With a soft smile Gilbert got up. "I'll be there in a few minutes. I'll dress, get fresh and then I'll come, ok?

"Take your time. I guess it will need a bit until he wakes up." Toris went to the door, where he turned once more. "Besides, there's breakfast waiting downstairs for you. You should eat as well."

Gilbert thought a moment. "I will eat something with Ivan."

"We made kasha for him. I'm not sure he should eat something heavier yet... but of course you can eat that too."

"I think I'll pass" Gilbert said. "But I'll still wait for him."

Toris chuckled quietly. "Still not used to Russian breakfast? But ok. I'll get your breakfast up too. See you in a bit."

"I just don't like slimy food" Gilbert said with a grimace and went to the bathroom to get ready.

When he was dressed, he went back to Ivan's room.

Toris had already brought the food, when Gilbert entered. On Ivan's desk rested a tray with a mug full of coffee and a plate with bread, beside fresh tea and a bowl of the infamous kasha.

Ivan still seemed to be asleep, but his breath wasn't as calm anymore as it had been all night. He was still under strong medication but the sedative faded.

Gilbert got closer to the bed with hesitant steps. "Is he in pain?" he whispered and leant down to take his hand.

"No. I... I don't think so, but he's waking up" Toris mumbled, watching them from afar.

Gilbert leant closer. "Hey, Ivan..." he whispered. "I'm here. Toris is here as well. We're waiting for you."

Ivan's expression changed a bit. He seemed to frown very slightly, but it took him some more minutes until his eyelids fluttered.

"Ivan..." Gilbert squeezed his hand slightly. "Morning."

Blinking slowly into the dim room, Ivan's gaze was glued to the ceiling for a moment, before he searched for the source of that voice. "... il...?"

"Yes... Yes, Ivan, it's me. Gilbert..." The German smiled a bit. "You've slept a while."

"… hn...?" Ivan closed his eyes again, licking his dry lips with an equally dry tongue. "... w... hy..."

Gilbert looked at Toris with frown, then back at him. "Why?" he repeated. "What do you mean, Ivan?"

Dull violet eyes looked up to him once more. His lips moved but there was no full word coming over them. Grabbing the tea Toris came closer and pressed the cup into Gil's hand. "He's confused" the shorter one murmured.

"Yes. I can see that..." Gilbert gave quietly back and sat down next to Ivan. "Come... I'll help you sit up so you can drink something."

Ivan's eyes widened a bit. His good arm moved as if he wanted to keep Gilbert away, but when the muscles didn't listen to him, when he glanced down on his arm to see the needle in the back of his hand, his resistance melted to nothing.

Gilbert frowned and got closer, shoving his arm under his back. "Come... Sit up, Ivan. You need to drink something" he mumbled.

Ivan didn't protest. He just stared at the needle in his skin, connected to a tube and the bag hanging from the hat-stand. Just when he sat half, feeling his wounded arm aching dull at his side, he looked up again. There was a question in Ivan's eyes. He seemed to ask 'why', 'why you'.

Gilbert looked at Toris as if he was asking for help before he turned fully back to Ivan. "Why... do you look at me like that? Why are you so confused to see me...?"

Toris came closer and sat down at the end of the bed, watching Ivan's reaction attentive.

Maybe he couldn't remember? The doc had mentioned that Ivan would probably be confused, still caught in the medicament-induced sleep they had put him in.

Ivan didn't answer. He just looked at Gil in silence, even glanced a moment at Toris, before he found the cup. "... th... irst..."

"Yes..." Gilbert raised the cup to his lips. "Careful. It's still warm..."

Carefully, just as Gil had said, Ivan sipped on the tea. It felt so good in his dry mouth, that he wanted more and with all might he lifted his good hand to push the cup further up.

"Slowly, Ivan... I'm helping you, don't forget that." Still Gilbert let him drink more, hoping he wouldn't drink too quickly.

His eyes shot to the side to rest on Gilbert's face while Ivan gulped the liquid greedily down.

More...

He pushed the cup further, forcing the tea to flow faster... and choked on it.

Gilbert cursed startled. "Damnit..!" He made him bend over a bit, not really daring to slap his back. What if he'd hurt Ivan even more?!

Rushing to the other side of the bed Toris helped holding Ivan, who shook with coughs.

There was no help, he had to take the risk and slap his back. It made the Russian groan in pain, but it helped getting the liquid out of his lungs.

"Are you ok?" Gilbert asked with worried expression. "I told you, you're drinking too fast..."

Ivan nodded barely visible, still panting heavily... and he used the moment that he was still bend over to lift his hand to his lips and pull on the needle with his teeth.

"I-Ivan!"

"W-what-" Gilbert grabbed his hand. "The fuck are you doing?" he gasped.

"... you're not... poi...soning me..." Ivan growled at him. He tried to pull his hand out of Gilbert's grip, but he didn't have enough strength left. "... let... go..."

"P... poisoning?" Gilbert looked at Toris, then back at Ivan. "We're not poisoning you!" He put his free hand on Ivan's cheek, made him look at him. "Why do you think I'd do this to you?"

Toris bit his lip, watching how Ivan tried to turn out of Gilbert's touch. "... you're not... not him... go away... leave me... alone..."

"W-what...?" Gilbert bit his lip. "What... what are you talking about, Ivan? It's me… Gilbert!"

"... you th...ink just... cause I'm weak... that... I'm stupid?" he growled back, unable to shove Gilbert away. "... I... know your... methods... I won't fall for... for you..."

"What... the HECK are you talking about?" Gilbert asked, almost desperate now. "Look at me, Ivan! It's me! Gilbert! Gil! What are you talking about?"

"Gilbert... Gilbert!" Toris interrupted him from the other side, putting a hand on the German's arm. "Don't... He doesn't mean it."

"... I do..." Ivan spat at him. "... you won't... fool me ei... either..."

"Damnit, Toris! If he doesn't recognize us, he won't let us help him!"

"Shut up!" It came out louder and harsher, than Toris wanted. With a jump he was back on his feet and at Gilbert's side, pulling him up and away from the bed.

Gilbert blinked a bit, then looked at Toris angrily. "What are you doing? He pulled out the damn needle! He'll hurt himself!"

"He'll get hurt even more if you try to force him" Toris hissed quietly, glancing over Gilbert's shoulder at Ivan who had fallen back into his pillows. "He doesn't recognize you! I know it hurts, but it doesn't help to try and make him remember. He thinks we want to hurt him already."

"So what shall we do then, tell me!" Gilbert hissed back.

"Staying calm, for god's sake! Look at him!" It was just a pressed whisper. "He's exhausted enough to fall sleep again. We'll replace the needle... We'll give him more sedatives and when he wakes up again, he'll be better."

Gilbert rubbed his eyes, trying to breathe calmly. "... ok... ok, I'm calm...I'm calm..." He looked over to Ivan with pained expression. "We'll just wait..."

"Yes... we'll wait..." Looking at Gilbert's expression, Toris saw the pain which he felt in his own chest. But it didn't help... They couldn't help it. They could just wait and listen to Ivan's mumbled words.

"... I know... you... re there... your... mics are... are badly hid... hidden..."

Gilbert frowned, exhausted and desperate.

"... there are no mics..." he said with tired voice as he sat down on the camp bed, burying his hands in his hair.

Rubbing his arm Toris remained standing. He watched Ivan talking to himself, seeing how his movements got less controlled, less focused. He should have stayed in hospital...

"... you won't... get me... I won't... tell... you where... Gil is... not as... as long as... I live..."

Slowly Gilbert raised his head, looking at Ivan. "... what is he talking there..." he whispered, his voice trembling.

Even if hurt, even if in pain... Ivan wanted to... protect him?

"He seems to think the KGB is after you...? It would explain the mics he mentioned..."

"... as if this wasn't complicated enough..."

"It's not his fault, Gilbert..."

"I know…" Gilbert mumbled. "I'm here, Ivan..." he then said a bit louder, his voice still so tired.

Ivan on the bed turned his head in direction of that voice. It made him fall silent for a moment or two, before he answered. "... Gil...?"

"Yes..." Gilbert raised his head to look at Ivan. "I'm here, Ivan..."

It didn't seem as if Ivan saw or recognized him. His gaze was wandering through the room, searching his beloved.

"... you..." He gulped. "... you... re ok...?"

"Yes..." Gilbert replied with shaking voice. "I'm fine, Ivan..."

"... o... ok..." He closed his eyes, frustrated by the pointless search. "... Gil...? ... don't... don't let them... catch you..."

"... promised... Ivan... I'll be here when you wake up again... ok?"

A relieved sigh was heard and Ivan nodded, sinking fully back into his pillows. He was so exhausted. Why was he so exhausted?

"... ok... lyubov..."

Slowly Gilbert got up and looked at him. "... s-sleep a bit... you're tired... I'll wait for you. "

"... ok... ok..." His voice got quieter with every passing moment, until it faded into low breaths. Ivan was sleeping again.

Once more Gilbert rubbed his eyes before he stepped closer and he put the needle back where it belonged with slightly trembling fingers.

There was no response, not even a twitch as the needle went back into pale skin. Ivan was sleeping exhausted once more, being still so torn from everything that had happened just two days ago.

A hand was put on Gilbert's shoulder.

Gilbert closed his eyes. "... why wasn't I strong enough to make him stay at the hospital..." he whispered.

Why wasn't I strong enough to protect him from that guy...

"He can be very convincing..." Toris gave back quietly. "Don't blame yourself. He'll heal and he'll get better. We just need to be strong now."

"... 'just' ... this is easier said than done." Gilbert sighed a bit and squeezed Ivan's hand. "... he'll heal... and everything will be ok..."

Several days passed without much change. Ivan was sleeping most of the time thanks to the stuff the doc had given them... but nevertheless, Gilbert was worried to the bone.

Whenever Ivan was awake, he was confused, paranoid, and if he hadn't been so exhausted, he'd probably been aggressive, too. So after another rather difficult breakfast experience, Ivan was slipping into sleep again and Gilbert sat next to the bed, his face buried in his hands.

He was tired.

There were footsteps outside the door. Like so many times during the last days, they stopped in front of Ivan's room and there was a moment of hesitation, before someone knocked and a shock of brown hair was shoved through the gap.

"Gilbert...?" Toris asked quietly. He looked just as tired as the German, switching places with him whenever Gilbert needed a break from watching over Ivan.

While Gilbert and he cared for the Russian, the other Baltics kept their distance. Eduard and Raivis did help in fulfilling the others' chores on top of their own, but otherwise they seemed glad to be able to stay away. It made things easier for them, but also lonelier for Toris.

Whenever he wasn't with Ivan or Gilbert he worked on papers from the headquarter by himself. It was something his brothers weren't willing to do and after the doctor had told them he had to give Ivan's boss reports on a regular base, it was no surprise that these papers and files were the only interaction between Ivan's house and the world outside for the time being.

Gilbert didn't raise his head. "Come in... he's sleeping again."

Closing the door quietly Toris came closer and glanced at the resting man. "I heard you arguing. Was it bad again?"

Gilbert nodded. "Yes... he still thinks I'm... I don't know. Someone else... who tries to poison him..."

Toris chewed on his lip, thinking about putting a hand on Gilbert's shoulder... but it wouldn't help. He knew that much.

"Maybe we should lower the amount of his sedatives. Maybe that will help?"

"Maybe... but... I don't know if we do that... we'll have to deal with him more... and he'll be stronger..."

"He's healing, Gilbert. He's healing and will be his old self soon."

"... I know... I know. I'm just... tired..." He rubbed his eyes and looked at Toris with a weak smile. "Sorry. I should be happier about this."

"No... I understand you." Smiling back sadly, Toris finally squeezing Gilbert's shoulder a bit. "It will get better for sure." Then he blinked when he remembered why he had come in the first place.

"I almost forgot... There was a call some minutes ago. It was for you."

"A... a call?" Gilbert looked at him. "Who was it?"

This couldn't mean something good...?

"I don't know. They wouldn't tell me their name." Toris shrugged slightly. He knew who had called. He had recognized the voice. However he wanted Gilbert to find out himself. It would be a pleasant surprise.

"They said they'd call again in some minutes. I guess you should go down and wait for it?"

"... ok?" Gilbert rubbed his eyes again and got up slowly. "I'll... I'll leave him to you then." He smiled a bit. "Thanks, Toris." And with that he walked to the door.

"Don't worry. I watch out for him." Sitting down on the edge of the bed Toris gave him a reassuring smile.

With another soft smile, Gilbert left and walked down to sit next to the telephone.

Who had tried to call him...?

The house was quiet this morning. No one and nothing made any noises. One could hear the dust fall... when the telephone rang loudly and demanding.

Gilbert twitched and cursed lowly at the shock, then picked up the phone.

"Hello...? This... this is Gilbert Beilschmidt."

There was silence on the other end of the line. Just the static could be heard.

"Bruder?"

It took Gilbert several moments to realise what he just heard.

He blinked. Once. Twice.

Then his eyes widened and he almost dropped the phone. "Ludwig?"

"Ja! Ja, it's me!" The relieved smile could be heard in Ludwig's voice and he clung to the phone, so happy he finally made it. "Gilbert... finally..."

Gilbert's mouth opened and closed several times, before he sat down slowly.

"... Ludwig..." he whispered and leant his head against the wall, smiling, then laughing quietly.

"I... I almost forgot how- You sound so different..." His smile faded just a bit. "How are you...?"

"It's not me who sounds different, Bruder... and I'm alright, but you sound tired? Can..." Ludwig hesitated. "Can you talk freely? Is no one around?"

"Yes... yes, I can talk freely... I'm fine. It's just been... a rough week." Gilbert smiled slightly. That had to be the understatement of the day...

Ludwig bit his lip. "I heard about what happened... It had been in the news everywhere. In the meetings they still talk about that... Are you really fine? He... he didn't pull you into anything containing that bomb?"

Gilbert closed his eyes. "No... He did everything to keep me out of this... he's the one who's..." He bit his lip.

What if...

"Are you... alone, too?" he mumbled.

"Yes." Ludwig took a deep breath. "Alfred doesn't know I'm calling... No one does to be honest. They wouldn't have allowed it, but I thought... I thought if Russia is out, I could try."

"He's hurt... and I'm trying to take care of him, but... it's difficult... the pain is driving him crazy..." Gilbert said lowly.

"Crazy...? He's never been quite right in his head. I hope you are careful, Bruder. Don't let him hurt you. You hear me?" Worry spoke from Ludwig's voice.

Gilbert smiled at the ceiling. "Don't worry... he won't hurt me..."

"What makes you so sure? There are... rumors. There are reports about his people and how they're suppressed..."

"I know... I know that. But it's not true. Not... not like this at least." Gilbert sighed and looked to the side. It was complicated. Many things went on without them being Ivan's fault.

"Just... trust me. He won't hurt me... never."

Ludwig was silent on the other side, chewing on his lip. "Ok... I trust you, Bruder. Say... will you come to the conference next week?"

"I... I guess...? I won't make promises... but... since Ivan is probably still knocked out then..."

"Still knocked out? What do you mean? Alfred- the government got a positive answer, when they demanded a conference because of that bomb-incidence."

Gilbert frowned. "... this... are you serious? He's almost not able to sit because of the pain...!"

"We... we got message from Moscow that he's fine and will explain the incident next week."

Gilbert growled. "Is that so...? God, I hate that guy...!"

"Bruder... what's going on over there? If Russia's hurt like you say..." Ludwig bit his tongue. "... maybe it's better if Alfred doesn't know about this..."

"What can I do about it? If Moscow says, he'll come; he'll have to come...!"

"No... Bruder, that's not what I meant. I meant-"

Without warning someone ripped the phone from Gilbert's hand and smashed it back on the base.

"... you... are... giving them... infor... mation...? I knew... you... re a spy..."

Gilbert's head shot up and his eyes widened. "What?! No! That's not what I was doing! Why are you not in your bed? And... where's Toris?"

Ivan growled at him. "... isn't it... b-bad enough... they... got me... last time? Got... Gilbert... last time...?"

He was breathing heavily from getting down the stairs. His eyes glistened with fever and madness and pain from his arm, which hung useless at his side.

"I'm Gilbert! Ivan! What did you do to Toris?"

"Nothing... I did nothing!" he hissed, grabbing Gilbert's collar with his good hand. "You! Y-you brought every... everyone away...! Admit it!"

"I didn't do anything, Ivan!" Gilbert shouted. "It's me! I AM Gilbert!" He looked past him. "Toris! TORIS! Are you ok?!" he yelled.

Ivan twitched at the loud voice, feeling his head vibrate with dull pain. It made him just dizzier than he was already. It made the world darker...

"S-shut... up! Shut up!"

Footsteps got loud and a second later Toris showed up on top of the staircase. "I-Ivan! Gilbert!" He had just left for a minute to get new water, just to find Ivan gone at his return.

Gilbert sighed in relief. "You're ok..." he mumbled, then turned back at Ivan.

"Calm down, Ivan... calm down and look at me! I am Gilbert."

"... d-don't tell me... what to do..." There was anger in Ivan's eyes and gathering his last strength he pushed Gilbert backwards. "Tell me... where you hid Gil! WHERE IS HE?!"

Gilbert stumbled a bit, but caught his balance then. "I'm HERE! I'm standing right in front of you! Open your eyes, Ivan! You know me!"

"... where is he...? ... where?" The yelling gave him headaches. Burying his hand in his hair Ivan held his head, wavering. "... Gil... Gil!"

"I'm HERE!" Gilbert stepped closer and put his hand on Ivan's good shoulder. "Look at me... please, Ivan, look at me!"

In a swift, almost frightened gesture Ivan slapped Gil's hand away. Wide, glistening eyes stared at him without a hint of understanding or recognizing.

Gilbert stared at him for a moment, then reached out for him again. "Please, Ivan... please, look at me... don't you recognize me...?"

Ivan retreated from the outstretched hand, never letting it out of his eyes. He didn't understand... everything hurt and his head didn't work well. Something was wrong... and he felt panic rising in his chest.

"Please..." Another step, Gilbert's eyes pleading. "I love you, Ivan, please, come back to me..."

Something about that man's words, about his red eyes looking so strangely at him, made Ivan hesitate. He remembered something, but he wasn't sure if it was true or just one of these dreams he had all this time. He-

When a hand touched his arm from behind and someone spoke in a soothing voice, Ivan reacted without thinking. He spun around and slapped Toris square across the face, sweeping him off his feet.

"Toris!" Gilbert made another step forward, touching Ivan's shoulder. "Ivan, calm down, please...!"

Ivan stared bewildered at Toris and twitched for the touch, pushing Gilbert away violently. "S-stay away!"

Gilbert stumbled and this time he fell, looking up at Ivan with pained expression. "Please, Ivan...!" he said, reaching out for him again. "Please, wake up...! Come back to me!"

Once more his hand found the way back up into Ivan's hair. He had done something wrong and he knew it somewhere in his throbbing skull. Turning around he staggered to the stairs, sinking down there, stripped of all strength. "... d-damn..."

"Ivan…" Gilbert got back on his feet quickly and crouched down next to him, glancing at Toris to make sure he wasn't hurt.

Toris just made a swift gesture that he was fine, but remained away. He didn't want to risk triggering Ivan even more, but the Russian seemed too weak to struggle anymore.

Tear-filled violet eyes looked up to Gilbert, finally realising and understanding... Something had made click in his brain and it was so clear now all of a sudden.

"... Gil..."

"... yes... yes, I'm here, Ivan..." Gilbert whispered and reached out to touch his cheek. "... I'm here..."

"... Gil... lyubov..." He had hurt him, hadn't he? He had said terrible things those last days.

It was one of those rare crystal clear moments that hit Ivan right in the guts. It brought back memories of what had happened, what Gilbert and Toris had tried to care for him. And this very moment he couldn't believe Gilbert still cared for him, that he still touched him after all of that.

Biting his lip Ivan leaned forward and slumped against his lover, whispering his name over and over again.

Gilbert wrapped his arms around him and carefully pulled him up. "Come... you shouldn't be walking around here... you need to rest, Ivan..." he said lowly.

Ivan clung to him, unable to stand on his own anymore. He just wanted to vanish into the earth. He felt so guilty...

"... 'm sorry... so... sorry..."

"It's ok... it's ok, Ivan... you're just confused..." He stepped forward with him, just enough to reach out for Toris.

"Are you ok?" he mumbled.

"Yes..." Toris gave just as quietly back, grabbing Gil's hand while he rubbed his burning face. Maybe it would become a bruise... Still he stepped closer to help with Ivan.

"Let's get him to bed..."

"... T-Torya..."

"It's ok, Vanya. Don't worry."

Together they managed to carry Ivan upstairs and into his room again. It wasn't easy. Even though his wounds healed, they were still raw and just in the wrong places to help him walk without pain.

"How do you feel, Ivan...?" Gilbert asked lowly once they let him back down on the matress.

Ivan chewed on his lip. "... dizzy... and everything... hurts..." he mumbled, looking to the side.

"It's normal... don't worry..." Gilbert smiled softly. "Do you want to drink something? Or are you hungry?"

"... no..." He shook his head slightly, curling up as much as he dared. Ivan wasn't sure why he had reacted like he had. Just moments ago it had felt right and he had been afraid of the two people he trusted the most... Now he just felt so guilty.

"Ivan... it's alright..." Gilbert said, caressing his head slightly.

"... why... can't this... be over...?" Ivan mumbled miserable. "... I... I hurt you... you two... I don't wanna..."

"Ivan..." Toris sighed sadly. "Don't think about it."

"... it's alright..." Gilbert repeated and leant down to kiss his forehead. "It's just a bruise... and you're in pain and under medication... it's not your fault..."

"... still..." Looking up to his beloved, Ivan felt like crying. The exhaustion was too much. Walking down the stairs and back up had used all of his strength.

"I'm... I'm tired..."

"Then sleep, Ivan. Sleep and... and next time you'll eat with me, ok?" Gilbert stroked his hair, not stopping to smile at him.

Ivan chewed on his lip. "... sleep... with me...?"

Gilbert hesitated for a moment. "Is that... ok?" he mumbled, not sure about it. He didn't want to hurt him even more.

"... please..." Ivan didn't care for pain or consequences. He just wanted to rest in Gilbert's arms and let his warmth chase all these confusing, painful thoughts away. Gilbert had been by his side all the time, Ivan knew that and was thankful, even if he couldn't pronounce his thoughts yet. He longed for some contact, some cuddles to sooth the pain.

Slowly Gilbert nodded. "Ok then... I'll stay with you..." He looked at Toris and there was something like an... apology in his eyes.

Toris noticed the glance and just smiled back, before he turned to leave. Maybe an icepack wouldn't be the worst idea...

"You have to make some space for me, Ivan..."

"... ok..." Moving a little Ivan tried to make some space as requested and waited for the things to come. His head and body vibrated with pain, but he was sure Gilbert could sooth that as well.

Gilbert slipped out of his shoes and lied down next to his lover. He knew all of this wouldn't last long, but he needed some warmth just like Ivan.

"... careful with your arm..." he warned, putting his own around him.

"... it's ok..." Nestling into Gilbert's embrace, Ivan sighed gladly. It was warm... that was all he wanted.

Gilbert smiled slightly and closed his eyes. "I'm with you..." he mumbled and kissed him softly. "I'll watch over you, yes? So sleep now..."

A tiny smile curled Ivan's lips for the kiss and nuzzling his nose against Gilbert's neck, he closed his eyes as well. "... spasibo, Gil..."

"Sleep, Ivan... And don't thank me for that. I love you..."

"... I... love you... too..." he mumbled back, already half asleep. "... ya lyublyu... lyu..."

Gilbert kissed his lips and stroked his back.

I'm here...

I'm with you, Ivan...

And with a sigh he leant his head against the other's forehead.

He was tired...


	17. Rumors fly

**Rumors fly**

After that incident they didn't leave Ivan alone anymore. Every minute someone was with him to calm him down and give him something to concentrate on whenever it was needed.

And they spoke with the doctor, who agreed after a very long discussion that it would probably be better for everyone if the amount of medication was lowered. Ivan was in more pain without it, but he was also more conscious and clear in his head. It was a price he was willing to pay as soon as he understood the situation. It meant he'd not mistake anyone for an enemy anymore…

Ivan got a little better with every passing day and just like Ludwig had told his brother, the headquarter called to order them to the conference. It meant Ivan had no choice to refuse. Instead he had to go there and he had to look strong. In this case 'strong' meant wearing a sling for his arm, while someone shoved his wheelchair from the hospital. No matter how Ivan hated this thought, he was in no condition to walk or stand for long.

The evening before the conference everyone in the house prepared to leave. Toris had even brought the folded wheelchair inside to clean it and make it look a bit more appropriate. Of course they had been denied a new one. It was no big surprise.

What was a surprise however was that this wheelchair didn't want to work with Toris.

"... damn..."

Gilbert passed the room and stopped as he heard him curse.

He raised his eyebrow, coming closer a bit. "Need a helping hand?"

"Ah, Gilbert..." Sitting on his heels, Toris brushed some hair from his forehead. "Yes? Maybe… I guess? I'm too stupid. The mechanism doesn't want to unfold. Any ideas?"

"Hah... well, I don't have much experience with these things, but let's try." He got closer and grabbed the armrest. "Let's try this..." he said and pulled.

Toris smiled crooked, grabbing the metal frame and held it down. Still the wheelchair didn't move much. "What's - with - this - thing?!"

"I thought these were made to be build up easily... and then there's this THING...!" Gilbert crouched down a bit to get better access.

"They should be." Toris was close to cursing, when he noticed a little lever hidden under the seat. "Wait... What's this?" he muttered to himself and pushed it, without really thinking or a warning.

Gilbert blinked, when he heard a sound and the next thing he felt was pain shooting through his head as the wheelchair expanded and knocked him over.

"Gah!"

Toris couldn't react fast enough. Slapping his hands over his mouth he gasped. "Oh damn! Gil!"

Sitting on the ground, Gilbert his hand pressed on the side of his face.

"U-uh... I see stars... is it already night?" he mumbled and pulled back his hand, blinking a bit. "Uh..."

"... oh damn." As soon as Gilbert's hand got down Toris could literally see how his skin darkened. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! I... I'll get some ice. Don't move!" He jumped up to rush to the kitchen.

"H-hu?" Gilbert raised his head and watched him vanish. He blinked again, noticing his view was slightly blurred. "Damnit, that hurt..." He rubbed the hot skin and twitched a bit.

Toris hurried, ripping several things down, while he searched for ice cubes and wrapped them in a towel. After what felt like an eternity he brought the pack back to Gilbert. "Here!"

"... thanks..." Gilbert sighed. "Well... you made it." he said and pointed at the wheelchair.

Toris bit his lip, glancing at the chair. "It was a damn lever. I'm sorry, Gilbert. I didn't want that to happen" he mumbled guiltily. "This... will become a bruise."

"It's ok... Don't worry, Toris." He smiled slightly. "It's just a bruise."

But Toris didn't seem so sure. "Let me see it? I hope it didn't break anything..."

Quietly Gilbert let the towel sink and let him have a look. "I don't think it's that bad. I've had broken bones before, this doesn't hurt enough."

"Still..." Mumbling something quietly to himself Toris leaned in to have a better look. The skin was already swollen and red. It would be a nice shade of blue the next day. "We need to make sure your eye doesn't swell close... I'll get you some painkiller. Ok?"

"It really isn't that bad, Toris" Gilbert said. "I'll just keep it cool and it will be fine."

"But it does look bad" he sighed deeply. "Are you sure that you're fine?"

"Yes. It's just a bruise, Toris..." He touched the skin and winced a bit. "It's not broken. It will get dark and shine, but that's..." Gilbert blinked. "not a problem..."

Or normally it wouldn't have been one.

Toris made a face. "... We have to go to that conference tomorrow. It won't look too well if you show up with half of your face black and blue."

Gilbert buried his face in his hand. "... goddamnit... no, this won't look good..."

"Maybe... maybe we can cover it with some make-up?"

"I don't know... this sounds kinda..." Gilbert looked to the side. Make-up...? That was weird...

"Maybe it won't look that bad tomorrow."

They both knew it would look terrible, but Toris nodded anyway. "Let's hope... Do you want to lie down? I guess your head must hurt now."

"It hurts, yeah... but it's not that bad." Slowly Gilbert got up and rubbed his head. "Uh... maybe... I'll lie down anyways..."

"Careful..." Toris was ready to grab Gilbert's arm if he wavered. "Can you go up on your own? Are you dizzy maybe?"

"No... No I'm not. Thanks... I just... have a headache..." He tried to smile but it probably looked weird.

Toris gave the smile half-hearted back. "There are some of Ivan's painkillers in the bathroom. Maybe that would help?"

This wasn't good... not good at all...

"Yes... probably." Gilbert turned around. His head was hurting and he just wanted to lie down a bit.

Slowly he climbed the stairs and knocked at Ivan's door before he slowly entered.

Ivan looked up from the book he had tried to read, smiling slightly until he saw him. "Gilbert? What... what happened?"

"Toris punched me" he tried to joke and sat down next to Ivan with a groan. "Nah... We failed a bit at setting up the wheelchair then it just snapped open and... well."

"What?" Ivan frowned at first, shaking his head at the attempted joke. "That's not funny. How did you let a wheelchair punch you?"

"I was in the way when it wanted to spread its wings" Gilbert growled.

"Am I supposed to laugh now?" Reaching out he carefully brushed his fingertips over the edges of the bruise. "It looks painful... Are you alright?"

"Yes... It's just a bruise. It hurts, but it will heal quickly." Gilbert looked down. "I'm just worried about tomorrow..."

Ivan smiled crooked, caressing his lover's cheek. "Why? Because we'll fit together then?"

Gilbert looked at him without laughing. "You know what they'll think."

"Yes." Ivan's smile faded. "Let them think what they want... It's not true."

"I know... but... this will..." He sighed. "I don't want them to think this way."

"Gil..." Ivan exhaled quietly, leaning in to blow a kiss on the bruise. "Let them. Let them think whatever they want. There are rumors anyway... But if you don't want them to see it, maybe you should stay here."

"No! I want to come with you!" Gilbert took his good hand and squeezed it. "I want to be there with you. I want to..."

He wanted to say 'I want to protect you', but then he thought 'how can I protect you at all...' and he fell silent.

Watching Gil's expression Ivan felt that there was something sitting on his tongue. He wondered what it was.

"... and... and my brother will be there, too."

"Ah, I see. Then come with me and let them bicker as much as they want. It's rare that you see your brother."

In silence Gilbert leant his head against Ivan's unhurt shoulder. "Rest with me a bit...?"

"Sure, lyubov." Reaching up he brushed his fingers through white hair, cuddling Gil tenderly. "Your head must hurt... come."

"It's not that bad. I'm just... tired..."

Ivan sighed quietly. Pushing his hand under Gil's chin he made him look up to close white lips with his for a moment. "Then let's sleep together."

"Hm... yes..." He sunk back and carefully pulled Ivan with him. "Sleep..."

Making himself comfortable, nuzzling against the other, Ivan leaned his forehead against his lover's.

"Hey Prussiya..." he whispered lovingly. "Ya lyublyu tebya."

"Und ich liebe dich" Gilbert replied, kissing his nose. "... see you later..."

"See you later."

Smiling Ivan closed his eyes. It would be a long day... for all of them.

The night passed quietly, but Gilbert's eye became a deep shade of blue and violet. It wasn't a nice sight but after asking him once more, Ivan gave up to make him stay at home. Secretly he was glad that Gil would be by his side, since he still didn't feel good enough to face any of his former allies.

Just some hours later their car stopped in front of the big building. Jumping out from the front seat Toris got the wheelchair from the trunk waiting patiently for Gilbert and Ivan to get from the back.

Inside Ivan sighed quietly. "I hate it already..."

"Don't think about it, Ivan. You said it yourself, right? Don't worry about the things the others might think..."

He smiled crooked and looked down on his arm in the sling. What kind of image did he give right now? Was this what his boss wanted? Showing how weak he was...? Or what would await everyone who dared to threaten the mighty Soviet Union?

"You're right."

"So don't worry." Gilbert kissed his cheek and helped him get out of the car. "Come. Let's just get this behind us..."

"Yes..."

Ivan sighed for the kiss and let Gilbert help him. Sitting in that damn wheelchair made his stomach curl in embarrassment, but it was better than breaking down in front of everyone because his legs gave in.

Putting on a neutral expression, sitting relaxed as if his situation was something to be proud of, he nodded barely noticeable.

Gilbert exchanged a gaze with Toris and then shoved Ivan inside the big building, walking with straight shoulders.

Don't think about them...

They passed many people. Secretaries, office workers, waiters and they all stared at the trio. Ivan tried to ignore them and their mumbling. He knew what they saw... mighty Russia, so weak he had to be shoved... GDR, beaten up... and Lithuania with his always worried expression.

... great...

They reached the big door to the conference room fast and Ivan took a deep breath, before they entered.

And the whole room fell silent.

For a moment, Gilbert had to suppress the urge to turn around and leave again.

All these eyes that were fixed on them. He could almost hear their thoughts.

But then he just went on to their seats.

Crystal blue eyes widened on the other side of the giant table and fists got clenched. Ludwig needed all of his self-control not to hurry over to his brother.

Ivan knew he was supposed to remain in his wheelchair, but as soon as Gilbert stopped he got up and walked the last step to sink into a proper chair. He didn't want to give them the victory of seeing him defeated.

Alfred stared at him, not even trying to hide it.

"I'm not sure if you look better or worse than I expected" he then said.

In fact, it was both. He had heard about the bomb and he had seen Japan, so he had had an idea about how bad Ivan would've looked. But then he hadn't really expected him to show up here at all.

Ivan raised an eyebrow with a smug smile. "No? What did you expect to see? A missing limb? Half a head maybe?" He chuckled quietly, turning a little to give Gilbert and Toris a sign to finally sit down as well.

Without a word Gilbert and Toris followed that invitation that probably looked like an order to the others.

"Yeah, maybe. I guess I'm a bit disappointed."

Finally, Gilbert's eyes searched for his brother and when he saw him, he smiled a bit.

Ludwig looked good... healthy... strong. And worried.

Gilbert smiled, but Ludwig couldn't give that smile back. His brother looked terrible. What had that monster done to him...? Had he found out? After trying to call Gilbert again and failing every single time, Ludwig had already feared what Russia had done to him. Short before their conversation had been cut, he had heard something strange...

Gilbert could almost hear his worries and he wanted to reassure him, tell him, everything was ok...!

But not now... this was not the time now...

It felt better with Gilbert and Toris by his sides. Ivan felt safer and stronger with their silent support.

"I'm truly sorry. I'll make sure that next time we drop a bomb you'll have a front seat and some ripped off limbs for your entertainment~"

"... are you trying to threaten me?" Alfred growled, clenching his fists.

"Not at all." Ivan leaned his chin on his good hand, smiling sweetly. There was no need to pretend they were friends. "Who would want to threaten you? And why, I wonder. Is there a reason, my friend?"

"No. There's not. But I wonder if that's the case with you, too?!"

Ivan's smile grew a little bit, but his eyes became cold. "No. Who would dare to piss at my leg now that they know what the Union can do?"

"So it was all just a demonstration, yes? Of your power?" Alfred smirked grimly. "What do you want to get from that? So people will be too afraid to," and now he looked at Gilbert, "speak up against you?"

"It was a test. Inventions need to be tested and approved." Ivan didn't need to look up to see what Alfred referred to. "And there is no reason to frighten people. We're a union and we stick together through good and bad. I hear my family out if someone has a problem. But of course you wouldn't know about this concept..."

Alfred snorted. "Yeah, sure. And you'll probably tell me, GDR hit his head at the door, right?"

Gilbert frowned at both, the name and that accusation. "No, that would've been just stupid...!"

Ivan glanced at his beloved, before he turned back to Alfred. "Right. It would have been stupid. Actually he got hit by my wheelchair. It seems this thing fought back."

"Sure, and that doesn't sound stupid and fake. At all."

Gilbert growled. "Well, it was Toris' fault. He's clumsy and I wanted to help, and things happened."

Toris bit his lip and looked guiltily down on his hands.

"Accidents happen and as far as I know we didn't come here to discuss clumsy people or unfortunate events. So, stop talking around the bush and tell me why we had to come here. I'm getting tired of this conversation…"

Alfred and Ivan played a bit longer ball with each other, passing well-hidden or not so well-hidden insults over the table. It was a tense situation. Surprisingly everyone else remained more or less calm, following the duel between the two superpowers with more interest than the declaration about the bomb incident.

It was about an hour later that a break was announced and Alfred finally left the room.

Leaning back into his chair, sighing softly, Ivan glanced over the table. "Gil...?" he mumbled.

Gilbert leant just a bit closer, mumbling just as lowly: "Don't worry... it will be over soon..."

"I know..." Letting his gaze wander over the little group on the other side of the room, talking quietly to each other, Ivan sighed once more. All of this was exhausting…

"Go and look for your brother. We won't stay much longer."

Gilbert bit his lip, hesitated for a moment. "... thanks, Ivan... I'll leave you to Toris for a while then."

And slowly he got up and stepped around the big table.

Ivan waited until Gil was almost there when he got up himself. Immediately Toris was at his side, looking worried.

"Ivan..." he whispered. "What now...?"

The Russian just smiled a little. "Am I not allowed to go to the bathroom?"

Toris blinked. "Wait. I'll get the wheelchair..."

"Oh, don't you dare" Ivan growled just half serious and turned to leave, Toris on his heels.

Listening to the conversation Ludwig's thoughts were all over the place. He didn't notice someone was approaching them, until someone looked up and nodded in Gilbert's direction.

Ludwig's eyes widened and he excused himself to hurry to him.

Gilbert stopped and waited until his brother was in front of him. "Hey..." he said with a soft smile. "I know you hated it when you were younger, but... is it ok if your big brother gives you a hug?"

Ludwig blinked and bit his lip then. "Of course it is ok..." he mumbled.

Gilbert smiled and wrapped his arms around his little, big brother.

"You look good" he mumbled. "I'm glad you're healthy..."

He embraced him back, taking a deep shaking breath. "I'm fine... but you look terrible..." Ludwig whispered. "Is that my fault?"

"What?" Gilbert leant back a bit, looking at him with confusion. "No... Why would it?"

"After that call... I think I heard him shouting at you..." Ludwig explained quietly, searching for a moment for Ivan with his eyes. When he didn't see him, he relaxed a little. "After that I tried to call again... but I never got through. Did he punish you, Bruder?"

Gilbert looked at him before he slowly shook his head. "No, Ludwig... no, he didn't. He yelled at me because he thought I was giving away information that I shouldn't give away... he was confused... under heavy medication... but that's all."

Ludwig didn't seem to believe him. He observed the bruise closer, imagining how much it probably hurt. "Did he... hit you then because he was confused? There's no need to lie to me... I... I just want to know."

In silence Gilbert touched the bruise, wincing a bit. He lowered his gaze and shook his head again. "No. The story I told Alfred, it's true... it was just a really stupid accident..."

The hesitation made Ludwig worry even more. Was Gilbert lying? Ivan was somewhere close by... of course Gil was lying. "I... I'm sorry I asked..." Ludwig mumbled and wrapped his brother once more in a tight embrace to use the closeness and whisper into his ear.

"... we'll free you... there are plans to free you and your people... don't worry, Bruder."

Gilbert blinked, then his eyes widened.

"W-what? What do you mean? I... I don't need to be freed!"

"Psst! Not this loud, Bruder. Please" Ludwig begged quietly. "I know you can't speak freely here..."

"What? Ludwig... no...!" He pushed him back just a bit. "You're wrong with that!"

"I won't let him hurt you even more, Gilbert. There needs to be put an end to it soon."

"You don't understand" Gilbert hissed. "This is not his work... What I told you is the truth, it was an accident...!

Ludwig bit his lip. "I understand." Gilbert couldn't talk freely as expected. "Don't worry."

"No. No, Ludwig, you DON'T understand!" He started to get angry. "He did NOT hurt me. Not in confusion, not in clear mind."

"Gilbert..." He wasn't sure what to do. Ludwig was aware that this place wasn't a good one to talk, but they had no other chance to meet. "It's... it's ok. Don't get angry. I'm sorry. Ja?"

"No, Ludwig, don't be like this...! Yes, I'm weaker than before. I've lost a lot in this war and the economy isn't helping much, but I'll handle that like I did it before. Yes, I have a bruise, but no, that's not Ivan's fault..."

"... Bruder... Bruder, I-"

Arms wrapped around the brothers' shoulders, making Ludwig flinch startled.

"Is this a family reunion?" Alfred asked with a broad smile. "Reminds me of 1945, just that you two are more likeable now."

Gilbert frowned deeply at Alfred. "I don't remember inviting you to this conversation!"

"Wow. No need to spit blood, buddy." He took his arm back from Gilbert, but remained leaning on Ludwig who glanced to the side, embarrassed by Alfred's behavior.

"Seems the Commie taught you well. Huh?"

"No, Ivan actually has nothing to do with that. It's just common sense and manners..." Gilbert said.

"I was talking about the bitching, but well... you've been like that before." The American shrugged slightly. "Did Luddy here talk to you? You know... with a bit of help we could help you in return."

Gilbert raised his eyebrow. "And what kind of help would you expect from me?"

"Oh, dunno. Maybe some info on whom he wants to blow up and when."

"Who says he wants to blow up anyone? It's not like he wanted that bomb in the first place!"

"Ah. See, Luddy? I told you his brainwashing works well." Alfred sighed, turning back to Gilbert. "What do you think a bomb is for? And we're at war right now. You think I'll believe he blew himself up just for fun? No way."

"I am NOT brainwashed!" Gilbert hissed. "And do you really think HE is the one who dropped that bomb? You know very well that we're all following orders! Ivan did not want this!"

"Really?" Alfred's constant smile vanished and with it the sparkle in his eyes. Glaring at Gilbert he fixed him for a moment. "Sure, he didn't want it. Sucks to be hurt and helpless, but convince me he didn't want the missiles and warplanes on Cuba. Come on. Try."

Gilbert clenched his fists. "I don't have to convince you of anything! You won't believe a word I say!"

He looked at them. "Whatever you plan, don't do it. I don't need to be 'freed'...!"

"Bruder!"

"No, Luddy. Let him. Your bro is old enough to know what he's doing. And if that means he gets himself beaten up, it's his problem." Alfred reached out and straightened Gilbert's collar in a mocking gesture. "Don't worry, white boy. We'll leave you there once we freed the world of him."

Gilbert slapped his hand away. "I DON'T let myself be beaten up! Goddamnit, is ANYONE even listening to what I have to say?"

"Not if the stuff coming out of your mouth is that Commie's word. You-"

"Alfred!" It was an angry shout out from the other side of the room. "Hands off. Now."

"IT'S NOT!" Gilbert now screamed and turned his head the next moment. "I can handle this myself, ok?!" He was angry... goddamnit!

Ivan blinked, frowning half angry, half confused. "Gilbert. You come here. Now."

Gilbert glared.

At him, then Alfred. "I'm not done talking with my brother...!"

"Bruder..."

Gritting his teeth Ivan slowly came around the table. His legs hurt already, but he wouldn't give in now in front of everyone.

"Alfred, I want to talk with Ludwig and not with you...!" Gilbert insisted, still glaring at the American.

"Heh..." Crossing his arms Alfred took a step back, unwilling to leave now that Russia was on his way. He had just eyes for Ivan. Gil seemed forgotten.

"Gilbert" Ivan growled lowly once he had almost made it.

Gilbert looked at him.

Don't do this. Not after what they said...!

But he remained quiet.

What was that glare for? Ivan didn't like whatever had happened between Gilbert and the others. Alfred had obviously made him angry and in return Gil had ignored his order. In moments like these no one was allowed to act up and destroy the wall they had build to protect themselves from their enemies.

"What's going on here?"

"Nothing. I was just talking to my brother when Alfred interrupted us."

Ivan glared at the American. "So? What's the reason for bothering them?"

Alfred smirked. "I was just asking if... these kind of accidents happen often at your house~"

"Why, you...!" Gilbert hissed.

A growl rose from Ivan's throat. "Just as often as they happen at your house, Capitalist."

"Goddamnit, can you two leave us alone?" Gilbert grabbed Ludwig's hand. "I haven't seen my brother in ages; I just want to talk to him!"

Ivan blinked at Gilbert and that damn smirk all over Alfred's face. How he wanted to break his glasses right now...

"Fine then. Get lost" he snapped at Gilbert and his brother. "Some people have contracts to discuss."

Gilbert didn't look at Ivan, just pulled Ludwig with him, away from that anger and mistrust...

Just out of the conference room he slammed the door shut behind them and walked on.

Ludwig followed him without a word, looking over his shoulder every now and then. He expected someone to follow them, but no one did.

"Bruder..."

Finally Gilbert stopped.

"... you... you trust me, right...?"

"I..." Ludwig looked at his brother and then down, hesitating a moment before he looked back and nodded firmly. "Ja... I trust you."

"... then why don't you believe my words when I tell you Ivan did not hurt me?"

Slowly he turned around to Ludwig and looked at him with an almost pained expression.

"He'd never hurt me."

"I..." He looked to the side, ashamed of himself. "There are so many rumors... I barely see you or the others from his house. It's... I'm worried. When I think back to the war and what he's able to do... what Alfred says... Are you sure?" Ludwig looked up. "Gilbert... Are you really sure that he'd never-?"

"Yes! Yes, I am! Ludwig, I know what he CAN do. What he COULD do. But he won't. I trust him. I'd entrust him with my life...! I got hurt before and he took care of me after that! He's... not what you think he is."

"... then what is he? I just know Russia... cold, merciless, always smiling Russia... What is he to you, Bruder?"

Gilbert looked to the side and his expression got soft. "... dear... kind... and caring... He and I have been... much more than this, centuries ago... and it's... not dead."

Ludwig listened and he wasn't sure if he understood right. "More...? What... what do you mean with that?"

"He loves me, Ludwig. That's why I know he'd never hurt me..."

"He... he...?" Ludwig blinked and blinked once more. He remembered that long ago Ivan had been fond of his brother. But like this...?

"And you?"

Gilbert closed his eyes, his smile still soft. "I love him too... even if he's Russia, it's warm with him."

He wasn't sure what to say, what to think of this, but that smile on Gilbert's face... the way he spoke about that man... Ludwig was sure this wasn't a lie, nor brainwashed.

"I... I'm sorry, Bruder... for all that I said. I hope you can forgive me."

"It's just the way you are... always worried..." Gilbert smiled a bit at him. "Sorry I'm always worrying you." He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into the other's shoulder.

"I won't get hurt... but you... promise me one thing, too...? Don't let Alfred's view of Ivan get too much into your head. He can be cruel and terrifying but he can also be so kind and caring... Keep that in mind, please."

"I... try to remember that from now on." Wrapping his arms around Gilbert in return Ludwig held his brother tight. "Promised... and you. You promise me to be ok. Yes? Promise me... you'll be ok and happy and maybe call me once in a while..." He smiled crooked.

"Yes, I'll be ok... promised. And I'll call you. That's a promise, too." Gilbert smiled slightly and held him closely.

"I'll remind you of that next time I see you..." Ludwig mumbled smiling and pulled his brother a bit tighter against himself. "Hey, Gilbert... I miss you, großer Bruder..."

"... I... I miss you, too... Brüderchen..." Gilbert whispered and held him like he didn't want to let him go again.

For a little while Ludwig just held his brother in return. It was so rare they could see each other and once Gilbert left with Russia it would be a long and lonely time again.

"Will this end one day?" he mumbled finally.

"... ja..." Gilbert looked at him with a soft smile. "Kopf hoch. It will all get better again. Promised."

Ludwig smiled crooked back. "And when...? It's so long already."

"I can't answer that." Gilbert didn't stop smiling. "Come... let's go back. We have to make sure these two won't kill each other."

He blinked, looking down the hallway into the direction of the conference room. "If it's not too late already."

"... don't say that..." Gilbert mumbled and looked back into that direction, suddenly pale.

If Alfred would pull something now... Ivan was in no condition to fight!

"Since no one is screaming right now... maybe it's not that bad yet?" Ludwig rubbed his neck unsure. "Still we should hurry."

"Yes..." Gilbert didn't hesitate any longer but walked with quick steps back to the conference room and stepped through the door, expecting the worst.

Ludwig followed on his heels, glancing over his shoulder at the mess.

Whatever had happened, it didn't look good. Alfred and Ivan stared hateful at each other, hissing and growling insults. Alfred struggled against the hands holding him back, while Toris held Ivan. It wasn't sure if he held him up or back as well, but Ivan looked like in pain.

Gilbert was between them the next moment, blocking Ivan's view on Alfred.

"Is everything settled with these contracts?" he asked as formally as he could.

"Fuck contracts! I won't sign anything anymore with this bastard!" Alfred spat out, ripping on his arms. "For fuck's sake! Leave me alone!"

"... Gilbert..." Ivan growled quietly. "... out of the way..."

"Ivan. Stop this!" Toris begged quietly.

"Ivan..." Gilbert said calmly and looked right into his eyes. "If there's nothing else to talk about, we should leave. Don't get yourself on his level...!"

"My level?! You fucking-!"

Ivan glared at Gilbert, before he broke their eye contact and pushed Toris away. Pulling himself together he straightened his back, killing Alfred with his glares. "Once more, capitalist pig, and I swear I'll drop that bomb on your capital."

Gilbert closed his eyes and sighed lowly.

"Can we go home...?" he mumbled. He didn't want this to escalate, but he knew he wasn't allowed to talk back to Ivan too much.

Alfred shouted something but Ivan decided to ignore him from the spot. Turning around he slapped Toris' hand away, knowing he just wanted to help, but there was no way he'd show any weakness. He even walked past the wheelchair, grabbing the doorframe for some support as he vanished into the hallway.

Gilbert sighed heavily and looked at Ludwig. "... see you..." he said with a weak smile and turned at Toris for a moment before he followed Ivan outside in the empty hallways.

"See you..." Ludwig mumbled and walked up to raging Alfred, trying some damage control.

Toris followed Gilbert fast, a worried frown on his face. "Alfred slapped him" he whispered.

"... I should go back and slap him, too" Gilbert growled. "For what reason, seriously?"

"They threatened each other as always. Alfred said something about Ivan brainwashing us and Ivan shot back..." Toris explained quietly, looking out for the Russian, but he was nowhere to be seen. "He... Alfred slapped his bad arm..."

Gilbert stopped and for a moment actually had to fight the urge to run back and kick that bastard's ass.

But then he just walked on. "The quicker we're back home, the quicker we can take care of him."

"Yes..." Toris bit his lip, looking around. "That would be better... but where is he.?"

"He... maybe he's already outside?" Gilbert mumbled, knowing that this wasn't possible at all. Not in Ivan's condition.

Toris looked up to him, thinking exactly the same.

"Ivan?" he called out with pressed voice. No one needed to know. "Vanya? Vanya!"

"Ivan!" Gilbert looked around. "Maybe... maybe he searched for a place to get some rest for a moment?"

"Let's split up. If someone finds him before us, there'll be a catastrophe."

"Yes..." Gilbert just turned around and started walking into the other direction, searching, calling.

But there was no response.

Still, it wasn't long before he heard heavy breathing from a dark corner. Ivan sat there on the ground, back leaned against the wall, holding his arm. His face was twisted in pain, while he hit the back of his head weakly against the wall.

Gilbert bit his lip and slowly got closer. "Ivan..." he mumbled and crouched down next to him. "... let's... let's go home, Ivan..."

He stopped, keeping his eyes closed and his fingers buried in the thick bandage under his uniform.

"... I need... another moment..." he whispered.

"Ok..." Gilbert leant in to kiss his forehead. "I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I shouldn't have left you with him."

A crooked smile curled Ivan' lips. "... would have... happened... anyway. Maybe... worse..."

"You don't know that... I... I could've... I should have...! Damnit... next time I see that smug grin...!"

"No... you won't talk to him again... not even look... at him. He's poison... I don't want you... anywhere near him..."

"... Ivan..." Gilbert sighed a bit and kissed his head again. "I can handle him... I don't care what he says. He'll never be right about you."

"I don't care..." Finally Ivan opened his eyes to look up to him. "... that's... an order..."

Gilbert bit his lip and frowned. "... then I'll probably better listen to you, huh..." He suppressed the urge to call him 'master', but it took much effort.

"Let's go. You need to rest and this is not the right place."

Ivan was in pain but he noticed the hint in Gilbert's voice. He just wanted to protect him... keep him away from trouble, but obviously that wasn't wanted...

And his thoughts wandered back to the fact that Gilbert hadn't listened to him in front of everyone.

Slowly Ivan tried to get up again.

"... come..." Gilbert said, softer again, and took Ivan's good arm to wrap it around his shoulder. "Let me help you..."

Ivan said nothing. He didn't want help. Not right now. But he couldn't get up on his own. He felt how his knees were shaking under him. Just resting for weeks had not helped him.

Without a word, Gilbert pulled him up and then slowly walked down the hallway with him. "Let's just get home" he whispered.

"Ivan! Gilbert!"

After they had already managed half the way out, Toris came around a corner and noticed them. Immediately he rushed to Ivan's side to help somehow, even if it was impossible. He didn't dare to touch his bad side…

And something else was wrong. There was more than just pain in Ivan's expression.

"Can you get the car?" Gilbert asked with a soft smile. "I really want to leave."

"S-sure..." Hesitating a moment Toris rushed away to get the car ready.

Maybe leaving fast was better. They should have never come to this conference.

Gilbert walked in silence, then looked at Ivan. "What is on your mind...?"

"... nothing..." Ivan gave back, not even looking at him.

"... yeah, right." Gilbert didn't ask any more questions, but his face darkened a bit as he walked outside with him.

The moment they stepped out Toris stopped the car and jumped from the front seat to open the backdoor for them. "Here... do you need help?"

"No... it's ok. Thanks, Toris." Gilbert helped Ivan to sit down and then walked around the car to sit down on the other side. If Ivan wanted to pout, he could play that game, too.

Toris watched them both worried. Whatever had happened different from the fight with Alfred... he didn't like it.

Glancing into the rearview mirror he started the engine and drove down the street. "We'll go straight home. Right...? Nothing else needed before that?"

"Don't ask me. It's not like I'm in charge or anything" Gilbert said and looked outside.

"... just drive. I want home." was all Ivan had to add, before he leaned his head against the window, closing his eyes.

Gilbert growled a bit.

He wanted to shout and scream at Ivan, but he knew this would probably not help...

WHAT is your problem? he thought.

Ivan remained quiet all the way. Toris wondered if he had fallen asleep, but every now and then he saw him blinking in the rearview mirror.

After what felt like an eternity in pressing silence they drove the street up to their home, where Toris stopped in front of the door.

"We're home..."

"Finally..." Gilbert said and got out to help Ivan again. "Come... Toris can call the doc, ok?"

Nodding in agreement Toris hurried away immediately, not aware of the storm that was about to break loose.

"I don't need the doc..." Ignoring Gilbert's hand Ivan got out of the car by himself. His legs had had some time to rest and he felt strong enough to reach his bedroom alone.

"Of course you need him! Goddamnit, Ivan, that wound will never heal like this!"

Ivan glared at him. "Don't scream at me. It's enough the asshole did already..."

"Don't you see I'm just worried? He hit you and that wound can't take that right now!"

"That hit won't take me down! I'm not that weak, Gilbert!"

"That has NOTHING to do with being weak, goddamnit!" Gilbert shouted.

"It has! Just like not following my orders when I give them! And in front of everyone!"

"What?" Gilbert frowned. "Is THIS the reason you haven't talked to me this entire way?"

"I'm still your fucking superior! And I don't want you to talk to that bastard! I don't care about your brother, but next time I tell you, you will stay away from America!"

"Goddamnit, I haven't talked to my brother for YEARS! And you want me to just... LEAVE him like that, just because this asshole popped up?"

"You could have taken your brother somewhere else" Ivan growled. "You know I'm not against you talking to him, but you will follow my orders!"

"Fine! Ok?! Fine! I just don't see a reason why you freaked out like that! Seriously, we were just talking!"

"Sure. I know what that idiot talks about! I have to listen to his stupid brainwash theories for years now. He's lying to reach his goal! He's manipulating people to think what he wants them to!"

"Do you think I'm that easily manipulated? I know I'm not brainwashed by you! And I was just telling him that!"

"Still! I don't WANT you to talk to him! And to give him new firewood for his ridiculous ideas! He's taking every damn word and turns it in your mouth!"

"I got it! Ok? I won't talk to him again! Next time I'll just turn around and be like 'sorry, Russia doesn't allow me to talk to you', and I'm pretty sure this will be very helpful!" Gilbert turned around and walked to the door. "Since you don't need a doctor, I guess you're strong enough to walk by yourself. I'm done for today, seriously!"

Ivan gritted his teeth. He didn't want to admit that Gil was probably right. He was so angry and exhausted and in pain, that Ivan wasn't able to think straight.

"Yes! I'm strong enough! I don't need your help or your pity! Just get lost!"

"Just fuck you" Gilbert growled and slammed the front door shut behind him, before he stomped upstairs and into his room where he slammed the door, too.

"Gottverdammter Penner!" he cursed and kicked his chair over before he sat down on the bed, glaring into nothingness.

Gilbert was pouting. He wanted to be with Ivan, but he wouldn't apologize! No way! So he just sat there, then lied, staring to the ceiling.

He hated it. His mind was full with worries, but he didn't let them take over. He was so done with this. If Ivan didn't want him to help, fine.

Throwing curses at the closed door Ivan just stopped when he had no breath left. Everything hurt. His arm and side throbbed painfully, like his brain behind his temples.

He was so weak... so damn weak like this... and his worst enemy had seen it! Ramming his good hand against the door of the car, leaving a bump in the metal, Ivan shouted more curses before he climbed the few stairs and took the way to his office, where the door was throw shut as well. Just when he had turned the key in the lock and gotten a bottle of his favorite vodka from the bar, he allowed himself to break down... cursing, groaning and crying.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _Bruder - brother_

 _Psst! – Shh!_

 _ja – yes_

 _großer Bruder – big brother_

 _Brüderchen – little brother_

 _Kopf hoch – (equal to) chin up_

 _gottverdammter Penner – goddamn hobo_


	18. Take that freedom

_Authors' note:_

 _We're not dead yet, but back with a new chapter for you! Thank you so much for reading and commenting. It might go slow but you keep us going (and remind me to work on the next chapter... ahaha sorry). We won't stop until this story is told and we hope you'll stay until then!_

* * *

 **Take that freedom**

Gilbert didn't know how long he had been lying there, but after what felt like some hours, he got up.

His steps lead him down the hallway where he finally stopped in front of Ivan's room.

He knocked. "Can I come in?"

Ivan blinked and moved with a groan. It seemed he had fallen asleep some time after finishing the bottle, but unlike hoped it hadn't helped against the pain. Everything still ached...

Groaning he tried to sit up, finding his damn arm so useless.

"Ivan? Did you hear me?" Gilbert put his hand on the knob. "I'm coming in..."

He frowned when the door didn't open. "... Ivan?"

Was that Gilbert...?

Turning his head Ivan leaned against the couch in his back, listening to the doorknob turning. "... it's locked..." he mumbled, clearing his throat to try a bit louder. "It's... it's locked..."

"I noticed that... Why did you lock your door?" Gilbert asked with concern in his voice. "Are you ok? Can you get up?"

"... wanted... to be alone..." Ivan muttered more to himself, brushing his fingers over the bandage.

Gilbert fell silent. There was a low bumping sound as he leant his forehead against the door.

"... you... you shouldn't lock the door... what if something happens...? Then I... I wouldn't be able to reach you..."

He felt his stomach curl painfully for Gilbert's words. When they left they both had been tired of each other. But now...

Pushing himself up with a groan, wavering, Ivan walked slowly to the door sinking against the wood. "... why would you want that?"

"Don't ask stupid questions..." Gilbert gave back, raising his hand to touch the door. "If something would happen to you... what should I do? Without you... I love you... even when you're a stubborn idiot."

"... stubborn idiot..." Ivan couldn't help but smile. Gilbert's words send shivers through his being.

Reaching down he turned the key with a quiet click, stepping half a step back to open slowly.

Gilbert looked at him with a sad smile. "Am I allowed to help you...? Please let me help you, Ivan..." he mumbled.

"... Gil..." he sighed quietly, closing his eyes for a moment. "... do I... even deserve you...?"

"You get what you deserve... a stubborn Prussian with hot temper who will yell and insult you every now and then."

"I guess you're right." Leaning with his good shoulder against the doorframe Ivan looked at him with a tired smile. Just a moment later he reached out with a bandaged hand. His arm trembled and the movement was slow, but it worked again.

Gilbert blinked. "Y-your arm...!" He looked at Ivan. "Is it ok to move it? Don't you think you should let it rest a bit?

"It... it works again... so I will use it..." Moving his arm hurt and in the end Ivan had to support it with his other hand, but he wanted to reach out and touch Gilbert's cheek with bandaged fingers, even if he wouldn't feel his warmth like that.

Gilbert didn't dare to move as he felt him touch his skin. He just leant a tiny bit into the touch, closing his eyes.

"I should've stayed with you... I would've punched that jackass in his stupid face."

"No..."

Ivan had been wrong. He felt something that wasn't pain... a light pressure, some warmth even. Turning his trembling hand he cupped a white cheek with care.

"... you wanted to talk with your brother... it was right to leave..."

"I said I'd stay with you... be there for you..." Gilbert stepped closer and carefully put his hand over Ivan's, almost not touching it.

"...still... thank you for... for letting me talk to him."

"You're always there for me... but your brother... he's not always there."

It was painful and exhausting to keep his hand up. Ivan didn't want to let it down, but he had to. Instead he took the last step that separated them and rested his head on Gil's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, lyubov."

"I'm sorry, too... I... I shouldn't have yelled at you... you're just as tired as I am..."

"... maybe... Gil? Will you rest with a stubborn idiot...?"

"If that idiot's you... always..." he whispered and stepped into the room, supporting Ivan on the way.

Ivan just smiled a little, leaning gladly on his beloved. "... there's sadly just the couch... will we fit?"

"I'll make myself as small as I can" Gilbert said. "If you pull in your tummy a bit, we will fit."

An eyebrow was raised. "What do you wanna say with that...? That I'm fat...?" he mumbled, brushing his nose against Gil's cheek.

"No. Just big boned" he teased and kissed him softly.

"That's... not really better..." Kissing Gil back for a moment Ivan sank down on the couch, tugging on his sleeve. "... come here..."

"Coming..." Slowly Gilbert sat down and then lied next to Ivan. "Let's just... sleep a bit. It's been a long day."

Wrapping his good arm around the slender body Ivan closed his eyes. "... yes... too long..."

"I love you, Ivan..." he whispered. "Never forget that, ok? No matter... what crap I talk..."

Turning his head a little he kissed Gilbert's temple. "I love you too... no matter how stupid I treat you..."

"Good..." Gilbert gave back and closed his eyes. "... sleep well then..."

The days passed, turned into weeks and finally into a month. Ivan got better with every day. It needed time for his arm to fully heal, but he was able to use it again and even do small tasks as long as he didn't lift heavy things. He was sure that he'd be as good as new in just few more time... besides it was bothering not to be able and embrace Gilbert like he wanted. But soon...

It was the day of the first snow when he put the car keys into Gilbert's hand, together with a list of groceries they just could get in Moscow. No one was there to buy what they would need as soon as the heavy snow would come and Ivan had to work.

"Be careful on the way. Ok?"

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "I'm just getting some supplies. It's not like you sent me on a secret mission or something." He smiled a bit. "Don't worry. I know how to get there. In the worst case I know how to read a map AND I'm not afraid of asking people for the way! I'll be fine, Ivan."

Ivan glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "Really? You do all of that? What kind of man are you? Are you even a man?" He gasped theatrically. "Damn. Don't tell me you're a woman!"

Gilbert punched his good arm. "Don't mess with me. I have to go. See ya~"

And with that he climbed into the car and drove off.

Ivan looked after the car and sighed quietly. Gilbert had looked bothered. Maybe that had been a stupid joke...? He would have to make up for it. A good dinner just for the two of them sounded like a good idea. Toris and his brothers wouldn't come back from their missions before the next day anyway.

Gilbert drove all the way without losing track... well. Not more than once. There wasn't much snow, but sometimes it was already enough to cover the street signs, so that one time he had taken the wrong turn. In the end however he had found his way into the city and to that market Ivan had sent him to. The place wasn't quite as crowded as he had expected it, which wasn't a reason to complain. It just helped in getting done with his shopping tour in almost no time.

All the way over the market some eyes had watched the whitehaired man and his every move. They had followed him from stand to stand and approached him while he walked back to the car. Fortunately for Gilbert's stalkers the snow dampened the sound of their steps. The market did the rest.

Arms filled with bags and groceries, Gilbert searched for the keys, trying to find it without dropping everything else.

"Wo bist du, blödes Ding…?"

The next moment hands grabbed each of Gilbert's arms. Without any warning, holding him firmly, two men dressed in black stepped close, too close, to him.

"Not a word" one of them whispered and pressed something solid into the German's side.

Gilbert gasped when his bags landed on the ground. He wanted to protest, but as soon as he felt the gun, he fell silent.

"You're making a big mistake" he hissed.

"I don't think so. You'll come with us now and you won't struggle. Understood?"

"... or what? Will you kill me?" Gilbert smirked at the man. "Good luck with that...!"

And he rammed his elbow into his captor's stomach.

He was Prussia. He wouldn't give up without a fight!

The stranger opened his mouth to answer but just as gasp came out. Spatting a curse and a warning the second man pulled Gilbert back to try and wrap his arms around him.

Gilbert growled and threw his head back, hitting the man's nose. "Fuck off! I won't go back to that asshole and his idea of interrogation!"

The attacker howled in pain, but his company used that moment of distraction. They were no amateurs after all. Raising his gun he aimed for the back of Gilbert's head.

And Gilbert gasped in pain as he literally saw stars. "A-ah...!"

With a groan he fell down on his knees, fighting not to lose his consciousness.

Immediately his arms were grabbed again and Gilbert pulled back on his feet. His kidnappers didn't lose time. There was no need to hide their wicked deed, since they knew that no one dared to step into their way. So they openly dragged the dazed man over the place, away from his car and the spilled groceries, to a van waiting with open doors not far away.

Gilbert tried to struggle, pulling on his arms slightly from time to time, but finally his world faded to black. "I... Ivan..." he whispered before he finally fell unconscious.

Back home Ivan waited impatiently for Gilbert's return.

It had been hours since he had left and glancing once more at the clock Ivan thought to himself, that it was about time. Grocery shopping couldn't take that long. Right? He had prepared dinner already and even opened a bottle of his best wine, while he waited.

Maybe Gil had taken a wrong turn...?

Somewhere far away someone had tied unconscious Gilbert up well. With joined forces he had been carried into a small airplane and put into a seat, guarded by four men. Unlike his kidnappers they didn't look like typical Russians and every now and then they spoke in quiet German with each other.

Slowly Gilbert opened his eyes, groaning in pain. "... you... fuckers... you'll regret that..." he mumbled as he raised his gaze a bit, slowly realizing his situation.

"... ihr seid keine... wer seid ihr?"

The men looked up at Gilbert's groan and one even chuckled quietly at his surprise. The airplane's engine vibrated since a while now, but there were no windows to see that they flew already.

"Don't worry, Lieutenant Beilschmidt. You are safe now."

"... safe...?" Gilbert sat up a bit, glaring at them. "Then I'd like to know why I'm tied up!"

They exchanged some glances with each other, before one shrugged. "We have our orders, but nothing bad will happen to you. Once we reach our destination, you'll be untied and brought to a doctor so they can look for your bump."

Gilbert growled. "Who's in command here? That's a damn kidnapping! You have no right to keep me tied up!"

"As mentioned, we have our orders. Sorry." And with that the discussion seemed over for the stranger.

Gilbert growled again and pulled on the ropes, trying to free himself.

"Bljad..." he cursed lowly in Russian, more or less out of habit by now.

No one tried to stop him from struggling and no one seemed too eager to talk to him and tell him anything. Instead the guards pulled out some cards and started playing until the pilot's voice filled the narrow room. "We're close to the airport. Get ready to land."

Gilbert raised his head and then looked at the men again. He had stopped struggling a long while ago, saving his strength for when he'd need it.

"WHERE do you bring me to, for fuck's sake?"

Ivan would be full of worries...

Ivan... damnit...!

"It doesn't take long anymore." Checking Gilbert's seatbelt first his guards got seated as well, to get ready to land. The airplane flew a curve and the pressure increased for some moments, before a rattle ran through the machine and tires squeaked the moment they touched the ground.

"GODDAMNIT!" Gilbert shouted. "Take off these fucking ropes and let me go home! I have no time for this bullshit!"

They ignored his shouting until the airplane had stopped. Just then one of them pulled a camera out and made some photos of tied up and angry Gilbert.

Gilbert glared at them. "The FUCK are you doing?"

Nodding at himself the man put the camera away again and gave the other a sign to free Gilbert from his seatbelt. However he wasn't freed of his ropes, as they had promised. Instead they pulled him on his legs again and to the door. It needed a moment to be unlocked, but when it opened a small airport could be seen with the silhouette of Berlin in the background.

Berlin at night.

Gilbert's eyes widened and he stopped for a moment.

"Was... was zur Hölle geht hier eigentlich vor..." he whispered, staring at the skyline.

"Forward." Carefully one of his kidnappers grabbed Gilbert's arm and pulled him out, down the staircase. Not far away, close to the halls, stood many small planes. The place was barely lit, the airplanes throwing deep shadows and from one of these shadows a figure stepped out. Immediately the four men saluted.

"Target captured and delivered. Barely any problems on the way."

"Well done" Alfred praised them smiling.

Gilbert's eyes widened again and he made an angry step forwards, almost ripping himself free from that man's grip.

"YOU!?" he yelled.

"Welcome to Germany, buddy." Grinning broadly Alfred held his arms out. "I hope your flight was nice and all?"

"WHAT were you thinking? Kidnapping me?! Where you thinking AT ALL?" Gilbert screamed. "Free me from these ropes and let me go home! NOW!"

"We weren't kidnapping you. We freed you" Alfred explained, holding a finger up like a teacher. "Also... what are you talking about? You are home. Or isn't this Berlin? I have to admit I was never good in European geography."

Gilbert gritted his teeth. "You know very well what I mean! And I told you before. Who says I need to be FREED? I'm perfectly fine!"

"Yea, yea. I know. You repeat that over and over again. But, hey, believe me. Once you get used to this... Berlinair Luufd, you'll calm down. Until then..." He snapped his fingers and his guards grabbed Gilbert again. "Bring him to his room."

"No! NO! ALFRED! Let me go! Goddamnit! Does Ludwig know what kind of stupid things you do?!"

"Yup. He'll know tomorrow morning what kind of awesome hero I am~" Smiling he followed Gil with his eyes as he was dragged over the runway and slowly out of reach. "Sleep well! See you tomorrow!"

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, ALFRED! You have NO IDEA what you're doing, you goddamn IDIOT!" Gilbert screamed, struggling without any effort. "NO!"

"Bye bye~" Smiling happily Alfred held his hand out to the man who had stayed behind. Immediately he received the camera with Gilbert's photos, while he watched the real Gilbert vanishing into darkness.

"Well done. I guess there will be someone very eager to get his little toy back."

When Gilbert was brought into his "room", he was still screaming, struggling, kicking.

The result was that they didn't free him from the ropes - because he might hurt himself, of course.

Gilbert cursed them in every language he knew - even if he didn't speak many languages, he knew how to curse in MANY of them - and watched them go and lock the door.

"GODDAMN FUCKERS!" he screamed and kicked the door. "Goddamnit!"

Far away in another country Ivan climbed on his motorcycle again, pulling his scarf tighter with a shaking hand.

After Gilbert hadn't come home he had dressed and taken the only choice of transportation he had left to drive through the snowfall and over slippery roads to Moscow. He had prayed all the way that it hadn't been an accident which had stopped Gilbert. It wasn't unlikely this time of the year, when the snow was still fresh and wet.

Checking every road and stopping cars, asking the drivers for any accidents or broken cars, Ivan made his way into the big city with no idea where to look first. After driving around for a while he stopped at the market he had told Gilbert to go to. It had closed hours ago. It was in the middle of the night after all… but there was one car left on the big place right in front of it. Ivan didn't need to have a closer look. He knew the car by heart and the empty paper bag, caught under one of the tires, didn't imply anything good. The next few hours Ivan spent looking for any traces of his beloved, finding nothing and no one to tell him where Gilbert maybe had went.

After what felt like hours, Ivan climbed back on his motorcycle and glanced once more around. It was cold enough to freeze the tears of anger and frustration on his cheeks, but he couldn't care less.

"Gil... where are you..."

After hours of raging, Gil had finally broken down and fallen asleep. He was having nightmares and woke up every now and then, cursing and screaming again, until he fell asleep the next time...

It was exhausting, but he didn't care.

He was worried.

Ivan was all by himself, his arm still not fully healed, and he was waiting for him...

Gilbert wasn't sure what he'd do if he didn't come home.

It was very early in the morning, when Ivan pushed the door to his home open and glanced around with hopeful eyes. He was cold, having spent hours outside in the snow on the motorcycle, and he was in pain again, having used his arm too much in the process. Still he hoped and that hope kept him on his feet. Maybe Gilbert had returned while he was away? However, no matter how much he called out for him, how many times he checked all rooms... Gilbert was nowhere.

Exhausted and worried out of his mind Ivan slipped down a wall, pulling his knees close to his chest. This couldn't be. No, this couldn't be...

Around eight in the morning there were noises behind the door to Gilbert's room. Someone seemed to talk loudly and things fell to the ground. The turmoil continuing for a while before someone turned the key in the lock and a very worried looking Ludwig stormed inside the cell. "Bruder!"

Gilbert raised his head and looked at him. "Ludwig!" He sat up quickly. "Goddamnit, I don't know if I've ever been this happy to see you...!"

Ludwig stopped for a second, blinking as if his worst nightmare had become true, before he rushed to his brother's side. "What has he done what has he done goddamnit what has he done?!" With nervous fingers he tried to untie Gilbert.

"My thoughts exactly...!" Gilbert held still so Ludwig could free him from the ropes. He then got up and looked at the door, then back at his brother. "Ludwig, I need to go back...!"

Throwing the ropes to the side Ludwig looked up and bit his lip. "You can't... He won't let you go back."

"... what? What do you mean?!" Gilbert growled. "He can't imprison me here! They split up our land and separated us! He can't do whatever the fuck he wants to do!"

Embarrassed Ludwig glanced down on his hands, which was unusual for him. "He can. For now he can. He got permission from my boss and also from the secret police."

"... WHAT?!" Gilbert was back to screaming. He knew it wasn't Ludwig's fault, but right now he couldn't care less.

"And they tell me IVAN's the one who's crazy? What is he trying to do, start ANOTHER fucking war?!"

"Bruder! Bruder, calm down!" Grabbing Gilbert's shoulders Ludwig tried to look into his eyes. "We... we'll find a way. Yes? We won't let it come to another war. I'll try and get the photos and you need to stay calm."

"... photos… what... yes! They made photos! The heck do they need them for?"

Ludwig wasn't sure if he wanted his brother to know. Cursing himself in silence he tried to think of a way to distract him. "Stay calm... yes? I guess you'll get breakfast in a bit and then we can think better."

"Breakfast?! Ludwig, look at me! Do you think I'm HUNGRY? These guys hit me, threatened me with a gun, they fucking KIDNAPPED me in bright daylight and brought me all the way from Moscow to Berlin! Ivan will be sick with worries, if he's not already preparing tanks or whatever the fuck he has in stock! I don't have TIME for breakfast! I will leave now!"

"No! No, you can't!" Grabbing Gilbert's arm again Ludwig held him tight. "You can't leave... please, believe me, Bruder. They won't let you... not until Alfred has what he wants."

"What he wants?" Gilbert repeated and glared at him. "Brother, what does he want?!"

He looked at Gilbert, knowing he wouldn't like what he'd tell him. "He wants Russia to give up on Cuba. He... somehow found out that you and he..."

"... what. What do you mean, he FOUND OUT?" Gilbert glared at him, suspiciously. "Don't tell me you told him that!" He turned around, slapping his arm away. "I will leave. They can try to stop me, if they want!"

"I didn't! I swear I didn't tell him anything! I'd never!" Once more Ludwig reached out for his brother, taking his hand. "I don't know who told him and I don't know why he thinks it's a good idea to blackmail Russia... but he will and he won't let that chance slip."

Gilbert freed his hand once again. "Don't! I don't care what he's thinking, but I WILL leave. NOW."

And with that he opened the door and stepped right through it.

Outside soldiers awaited him and the quiet clicking of their guns and rifles made clear that he wasn't allowed to leave. "Sir, I have to ask you to step back into your room. We're ordered to use force if necessary."

"Will you shoot me? How is America supposed to blackmail Russia, if I'm dead?" Gilbert asked with calm voice.

Some glances were exchanged. "We have orders to shoot. It's not our problem to consider the consequences. So I'll ask you once more to step back into your room."

Gilbert glared at them, not moving a bit. "I will go now. Kill me, if you want. Russia will blow up everything with that hellish bomb in the end... I don't even give a fuck anymore!"

The rifles clicked again, but before Gilbert could even take another step Ludwig stood before him. "Enough!" His face was twisted in anger and worries and very very serious. "You will NOT leave. I will talk to Alfred. I'll make sure you can call Russia. But I won't allow you to get shot now that we are FINALLY together again."

Gilbert glared at him. "Yeah, I bet that idiot will listen to you!" he scoffed and stepped back. "I swear you'd better hurry" he growled then. "If Ivan finds out, he'll be furious. I don't know what he'll do then."

Ludwig looked at his brother in silence and nodded then. "I promise, I will hurry... don't worry. And please don't put yourself into more trouble."

"... more trouble, tch... I didn't ask to be in this situation!" he hissed and retreated into his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

He knew he was unfair... that it wasn't Ludwig's fault… that he hadn't even known about this...

But he was too angry and too worried to care now.

Ludwig flinched as the door fell shut and bit his lip for a moment, before he turned around. Glaring at the soldiers he straightened his coat. "Weapons down. And I swear to you... if you so much as touch my brother, each of you'll be brought in front of the military court." With that he left.

Ludwig knew where to find Alfred...

Many hours travel away Toris closed the front door of Ivan's house. He was glad to be back, even if it had been a nice change to be by himself for a while. Things had needed his attention. Not just the tasks Ivan had asked him to do.

The house was so quiet. "Ivan? Gilbert? Are you there?" It was still snowing and he had noticed that the car was gone...

Ivan's head shot up at the sound of the door and some hope grew in his chest. Literally jumping up he rushed into the hallway, knocking several things down on his way.

"Gil! Gil, you-!" But the smile melted from his face the moment he recognized who had come back.

Toris looked at him in confusion, his smile breaking a bit at the disappointment. "A-ah... it's... sorry, it's only me...?"

"... shit... shit..." Burying his hands in his hair Ivan bend down. His heart was racing painfully in his chest and the little sprint had taken the last strength from him He hadn't slept a single minute after he had come back. Now it took its toll.

"Ivan, what's wrong?" Toris asked, slowly getting closer. "Where's Gilbert? The... the car's gone, too?"

"I send him to the market yesterday" he whispered desperate. "He didn't come back... Gilbert's gone!"

"... he... what?" Toris was next to him a moment later. "What... what does that mean? Did he..." He gulped. "Gilbert didn't run away, did he? I mean... why would he?"

Ivan looked up with a growl, grabbing Toris' collar with both hands. "Gil wouldn't run away" he hissed. "He'd never leave without a word! Something happened to him! Something terrible!"

Toris gasped. "A-ah...! That's not... I didn't mean..." He swallowed again. "He's just hot tempered... you... you didn't fight again?"

"We didn't fight. Not /again/..." Ivan hissed, letting go of the smaller one. "I send him to get groceries. When he didn't come back I looked for him. The car stood abandoned at the market..."

"... that's... that's not good..." Toris whispered. "Did you look for him? Maybe... someone saw him?"

"I asked everyone I found! No one saw him... I called the police and the hospitals, drove around all night... No one has seen him... no one..." With a curse Ivan wiped a lamp from a nearby table, shattering the lightbulb inside.

Toris stepped back a bit, then picked up the lamp again. "Don't lose your head, Vanya. We need it if we want to think straight" he said calmly. "Did you ask your boss? He didn't kidnap him again, did he?"

Ivan walked back and forth, rubbing his arm carefully. "I called the headquarter... he's not there. Not officially and not unofficially. My informer didn't know anything."

"Maybe it was an accident then…? Or… does someone else have a reason to kidnap him?" Toris mumbled.

"I don't know... I have no idea!" He threw his hands in the air, unable to stay calm, not knowing where to go with himself. Ivan's mind was racing and it told him horrible things. "The mafia! Organ dealers! Terrorists! Murderer! Psychopaths! I. Do. Not. Know!"

"Vanya… Gilbert is strong. He's a nation and a fighter. He's trained and I'm sure he could deal with these kind of people" Toris tried to calm him.

Ivan knew all of that. He knew Gilbert wasn't helpless and still he was gone... Sinking on the ground, burying his face in his hands he tried to calm down.

"... he wouldn't leave... right? He wouldn't leave... just like that...?"

Toris could tell him, yes, he would. He's not Russian, he's Prussian, or German... this is not his home... he's a prisoner here. But he knew, that this wasn't the full truth. Gilbert had come as a prisoner, but he stayed out of free will.

"No. No, Vanya... he wouldn't" he said with low voice. "He loves you... everyone can see that."

"... then where is he...?" Ivan whispered. "I'd give everything for a message, for a hint that he's alright... Torya... Torya, what am I supposed to do?"

Quietly Toris got closer and stroked his arm. "I don't know. I'm sorry... But we will find him."

Ivan hoped Toris was right. If something had happened to Gil, because he had send him to get groceries... because he had done something wrong, which he couldn't remember now...

Ivan wasn't sure if he'd be able to forgive himself…

... or Gilbert, if he had run away.

"Say, did you tell the police to look for him? Or... or maybe..." Chewing on his lip Toris looked down. "What about your secret service?"

"Of course I told the police... even the hospitals. They all have my number" Ivan ran a hand through his hair. "If I do tell the secret service my boss will know as well... then he'll have questions..."

"You're right..." Toris sighed. "That means... we can't do anything at all?"

He bit his lip hard, curling up tighter for a moment. "I'll... I'll go out again... I'll go and look for him until I find a hint."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Toris asked lowly. "You're not well yet."

"No... no, I need someone to wait for a call... Someone I can trust."

Toris smiled a bit at that. Despite everything this made him happy. "Ok then. I'll stay close to the phone. But... Vanya? Be careful, ok?"

Ivan smiled crooked. He was tired and worried out of his mind, still he nodded slightly. "I will... Don't worry."

Sitting in his office in Berlin Alfred played with a pen. He was waiting...

But he didn't need to wait long before someone knocked angrily against the door.

"Come in." He sat up straight, already knowing who to expect. These Germans were so easy to read.

Ludwig stepped in with a sour expression and closed the door behind himself. "Why? Why, Alfred?"

Alfred rested his chin into his palm, smirking slightly. "Why? Why what, Ludwig?"

Slapping his hands flat on the desk Ludwig glared at him. "Why did you kidnap my brother?"

"I did not kidnap him. I freed him from Soviet's hands! I thought you'd be a little more thankful for that."

"You took him against his will. They even knocked him out! This wasn't right, Alfred!"

"We had to do this. He'd never left with us out of free will." Leaning back into his chair again the smile on Alfred's lips was gone. "You know how well their brainwashing methods work."

Ludwig bit his lip. "Gilbert is not brainwashed... and you know that."

"And you know that... how?" Alfred tilted his head a bit. "My men told me some interesting stuff... like your brother talking to them in German and all of a sudden he cursed in Russian, as if he'd forget his own language. And, what's even more interesting, when they... got him, he said something along the lines... 'no, I'm not going back into that camp'... So, what do you think about that?"

"Of course he cursed in Russian. I speak English so often now, I do that too at times" Ludwig gave back angrily. That wasn't proof for anything. His brother wasn't brainwashed. Ludwig had believed him back at the conference.

"Well, maybe I've been brainwashing you, too?" Alfred grinned, then laughed. "Just kidding."

He couldn't laugh about that. The thought was ridiculous and still... sometimes Ludwig wondered if he let the American influence him too much.

"Wait. What?" He blinked. "What camp...?"

At Ludwig's question, Alfred shrugged. "I don't know for sure. But I know from my secret service, that there are... camps for interrogation and dealing with people who don't think alike with Moscow." He looked at Ludwig, the smile once more gone from his face. "They're not like the camps you used to have but they're not much better. They're made for torture."

"I... I heard of these camps back in the war..." Ludwig mumbled, looking to the side. Had Gilbert been in such a camp? Was he really brainwashed...? He shook his head. "Gilbert wouldn't let himself be broken by that..."

"You think so?" Alfred looked out of the window. "My men didn't have many problems in catching him. He lost much of his strength over there, Ludwig."

"Yes... yes, I think so. They overran him and took him off guard. I can't believe Russia allowing anyone to hurt brother." He looked at Alfred, guilt in blue eyes. "You know why..."

"Ah, that love thing. Yes. So, you tell me, your brother suddenly fell in love with him? I remember that he wasn't too fond of the Commie at first. And I'm pretty sure if you take a closer look at your brother, you'll find scars he didn't have when you saw him last time" Alfred continued.

"I know my brother and he's been fond of Russia since a long time ago. I don't know what happened that he started to avoid him but... but I believe Gilbert if he says he loves him." At the mentioning of scars Ludwig fell quiet.

"Maybe he thinks he loves him or maybe he DOES love him. That doesn't prove that Russia loves him in return, right?"

"No matter what... you won't be able to keep brother quiet and locked up."

Alfred leant back and looked at him. "I will. Trust me on that."

"You can't treat him like a prisoner! You said you freed him, Alfred. But if you keep him locked away, you're not better than Russia!"

"I do what I have to do. Why shouldn't I use this chance, just like he would? It's only until Russia gets his fat ass off Cuba. He's up to something there. I just know it... After that, Gilbert's free to do whatever the heck he wants. Until then you should have one or two talks with him to find out who is right and what he knows..."

Ludwig chewed on his lip. "I'm not sure I want to help you... Brother is angry with me already. I won't betray him even more."

"... is that so..." Alfred sounded almost disappointed, maybe a little bit angry. "Fine. Then I'll talk to him myself."

Ludwig didn't care. Alfred was helping him, his people and his economy, but more often than not Ludwig felt like he wasn't in charge of his own country anymore.

"I'll come with you."

"You think that's a good idea? I don't want your brother to think you're helping me."

Muttering something under his breath, Ludwig glared to the side. "Don't hurt him... if you hurt my brother I'll stop working with you."

"I won't hurt him if he doesn't give me a reason to do so. I need him for the Russkie to cooperate. If he's hurt, that will be a problem." Alfred got up.

"And for the work-stopping part... I'll pretend I didn't hear that" he said while he walked to the door.

Ludwig looked after him, not sure if he made everything just worse when he had wanted to help his brother. Alfred and Ivan had a war going on and he didn't like the thought that his brother and he were caught right in the middle of it.

Gilbert was sitting on his bed, trying to blow up the wall by glaring at it. Unfortunately, this only worked in comic books…

There was the sound of a key turning in the door and Alfred stepped inside with the brightest smile. "Good morning. How was breakfast?"

"Fuck you" was all Gilbert replied, not even looking at him. "Let me out. Now."

"Ah, I fear that's not possible yet. You're still needed."

Now Gil glared at him. "Do you really want him to drop that bomb on your capital? You're challenging him. You're still not tired of war?"

"I'm pretty tired of war." Alfred crossed his arms, leaning relaxed against the wall. "But I won't just give up and let the Evil win. And don't worry. I'm sure he won't dare to drop anything anywhere. Not as long as you're with me."

"Oh?" Gilbert crossed his arms. "So you're taking me with you? Great. So now I'm YOUR prisoner, huh? And Ivan's not EVIL"

"You're no prisoner. You're a diplomatic joker. Besides, everything that's not democracy can't be good for the people. Don't we all want to be free to do whatever we want? Go wherever we want? We just want our Russian brothers and sisters to be free too."

"Are you fucking serious... I was able to do whatever and go wherever I wanted! NOW I'm not!" Gilbert shouted.

"Really?" Alfred's smile got a bit brighter and a bit more lurking. "May I remind you that you weren't allowed to visit your brother? Or that you weren't allowed to go to the other side of Berlin? He built a wall around you, Gilbert."

"I know all that! But it wasn't him who build the wall!"

"He didn't stop it."

"He did that to protect me! I was dying because of my people leaving!"

"Oh, come on. Without him keeping you locked up and threatening your people wrong, they wouldn't have felt the need to leave their home."

"Maybe. His system is not perfect. None is. But I'm not a prisoner there!"

Alfred sighed deeply, shaking his head. "His methods really work well... I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I really am. But I promise you won't have to go back and face this... camp... again."

Gilbert twitched a bit, then narrowed his eyes. "Ivan had nothing to do with that."

"Of course not. Let me guess. Someone just kidnapped you and brought you there and when it was getting worse he showed up and rescued you. Right?"

"Sort of, yes" Gilbert growled. He didn't like that tone.

"Poor Gilbert... everyone would have been thankful to be rescued from pain and torture... Ever thought about that it was planned? To make you believe the things he told you?"

"I'm not even listening to your bullshit" Gilbert growled and looked to the side. "You can go and fuck yourself. It wasn't planned. It wasn't him who helped me."

Well. It wasn't quite like that. Gilbert just knew it hadn't been planned. Ivan would never do something like this to him. But Alfred wouldn't understand that...

"Ah. A second ago you just said he saved you. I can understand that you're confused. It's hard to understand... I'd be confused too. No one will blame you for falling for him." Slowly, with wide dancing steps Alfred came a bit closer. "He can be terribly charming. Can't he? And of course he's tall and handsome if you like these kind of men." He smiled thoughtful. "He tried to use that during the war. You know?"

Gilbert looked up at him. "What?"

Don't listen to him. Ivan's right. His words are like poison.

"Tch. You don't know what you're talking about...!"

"Is that so? How do I know then that he hides scars under his scarf? And that bullet scar right here..." Alfred brushed a finger over his chest, right above his heart. "He brought vodka and talked about how nice his country is during winter. It was almost romantic."

"... you're lying." Gilbert didn't look at him. He didn't want to see anything that might prove his words.

"Why would I? That's pretty low." Alfred smiled sweetly. "You can ask him. I guess he remembers that night still very well."

"... so what?" Gilbert glared back at him. "Why should I care?! We were enemies. He could do whatever he wanted!"

Ivan and Alfred...? That was... so weird...!

Alfred shrugged with a smile. "Sure thing. All I wanna say with that is that he's doing everything to get an advantage. Even playing nice. You know... as long as he has his hand and power over you. As long as the former German Empire remains separated and gives him a good card against everyone, once he starts a new war."

"He doesn't want another war! Why can't you, BOTH of you, just call it a draw and stop this nonsense? He's not playing nice with me, ok?! I know it's real!"

"Poor Gilbert... he got you good. Call me once he drops you like a hot potato."

"Shut the fuck up, ok?!" Gilbert got up and grabbed Alfred's collar. "As I said, you have NO idea what you're talking about! Ivan and I share much... MUCH more history than you brat can even imagine! I think I know him a bit better than you do!"

"Who are you calling brat?" Alfred didn't even struggle. Instead he looked straight into Gilbert's eyes. "Fine. Whatever. You know what? Give me some info so I can end this war without anyone getting hurt and you can go back to your beloved Russian and keep pretending he loves you. Deal?"

Gilbert pushed him back. "Fuck you. I don't even know what you think I could tell you!"

"You could tell me how many bombs he has built. Where they are stored and if they're equipped with uranium, for example."

"Even if I knew these things, WHY would I tell you? How would that end anything?"

"Knowing these things gives us a base to discuss and make him destroy them. Besides, once he retreats from all the poor countries he's pretending to help, we're all friends again and peace will come over the world once more."

"Yeah" Gilbert scoffed. "Sure. Well, as I said, I can't give any information to you. I don't know this."

"Hm. You don't wanna cooperate? Alright. Then we won't let you call Russia. I wonder if he's looking for you already... but probably not."

"What?!" Gilbert made a step towards him. "You fucker! You're pretending you 'freed' me, that I'm better off now because I can do whatever I want, but then you keep me locked up and away from everyone!"

"Just to keep you safe from yourself." Alfred sounded as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. "Just until you calmed down and won't run back into your prison. I mean, you can see your bro now whenever you want. So don't say we keep you locked away."

"You ARE! You're keeping me from going where I want! And I'm NOT Ivan's prisoner! Let me call him!"

"Not when you're screaming like that~"

"GODDAMNIT!" He grabbed Alfred's collar again. "I will leave this place. Now!" And with that Gilbert pushed him out of his way and stomped to the door.

Alfred didn't stop him. He just waited for the moment that Gilbert would realize that the door had been locked from the outside.

"Screaming and bucking won't help you at all, buddy."

"...!" Gilbert pulled and pushed before he turned around to glare at him. "WHAT do you want from me? I told you, I don't KNOW the things you want to hear!"

"Well, then we'll wait until the Russkie did what I want from him. All this trouble shouldn't be for nothing."

"LET ME CALL HIM, GODDAMNIT!"

Alfred sighed deeply. "Stop screaming and you'll be allowed to."

Gilbert clenched his fists and walked over to the bed, sitting down with a deep frown.

"He's right about you, you know... you're poisonous."

"What?" He held his hands out in an unbelieving gesture. "I just ask you to stop screaming. Really now, buddy."

"I've been kidnapped. One would think I have every right to be upset...!"

"Freed. Speak after me f-r-eeeee-d. Ah, whatever. You're not willing to listen, so you'll stay here a little longer. I'll call Ivan now. Want me to greet him from you?"

"I was brought here by force and I don't want to be here. I'm pretty sure this goes by the definition of kidnapping." Gilbert glared. "I'd rather talk to him myself...!"

"The man's not listening... do you believe that? GDR is just not listening." Sighing deeply Alfred stepped to the door and knocked a code. Not a second later it opened. "Come."

Gilbert blinked, but then he got up. "... thanks..."

"No problem..." Stepping out of the cell Alfred smiled to himself. He didn't need to turn and watch how Gilbert was grabbed as soon as he came out of the room.

"Wha- hey!" He struggled against the grip, glaring at Alfred's back. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Tape him and make sure he won't bother us" Alfred said without even looked back, as he grabbed the phone sitting on an otherwise empty desk.

With a grunt one of the soldiers got some tape out and glued Gilbert's mouth shut, while the others held him.

"Wha- no! NO! ALFR-MH!" Gilbert struggled, twitching, trying to break free, but they just held him down.

He raised his head and glared at Alfred.

I will kill you, you fucker!

The American held the phone to his ear, leaning relaxed against the desk.

"Yes, it's me. Be so nice and connect me. ... Yes. Thanks."

It took a little while. Alfred frowned already, close to just cancel the call, when there was a rustling in the line.

"Da?" It was Ivan's voice and he sounded tired.

"Yo, Commie. How's it going?" Alfred sang into the phone, grinning broadly.

There was silence for a moment. "... fuck off, Alfred. I'm not in the mood today to talk to you if it's not important."

"Aw, so grumpy. Who says I've nothing important to say?"

There was a low groan. "What do you want?"

"MH-H!" Gilbert tried to speak up, but one of the men pushed him down on his knees and twisted his arm so he couldn't get up without pain.

The answer was a death-glare.

Alfred watched them from his place, holding the phone to his ear. "I'm just calling to tell you greetings."

"... greetings?"

"Communistic greetings to be precise~"

One could almost hear Ivan's frown. "I said I have no time for your bullshit..."

"Oh?" The American's smile got cool. "So you don't want greetings from GDR?"

There was silence on Ivan's side and after a little while Alfred tilted his head. "Yo, Commie? Still there?"

"... you have him..." It was no question. "You took Gilbert! Jones, I swear to all that's holy-!"

"Ah, ah, ah... no swearing. If you swear I can't give you the message."

"JONES!"

Gilbert almost managed to push up, but sank down again with a pained groan due to the iron grip of his captors.

I swear to god...!

"Aw, man. Why are you all screaming? Is that a thing of you East Europeans?"

"ALFRED!" Ivan almost over screamed himself.

"Geez. I just called to tell you hi from him and that he's back home."

"YOU KIDNAPPED HIM! Where is he?! Where is Gilbert?! I want to talk to him!"

Alfred held the phone a bit away, rubbing his ear. "He's with his brother right now. Having some good time. It's been a while since they've seen each other, you know."

He could just hear panting on the other side. Panting and a low growl.

"... if you hurt him... if you did anything to him... I'll kill you, Jones..."

LIES! ALL LIES! DON'T BELIEVE HIM, IVAN! Gilbert wanted to scream, but all he could manage was a muffled groan.

I will KILL you, you bastard!

Alfred sighed, glancing at Gilbert. "You know, this attitude is why no one wants to be your friend. You're way too aggressive."

"Alfred!"

"Listen. Ok? He's happy to be back home and to be with his brother again. Gilbert just asked me to call you and tell you this, so you won't have to worry."

"Do you think I'm fucking stupid?! I want to talk to him! Get him on the phone!"

"He's not here right now. Aren't you listening? Gilbert is happy and fine. I guess he'll come and visit you some time, but right now he's busy."

"Jones, that means war! You can't just take people from me! YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE GILBERT AWAY!"

Gilbert could hear Ivan yell at Alfred.

Don't...!

With all he had he pushed up, his scream muffled by the tape as he freed his arm and pushed the men holding him away. He made one step before they grabbed him again and pushed him down on his stomach.

"MHM! HM!"

Alfred shot him a dark glare, making a gesture at the soldiers to watch out better.

"Now listen, Ivan. If you're screaming I'll come straight to the point."

"Jones, you fucking-!"

"Shut up, asshole. You want your sex toy back? Alright. You're way too close to my damn border, so leave Cuba alone and I'll send him in naked with a bow around his neck. It seems you don't care if he's happy with his brother or not. So why should I care."

Once more there was silence on Ivan's end. Just his breathing could be heard, heavy and barely controlled. "... set him free, Jones, and I'll think about not coming over and skinning you alive..." It was just a low growl.

"Heh. You could try, Commie. Sure, come over. Come over and see how happy your boy toy is to be back home. Really now. I thought you'd want him happy. Isn't that what lovers want for each other?"

Gilbert tried to break free again, but it was effortless.

With a deep sigh he closed his eyes, trembling at the words Alfred said to Ivan.

Don't listen to him... it's not like that... it's not like that!

Ivan said nothing, but the sound of his breathing changed a little.

"Ah, thought so." Alfred smiled. "Be a good big daddy and do what I asked of you. Ok? Remember, if you try something I have Gilbert close by and you don't wanna know what I can do to him if I just want."

"... Alfred..." It wasn't really a threat anymore.

"He's happy. I'd hate to ruin his trip home. So, I'm waiting for your answer. Bubye, Ivan~"

"Jones! JONE-"

Alfred cancelled the call before Ivan could say more and silence fell over the room.

"Always nice to talk with the Russians. Now, where have we been..." And he turned back to Gilbert.

Gilbert glared at him from the ground, but there was something else in his eyes... maybe despair.

If you just destroyed everything... I WILL kill you!

"Take that tape off. Our guest looks as if he wants to say something."

Gilbert gasped at the pain, when they ripped the tape off, just glaring at Alfred.

"What did he say?! He didn't believe you, right?!"

"Oh, he said something about wanting you back and not caring about your brother. Seems he was pretty pissed to see his territory vanishing right under his big nose."

"It's not about the territory, will you understand that one day?!" Gilbert growled, sitting up a bit.

"Really? As far as I got it he said his boss will be pissed that you're gone." Alfred shrugged slightly. "But sure. Think whatever you want."

"... liar... you're such a bad liar!" Gilbert shouted with trembling voice.

"You know... a well meant advice from my side. Go out and have fun with your brother, like I told Ivan. I guess once he has you back you'll not go outside anymore."

"Fuck you! I told you, I'm not his prisoner!" He pushed the men away and got up, straightening his clothes. "So I guess I won't be allowed to talk to Ivan, right?"

The other shrugged. "If you manage to get him on the phone. Sure."

"I guess you won't let me use your phone, huh?"

"Why not? Feel free. This is the land of the free anyway. No wait... it's not." Chuckling Alfred turned around, ready to leave with his soldiers.

This had been a risky step, but he had to do what he had to do. Everything was allowed in love and in war…

Gilbert wasn't sure if he could trust him - well, no, he was sure he could not! - but he stepped forward and grabbed the phone anyways.

There was a beeping and then a friendly female voice answer. "Yes?"

"Hi, uh... can you reconnect the last call please?"

"One moment, please." A rustling could be heard and a new beeping.

And it beeped and beeped, without anyone picking the phone up.

"Come on... someone... anyone!" There had to be someone left to hear the phone!

After what felt like an eternity there was another rustling and someone picked up the phone, just to let it fall again. Cursing it was picked up.

"Yes?" It was Toris' voice.

"Toris! Thank goodness... I need to talk to Ivan!"

"Gilbert? Gilbert! Wait, yes? Wait a moment!" And Toris' voice got quieter as he rushed away, calling out for Ivan.

Gilbert closed his eyes. Goddamnit... maybe he was lucky after all...

It took very long, until someone came back to the phone, panting into the micro from running too fast. "He's... he's gone..." Toris explained out of breath.

"What? No! NO! Goddamnit, Toris, whatever he's doing, Toris, you have to stop him! Go and search for him and tell him you talked to me! I'm not here out of free will! And he mustn't trust Alfred!"

"Ivan just drove away. I... I have no idea where he's going. What happened? I just heard him yelling and when I came here he was already furious and said something about that he found you. What... what's going on?"

"Goddamnit! Alfred kidnapped me, ok? And he told Ivan I'm happy with this. That I'm happy with being with my brother again. Toris, you have to find him. Somewhere, I don't know...! Maybe he's on the way to get here. You have to stop him from doing something stupid!"

Toris listened in silence, his eyes growing bigger with each word. "I... I'll try. But what about you? What will you do now?"

Gilbert fell silent for a moment. Then he said with low voice: "Trying to get home..."

"Will you be ok...? Will he... will Alfred let you go?"

"I'll find a way. Now hurry, damnit! You have to stop Ivan from whatever!"

"Ok... ok... Good luck, Gil."

Gilbert put down the phone and sighed, rubbing his eyes.

Ivan, don't do something stupid...

And with that thought he stepped out of the room, to go and find his brother.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _Wo bist du, blödes Ding? – Where are you, stupid thing?_

 _Ihr seid keine… - You're not…_

 _Wer seid ihr? – Who are you?_

 _Was zur Hölle geht hier eigentlich vor? – What the hell is even going on here?_

 _Berlinair Luufd (Berliner Luft) – Berlin Air_


	19. Long ago home

_Authors' note: Hey everybody! Thank you again for your comments and favs! We have a new chapter for you and even though it has a bit of German talking going on, we hope you'll enjoy it._

* * *

 **Long ago home**

Gilbert found himself in a small building. Through the windows he could see the small airport and even little parts of Berlin's silhouette. No one stopped him and no one seemed to care for him, since the minute Alfred was gone.

Gilbert looked around for a moment, then just started walking. He wasn't really sure where to go, so he just walked aimlessly through the hallways, maybe unconsciously searching for a way outside.

On his way he met only few people working there and these people seemed to ignore him. No one talked to him or asked what he was doing there. Everyone was just busy with themselves, when someone called out.

"Bruder!"

Gilbert stopped and turned around to look at the tall blond man.

"... hey..." His voice was distant; he wasn't sure how to react towards him.

Ludwig stopped some meters away from him, feeling so guilty. "I'm sorry... Did he hurt you?"

"Except for his men pushing me onto the floor? No." Gilbert looked at his brother with serious eyes. "Be careful with him. He tries to look like a hero, but in fact, he's just like he thinks Ivan is..."

"I know... He's not playing fair anymore" Ludwig mumbled. "Bruder? Come home with me. I... Just for now? You're safe there."

"I..." Gilbert looked away. "I don't know if I should. I... I tried to call him but he was already gone. I don't know where he went... what he'll do... what he'll think..." He growled, clenching his fists. "Alfred told him lies... like I was here out of free will... like I... just left him behind! Maybe he ruined everything for me."

Ludwig's eyes widened for a moment. He should have known what Alfred had planned.

"Ruined everything...?" He blinked. "I'm not sure I understand."

"Ivan's afraid of people leaving him!" Gilbert said angrily. "He's always been, and it's not getting better. He warned me, Alfred's words are poison, and he's right. Alfred tried to convince me that Ivan's lying to me. That his love is just an act to keep me tamed. When he talked to Ivan, he called me his SEXTOY, ok? I don't have any idea what thoughts he could plant into Ivan's head, nor do I want to! I don't want them to meet... I want Ivan to come here and get me and to forget this ever happened. These two blockheads will drive us into war again if we don't stop them!"

Ludwig listened with growing worries, frowning angrily at hearing what Alfred had done. Maybe the German didn't like Ivan, but lying and manipulating him, just like Russia did with some people, wasn't the right way.

"You…" He frowned once his mind caught up with what was said. It wasn't so much the thing about war Gilbert had said, but the other one. "You want to leave? You don't want to be home again...?"

Gilbert blinked, then looked to the side. "I want to be with him... Being forced to be here is just as bad as being forced to be anywhere else."

Ludwig stared to the ground, silent and somehow hurt by his brother's words. On one side he wanted to understand him, on the other he was disappointed.

"Come home with me. You can call him from there and get a plane ticket."

Gilbert raised his head. "If... if you do that, Alfred will get mad at you."

He smiled crooked. "He is already. I threatened to stop working with him if he hurts you and he did. So... it doesn't make a difference."

Gilbert bit his lip. "I don't want you to get into trouble... He threatened Ivan not to be too hasty because I was close by and he'd... do things to me. I don't want him to hurt you because of me."

"You really think that stops me from helping you?" Ludwig crossed his arms with a serious expression. "Didn't we fight in all these wars side by side? Didn't we always cover each other's back? Maybe we lost this war, but I won't let anyone, not America, nor Russia or anyone else, treat me like cattle."

Slowly Gilbert stepped closer and wrapped his arms around his little brother, his forehead leaning against the other's shoulder.

"... danke, West... du weißt, wie wichtig du mir bist... ja?"

Holding him in return Ludwig sighed quietly. "... genauso wichtig, wie du mir bist."

"I'm not... abandoning you" Gilbert whispered.

Ludwig closed his eyes, fighting with himself. "I know. I just miss you being here. I just want to know that we can see each other whenever we want... that we can go wherever we want... together if possible. That's all."

Gilbert closed his eyes. "You know this is not true, right?"

"I know nothing. I just know that I want you to be happy. That's why we go home now and get you back to Russia."

His grip tightened a bit. "Thank you, brother... thank you..."

"Come... let's go before Alfred comes back. I'm not keen on discussing with him again" Ludwig mumbled.

"... yes... thanks..." Gilbert sighed a bit and followed him.

Ludwig led him outside where a car waited for them. Sitting down he started the engine and waited for his brother to join him, before they drove off the small airport and into the city.

Gilbert looked outside and after a while the smile was back on his lips.

He had missed Berlin...

Many things had changed since the war and Ludwig watched his brother from the corner of his eyes. He wasn't sure if Gilbert had ever been on this side of Berlin since they had built the wall, but he was glad for that smile.

The traffic wasn't too heavy so it just took half an hour until he stopped in front of a tall building. It had been their home since before the wars.

Gilbert got out and looked at that house. It hadn't changed much, and he was glad about it. "... this... brings back memories..."

Stepping beside him Ludwig smiled slightly. "Doesn't it... Your room is still there. I just dust it off every now and then, otherwise it's like you left it."

Gilbert's expression got soft. "... that... that sounds nice... let's go inside?"

"Sure." Climbing the few stairs to the front door Ludwig unlocked and shoved it open. Immediately they were greeted by an old German Shepard dog, who wagged his tail and turned his ears as he saw Gilbert.

"It's ok, Aster. That's Gilbert. Do you remember him?" Ludwig asked, patting the dog's head. "Let us get in, boy."

Gilbert looked at the dog and smiled a bit. He missed having pets with Ivan...

"Here you go..." he mumbled with a smile and held out his hand to Aster to sniff on it. "You've aged quite a bit..." he said as the dog nudged his nose against Gilbert's hand while wagging his tail a bit again.

Ludwig watched them with a smile. "He's not as agile anymore lately, but he's still healthy and watches the garden well. Right, Aster?"

"Hm... they're not getting younger, right?" Gilbert smiled a bit and patted the dog's head while he followed Ludwig. "It's nice to see him though."

"No. They don't. He's the only one left from back then."

"... I see..." Gilbert said lowly, looking at Aster with sad eyes.

Ludwig led his brother into the living room, Aster always on their heels until he saw his blanket and curled up on it.

"Sit down. Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

"I... Yes, I'm a bit hungry. I skipped breakfast and anything else, to be precise... since yesterday's lunch..."

Ludwig blinked and gritted his teeth. "I'll make you something. Sit down and rest a bit. Yes?"

"Danke, West..." With a sigh he sat down and leant back, closing his eyes. He was tired...

Meanwhile Ludwig rushed to the kitchen. Fortunately he had some leftovers in the fridge and with some fresh bread and a bunch of coffee it would make a good brunch for his brother.

Gilbert almost fell asleep while waiting, but then he sat up and rubbed his eyes. "If I can help just tell me"

"No, it's alright. I'm with you in a second" Ludwig answered from the kitchen, working quickly.

It was then that quiet steps came from the hallway and something small and brown sneaked into the living room, watching the new human with dark eyes.

Gilbert just nodded and rested his head on the table.

Something was weird, he thought... as if he'd been... watched.

Aster lifted his head for a moment, huffing quietly before he lied back to rest. Meanwhile the little creature came carefully closer. Its paws where too big, so it walked clumsily, but soon a wet nose sniffed curiously on Gilbert's leg.

Gilbert twitched a bit and looked down in confusion. "What-"

A Rottweiler puppy looked up to him, his big floppy ears standing up a bit in alert. He didn't seem to be afraid, but he also wasn't sure about the new scent.

"... hey, little one..." Gilbert said with low voice as he carefully leant down, reaching out his hand for the puppy to smell on it. "I'm Gilbert. Nice to meet you!"

The puppy retreated at the movement, just to sneak closer again and sniff on the hand. his tiny tail wiggled a little and with every passing moment the wiggling got more until the whole puppy wiggled in excitement.

Gilbert laughed a bit and carefully stroked the puppy's side. "I guess, you're happy to meet me too?"

Immediately the puppy fell on his side, presenting his belly for some rubs, still wiggling his tail and letting his tongue hang out.

"Aw... someone wants a belly rub, huh?" Gilbert laughed again and crouched down to stroke the little guy. "I guess I'm spoiling Ludwig's parenting..."

The puppy gave a happy little noise and didn't even care that Ludwig came back into the living room, loaded with a tray full of food and coffee.

"As long as you don't feed Fritz from the table, I don't mind."

Gilbert twitched a bit, then chuckled. "I won't do that!" He looked up at him. "Fritz, huh?"

"Good. Cause I have problems with that myself. He's pretty good at making puppy eyes." Ludwig smiled and put the tray on the table, getting the puppy's attention for the smell coming from the plates.

"He looked like a Fritz to me."

"Hm... yeah. He used to be such a cute kid..." Gilbert stroked the puppy and sat up again. "I guess... I'll play with him a bit after eating?"

"Sure. He's happy for all attention. You'd spare Aster some chewing on his tail." As if he knew they were talking about him, the puppy sat down and looked up to Gilbert with great expectations.

Sitting down as well, Ludwig sighed. "After eating, I'll go and check for flights. Ok?"

"Yes. Thank you, Ludwig..."

They started eating and Gilbert told Fritz 'no' every time he tried to beg for food. And after a while the puppy seemed to understand that and started begging Ludwig now.

Ludwig told him 'no' for a while as well, before a piece of sausage fell 'accidently' to the ground. Wiggling happily a puppy shaped shadow snatched it and hid behind the couch, making Aster grunt as if he disapproved.

Gilbert shook his head. "You've always been such a softie when it came to hazel puppy eyes... " he mumbled and didn't necessarily think of a dog.

Ludwig felt a blush crawling over his cheeks and hid it behind his coffee mug... before he became serious.

"Brother? I know this is not the right time but... could I ask you something?"

"Huh...? Sure, what is it?"

"There's something that I can't get out of my head. Something Alfred said. I'm not sure if he lied but..." He looked up. "He said you mentioned not wanting to go back into... a camp?"

Gilbert tensed a bit and looked to the side.

He rescued you right when it got worse, huh?

Maybe it was all planned!

He shook his head. BULLSHIT!

"Yeah... he brought that up on me, too."

Ludwig bit his lip, watching his brother's expression with worries. "Is it true? Have you been in a camp?"

After a moment he nodded, even though it became some sort of head-shaking in the process. "I haven't been in a camp, but... in the hands of someone who ran such a thing... if I remember correctly he was some KGB guy."

Ludwig's hands on the table curled to fists. "Why...? Why have you been there?"

"... because I spoke up to Ivan's boss. He's a mad man, he's cruel and way over his head... he's just like... like HIM... you know...? Not completely, sure, but... I stayed quite all these years, but he... I just couldn't stand staying quiet when he hurt the ones I care for..."

Ludwig didn't need to ask who Gilbert spoke about. Chewing on his lip he watched his brother. "So it was Ivan's boss... not Ivan himself? Why... did he let that happen?"

"No, Ivan never hurt me... and... he couldn't do much about it... he was in hospital when it happened... Toris and I got to see that guy and... yeah..."

Gilbert wouldn't lie to him. Would he? Ludwig nodded slowly. "I see... and did that KGB man hurt you?"

Gilbert leant his chin into his palm, covering his lips with his fingers for a moment, staring into thin air a second or two.

"... yes. He beat me up... kept me awake while sitting in cool water... flashing lights and every now and then a few electroshocks..."

"... that sounds terribly familiar..." Ludwig mumbled, looking down in his empty coffee mug. Just thinking about it send shivers down his spine and even if he knew his brother was a nation and couldn't die he felt his heart beating faster at the thought.

"I'm glad you got out..."

"It's all thanks to Toris and Ivan. They got me out there, after... I don't even know... a day, maybe two...? I kinda lost the time. It could be less, but could be more, too."

"I see... you know, I'm glad to know that you have friends over there. Alfred made me almost believe... never mind. He's trying everything right now to spread doubts."

"What did he tell you, Ludwig?" Gilbert asked lowly.

"Not much... that you talked about the camp and that his secret service found out it's for treating people who don't agree with Moscow." He turned the mug in his hands. "He said you might be brainwashed since you got weak... letting yourself be caught so easily by them..."

"Ask that the guy whose nose I broke" Gilbert replied with a growl. "That stupid brainwash theory again! He just tries to spread doubts, as you said... to you he said, I got brainwashed there. To me he said it was all planned by Ivan... getting me into such a situation, making him the... knight in shining armor to rescue me just in time and make me fall for him... can you imagine that...? He tried to convince me that Ivan's just a charmer, and that he's just..." Gilbert growled. "Nevermind. This is not even worth my time to think about!"

Ludwig listened and found himself disgusted more and more with Alfred's way of dealing with things the more Gilbert spoke. Still there was a tiny voice in his head.

What if...

"Bruder? What if he's right? I know Alfred talks a lot. He tries everything but... what if... what if he's right anyway...? Could it be...?" he asked lowly.

"No!" Gilbert slammed his hand onto the table. "No, he's not right! Ok? I'm not some... some teenage girl who falls in love with Prince Charming! The things we had are still present and just woke up again! Plus, I've seen him several times in feverish conditions and even then...! He's not lying!"

"But you said it yourself. His boss is a mad man and you know very well what that can cause" Ludwig gave back quiet, but firmly. "I want to believe you... I do believe you that there's something between you and him... but I think he tries everything just like Alfred."

"... yes, he does. But he's not messing around with me. He wouldn't. Ok? Trust me on that. I know him."

"Ok..." Ludwig sighed deeply. "I'm just worried... I don't want you to get hurt in the end."

"I know that. I know, Ludwig, and... and I'm thankful for that. But please trust me. I know what I'm doing."

"Alright..." Ludwig gave him a slight, still worried smile. "Alright. I trust you. Rest a little. I'll go and check for flights."

"Thank you, Ludwig..." Gilbert stretched a bit. "Is it ok if I take Fritz with me? I kinda miss playing with the pets."

Ludwig smiled at that as he got up. "Sure, it's ok. He'll be happy to have someone to cuddle with."

"Thanks..." With a smile Gilbert picked up the puppy from the ground and cuddled him a bit.

Meanwhile Ludwig tidied up the table and went to his office to call his headquarter. Aster followed him and sat down to his feet, listening unmoved how Ludwig explained the reason and need for a flight to Moscow or any airport in the East.

Gilbert walked upstairs and into his room. It looked just like he had left it... nice and clean and...

His expression changed a bit, his embrace around the puppy tightening. So many memories were living here...

The puppy nuzzled into the embrace and watched with big puppy eyes the new room with all the new scents. He wasn't allowed there normally so he was excited, but when he wasn't put down to run around, instead the embrace even tightened, he whined quietly and stretched to lick Gilbert's chin.

Gilbert sat down on the bed, still holding on to the puppy, softly stroking him now.

"... just a moment, little one... just a moment. I haven't been here in ages."

The puppy whined, wiggling his tail nervously. He felt that something was wrong and as if to cheer up the human he brushed his snout against Gilbert's neck.

Gilbert closed his eyes and nuzzled against the puppy.

"Maybe Alfred's right and I'm getting weak... now I'm here and brother has to help me... he'll get into trouble... and it's my fault..." He leant back a bit and looked at the puppy, stroking his small head. "... he's not right about Ivan though... I... just know that."

As if he understood the puppy put his head on Gilbert's chest and looked at him with knowing eyes, moving his tail just slightly for the caresses. When Gilbert mentioned Ivan he even yipped lowly as if to agree.

"Yes... you're right..." Gilbert said and lied down on his side, holding the puppy close. "... I'm tired... is it ok, if you'd watch a bit over me?"

The puppy nuzzled closer to him, watching him with big dark eyes. He seemed to feel the tension and worries in the human and he seemed to feel the need to make it better somehow.

Gilbert smiled a bit and then closed his eyes. "Thanks..." he mumbled and after a while he had fallen asleep.

Downstairs Ludwig ran a hand through his hair. He didn't like what the voice on the other end of the telephone told him. It seemed Alfred had taken measures and Gilbert wouldn't like them...

Sighing deeply he dialled another number, trying to think of a solution.

Gilbert climbed up the stairs.

Finally...

He smiled a bit as he turned the key and entered the big house. "Ivan...? I'm home."

It was quiet inside and cold. It felt as if no one had heated the rooms and lit the fireplaces for a long time. There was even a thin layer of dust on everything.

Gilbert blinked and looked around. "Was zum... Ivan? Ivan! Toris! Is anyone here?"

For a moment there was absolute silence before footsteps came down the hallway from the living room. A slender figure glanced at Gilbert from afar, brown hair unusual untidy and face bruised. "Gilbert...?" Toris asked tiredly.

"... T... Toris?" Gilbert stepped closer quickly. "What... what happened?" he asked, raising his hand to his face.

Toris retreated from the hand as if he was afraid. "You're back after so long..."

"Wha-... I wasn't away THAT long?" Gilbert said with confusion in his voice.

"... long enough..."

"What... what happened to your face, Toris?"

The other smiled crooked at that question. "What do you think? Ivan happened."

Gilbert bit his lip. "I... where is he...? Why did he..." He shook his head. "Damnit..."

"He's in his office." Toris sounded bitter. "... but if I was you I wouldn't go there."

"Well, you're not me and I need to talk to him."

Gilbert couldn't believe this. Something was definitely not right here!

With fast steps he made his way to Ivan's office and knocked quickly.

There was a growl behind the door and the next moment someone threw something against the wood, shattering it to thousand pieces. "Fuck off!"

Gilbert jumped a bit, then slowly opened the door anyways.

"What if I won't...?" he said lowly

Ivan sat on the windowsill behind his desk.

The office looked terrible, as if a tornado had gone through it. Paper was spread everywhere and many things had been broken. The cause of all that mess looked up at the voice, but there was everything in his eyes but surprised happiness.

"... you..." Ivan growled.

"Yes..." Gilbert closed the door behind him. "What happened here, Ivan...? What happened to Toris? What happened... to you?"

Violet eyes watched Gilbert's every step and a cold smile spread on his lips. "What happened? Hm... good question, Prussia. Maybe I stopped caring. Maybe I stopped believing."

Slowly Gilbert got closer, feeling... uneasy now.

"I tried to come back... they didn't let me..."

"Oh really now? And you think I will believe that?" Ivan glared at him as he slipped down from his place. "You think I'll believe that, if you really wanted, there wasn't a way to come back? I thought you love me..."

Gilbert frowned. "I do! How was I supposed to get here, huh? They didn't let me go on a plane! They watched the borders! What was I supposed to do, walk here, in the middle of winter?"

"Maybe..." Slowly he came closer, walking around Gilbert, never letting him out of sight - like a predator. "You know... I've been there. I've seen you, little bird."

"What? The heck are you talking about?" Gilbert said and stepped back a bit.

"Yes... what am I talking about?" Ivan mused. "Maybe I talk about that I've seen you with your brother... maybe I talk about that I've seen you being happy... seen you not even trying to find a way back."

"That's bullshit...! Yes, I was happy that I could spend some time again with my brother, but I tried!"

"My spies said something else." It was just a low growl. "You even got yourself a puppy. It looked like everything but not like you want to come back... or even get in contact with me!"

"The fuck? I tried calling you! Stop doing this, I did what I could! Why are you freaking out, is it because of the things Alfred said? He was LYING ok?"

"Oh, how I wish he was lying..." Shaking his head slowly Ivan gave Gil his back. "You know I didn't just ask my spies. I even called your brother. He confirmed what America had said."

"He… WHAT?" Gilbert stepped closer. "No. No, that's absolutely not possible! Ludwig helped me coming back to you!"

"You say I'm lying?" Ivan's voice was quiet and hurt; still he didn't turn back to him.

"I don't know! Maybe! Maybe Ludwig was lying! I don't KNOW! I just know I tried to come back and that's NOT a lie!"

When Ivan finally turned to face Gilbert tears ran down his cheeks. He looked so hurt and disappointed. "Why don't you just say you don't love me anymore? It would make it so much easier for all of us..."

"Because it's not true!" Gilbert said, making another step closer, his anger and confusion vanishing to make room for sorrow. "Ivan, I've never lied to you! If I wouldn't love you, why would I come back now?"

"I don't know..." he whispered. "To make fun of me maybe? Because you need me for something? I do not know..."

"... Ivan..." Gilbert's voice broke as he raised his hand, just to remain in the air between them. "Why would you say that...? I... I never wanted to hurt you... nor leave you..!"

"You say that now, Gilbert Beilschmidt..." There was pain in Ivan's voice, together with angry tears on his face. "... but you left... and you inspired people to leave as well."

"What? Ivan! Ivan, I did not LEAVE! They TOOK me from you! That wasn't what I wanted!

"It's too late now. The only one left is Toris and I know... I just know he will leave as well soon." All of a sudden there was a gun in Ivan's shaking hand and it was raised to point at Gilbert.

Gilbert blinked, then stepped back with wide eyes. "Ivan...! Ivan, don't do this...! I won't leave you! I love you, Ivan, listen to me!"

"I don't believe your sweet words anymore" Ivan whispered, his hand with the gun shaking so violently. "It's too late to come back... cause everything is broken already..."

"No... no, Ivan don't say that...!" Gilbert said, his voice heavy with the tears burning in his eyes now. "Don't say that! I love you! Please!

"... it's the truth, Gil... it's too late... way too late..." Ivan took the gun back, holding it against his temple. "... I love you... I never stopped loving you... good bye, lyubov..."

And he pulled the trigger.

"No! NO!"

"IVAN!" he screamed as he shot up, cold sweat on his forehead.

The puppy, having slept by Gilbert's side until now, retreated startled and barked afraid.

Gilbert breathed heavily, then slowly turned his head to look at the puppy. "Ah... I... I'm sorry, little one..." he whispered, reaching out for him.

Whining the puppy pulled his shaking tail between his legs, but he didn't retreat from Gilbert's touch. Instead he tried to search protection with the human, who had been so nice until now.

Just a moment later someone knocked at the door.

"Bruder! Bruder, are you alright?!"

Gilbert smiled a bit. "Yes... I... I just had a bad dream..."

Ludwig blinked and sighed then relieved. "Can I come in?"

"Yes... yes, sure..." Softly Gilbert got the little dog and lifted him on his lap, stroking his head.

The puppy still wasn't sure, but he nuzzled into Gilbert's touch, slowly relaxing again.

Closing the door behind himself Ludwig leaned against the wooden doorframe. He watched his brother worried, noticing how sweaty and exhausted he looked.

"Are you sure you're alright? You don't look good."

"I… I dreamt... I returned to Ivan... but it had been... some time since I've vanished and he didn't believe I still loved him..."

"Ah..." Ludwig wasn't sure what to say to that. He still had problems thinking about the Russian in that way, even if he believed his brother. "It was just a bad dream... Don't worry."

"I know... it just... feels bad..." Gilbert said lowly. "Wie... wie kommst du voran?"

He looked to the side, rubbing his neck. "Nicht gut... It's more complicated than I thought."

Gilbert smiled sadly. "See...? I said it won't be that easy. I guess you won't get on a plane, huh?

"No... They don't fly to the east in the near future. That is... they won't fly you..." Ludwig mumbled uncomfortable.

"Thought so..." Gilbert stroked the puppy's head. "Seems like I'll have to walk anyways..."

"That won't be possible either..." He felt so bad for saying that, but Ludwig didn't want to lie. "You're... Alfred made sure that you're not allowed to cross the border."

Gilbert's face darkened. "... give me a phone... I'll try to call them again..."

Ludwig chewed on his lip. "You can use the one in my office."

"... thank you..." Gilbert got up and held the puppy close to his chest.

"The little guy was... very soothing. Thanks for letting me have him for a while."

"Ah... I'm glad." He smiled a little. "He seems to like you. Why don't you... take him with you for a while? To keep you company?"

"Take him... with me?" Gilbert said with confused voice. "What do you mean?"

He couldn't mean...?

"I mean now. He's a little troublemaker but if you care for him a bit, maybe go for a walk with him, he'll calm down."

"A-ah, yes, of course." Gilbert smiled a bit. "I will do that... would it be ok if I'd try to call Ivan first?"

"Of course. It's just a thought, really." Ludwig smiled sheepish and rubbed his neck again.

"I appreciate it... as I said... I kinda miss this with Ivan. It's a nice change for a while... but I have to try to call them first... I... I don't want this dream to get reality."

Ludwig nodded thoughtful, taking the puppy from Gilbert's arms. "Go and call him then. I hope it's not too late yet."

"Thanks..." With a soft smile he patted the puppy again and then walked to his brother's office, getting on the phone and trying to reach Ivan again.

Just like the first time it took a while until someone answered and just like the first time it was Toris.

"Ivan? Is that you?!"

"... no... it's... it's me, Gilbert... so I guess... you don't know where he is?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end, before Toris sighed deeply. "Gilbert... I thought you're Ivan..." Once more he sighed. "No... I don't know. I found out he drove to Moscow and took a plane... but they wouldn't tell me where to."

"Maybe he's coming here... to get me..." Gilbert said with a weak smile. "That would be the best case."

"I thought about that too... maybe he does." Toris bit his lip. "Gilbert? You make sure he doesn't start a war, yes...?"

"I'll do everything I can to do that." He wasn't too sure though if he could...

"... thank you..." There was the tiniest smile in Toris' voice and after a moment he grabbed the phone tighter. "Hey, Gilbert... Are you alright over there?"

"Yes. I... I'm with my brother, so I'm fine. But I just... I need to... I want to come home."

"Come home? But... aren't you home right now...?"

"... I... for the last years... it wasn't. I miss Ivan... does it sound that weird?"

Toris remained quiet for a long moment. "No... not at all. Then... then come back home soon and bring Ivan with you, please."

"I will... and if you hear something from him... tell him... please tell him, I'll come home, ok?"

"I will. Promised."

"Thank you... see you." And with that he hung up, returning to his brother.

"I think I'll go for a walk now..."

Ludwig had waited in the living room, looking up concerned now. "For a walk...? What did he say?"

"Nothing... he's gone and no one knows where he is..." Gilbert replied

"Oh... I'm sorry." Ludwig wasn't sure what to think of that or how to cheer his brother up, but he knew he had to do something. "Will you... will you take Fritz with you?"

"If... if that's ok, yes, I'd like to take him with me."

"Of course that's ok. I'll get his leash for you. He knows how to walk by foot already, so I guess you won't have much trouble."

"I didn't expect anything else from you" Gilbert said with a soft laugh.

"They need to learn that early." Ludwig smiled with a little blush, before he hurried and got everything Gilbert would need. It took just some moments.

Gilbert stroked the puppy as he put the leash on and waved to Ludwig while he left the house with the little one.

"Let's see how far we can go then..."

The shock from before was forgotten, instead the puppy wiggled his tail excited. It wasn't time for the usual walk yet, but he loved going on walks!

Gilbert smiled. "Come..."

He walked with slow steps, since the puppy's legs were so short still. It was a nice feeling...

Puppy Fritz tried his best to stay by his human's side. He even ignored the people walking by, just having eyes up to the one on the end of the leash... and the puppy lead Gilbert the way he usually walked with Ludwig, along the wall.

Gilbert's eyes wandered over the dark concrete and his gaze got distant. "... is this your usual tour...?" he mumbled, wondering if it was a mere coincidence, or if Ludwig lead his dogs this way every day.

The puppy yipped as if in response and stopped to sniff on a spot on the wall, covered in graffiti. It was close to a small checkpoint, where the cement opened to turn into wire fence and allowed a glance at the other side. The path across the no-man's-land was so narrow, that it would barely let a motorcycle pass. Maybe it was meant to be closed soon.

Gilbert waited for the puppy to take in the scent before he walked on a bit and looked through the fence with an almost longing gaze.

Everyone seemed to want to cross this border to the west, but he was the only one who wanted to go east...

For a moment, he had stupid ideas... but he shook his head.

Don't do this.

Unlike his master the little dog didn't mind the fence and trotted past it, pulling a bit on the leash. There was a butcher nearby where Ludwig always stopped. However the puppy turned his ears when there was a shout.

"GILBERT!"

Gilbert froze.

No. No, that couldn't be...!

Slowly he turned his head. Could it be...?

On the other side of the border, across the no-man's-land and behind the barbed wire someone shouted his name. Fingers curled into the fence Ivan stared to the west side.

"GIL!"

"Ivan... IVAN!" Gilbert made a step, but then there was the fence. "Don't believe a word he said to you!" he shouted. "I wanted to talk to you, but he wouldn't let me!"

Ivan bit his lip. He could see Gilbert's mouth moving. He shouted something however the wind was coming from his back and made it hard to understand... But Ivan wanted to talk to him. He had to ask Gilbert and made sure... Ivan wanted to hear it from his lover's lips.

"I don't understand!" he shouted over, attracting the attention of the soldier close by at the eastern checkpoint.

Gilbert bit his lip. "DON'T TRUST ALFRED!" he shouted loudly, bending over the fence a bit.

"... Alfred...?" Ivan frowned, trying to understand. "... don't what...? I'M COMING OVER!"

"Das wirst du nicht" someone hissed not far away and Ivan found himself facing a rifle pointed at him.

Gilbert's finger clenched around the fence. "IVAN! BITTE NICHT SCHIEßEN!" he yelled.

Ivan growled from the bottom of his soul at the soldier. He could see the other was very young, barely a man and almost too young to serve, and maybe because of that so very nervous with his finger on the trigger.

"Listen..." Ivan muttered in Russian. "I'm a high ranked official of the Soviet Forces and I'm allowed to cross the border. I'll reach inside my coat now and will show you my passport. If you so much as scratch me... you'll regret it, boy."

The soldier bit his lip and raised his weapon a bit higher. "... if... if you try anything fishy... I'll shoot you!"

Ivan wanted to laugh, but suppressed it. He didn't need to be shot right now... not when Gilbert waited on the other side of this wall. Slowly he opened the first buttons of his coat and reached slowly inside to pull his passport out.

The soldier eyed him with suspicious gaze. He was almost waiting for him to pull out a weapon.

But all Ivan pulled out was his passport and a document that proved him to be a VIP and his orders to be followed. "Look and take that damn rifle down."

The young man looked at the passport and paled a bit. "O-one moment, Genosse General...!" He stepped back and walked quickly to the checkpoint, where he grabbed a telephone.

Ivan followed him with his eyes, breathing a bit more free before his gaze wandered once more over the border. "... Gil..." Lifting his hand he smiled a little.

Gilbert returned the smile and the wave. He crouched down to pick up Fritz and made him wave with his small paw, too. "This is Ivan... you'd like him, I'm sure. "

"... a puppy?" Ivan frowned a little surprised and even Fritz tilted his head as if he wasn't sure about that other far away human.

The soldier came back and he looked miserable. "I'm sorry, Genosse General but... you're not allowed to... to pass...!"

"What?" Staring at the poor boy Ivan took a step closer and grabbed his collar. "What?! WHY?!"

"E-es tut mir Leid! I-I have orders from... from my superior that I'm not allowed to let you on Mr. America's side..."

"... you have to be kidding me..." Ivan glared at the boy and murder was in his eyes. The soldier looked so scared, he doubted he was lying. Shoving him away Ivan cursed like a sailor, turning back to the fence.

"Alfred won't let me pass!" he screamed furious. "But I'll find a way!"

Gilbert didn't fully understand, but he bit his lip. Without hesitation, he stepped towards the checkpoint, talking to the soldiers on his side.

They had watched the whole thing in silence since Gilbert had shown up.

"Hey! This man there isn't allowed to pass... I haven't seen him in ages, am I allowed... just five minutes...! Am I allowed to talk to him?"

The soldier frowned and glanced over his shoulder at the eastern checkpoint. "You're not from here, are you? I can't just let you talk to them. These are communists."

"Actually I am from this place. My name's Gilbert Beilschmidt, Deutsche Demokratische Republik. Please, just five minutes...!"

The man blinked unbelieving. Looking Gilbert up and down he tried to remember if he had seen him before. "I don't know..."

"Bitte. Ich bin der Bruder von Herrn Deutschland! No one will get to know about it. Just five minutes. BITTE!"

Chewing on his lip the soldier considered the chance to anger Germany. Almost every day Ludwig came by to walk his dogs... and the soldier glanced at the puppy.

"... okay. But I have to come with you... because of the other ones over there."

"... agreed..." Gilbert said with an almost relieved sigh. "Danke."

"Come..." Giving the other soldier, who observed them from the little hut at the checkpoint, a nod he walked past the barrier and waved Gilbert to follow.

On the other side Ivan waited already, the boy-soldier at his side.

Gilbert followed him, Fritz held close to his chest, his eyes fixed on Ivan.

The eastern soldier eyed them with growing nervousness.

"I'll go to the middle now" Ivan mumbled, eyes never leaving Gilbert's face. "You have my passport so I won't run away. Alright?" He didn't wait for an answer before he slipped past the barrier and came to meet Gilbert. The western soldier stopped after some meters, letting Gilbert go alone.

Gilbert looked at the man and then stepped towards Ivan. He stopped just a step or two separating them from each other. "Whatever Alfred or anyone else told you... it's not true..." he said.

Ivan kept his distance as well, knowing they were watched closely and a single wrong move could cause havoc. "... so you didn't leave?"

"... of course not..!" Gilbert said with trembling voice, remembering that dream. "Don't... don't ever think I'd leave you out of free will! I wouldn't!"

Ivan closed his eyes, sighing deeply. "I know... I know that, Gil... I just needed to hear it from you." With a crooked smile he looked back at him. "That damn asshole... he told me so many things..."

"... I know... I was... right in front of him, gagged and hold down to the ground... I tried to scream, but I couldn't..."

Eyes wide in anger, Ivan clenched his fists. "Did he hurt you?"

Gilbert sighed. "No... not really. Just with words..."

"Gil... I wish I could hold you right now..." Ivan whispered with trembling voice. "I wish I could take you home."

"And I wish... I could come with you..." Gilbert replied. "My brother is doing what he can to let me come back..."

"Alfred won't let you come back... not any time soon" Ivan growled. "Not until I did what he wants."

"I don't care. I'll come back. I'll force him if I must. Somehow. And if I can't, I'll walk back home to you. I'll find a way..." Gilbert gave back lowly.

"Gil, don't put yourself in danger. I'll come and get you. Until then..." Ivan smiled broken, looking down. "... until then be happy with your brother."

"Promise to come and get me...?" Gil whispered. "Don't... don't ever forget how much I love you... ok?"

"I promise..." Ivan whispered back, fighting the urge to take the last step and kiss his beloved. "I will come and I won't forget... don't forget either..."

"... I will never forget..." Gilbert said. "I promise..."

He smiled a little, seeing the western soldier coming closer behind Gilbert's back.

"It's time, Gil..."

"Yes..." Taking Ivan's hand Gilbert kissed it quickly. "I love you, Ivan..."

"Ya lyublyu tebya..." was all Ivan could reply, before the soldier took Gilbert's arm and pulled him back. "Wir müssen los. Es gibt Ärger" the man mumbled pressed.

"Ich komme." Gilbert still looked at Ivan as he turned around. "... bye, Ivan..."

"Gil..."

The soldier pulled Gilbert back to the western part of Berlin and Ivan felt his heart sink at the sight. Maybe his beloved was happy there... maybe this wall was the worst thing that had grown after the war.

... maybe... maybe...

Don't dare to lose faith... don't dare...!

Gilbert still looked over his shoulder as he was pulled behind the border again.

"Some day this will all be in the past..."

"I think you should go now... Some people saw this for sure and once my superior finds out about this, I'll be screwed…"

"... sorry." Gilbert looked at the soldier and smiled a bit. "... and thank you... This means a lot to me."

The soldier just nodded. "It's ok... Just tell Herrn Deutschland... that it was you, once this gets public. Ja? I think I don't want to see him angry..."

"Don't worry... I'll make sure you won't get in trouble for this."

That made the soldier smile relieved. "Danke."

Meanwhile Ivan walked back to the eastern border. He felt the eyes of the boy-soldier on him and just turned around once more to rip his passport from his shaking hand. He wasn't in the mood to talk. He had to think…

… to find a way to get Gilbert back and avoid the consequences their talk would cause.

Slowly Gilbert walked a bit on with Fritz, talking lowly to him, telling him stories about Ivan and his big house...

When he finally returned home, he was just as tired as the puppy.

"Bin wieder da..."

Coming from his office Ludwig welcomed them. "You've been away a while. Everything alright?"

"Yeah..." Gilbert closed the door and smiled a bit. "Fritz here led me to the wall..."

"Ah..." Ludwig blinked, feeling a little bit caught. "I see. We... we normally take our walk there."

"I thought so... Fritz showed me the way."

"He's a good boy..." Kneeling down Ludwig patted the dog's head.

Gilbert looked at the puppy. "I... I saw Ivan there..."

"… what?"

"He was... there. On the other side of the fence..."

Ludwig blinked. He wanted to ask how that was even possible, but he held himself back. "What happened?"

"I... they didn't let him pass. Alfred had given strict orders it seems... but... but the good thing is, they... they let us meet in the middle... and we could talk a bit."

Listening to his brother Ludwig bit his lip. That would cause trouble... still he was glad for Gilbert.

"That's good. Was he mad...?"

"No... Not at me at least." Gilbert smiled slightly. "It didn't go too badly... he said... he'd find a way to get me back. "

"And you... want that. Yes?" Ludwig had to make sure.

"Yes. I..." Gilbert closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't say it like that. It makes me sound like I didn't appreciate you anymore... like I didn't care for you anymore... it's not like that."

"I know it's not like that..." Ludwig mumbled, taking the leash off the puppy to let him run free. "It's not an easy situation. I'm aware of that..."

"I'll wait for the day when this wall will vanish again and I'll be free to see anyone of you whenever I want..." Gilbert said, looking at the puppy with a soft smile. "He did behave very well, by the way..."

"Me too..." He missed having his brother around, but like this... it didn't help anyone. The wall had to vanish, but Ludwig wasn't sure if it would happen any day soon.

Tilting his head the puppy looked up as if he waited for a treat, wiggling his tiny tail.

"Good boy" Gilbert said and gave him one of the treats Ludwig had given him before their walk.

"He likes you. Do you want to have him?"

"Huh?" He raised his head to look at Ludwig. "Have...?"

"You could take him back to Moscow. I guess his breed is alright with the cold and all."

Slowly Gilbert got up. "You mean... I don't know...? Can... can I?"

Ludwig crossed his arms, nodding seriously. "I know you can train a dog properly and take care for it. You would have to get up early though to take it for a walk and of course you need to make sure it gets a proper diet."

"I... I know all that!" Gilbert said and looked down at the puppy. "But... do you think I can? I should? He's your dog. He's used to you and..."

"He's a puppy. He's still learning and he won't mind having another master. I would like it to know that he's with you and... keeps you company."

Gilbert got closer and hugged his brother slightly. "I... As long as I'm here I'll take care of him... and I'll see if it works out, ok?"

Ludwig gulped quietly and hugged his brother back. "Alright... sounds fair."

"Good..." Gilbert smiled and leant back a bit. "I'm a bit hungry. Let's make something to eat?"

"Sure." His brother smiled as well. "Is there anything you want to eat? I have everything here."

"Hm... I haven't had something really really German for ages?"

That made Ludwig laugh. "So it's potato soup?"

"That shouldn't make me so happy, but it does...!" Gilbert said with serious expression. "With sausages?"

"With a lot of sausages" Ludwig gave back laughing. It felt nice to be so carefree.

"Great! I'm in!" Gilbert grinned and walked to the kitchen, followed by Fritz who barked at him excited. "Yes! To celebrate the day you'll get something nice too!"

His brother watched him go and sighed softly. It was nice having Gilbert back. Some life had come into his home again... and it spared him the walks along the wall, hoping, praying, just wishing that it would be over one day.

* * *

 _Translations:_

 _Danke, West – Thank you, West._

 _Du weißt, wie wichtig du mir bist. – You know how important you are to me._

 _Genauso wichtig, wie du mir bist. – As important as you are to me._

 _Was zum…? – What the…?_

 _Wie kommst du voran? – How's it going?_

 _Nicht gut. – Not good._

 _Das wirst du nicht – You won't (do that)._

 _Bitte nicht schießen! – Please don't shoot!_

 _Genosse – Comrade_

 _Es tut mir leid. – I'm sorry._

 _Ich bin der Bruder von Herrn Deutschland. – I'm Mr. Germany's brother._

 _Wir müssen los. – We have to go._

 _Es gibt Ärger – There'll be trouble._

 _Ich komme. – I'm coming._

 _Bin wieder da. – I'm back._


End file.
